When Laura told everyone at school that I thought I was an angel, I wanted the ground to swallow me. I knew that Laura did not have any good intentions in telling everyone. She just wanted to give me a bad reputation and a bad start at school. She knew the others would think I was crazy. This was true! Everyone laughed when they heard that I thought I was an angel. They teased me by asking where my wings were and where was my halo. Some teased saying that angels cannot be little girls while others said that God kicked me out of heaven. The worse was that they concluded that I was just a weird girl with mental problems. This hurt a lot! I knew that my memories were real. I must admit that I did not understand why I was now a normal girl. They were wrong when they thought that I was batty. I knew that I was once an angel!
Of course, the teachers found out. You know that adults never believe in anything that cannot be explained. I think that is why it's easier for a child to believe in God. A child has faith and does not depend on scientific proof. I could see the way that the teachers looked at me that they thought that I was weird and the strangest girl at the school. This was not a good start for a new life as an ordinary girl.
When we came home, my foster mom was waiting. The school rang her to tell her that I thought that I was an angel. So it was time for a heart-to-heart talk with my new foster mom. At first, she took it calmly and nicely. She thought that I was an angel, but not an angel from heaven. Then she went on my telling me that most girls were angels or princesses. I doubted that Laura was any of these. When I told my foster mom that I knew that I was once an angel in heaven. I could clearly remember that and what it was like being an angel. The problem was that I did not know what I was doing here. This upset my foster mom and she tried to explain that I have been through a lot. I was worried about why my parents have not been looking for me. I did not have my memories. This is a lot for a young girl to deal with. My mind could be playing tricks once again. She would not believe me that I was once an angel.
This meant that the next week that I was constantly arguing with my foster parents. This was a bit strange as it was usually Laura that fought with them over the smallest things. Foster Dad was probably the worse of the two when he yelled at me. He wanted to know why I thought that I would even think that I was an angel. He asked did I think that God loved me more than others and if I thought that I was so special that I was an angel. When he did not get an answer that he liked, he would threaten me with every punishment he could think of. He never carried them out, as my foster mom would tell him to calm down. She was more worried than she was mad. She was afraid that I lost my mind. In a way, I could understand her. Of course, Laura seemed to like that there was so much conflict between us. I wondered if that girl had a nice bone in her body.
So they decided to send me to a psychiatrist. I was quite frightened of this. It was the first step to being locked in a padded cell. I do not think that my heart ever beat so fast or I shook so much in fear as I waited to be called into the office. When it was my turn, I could hardly walk. An old woman was in a nice old-fashioned office. She told me to sit on a comfy chair. Behind her, there will lot of diplomas on the wall. I figured that she must be very smart. Then she asked me to tell her why I thought I was an angel. So I told her the memories that I had of being an angel in heaven but had no clue as to why I was no longer an angel and was now a normal girl. The old lady was writing everything down and once in a while, she would mumble something or smile.
“Let me start by saying you're not crazy,” the old woman said, “I believe that you truly have memories of yourself being an angel. There can be several reasons for this. The most obvious is that you are an angel. It can be other things that I think you should consider. You have been in a bad accident and were found on a field with no memories. Your parents seem to not be looking for you. We know that your name is Lourdes, but that's the only information we have. All this could traumatize you where your mind plays tricks on you, and you are trying to answer the memories that you do not have with your imagination. The thing is Lourdes, do not convince yourself that you are an angel. It could be your imagination.”
I was silent for the rest of the day and hid in my bedroom. The shrink thought it was all my imagination. This was so confusing to understand. While I could accept that it would be hard for anyone to accept that I was once an angel. It could be my mind playing tricks with me and it could be my imagination that was overworking. The thing I realized is that despite I was sure that my memories were genuine, people did not care about this. They thought that God and angels were something in the Bible. They thought it was my imagination when I said that I was an angel. They thought I was mentally ill.
Laura barged into my room and asked me how the shrink was. I answered that I did not want to talk about it. Laura just smiled and said that the easy answer to all this was to prove that I was an angel. Could I make my wings show? Could I fly? Why was I no longer an angel? I did not answer Laura. I could have shown her the scars on my back but I just told her. After all the commotion and conflict over the last few days, I decided that it was best that I did not tell anyone that I was an angel. There was nothing to profit from people knowing. It's not as if I had any special power. It would be nice to be able to change vegetables to ice cream. It was best that I just kept this to myself and tried to be a normal girl.
Things went better after this decision. My foster parents thought that I was cured. Things also went better at school. I tried not to think about it. There was peace and that was important. I started to make a few good friends at school and do more things with my foster Mom. She was teaching me how to bake. I loved doing this. I was getting used to being a girl. I think Jenny would have been proud of me. I even was beginning to like to play. My Foster mom had an old doll house that she gave to me. I could spend hours with it. Laura thought it was boring. She would rather play computer games.
I missed Jenny a lot. I did get permission to ring her. This was something that I looked forward to. Jenny would tell me what was happening at the orphanage and I would tell her about living in a foster home. Then we would admit how much we missed each other. It was a shame that Laura was living here and not Jenny. This made me think of Jenny’s health. When I asked her about it, then she would change the subject. This worried me as it made me think that she was much worse than she was. The worse thing is that there was very little I could do about it.
Jenny wanted to know if I had more memories of when I was an angel. I told her about everything that had happened and I did not want people to think I was weird. I decided not to talk about it anymore. There was silence and Jenny said in a tearful voice, “You are an angel. Be proud of who you are. You have been chosen by God to give glory to him and to spread his light to the whole world. There must be a reason why you are not an angel now. I think you are lost! I also think you were sent to be my special angel. You will find out how to be an angel again. Believe in yourself and have faith in God”
Jenny sounded like an old woman. She sounded like a priest. She did have a point. I could find out why I was no longer an angel. I had to find out if I was still an angel and just forgot how to be an angel. Maybe I was destined to be an ordinary girl from now on. I got some of my memories in a chapel, so the solution would be to visit the Church and wait until I got some answers. I asked Laura if she wanted to visit the Church. At first, she said that a church was the last place that she wanted to visit. Then after thinking about it for a while, she said this would be interesting. My foster parents thought it was sweet that we wanted to visit the church to pray.
Laura did not want to go into the church so I went in alone. I sat on a pew and looked at the altar begging God for an answer. There was only silence. This made me cry and as tears were running down my cheeks, I cried out asking God why he would not answer me and what was I doing as an ordinary girl.
“God will answer you when he knows you are ready for the answer.” said an old priest as he sat beside me. Could it be that God had sent him to me?185Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxN6cE6DcRF
“You don’t understand,” I replied, “and if I did tell you, you would never believe me. You would be like everyone else and think that I was crazy”185Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocusQjeXqx
“I know that you were once an angel and now living as an ordinary girl”185Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZ77ogwn8Y
“… How do you know that?”185Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzThGysHNRX
“That makes no difference. You will get answers. God loves you and has a mission and plan for you. For now, be a child of God and live as any ordinary girl. God is with you all the time. Remember what Jenny said, you must have faith in God and you must have more confidence and know that we are all instruments of God.”
This was too freaky for me and I left the Church. Laura was standing outside. She looked very pale. As we walked home, I told her what had happened. How did a priest know that I was once an angel and how did he know what Jenny said to me? Laura now was getting her rosy cheeks back and told me that the Catholic Church has nothing to do with God. They were corrupt. She told me about the inquisitions, the selling of indulgences and how the Vatican helped the Nazis. She reminded me that most wars in the world were done in God’s name. Then she asked me how could I even trust what a priest had to say.
Then Laura told me that I could trust her and she would be honest and tell me her opinion.
“I believe that you were an angel,” she said. “The fact is that you are no longer an angel. You only have those two scars on your back as proof of your time as an angel. If we were to be logical. You were kicked out of heaven. Either you have realized that God was a hypocritical and weak God that did not care about the world, or you did something bad that he could not forgive you for. At any rate, you are now a fallen angel, just like Satan is.”
Laura could be annoying and evil, but what she said made sense. I could have done something so bad that I was kicked out of heaven. Maybe I did not like God. The question was did God love me? If he did, then he would not kick me from heaven. If God did love me, then he would forgive me and let me stay in heaven. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that God did not love me or want me.
ns 15.158.61.42da2
