許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcYD2W7XnPf
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdpB7tHq8z2
「急事。」198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4tWYk4mJt
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeCa9pDRNt
「你不吃晚餐？」198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYwpdKidWv
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpzeRjLp8LG
我沒應答，逕自出門。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjz78MQ07xX
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKmXxwkQR6
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KgyZhI96E
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPpYNciEHz
難以言喻的鬱悶。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenSwl2B6Vc
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96g6v1QPhG
長嘆。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTM1z8YrPl
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDY7mYiXgus
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdtn7ckOUQ
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtU2yKmSF0n
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWrhqAhRFsY
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCUlQ62xzL
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡofQta3eAiS
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnkVMmjq7y
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltYxZoSOq2
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdDEqESiQb
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdlArR1JZ4
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9QYA7qHIt
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDnuRG6ir3
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeoEdW3haVJ
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTbZ64Jcsc
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1FYlDNP3x
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXqxP1M2Ze
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5w1DrknlJt
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVL47VRYE7
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VhnJ65mLy
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6xgw0cZ3T
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFnrLMo5yM
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMj9a26FBJ
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0X21ZIrHy
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNIofQCDuZ
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeyOnFa8Nl
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz627zzbOr8
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXc5doh2sLt
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8KazBnma0
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauDn87dffH
註定的。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFKxiBfOgD
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrrFLPfdVG
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOiwujK37K
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1cTitFb4X
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91VgpJwQtK
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtfgAqWtcg
停步。猶疑。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqp71kV4UVT
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygYpyxhhjr
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RKNJrI3DD
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ok1vPpL23
轉身。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4w7txy6EsI
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGiFw4tqSk
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdLzkDDTaH
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLzgpRNh7p
我回身走去。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqxXocCyIQ
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncheWNhyNX
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFJzeaPXH8
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtvrxrhKjG
把小狗抱入懷內。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1TitV7gqf
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7E3d1oMFP3
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAaor1ojUk
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYyW7adAfV
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb074JTSIop
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9Upmeob82
海風？海濱公園步道？198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyHUGDLEXy
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCD1oO3RTvQ
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkUdIvpvF7
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM7f2E7Ke7
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJf5bBjnWhf
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJiveIVCli
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD9hWj2jZVL
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAXoV5wvJB
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmi2QbXyYL
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyX58AzS2va
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQRWELGw8v
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrf7MaUFb8
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqmN51j0WM
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5U6Hs4gH4
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhz2zt5kA2
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZK6Bb0Z9T
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9jsbJUqpz
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rbP5nnhNU
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2CXbjquyx
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMPDc4RQ9p
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSDNwiLpzk
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnvBgOIgMi
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ801mHwdlpA
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmlNjBS0oH
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pUsltPEGU
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdc8xDYUA9l
鬱悶何來？198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ73oYQDB37a
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60SjYhIPxC
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEW6tTZ4Ko
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMs8FotC1a
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPhpmS6jk8D
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zsp9irPSG
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCn4QmNB6nq
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrtSktnXhJC
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILEI50iQ1v
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYw3OyJ7Mh
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJoYqR8pcR
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCDL13gWht
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUvQiTnL8y
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQcU8zZfD9
然後呢？根本沒有然後。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPabp9wh2Jq
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtXEsaHAFq
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpkmWzclBO
198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrx6ElKh8r
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns 15.158.61.46da2
