我是季妍，出版界筆耕多年的小小插畫家一枚。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KUswqO0Q7
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIH9jxRD976
我熱愛我的工作，作畫迅速從不拖稿的我，筆耕之餘還在家裡開了繪畫教室騙騙小朋友，幾年下來，事業小成的我有了幾個足以讓我膨脹的稱號---出版界稱我“季快手”，學生叫我季老師…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUh4CG4nzD
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但，這些，都不及我另一個稱號來得“響亮”。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGAj5yQ6bX
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHUANnJMIi
這個稱號是婆婆取的，她叫我~~“無~蛋~雞”~~~417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFAlIWkAYXk
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXdHMl9OV7
是的，你沒聽錯，因為在她眼中，我就是隻生不出蛋的老母雞。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjACIf1l2JJ
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDElM01W1y
也許是怕我日子太無聊了吧，老天爺給了我一個全世界最棒的老公，卻又買一送一的附贈了個機車婆婆，結婚三年來，生不出半顆蛋的我早已被她嫌到十八層地獄，偏偏她老人家想盡辦法就是無法把我從“楊昕然老婆”的位置踢下來，因為她兒子超疼老婆…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKq6DMDY7P2
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呵~~~你看她煩不煩哪！417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWKVrWgxt4
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kStsbgcbJ
媳婦的肚子沒動靜，兒子又越來越“老”（明明才32歲），眼看楊家就要斷子絕孫了，婆婆的焦慮越來越嚴重，於是她開始檢討我敷不出蛋的可能原因……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0YZFHQdbg
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGunjdm5Paw
吃冰、吹冷氣……好，我改。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYHxCAB9RJ
熬夜……對，我的錯。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAEqh4dpro
使用便宜水彩顏料……便宜？一盒幾千417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZqym7ojzT2
的“林布蘭特”？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ618IzWsDK1
呼吸的空氣有毒……好吧，我可以不呼417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tD6lhhNIa
吸了……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSTlqRyxSD
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MtD9BHZEG
總而言之，親愛的婆婆把所有生不出孩子的原因都歸到我身上，偏偏怪東怪西就是不怪她兒子…有一次她親愛的兒子終於看不下去了…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYthzz1m76
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BUJiaJXLS
「搞不好是我的精子有問題啊」，楊昕然先生說。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhaYkAbux2
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTEzdWCvH2
「胡說，我們楊家的精子怎麼會有問題」，婆婆嚴厲否認。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonVtyC7XXj
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcj8gS9DTAz
噢，對了，說到精子，我老公是窩在手機堆裡寫APP程式的程式設計師。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHA0W4BFhp
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所以他的精子“絕對”沒問題。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRW893bH5s
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JBt39VelH
唉~寶貝兒子沒有錯，生不出蛋的媳婦趕不走，婆婆的日子簡直沒法過了。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xAOzTkoRn
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怎麼辦？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGWzEak36E
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRrGYmE0Xj
能怎麼辦？…只好叫媳婦多多“努力”囉！417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAb4df4BSZ
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfN9XzNjBBi
於是，親愛的婆婆天天督促我，天天督促我，電台賣的成藥我當飯吃、全臺灣的乩童都成了婆婆的FB好友，對婆婆來說，乩童的話就是聖旨，乩童叫我做什麼我都得照做……為此我吞了香灰、喝了符水、嚐遍了你想像不到的噁心東西…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeLWLNYfXh
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHyc7lFffJ
但，這麼“乖巧”的我，那天還是爆發了…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3iO30YWbt
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因為婆婆叫我去跪“她娘家”的祖先！417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiyITXBo8t
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAy00NkI6D
「為什麼我得去跪妳媽的（ps:這不是髒話）祖先」？…我心頭一驚。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC6I2uAsl8p
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhstSAtT0A
「大師說妳祖先得罪我娘家祖先，所以祖先不要妳的種」，婆婆舒適的窩在客廳沙發上削著我剛買回來的西洋梨，「除非你向我娘家祖先下跪道歉，不然」…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXQTsBAyUg
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBrV5JmdEm
「下跪道歉」？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcowUjMS1oU
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzJjROfDPD
「沒錯」，婆婆繼續削梨子，「所以明天妳跟我回」…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjb5a1JOii
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2cWlhpEjc
「~！…、☆○＞□＾」…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDywgCXvhXZ
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvXq8b6NnH
不知是不是方才喝的水果啤酒太上頭了，明明早已對婆婆的刻薄言語“免疫”的我，竟然被區區幾句話惹火了，於是，當婆婆終於消滅了難纏的梨子皮，準備享受她的勞動成果…的前一秒，我突然伸手搶走她的梨子…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkAfZo8p37Q
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4a3mfCqT2X
「接下來還有什麼」？我紅著眼問。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6VfTbY53V
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKJJYkvfYp
「蛤」？這是我嫁入楊家以來第一次對婆婆發飆，可能是不習慣這樣的我吧，婆婆完全愣住了。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XL5AsUBj8
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「我說…接下來妳還要怎麼“玩”我」？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkdy3vqmDi
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvU8UxHA4h
「什麼“玩”妳」？婆婆盯著被我搶走的梨子，一臉的莫名，「我還不是為妳好」…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCDybkap7nF
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PS5yQl9qX
「為我好」？我氣笑了，「原來逼我喝符水吃香灰吃到拉肚子是為我好」…我咬牙切齒的用梨子指著婆婆…的鼻子，「摸摸良心吧！如果今天安然生不出來妳會這樣對她嗎」？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvjxAqBOs1
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYE6ufAuSp
PS:楊安然---昕然的妹妹，某私立大學夜間部學生，楊家的寶貝，也是婆婆絕不能踩的大地雷…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTavAiSquEm
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但此刻氣瘋的我竟然踩下去了！417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvO1Opg6wik
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVmvbrq2qN
「妳…妳這隻無蛋雞」！婆婆果不其然的…炸了，她憤然站起，把我手中的梨子搶去狠砸在地，「妳敢詛咒我女兒跟妳一樣沒蛋！妳…妳給我滾出去」！417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJSXjBW1p6
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「為什麼我要滾」？我叉腰繼續做死，「這裡是我家耶」！417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlEqcqNJvg
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMu1GGPTmX
是的，這間位於碧潭河畔三房一廳的小屋是我和老公浪漫的家，我的婆家“遠”在五十公尺外，但我忘了婆婆是老公最親愛的老媽，更忘了婆婆是個多麼愛演的老太太。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJA1feqkjFq
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6h4h2wq0DP
「妳…」…罵著罵著，婆婆竟然一屁股坐在地上嚎啕大哭起來~「嗚嗚~~我是造了什麼孽啊！年輕的時候為楊家做牛做馬，好不容易當了婆婆，還要被媳婦糟蹋」…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYMyPujFHB
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「媽」…唉…又來了…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfupHWmSWI6
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我無奈的揉揉眉心，一邊讚嘆婆婆的“演技”，只是……這裡只有我和婆婆，她能演給誰看？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFxATqNpUGh
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咦…不對……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVR19rw83J7
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我看了看電視上方的大圓鐘…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7CUMe2qIq
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呵…果然…老公接安然放學快到家了。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjtU7enCvry
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4XmZ1sPes
「我的命怎麼這麼苦啊…嗚嗚嗚」…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoW2bKXaEZ
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEFAHR8JGV
我無奈的看著眼前演得興起的婆婆，孝順的兒女快回來了，而苦命的母親還坐在地板上哭天搶地，可想而知，幾分鐘後這個家會有多“熱鬧”。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHKVCzusUf
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAx151wSXi
「唉」…我忍不住歎氣…唉…又是這樣…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pZWswIagp
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我很清楚如何避免即將到來的衝突…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMI5gOMbZm
　　417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSG1zFzfs7
不就是答應去跟“她媽的”祖先下跪道歉嗎？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKo5MC0undO
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下跪，簡單，但接下來呢？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6wog9hSSW
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只要我變不出孩子，婆婆永遠有新的花招等著我…417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHZ3yamvOG
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我已經陪婆婆玩兩年了，這樣的日子我還得熬多久？417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmm740ufhk
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　　　　我 受 夠 了！！！417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdliKDvozfO
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6lCDD7V5K
「妳慢慢哭吧」，婆婆的哭聲幾乎穿透了天際，但我已經不在乎了…在一片空白的思緒中，我恍惚的握住了大門門把…「我~~不幹了」！417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUgMfNvMO5
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJuQhnGFBD
“ 砰”！！~~的一聲…婆婆的哭嚎聲被留在了門後。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDCfoesMeA
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKhg4FZc76
我走出門外，迎接我的是愁煞人的秋雨，十月的碧潭剛迎來入秋第一道寒流，冰冷的雨絲一根根扎入我毫無防護的雙臂，我知道我該回頭，但我無路可退。417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82MWX8WzIN
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退不得，那就跑吧！417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Rbs17LEDP
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於是我開始拼命奔跑、拼命奔跑……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdP7qFUhWcO
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8Wo1qAB2V
萬萬想不到，這一跑，竟跑出了我的第一個孩子，還有那短暫卻一生難忘的姐妹情誼……417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXraEcgYthP
417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iH2gSvfKY
這是一個很短、很短的故事，如果您允許的話，請容我用旁觀者的角度，向您娓娓道來吧。