Everyone called me Wednesday. This was because I reminded them of that girl from the Addams family. I do not think this was true. I had the same dark pigtails as her but did not wear black colours and believed in doom and dark things. My real name was Lilith. I found out that my name meant “belonging to the night” and was the feminine form of a word meaning “demon”. This always made me smile. I was just an ordinary 11-year-old girl that never wanted to hurt anyone or cause any trouble. I was the only child of my parents. They were parents that loved me and wanted the best for me. Considering that other children live in poverty, are abused, sick, or have parents who do not want them, I was very lucky.
When I was 11, we once again moved. We moved quite often. It seems as if my family were never accepted and the only answer was that we had to move to a new place. This was hard for me. It meant that I always had to start at a new school and had to try to make new friends every time. At times, this seemed as if it was a waste of time. I met someone new and was becoming friends with them, we moved on to another town. This town would be no different and how long would we stay here?
This was not even a town. It was a village. Less than 1.000 people lived in it. It had a small school. A shop, a pub and a small Catholic Church. It was like walking in one of those museums that had an old village. It did seem like a nice place. It was a beautiful town and my Dad said that it was a place where everyone knew each other. It would be a good place for me to grow up. I would have many friends and we could live a simple and quiet life. I just smiled at my Dad while I was thinking that he said that every place we moved.
“So are we going to stay here?” I asked287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dgKixBmt6
“Yes, we will” Dad replied, “Our house was cheap. I have a long commute to work, but it's worth the privacy that we will have here. We can finally be a happy family and not be persecuted for our beliefs. You can finally have friends and have the fun you deserve as a child?”
Mom added, “This is a place where everyone knows each other. It is a town where everyone is Catholic. They may not like others that are different or have a different beliefs. This means that we have to keep a low profile. It means that they have to think that we are also Catholic. Lilith, this means you have to be careful what you say and do. Try to fit and let them think that you are one of them. Keep a low profile and have friends that you trust.”
This was a big responsibility for an 11-year-old. It meant that I had to hide a large part of my life. It meant pretending that I was someone that I in reality was not. It meant white lies and being a good actress. The thing was that I was used to this. I knew that if people found out that my family were not devout Catholics, we would be chased away from the town and have to try again to find a place that would accept us.
It was time to go to my new school. The uniform was a dark shade of blue with a blouse and a long skirt. A long cross was hanging around my neck. I hope the cross didn’t burn me. It was strange that I was going to a Catholic School. The headmaster was an old priest. The school looked very old. They even had those double wooden desks where two could sit together. I sat next to a boy. His name was Ethan. He asked me a lot of questions like where I lived before, how we came here, and what I liked doing. I just gave vague answers. I was sure that he was trying to be friendly and nice. The warning from my mother to keep a low profile. There is also the fact that every time I answered a question, then he had 3 more ready.
When I came home, Mom and Dad pounded me with questions. Was I bullied? Were the others afraid of me? Were the priests strange? I told them that the school was very old and there were not many there. The children and teachers were nice. The only thing that was strange was wearing the cross necklace. It made me feel like a hypocrite. It was as if I was pretending to be someone that was that I was not. Mom just hugged me and told me that it did not make a difference what I wore. What matters was what was in my heart. I tried to understand what Mom was saying. I wanted to make good friends. Experience told me that they would never like me if they knew everything about me. It made me worry a lot if I would make friends here or if people would hate me and be afraid of me as they did in previous schools.
I went out to explore the village. This could have been done in 5 minutes as there was not much to see. Despite this, I liked this town. It was as if I was being transported back in history. The town looked so peaceful. I noticed that people were speaking with each other and everyone greeted each other. They even smiled when they saw me and welcomed my family and me to the village. It seemed as if everyone here was so friendly and lived a quiet and peaceful life. It was like a Hallmark film.
There was a small playground. I sat on the swing and was deep in my own thoughts. Ethan showed up and sat on the swing next to me.
“I know I am a boy,” he said, “But I hope we can be friends. Not much happens here. Your family moving here is the biggest news this year. You seem like a nice person. A bit quiet, but I can speak for 10 people.”
“I am sorry that I did not say so much, I suppose that I was shy. I am not used to small places. We always lived in cities and large towns. I was at so many schools that I was always afraid of making new friends, as we would just be moving again. I am sure we will not move from here. I will be glad to be your friend. In fact, you are the first one that ever asked me to be a friend!”
I could not believe it. I now had a friend. This made me think that this village would be a great place to live. Ethan and I stayed in the park until it was getting dark. We talked about everything, what we liked and what we disliked. I even smiled when Ethan said that I looked like Wednesday Addams. Even though he was just a boy, it was fun being with Ethan. I don’t think I ever smiled so much. I slept well that night.
I now had a friend.
The next day, Fr. Sullivan taught us religion. He was saying that we were all sinners and had to repent. We were reminded that sinners are burnt for eternity in Hell. I wanted to ask him lots of questions and rebuke what he said. Why would God punish us for something we did wrong in a short lifetime? Why would he not forgive us? The more the priest spoke, the more I could see how Christians tried to make each other look like bad people. Maybe being a good Catholic meant you have to have a bad conscience. My parents raised me to believe that I was not a bad person. I was a good person and I could make the world a better place. There was nothing such as sin. The worse thing a human can do is hurt another human being. If we all treated each other with respect, understanding and friendship, then this is all the world needed. Religion should not be based on fear and feeling bad about ourselves. I wanted to tell Fr. Sullivan all this but remembered that Mom warned me to keep a low profile.
Ethan cheered me up after school until he asked me if he could come and visit me. I do not remember the excuse I gave, but in the end, we agreed we would meet at his house. The fact was that I did not want Ethan to see our house. He would freak out when he saw some of the pictures and statues we had. I would lose the first and only friend that I ever had. I did not want to scare my friend. He did not need to know everything about me.
Ethan's house was small and cosy. The furniture was so old. His parents were so nice. He had a little brother that was hyper and talked a lot. It was obvious that they were a happy family. Ethan showed me his bedroom. I think that it must look like any other boy's bedroom in the country. Ethan was not the tidiest person, as he had clothes and toys everywhere. Did you ever try standing on Lego with no shoes? When it was time to leave, his mother told me she was delighted that I could visit and that I was welcome to visit anytime. She even told Ethan that she was proud of him for having such a nice and polite friend.
It was now the weekend. I thought that it would be a carefree weekend. However, Mom and Dad told me that we were going to mass. This confused me. We were not Catholic! Dad just smiled and reminded me that no one in this village knew this. We would give them the image that we were Catholic. I did not always understand my parent's reasoning. The mass was strange. Once again the priest was calling us sinners and we had to repent. The mass was also like gymnastics. We had to stand, then kneel, then sit. I looked at others to see what they were doing. I also noticed that many people seemed disinterested as a mass was just a chore for them. Some even nodded off during the priest's homily.
That afternoon, Mom made some cake and we enjoyed it. 287Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEF34x9Dxwb
“Why do people hate us for what we believe in,” I asked
“There are many reasons.” Dad explained, “It's not what they believe so some people are afraid of what they do not know. They also believe what Hollywood tells them,”
“The best is we keep it to ourselves,” Mom asked.
I was so confused. I was pretending to be someone else that I was not. I was raised differently than most other people and I had to hide this side of me. People did not know who I really was. They knew of the person I pretended to be,
That night we drove to a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. I was wearing a white toga dress and my parents were wearing black ones. I felt happy. I was with people like us that knew and accepted us. We chanted and did some rituals
I joined in as much as I could by saying “Ave Satanas!”
To be continued...
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