許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZm5oPPaIc
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMtEV5VJmw
「急事。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQ5OKsRZZg
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJvjFmkZfI
「你不吃晚餐？」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRGhA6eoXS
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBO4aGxFwNv
我沒應答，逕自出門。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmJxNkeU7Y
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9FjgT3hJa
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuT7DqunwRY
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EPS2imO9N
難以言喻的鬱悶。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaLSEjRTRR
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTiKeareh79
長嘆。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7E2CjtKBa
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCG3KpzmSTG
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGOXfnNkRm
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8LKe9km1z
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCqX11vcyj
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNabFHCq1pS
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUerrMZGcO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRkmj6grle
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAD01ztG7f
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJ477qvweW
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMizbtPzj3
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2ExBjUxzv
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XyWFXmksG
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4m4ouOsoW
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjC9wU1ySt
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpS7Bm1AKZX
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5r6WucQdhZ
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjC1uqMiXH4
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkacmTJn52
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIDEhPYjdF
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74pZdFyzor
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYSEOS0BDW
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAZDCl6P9K
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpZzaTdeQ5
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOF38D6uep
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmhRIxNgzM
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvnBfeRZTk
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCUS7dojHv
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4brX5y5xj
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71E5denlgE
註定的。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqOZ3YNoRO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlmm9wzUqS
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXnNJidFMP
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYeZ0albqP
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6OPnXLo2G
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvdcM9OD6e
停步。猶疑。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiXk1u0Oys
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeNGJfnJsv
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzsAgJvRt7
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsF79fAwtR
轉身。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLA9pmhUwEO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeMTNOmEDhJ
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQbSXEkjEP
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8W5sn5Z63G
我回身走去。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4iduYDZU7f
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2O4huwrScl
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRanEjpBmKH
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtA07dI06TV
把小狗抱入懷內。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ212U1Fypps
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcJomdRvnk
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9e9pIOl0b
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaRKp5YW3T
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQiCSosXZ8
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjoJTLdmbV
海風？海濱公園步道？184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogtdwjeHlL
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeR3IBSfgqz
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡES8tk3FzfE
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6lHZ4WWUNc
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCf8d9Q9oUO
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIISAZguLG
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrvcjdLGeCs
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72K81pHSzi
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreQrzXCe8A
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLZ6d1nIPv
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9LkyGnfgs
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpLl8gg3HO
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemR2Kj4sWV
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDT7zXV5Z9
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbGyA9pIzj
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTDF82uxJB
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyK6AKcrUhc
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjNF3kT6P9r
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLtDlxxFtN
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7akAmbDbs
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBOHBh8xp2
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLR5qDEjRlh
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwSjuGOguB
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJJFO3c3P0
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirEmgp1LDr
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGmx0k4UG6
鬱悶何來？184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaoESh09Mg
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrkBTZ6jQo
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2rBiH9Q4M
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc43lRyx23V
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡETPQHWi8J2
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNv6tbueVbB
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8svbhZYNC
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3h30XVMv2O
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEkPtMAeA7
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAArtD9SAr
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKeeclbV0y
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWEFx9hG3V
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYn7FPJBJo
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbBW7JXgcH
然後呢？根本沒有然後。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTPLiK07tA
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUymJgXLu4v
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMAjzwNXt3
184Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTFClQqtuuD
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns 15.158.61.51da2
