I spent a lot of time in my room the days after I visited the Church. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that God did not love me. There was a reason why I was no longer an angel and he would not help me with my memories. Maybe I did something wrong that made God mad and kicked me out of heaven. If this was the case, then why did he not forgive me? Why did God not help me and why did he just allow me to live in all this confusion? Maybe I should not have listened to Laura telling me that I was now a fallen angel and that God no longer loved me. The thing was that what she said made sense. Either God abandoned me or I abandoned him. I did my best to try and speak with him and was only met with silence.
Days went by and I was less confused and sad about the situation that I was in. I now had angry and bitter feelings. I was now angry with God. If he did not want me, then that was his problem. I did not need him. I did not to be an angel. If God did not want me to serve him, then that was his loss. I was now an ordinary girl. I liked my foster parents. I liked having friends. I liked school. I liked playing. I did not need God to make me happy.
Sunday came and my Foster mom told me to get ready for Church. She already accepted that Laura did not want to go to Church. I could understand that. Laura always became pale and looked like she was a corpse when she was near a Church. My Foster mom was shocked when I said that I did not want to go to Church. My Foster mom was a bit surprised that I did not want to go to Church. I could understand this. The last thing she heard was that I thought that I was an angel. Now she hears that I do not want to even go to church. I would imagine that this confused her. In the end, she told us that she would not force us to go to Church. She was not happy with our decision but she would respect it
Laura suggested that we go downtown. As we walked, she told me that we were the smart ones for not going to Church. Laura thought that it was a waste of time to go to Church. Did people really think that God listened to their prayers? Did God really care? When the priest did say something, he would only talk about how bad we were and that we were sinners. The Church wanted us to spend a lifetime thinking we are bad and repenting. This cannot be the purpose of life. I did not say a word. I just listened thinking that this was probably what God wanted me to do. He probably wanted me to spend all my life begging him to be an angel again and repenting for doing something that I could not remember.
When we were at the mall, We visited all the shops we could. We had no money but it was just as fun looking at things that we would love to have. Laura was looking at a top that she really wanted to have. When I told her that it would take her ages to save up for it, she just smiled. She reminded me that I was now a fallen angel and did not have to try to be a saint. Even the saints did some very bad things.
She asked me would I would hide the top in a bag I had. I was shocked by this. Did she want me to shoplift? While I was thinking, she explained that shoplifting was not bad. Shops expected it. This meant that no one got hurt when something got stolen. For some reason, I was believing in everything that Laura said and trusted her. I slowly hid the top in my bag. My heart was racing as I have done this and as we walked out of the shop. When we were safe Laura could see how shoplifting affected me. She told me to calm down. Shoplifting is only wrong when you are caught.
The following week was not that easy for me. While everything went well at school and at home. The problem was that I felt so bad about shoplifting. Laura could see this and told me to relax. The shop has not gone bankrupt and what I was feeling was the shame God wanted us to have. He wanted us to feel bad about everything, so we would depend on him more and use our lives to constantly beg him for forgiveness. I had to learn how to enjoy life and have fun and not think of what others say to me.
The following Sunday, we did not go to Church either. Laura wanted to go to the mall again. I told her that I would not be shoplifting anything for her. If I was to shoplift, it would be for myself. Laura smiled and told me there would be no shoplifting. Once again I liked being in the mall. It was a special atmosphere where people shopped for things, looked for things or simply just hung out. I was surprised when I got a glimpse of Jenny. She was in a wheelchair, This made me want to go and hug her and ask her if she was so sick now that she needed a wheelchair. I must admit, that I was worried when I have seen Jenny. She looked so weak in the wheelchair and she looked so sick!
I did not get a chance to go to Jenny, as Laura pulled me away. We walked toward a bench where this very fat lady was sitting. Laura went up to the woman and said “I bet you are proud of yourself. You wanted to lose 20 kg and only have 27 left!” The woman was telling Laura how rude and mean she was. I think the woman wanted us to leave her in peace. However, Laura was on a roll. She insulted the fat woman by telling her all the fat jokes she knew. Then Laura told me that I should join in. Despite that I could see how sad the woman was and that her eyes were teary, I started telling her how fat she was. I did not know any jokes so I just talked about her size. In the end, the woman was so sad, that she stood up and walked away. Laura could not stop laughing. She said that the fat lady deserved it.
After we humiliated and saddened the fat lady, Laura said that she had to go to the toilet, so I sat on the bench where the fat lady sat. I was definitely now a fallen angel. I have refused to go to church, shoplifted and now treated bullied a lady. If my soul was white when I was an angel, it was now becoming black and rotten. For some reason, it was a bad feeling. I did feel bad for the fat woman. She came to the mall and did not bother anyone, but we harassed her and who knows how this would affect her.
Jenny came up to me in her wheelchair. It was sad to see her in her wheelchair. Jenny was not smiling and it did not seem as if she was happy to see me. I soon found out why. She told me that she saw how we bullied the fat lady and was shocked that I was just as bad as Laura.
“You are an angel,” she said, “You are supposed to help people. Look at what you have done to that poor lady. She must be so sad now and she must hate herself. Why did you even do this? Has Laura influenced you so much that you have turned bad and forgotten who you are? I thought you were my best friend. I can't be a friend to someone who is mean! Are you not ashamed?”
Her outburst shocked me. I could have agreed with her and told her that I knew it was wrong. I did not do this. I just told her that if we were best friends, she would be more open about why she was sick and how bad she was. I could see that now she was in a wheelchair and she looked much worse than I remembered. If we were good friends, she would share with me about her sickness. I could see Jenny squirm in her chair. She whimpered that her sickness was something she did not want to think and talk about. She wanted her last days to be as normal as possible. Then she went.
I hid once again in my bedroom for the rest of the day. I felt so sorry that Jenny and I argued. I still considered her my best friend and this made our argument much harder. I sent her a text message telling her that I was sorry and also felt bad about how I treated the fat lady. After a few minutes, Jenny wrote back telling me to remember that I am special. She also wrote that she did not like talking about her sickness because she was dying. She just wanted her last days to be normal. She thought I would understand.
When I read this, it felt as if the whole house fell on me. Jenny was dying! I looked at a cross with Jesus on it that was hanging on my wall. In a rage, I took the cross and threw it out the window. I did not want to look at it. Laura was right. God did not care! How could he allow a child to be sick and how could he allow that one of the nicest people on the earth to die? I could feel the bitterness and the anger I had toward God build up.
Laura barged in as she usually did. She told me that it was about time I realized who God was. She then admitted that she was also special. This confused me so she told me that she would show me. The bedroom became very dark and warm and there was some black mist around Laura as she started to grow some wings. She was not an angel! Her wings were red and she now had two horns. After she transformed into a demon, she admitted that she was a demon and Satan was her master. I should have fainted, but it did explain a lot. Laura told me that Satan cared about me and wanted me to join his family. I would get anything I wanted. I could even save Jenny's life. All I had to do was to deny God and accept Satan as my new master. I was tempted by this offer but told Laura that I needed to go for a walk.
As I walked, I thought about being a demon. I could save Jenny's life and I could do what I wanted. I just had to deny God. As I was taking a walk to think things over, The priest suddenly appeared. He greeted me and asked me why I have abandoned God. I did not answer. He told me he knew that Laura was trying to corrupt me and make me denounce God. This would be my choice, The priest ended up telling me that God still loved me and wanted me as one of his children, After the priest had his say, he walked away. I just walked and walked. I was so confused.
The next day at lunchtime at school, Laura was teasing a girl because her hair was a mess and the clothes she was wearing looked old and worn out. I had visions of the girl in my head. The vision was that she came from a poor family. Despite that she came from a poor family, her parents loved her and the family was a devoted family that helped others that were worse off than them. Laura wanted me to humiliate this girl and even push her around. I stood between the girl and Laura and told Laura to back off. I warned Laura to leave the girl alone or she would have me to deal with. Laura looked shocked and she left the girl alone,
When I got home that day. I went to my bedroom again. I fell to my knees and begged God to forgive me. In anger and bitterness, I had done some very bad things. I prayed to God asking if he would forgive me. I would do his will. If he decided that I should be an ordinary girl, then I would accept that and still be an instrument of his. I would never deny God or turn my back on him again.
My Foster Mom knocked on my door and said that we had to go to the hospital. As we were driving to the hospital, I was told that Jenny was there and she was very sick. It was hard for me when I saw Jenny laying in bed. She was asleep and could not wake up. The nurse told us that there was not so much time left. This made me start to cry. My best friend was dying!
I looked up toward heaven and told God that I did not understand why Jenny would die, but if he could be with her and help her to get to heaven. I also asked God to take away the pains she had. I could hear the doctor announce that Jenny was dead.
Laura asked me why I was praying. She tried telling me that God was so mean and did not care, that he would allow Jenny to die. I looked at Laura. Then the room lit up. I could see that my clothes changed to the same tunic that I had on when I was found in the field. Then I could feel the wings push out through the scars on my back. They were so white and as they spread, I once again an angel.
I told Laura that her mission to corrupt me had failed and that she should go back to where she belonged. A black mist surrounded her and as the black mist slowly disappeared, so did Laura. She was now back in hell with Satan.
Jenny woke up gasping for air. I knew that God helped her and decided that it was not Jenny’s time to die. I had visions in my head that Jenny would now be cured of any sickness. She could live as an ordinary girl. I had visions that my foster mom would adopt Jenny.
Jenny looked at me and said, “You chosen God! When I died, I was in heaven. I was told that you were an angel, but you often doubted yourself. You did not think that you were good enough. You doubted that God needed you. God let you be an ordinary girl so you can experience what it is like to be an ordinary human being. You would see the human's relationship with God and you could find your relationship with God. God was with you all the time. Even when Laura tried to corrupt you, God had faith in you that you would not become a bad seed. When you refused to deny God, that made God so happy. You were forgiven for your bad deeds, and are now ready to be an angel”
Jenny and I then praised and thanked God for her recovered health and for being with us in good times and bad times.
It was then that I heard God's voice telling me that I will be Jenny's guardian angel.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
