"So we'll say goodbye for now," Becky said, her voice gentle and reassuring. "Take care of yourself, okay?"253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSQUnPoe2a
"Okay, bye."253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hPXbAyuPq
The door lock snapped shut with a “click”.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRJfX3IVme
Once again, I returned to my lonely and desolate world, facing the challenges of today, tomorrow, and the days to come. Alone.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7U5mWzYOZM
At least until I return for another counseling session.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPizxQqGsp
There was a time when that "click" would have sent me spiraling deep into anxiety, with cold hands and feet, and trembling all over. The sound was my life preserver, my only support, and I was left mercilessly alone to face this emotional monster called “depression”, devouring all my hopes. Staggering on the verge of collapse, I wanted to knock on the door again, clinging onto the only ray of light as tears streamed down my face.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡip3Kpn1G02
But my remaining sanity and dignity told me that this was something I had to face. Long is the road and cruel is the world.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrJRQqp22J
Becky was my psychotherapist. Since my family underwent a sudden change six months ago, I was gripped by depression. My friends Kevin and Penny recommended her service to me, hoping her expertise would lead me out of this labyrinth of desperation. 253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60smh96P6D
Every time I met with Becky, she would encourage me to speak freely about my recent situation and problems. After digesting this information, she would pinpoint the key issues and ask me questions, helping me to reflect on my feelings and respond accordingly. As an information technology professional (an "IT person"), before every meeting, I would organize the key points I wanted to discuss and write them down on my phone to ensure efficiency.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZSebxJ3aD
In response to her questions, my answers were usually concise and logical.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeV9HJFE5JI
However, no matter how efficient and rational I strived to be, my rising emotions would often overwhelm the facade of control. 253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL75mkFCD9N
Especially when I talked about the past and touched on the deep wounds buried within me, my emotions would break down like a dam bursting. Like today, when Becky instructed me to close my eyes and recall some "images" from the past, recalling the most regretful episode in my life.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3L77tjOBY
I closed my eyes, recalling faces and events that had left a mark in my life. Finally, a person came to the fore: my grandma.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7FlTLQL5Q
Scene after scene of the time we spent together came into focus, the vivid sharpness cut through my heart.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwDHZoa6cv
"I remember grandma," I said softly, tears bursting out with endless longing.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWsPtlIdEP6
I couldn't stop crying for a full ten minutes, mumbling the same sentence over and over again.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBflyn7hfis
"I miss her so much, I miss her so much!"253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwYB42ct4x
She has been gone for over six years. When she developed dementia, she gradually lost her ability to take care of herself and had to move to a nursing home. And she couldn't recognize anyone apart from me. But I was always busy with work and couldn't find the time to visit. Day after day, month after month, I kept procrastinating, until one rare day when I left work early because I wasn't feeling well, I decided to visit her at the nursing home.
On the way, I passed by a Chinese bakery and remembered that she loved Chinese buns, especially the hot and spicy meat ones, so I bought two and shared them with her.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5krgubwYQV
"They're delicious!" She ate them with relish.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrxKim02D5
"Shall I come visit you again next week and bring more meat buns?" I said.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtFDV4ROOh
"Okay, okay!" Completely satisfied, grandma laughed like a child.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvBLiygKgG
So I made up my mind to visit her every week, no matter how busy I was, and to buy different types of Chinese buns to share with her, enjoying the simple happiness of being together, strengthening our bond through our taste buds.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9HZ8SAFa9
Unfortunately, my plan fell through.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadq9cJv4pF
After that day, I never visited that Chinese bakery again.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspPBtqeSfV
Grandma's health suddenly deteriorated and she needed emergency treatment at the hospital. A few days later, she passed away.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡso3vZUpQvR
The last words she said to me were "Okay, okay."253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPCLDrRFeYF
This was probably the first "unforgettable regret" in my life.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQfzqERnWh
“You are sitting on the edge of a rooftop. You are devastated. You are on your own. The choice is yours. You can turn left to get yourself back into life, or you can simply turn right to give in. Unfortunately there is no one that you can look up to for help. You have to make this decision on your own.253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4vee1f8p3
This is DEPRESSION.”
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94TRHIjmCP
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqP9SpLAk2
