我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZiGPffE37P
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4Hsxtnnho
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ji3TlZKmG
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDunVzX7lu
但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvcZRlioWl
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCnZrovOYt
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvInRJd99D
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkEJ1i9eTa
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe62dncjKEs
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8InZTtgSt
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMI6cnvPUy
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQ4wZLJnu4
呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXv0RXXqZ8J
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPKTYGMYSA
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGEdNYC0gs
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzAEb2sCbb
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgeVue4S1qK
熬夜……對，我的錯。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FvhmhaYYR
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡol2XIygqMY
的“林布蘭特”？416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNYSoI2VNnQ
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5EGx5bFIL
吸了……416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3pjPwDdxQ
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYDre1B6eb
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6vWxY37Fi
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFRfcFNDdk
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtPq4CtXJq
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkT3UCtvwOs
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6EP5lKYZEp
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiqBKBKHrs
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjA1Fw3deg
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLFoi00W5v6
所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHPg7rugayn
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGi3LTBvJa
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zUJ8RvSkZ
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Nx8t0P1ei
怎麼辦？416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5utilYNMAz
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4m0qAvvgv
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYszI15u7j
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SRjqSnbhy
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG87EPl2xwA
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNtEazzEb7
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3lUMOgS3z
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4E2xihppGZ
因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BlHKwA4aC
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhcMpLSerV
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIagYMseEp
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMS1a2OA0i
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgyrWATny6
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRtkO4e6In
「下跪道歉」？416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYG1L8P3qzH
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbj33vzFdc
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeLq5keUjk
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgW1MYaxPF
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9KeEUKiY9
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5u0GdmPfIC
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4A08Qq3Ja
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzlJumMMVf
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCKG16YMVa
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95H7kTQ4lI
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP27ohpklzN
　　416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7sX4BVzef
「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN48Fsa8R8c
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCPw32dkIO
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCq3heHxhJ8
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqPVLu286L
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSehn7u5cN1
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEGL8uVAVd
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIKJe9Z6BE
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmdSgutMP5
但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKkPQ5vJlM
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJMgVvJEqP
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHSd7QgMa2
　　416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5gj9McTet
「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Twppx2xKo
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyX5vvpf5Yq
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYclfVBxgx
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRgIzszYKfl
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVpoIeVoDy
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjdF5lqwjy
「媽」…唉…又來了…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrWOIrlh7T
　　416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUZ6jxFc0a
我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwUMl5REfO
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZuwblSB2Q
咦…不對……416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOzdJsRE5F
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqByFJLizd
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7wBfoUNqJ
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAXnGHOUOW
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0FK0qllHv
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhPORlsDEf
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIJQibzNXX
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWZxju1Jmk
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbiQzaQFFr
　　416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1WdyjgnQo
我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlrY68fdFl
　　416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHu2VjnbTy
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGaWra31u3
　　416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UWSeGqzBr
下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQ74iEABGZ
　　416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZDp7eYTJe
只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4cxzYvxcn
　　416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgKJVOCFxt
我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fdf0PH0G8
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxZgNCULGw
　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDJbdf40pj
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTODvn2eb9l
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXI6xN553nw
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeibFhE1hU
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcMcOA90Fy
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJH9tesccID
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HPopebQYO
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONmK8FpWqA
退不得，那就跑吧！416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUxBQxuLXR
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtb6gc8uRk
於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtng4123g1r
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZzFoLmbKkJ
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaU8asgFnED
416Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1gTRP5yZV
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。