許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1J2B8SOTaS
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMZ6cvXsnv
「急事。」199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmquhUwVM4
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpQnARFu8A
「你不吃晚餐？」199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycvxpVJu6i
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0XpeQpBNhB
我沒應答，逕自出門。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsM50OMemls
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcNqhomZ45
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5Nwj6XAvZ
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ48uP6DswVF
難以言喻的鬱悶。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjwxuEwUU6
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcasFReXyD
長嘆。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBRA3rBHOO
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaDBzYMuOGO
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1h2c2BHiH
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBjqTimqfp
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8EH2TlGxq
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYn735tuWg7
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiCKFsve0G
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Fjdpq217m
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRLaLeODWC
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWgWY7whWT
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgacs1DEC3K
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1O2iP2oSO
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9XPRlvlk5
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWbzbV6UNL
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWEdd4cg5g
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsG0wyUW619
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYSSNfRhu5O
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLQJ1KPdks
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkyQ1UnwFm
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFE4A904nMB
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB48tDe71jy
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3khOsRpBaH
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF0HyunxCsg
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3vxtDrPWP
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDehAJ3nyZ
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxn4vK4Z0gb
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllINmN2XDD
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5oUBilbDl
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOF2HJCITny
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXbXIfWeEC
註定的。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwICkSVdIgQ
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvH7x6jgYVy
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5656e3c2td
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAttQbCL8hj
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvezOI0eSX
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmqqpfQ8cc
停步。猶疑。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSavOQYa1eQ
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP8gVniSS6J
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFg55a4B2d
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIvP6KLekc
轉身。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4EyoGEynw
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYrNI66eF7
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3brRgL21Sq
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnBQEdcOxn2
我回身走去。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBKRCRPZIa
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SKUgNnmFN
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKfewd8OKF
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvY2ZIfVhrP
把小狗抱入懷內。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVXa526ty5
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7YeIcZAqq
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZ6mRicEBY
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCdy1CTKhK
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdBBCWvZyh
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3uTIfmcRT
海風？海濱公園步道？199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2KWPIsoPjz
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWag8hTaXL
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHPHYcymOY
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLTsYvE7vP
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1WTcM8xdP
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUPvBPeoNV
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4KcJ6lCfe
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERVtiPHjWa
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6aro7w8NH
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowoIjv4WZV
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsLTnmHqWg
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgj2HJ5axr
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHqC2kfm04
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMSSCwrTZB
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEn8Fkzu4w
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKRKJZUD1M
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdyJDwqcPC
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabFMxvOT7y
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCR994UR0TG
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIHzYIujjZ
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YdHfL2eY8
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLImaIUpre
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEI3h36owx4
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYxgkD6SaT
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTEbo6hPR4
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHI5B0XLik
鬱悶何來？199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKw4FamauR9
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpk1MBoJHv
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj140UHoyPI
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU40g22BN9f
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sBBaDigVv
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsEp70uwa5K
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwKuxRV01n
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcJZWapBbky
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQj820RDdD
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLZLkqmNCq
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYomASkWUcd
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7tizjo1CH
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPFYo89pYR
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDwvLMNoSt
然後呢？根本沒有然後。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomrwtYxmAc
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtF7CXqcFOm
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPvKtC1FSk
199Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxvobUygbp
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns 15.158.61.10da2
