All morning, Jenny was telling me that I was an angel. This would explain the scars I had under my shoulder blades. Maybe there were wings there one time. It would also explain why no parents were looking for me. I just laughed and smiled when Jenny started to believe that I was an angel. It just seemed so impossible and so far reached. Despite that I denied it, I found out that once Jenny got something in her head, then she believed it and wanted everyone else to believe it. I tried telling her it was only sleep talking. I tried to tell her that it was just a dream. I could have easily dreamt that I was a princess or a wizard. Jenny did not accept this answer. She was sure that I was an angel. We just had to wait until I got my memory back
Of course, Laura heard what we were talking about. She laughed at the claim that I was an angel. Laura reminded us that there was no proof that there were angels or even God. If there was a God, why was he always distant and never spoke with us? Why would he allow so many bad things to happen in the world? Why would God sit back and allow orphans to live without a family to love them? In a way, I could understand Laura. Thinking that I could be an angel was a crazy thought. If I was an angel, then why would I lose my memory? If I was an angel, then surely God will come and help me do whatever angels do.
What hurt the most was when Laura said that if I was an angel, then I could be a fallen angel. I could be an angel that turned her back on God and was kicked out of heaven. In that case, I would be one of Satan’s angels. Despite that I knew that there was no way that I could be an angel, it made me think if I did something wrong. I must have done something so wrong that I was now alone. There must have been a reason why I was unconscious in a field and no one was looking for me.
I tried not to think about Jenny insisting that I was an angel. I did my best to study hard at school and to be a good girl. The teachers were surprised at how fast I could learn and how much I knew. It was a good feeling in being intelligent. It also gave me responsibility. I did my best to help others that could not understand everything the teacher said. Jenny found the classes very hard and especially homework. I don’t think that it helped that she was always sick. I cherished our time together when we helped each other do homework. Despite that Jenny found it hard, she was always positive.
About a week after the sleeptalking incident, I visited the chapel at the orphanage. I was not praying. I liked the atmosphere where I could sit in silence. I would guess that Laura would say that there was no God. I did not believe this. When I sat in the Church, it was like Jesus was sitting there with me telling me that everything will be fine. It was comforting sitting in the church, and that is why I tried to visit the chapel so much.
Something big happened today. As I was sitting in the chapel, some of my memories came back. I had memories of me being an angel in heaven. I remembered wanting to be a guardian angel. I remember heaven being a place of extreme happiness. Everyone was praising God. There was a deep peace where everyone got on together. There was no negativity or bad feelings. There was no sadness or pain. It is extremely hard to explain what heaven was like. It definitely should be something that everyone wanted. I also remembered the accident, where I was flying around and suddenly, I could not fly anymore and crashed into a field.
After the memories came back, I just sat in shock. I knew the memories were real and not part of my imagination. This meant that I was an angel or at least I have been an angel once. There were still unanswered questions, such as why could I not suddenly fly and crashed to the ground. Did this mean that I did something wrong and was kicked out of heaven? It was obvious that I was no longer an angel. I had no wings and only the scars where the wings were. The idea that I was expelled from heaven made me sad. How did I hurt God so much that he would kick me out of paradise? In a way, it was good that I got some memories back. I knew who I was. The problem is that I did not know who I was now. I realized that no parents would be looking for me. This confused me. What was I supposed to do as a human girl? What would my future be like? Was I a fallen angel that would never be able to be in heaven again?
I was interrupted by Miss Rose. I wanted to tell her about my memories but thought Miss Rose would lock me in a padded cell if I did. She had something important to tell me. She told me that as I know, the child’s home was very crowded. It gave Miss Rose great joy when someone adopted a child or when a foster home could be found. The good news was that a new foster home was found for me. They would take care of me while social services were looking for my parents. I would not be alone, as the new foster parents said that they could have two girls. This meant that Laura would be my new foster sister. I was not so happy with this news. Why could Jenny not move with me? Of all the girls in the home, why did they have to pick Laura?
Things went quite fast after that. I packed what little I had. Despite that Jenny was happy for me that I was getting a foster family, I could see that she was extremely sad. She gave me one of her favourite teddy bears. We hugged each other for a long time as if we would never see each other again.
The foster parents were an old couple. They had no children of their own. Their name was Mr and Mrs Murphy. They were just like grandparents. I thought it funny when they kept calling us “poor children,” They thought that we had a very hard start in life. Mrs Murphy thought that we never experienced the love and protection parents could give. Mr and Mrs Murphy told us they could never replace our parents, but they could give us a loving home. I must admit that the old couple made me feel welcome. It was just a shame that Laura was also there.
We were each given a small bedroom. Mine looked like a princess's bedroom. It was so pretty and cosy. I could lock myself in the bedroom for the rest of my life. I was sure that I would be happy here. Then why did I not feel happy? I think the reason why I felt so sad was the memories that came back to me. I remembered once that I was an angel. I could not remember why I was no longer an angel. This made me wonder how I made God so mad, that he would kick me out of heaven. It made me wonder if I was a bad person. One problem I had was if I should tell people about my memories. They most likely would never believe me and think that I had some medical illness.
I also felt bad that Jenny was left behind. It was obvious that no foster parent wanted to take care of a sick child. She was my best friend and I think she deserved a chance to be in a foster home. I would gladly let her take my place. In a way, I knew that I was selfish as I knew that I would miss her and it would be hard living in a place without my best friend. This must have been another punishment from God, that decided that Laura would be my foster sister. The only good thing was that Miss Rose said that I could visit Jenny when I could. It was just a shame that the orphanage was so far away.
My peace was destroyed when I heard Laura screaming. She was arguing with the new foster parents that her bedroom was too girly. I decided to stay in my room and let the drama blow over. The whole thing confused me. My room was nice and I loved it. It seemed wrong that Laura should get mad over how her bedroom looked. Would she rather be back at the children's home? We should be grateful to our new foster parents for providing a home for us. It did not seem right that we should make demands and be unhappy with our new home. The most important thing is that Mr and Mrs Murphy were nice. They made a big effort that we felt like this was our new home and hoped we would be happy there. It was just typical that Laura would cause trouble the same day as we moved into the foster home.
As Laura was having her temper, I stood before a mirror. The scars on my back must be where my wings once were. I wondered if I could do something for my wings to appear and spread. I did everything that I could. I tried to stretch my arms and even stand on my toes. Then I tried holding my breath until I went blue. I closed my eyes and commanded the wings to come out. It seemed as if nothing worked. I was sure that I once had wings. The flashbacks I had made this clear. There must have been a reason why I no longer had wings. The only thing that consoled me was that I would regain more of my memory and this would answer a lot of questions.
As I was standing in the mirror, Laura barged in and asked me what I was doing. At first, I told her that it did not matter. She would never believe me or understand me. Laura would not accept this and demanded to know what I was doing.
“I will tell you,” I said, “ But you will laugh at me and think I am insane. Please do not tell anyone what I am about to tell you. I have regained some of my memories back. The truth is that I have no parents. You see, I was once an angel. I know that you think this is weird. It is true though. I do not know why I no longer am an angel. I am sure these memories will come back as well. So I was just standing here and trying to make my wings appear.”
Laura was silent for a bit and then told me that I was crazy. Then she just walked away. I was afraid all day that she would tell my new foster parents. I could hardly eat dinner as every time Laura opened her mouth to say something, I was afraid that she would tell them that I thought I was an angel. Mrs Murphy even noticed how silent I was and joked that I must be the silent one of us. I just nodded and tried to eat what I could. Laura did not say anything and this was a big relief. The only thing she did say is when she peeked through my door and asked me if I was sure that God even existed. If God existed, then why would he just ignore us and expect us to worship and pray? If God did not exist, then there was no way that I could be an angel. I would just be a girl with mental problems.
We were at Church the next day as Mr and Mrs Murphy were devout Catholics. There was of course drama because Laura did not want to go to church. In the end, she was forced to go. I noticed that she was quiet in Church and did not pray. As for me, I had my first memory flashbacks in the chapel, so I was hoping that I would remember more today. This did not happen. This made me look at the cross of Jesus and silently pray to ask him why I was no longer an angel. What did Jesus expect of me now that I was a normal human girl? I could accept that I was no longer an angel as long as I knew that God had a plan and purpose for me. What would be hard for me to accept was if he abandoned me and no longer loved me. There was no answer when I prayed. I suppose God thought that I was not ready yet.
The weekend was over and Laura and I were to start at a new school. This was quite scary for me. I would be meeting new teachers and children. What would they think of me? Would I get new friends? As it turned out, everyone seemed so nice. It made me think that I would have no problems getting friends and liking school.
This was until we had lunch and one of the children asked us what it is like being orphans. Laura answered that she was worried that being an orphan had screwed with my mind, as I thought that I was an angel
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