許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOLr0Sn7VS
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmo0Q5VeCF
「急事。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYZfzLdHuaS
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguoViQIcZU
「你不吃晚餐？」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PYTIwDKqk
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xEuGn1SY0
我沒應答，逕自出門。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEjMvet9p0
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaqyU5NE3G
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1vY3JrnqO
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHMs7RMy9U
難以言喻的鬱悶。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTXMF93ePD
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tGp8uenib
長嘆。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPS7A6f1FDy
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoUgOUmEcN
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrc9x6AObMg
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAjiSpP6rF
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclsvxin28T
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRBYHMXew5
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NZEuvKhCt
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCy4tc9LZl
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKvhwJD6Gs
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX47EQ9zS50
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8TSqdoov8
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJhFflzw87
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRD6PzOczre
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKfyGf37Zc
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREXp6UBdzu
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaw9nGqk0l
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmxTo0LPPl
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkohalLZR3
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡld8eUlVv56
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oW8Vi95hp
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF32TqBzWq0
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaHqho8aPO
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75Vze3l4L3
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡev7gsAdK1z
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWelT3Br0iI
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0g5ZliI8G
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BlFHUGsGx
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxSt25VB2u
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvIjQhKuazI
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lb7WIpfA2
註定的。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqfJNSem1G
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzMV4PosmT
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGD15SzqWzN
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrr1fibt42O
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUopfNfp8Pv
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKFYbmVHq6
停步。猶疑。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMwTJQx36p
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKdjgs0Mwe
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHL1c6krox
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGtwOjt43u
轉身。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQvjV5MbSc
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAkS7iQAGu
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIuUVOyU7Rq
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKa4bS5IU8
我回身走去。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5dJY3vVsa
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiXNXeDHES
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkGzIEAbPq
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv80LJBWcDg
把小狗抱入懷內。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpH4etenHo
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmploJhEQmr
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuySDdXS3xa
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtK6Z8tupu
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjf4QIcbvVP
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmnxbpjqkB
海風？海濱公園步道？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdabPCrXqc
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpcdHCO94p6
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsSz8IqLVW
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqM3QmJMYjO
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPp5dCwYJXV
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPPKVdFsK4
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM9j12aUaH
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3ezy1AjMj
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1aAsHOQta
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScomp2oQMW
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd8Pjl8XTLo
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmhmnHRGr8b
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8unjuEwtj
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2IOQKh4kM
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklHw5rCX67
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluIgLXITo4
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBdQegEIiA
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Uch3TeyKW
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFnfjXM2RK
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLFZF3CzrK
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXYVi4tn80
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvg6TIGgyY
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyh4rnW9bXb
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnz6sOzTJX
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5meUiUQG9N
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqfd3dChPx
鬱悶何來？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXDXF9N8es
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoe5KEek0Yv
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡry343ptnGx
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFLBfuKVXk
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxzrS7uFBq
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJE9477tqt
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJxfKaT5uJ
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWmiO6fQy2
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsolhLWAP1p
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ1V7oeT8KV
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1mbnIvZXD
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dmWye9XWR
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo880EYMU8A
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdg9jjRof8H
然後呢？根本沒有然後。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLapziuKOvM
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CzllPXWpv
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67zSNAM2LR
160Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhNeIxnH5Q
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns 15.158.61.23da2
