Happy fucking Halloween. I am currently up in my dorm, listening to some Vivaldi. I’m reading this book called Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH. It’s a bit of an easy read but I still like it. A few minutes ago I made the mistake of looking out the window. The full moon is in a few days. I’ve been mentally preparing myself since this morning. I hate the fucking moon, so fucking much! ARGHHHH. I don’t… I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m falling apart. But I pretend that I’m fine, because I need to be the perfect friend, the perfect student, the perfect son, the perfect boyfriend. I need to be perfect, but I’m cracking. And if anyone saw the cracks, I am so fucking scared that everyone will eventually see me the way I see myself, and it will no longer be possible to love me. I think that’s why I like to help others. I help others because I don’t know how to help myself. Oh, shit. When did I start crying? Shit. Um. I’m going to stop writing before I get tears on the paper and mess up the ink. Fuck, that is one of the most depressing things I have even written. Okay. Um. Bye.
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