We're never really sure we're ready to be parents. But how do you prepare for that? There are manuals, books, videos, seminars, classes all numbering in the hundreds and thousands. Books dating more than a hundred years and yet we still have failures in parenting. What's the point of education? A book I once read said education is supposed to elevate man from reacting to his environment to responding to it. Responding, meaning we process the potential effects of our actions or decisions in a situation, we weigh them and choose the best outcome.
Parenting, be it planned or unplanned requires preparation. Experts and family members will offer advice, they've "been there before" "seen a number of cases". Across the information I've encountered on parenting, the common points are this, children need to be; disciplined, loved, encouraged, and free to find themselves.
But how do you know you're giving your child the right amount of those things? How do you know if you're smothering your child or breaking them? Before my daughter, I was in a period of doubt where I didn't think it was possible for me to have biological children, so I kept a cat. When I first got kitty I thought, ' I'm not going to have children, I will love this kitty like my own.'
Stage 1: Encouragement
At a few weeks old, a kitten is as curious as a toddler, the world is vast and new to them, everything is permitted. Exploration is how they come to know the world and learn about themselves. In keeping kitty I realised, children need to be encouraged in their curiosities, some of them might be dangerous, but it is how they test the limits of their abilities. This allows you as a parent to get insight into how they think. Knowing how kitty thought allowed me to gauge the kind of risks he would take and see him as his own individual.
Stage 2: Discipline
I've read that beating does not have the intended effect on cats, and that children shouldn't be beaten, hogwash. Spare the rod, spoil the child. I have spanked kitty in his younger days when he's done something he shouldn't, e.g. walking on the dining table. I'd made it clear several times before the table was off limits, but he insisted on it. Breaking the habit was easy, put him on the table spank him, take him off pet him, repeat. Granted this is conditioning, but spanking imparts that the activity will bring pain, when they're older they'll understand the why— children that is.
What if spanking makes them rebellious? I have also had such an experience with kitty, knocking glasses over. A child can be reasoned with, a cat less so, they mentally age faster and are more defiant, desperate measures needed to be taken. In such a case, whenever he knocked a glass over I'd rush him to the second floor balcony and and hang him over the edge— he's afraid of heights. This conditioning went on for a few weeks before he stopped. This also applies to children, if they will not process reason, desperate action of a tangible kind maybe required.
Stage 3: Freedom
Cats go through phases or changes in their personality. I realised with kitty, every year there were subtle changes in his behaviour, the things he liked to eat, his want for cuddles, etc. He went from curious about everything, to stubborn and demanding a few things, to chill and relaxed about everything.
Between those stages he had moments of uncertainty, here I've found it best to fall back to stage 1, oversee without intervention. Spanking should be sparse at this stage, as these curiosities are guided by the discipline from before. Anything at this point is the shaping of their adult persona, likewise with children.
Stage 4: Love
Naturally this should be easiest thing to do. How do you love in a way your charge can feel and appreciate it? Giving things? Spending time together? Saying it? The stages from before, build a foundation for your charge to realise they are loved. As well, saying it, hugs, kisses, and comforting in times of distress solidify the feeling of love. They will trust you more as they age, this I observed with kitty. He was feral when I got him and for years, would not let me touch his tummy, but after 4 years of companionship, he began to show his tummy to me for rubs.
Conclusion:
This test was carried out on a cat, in a controlled environment with little interaction with individuals outside the family unit, and may offer little insight into raising a child. The takeaways are this:
Sometimes it is necessary to be a helicopter parent, but only to oversee and not intervene in children's experiences, even if they have difficulty or get a little hurt. This is learning and experience for the child. Naturally if the danger is great you should step in, but allow your child to resolve the consequences of their actions. Avoid smiling and postures of encouragement, it makes the child dependent on your opinion before they make decisions.
Spanking is necessary, but don't spank your child if you are angry or emotionally charged. Spank after you process their actions and what about it you disapprove of, also explain this to the child.
Children go through various phases of change, they rebel because we try to keep them in a mold that contradicts with their budding personality. Change is the spice of life, we can't be copies of our parents.
Always let your children know they are loved, both through actions and words.
My experiment, I can boldly say has made me a better parent. Of course, whether my daughter believes that, I'll find out when she confronts me about the childhood trauma I inflicted.161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs2rGBWO7pC
