So we were not welcome in the Church. This confused my parents a lot. Of course, they looked at me for an explanation. I looked down at the ground and told them everything that had happened. I told them that Ethan found out that we are Satanists. He promised that he would tell no one. It seemed as if he accepted our religion. It also seemed as if he could not keep the secret. Now everyone in the town knew what we were.
Dad hugged me and said that it was not my fault. He hoped that things would be fine when the dust settled. I could see that my mom tried to smile. I knew that she was worried. This happened everywhere else we have lived. People found out we were Satanists and thought we were the most evil people on the planet. We always had to move because the hatred and fear become so much. I knew that Mom was afraid that we would have to move again.
When I went back to school, there was a very bad atmosphere. Everyone avoided me and kept their distance from me. No one would speak with me. When they did look at me, they would have a disgusted expression on their face. Some looked very afraid as if I would harm them or something like that. Even Ethan avoided me. He did not even sit next to me in class. It was a funny feeling. One day people liked me and the next day, they avoided me and no longer wanted anything to do with me.
When I got home, I ran to my bed and cried on my bed. Once again I was an outcast at school and everyone hated me. I did not know what was worse... being hated or being feared. I did not understand any of it. We were not Catholics. We did not worship God or even like him. We chose to believe in something else. This did not mean that we were bad or evil. Why could people like me one day and when they found out I was a Satanist, suddenly think that I was a different person? How could people be so judgemental and show such hatred? As Christians, do they not teach love and not judge others? They thought they were the only true religion and maybe they thought it was justified to treat others with different beliefs as enemies.
Mom called me down to the sitting room. She and Dad just had a talk and wanted to talk to me about the whole situation. I was half expecting her to say that we would be moving someplace else. All I could think about is that I would not unpack at the next place. My mom could see that I was crying. I told her what it was like at school and people were now avoiding me. I started crying as I told them that I was afraid that things would get worse. Being ignored was bad enough, but what would happen if they started to verbally abuse me or even get physical? I was afraid that I would end up in the hospital.
“It will not happen,” Mom said, “They avoid you because they are afraid of you. People think that Satanists are evil and have horns. They are most likely afraid that you will do something bad to them. They do understand who we are. They just know what they are told by the media.”
“It's just hard being an outcast” I sniffed as I replied.
Dad then told me the news. “This is not the first time that we have experienced this. Everywhere we go, people have found out our beliefs. We have been hated and persecuted. This meant that we fled and moved hoping to find a place where we could be happy. It is time that we stopped running. We are not bad people. The people that only show judgement, hatred and are willing to hurt and persecute us are the bad ones. We will no longer flee. We will hold our heads high and show people that we are just normal people that are not Christian.”
“This will be hard for us,” Mom warned, “We can only hope that people will in time accept us and even become friends. You are lucky that Ethan promised to stay your friend. This means you need to be proud of who you are. You need to be brave. You need to keep smiling and having hope.”
I did not know how to respond. I did trust my parents and believed that they knew what was best. They were right. It never helped to flee and hide in a new place. People always found the truth. This made me think that it was wise to stay in this village. Ethan said that we were still friends. He did not speak to me since he found out that we had a different religion than him. Mom told me to keep hope and this meant that I had to believe that our friendship was strong enough to endure anything.
The next day was the same. Everyone avoided me. Some even made the sign of the cross when they saw me. I just held my head high and tried to show them that it did not hurt me. They could not see that inside me that I was in turmoil. They could not see the invisible tears and the anxiety that I had. Father Sullivan called me into his office. My bet was that he also knew and was going to slap me with the Bible.
“So I hear that your family are Satanists” he started
“Yes.”
“So you are not a good girl. How can you give your soul to the Devil? How did your family let Satan become your master?”
“People have a choice in what they believe in. You believe in God and Jesus and all that. We don't. Should we not respect people's choices?”
“Satan has corrupted you! He has made you one of his soldiers.”
“It was my choice!”
“You worship Satan and all his demons. You are a devil worshipper. You want Satan to rule the world with his evil ways. I will not allow you to corrupt the others here. You are a dangerous girl to have at this school!”
He told me to leave the office and warned me not to tell others about Satan. When I got home, I told my parents what Father Sullivan said. They laughed and told me that they expected a priest to say things like that. Then Mom told me that they do not believe there is a God or a devil. They were atheists. In their Satanic group, they used Satan as an image to show the world how ridiculous believing in anything invisible is. The Catholic church uses a lot of symbols to express their beliefs. So do Satanists, just in a more humorous way. My parents told me all this before but I found it confusing. I always believed there was a God and Satan. I just could not understand why everyone thought God was so nice when he ignored us. I also believed that Satan was misunderstood. He just got punished for eternity because he could see God's weaknesses and stood up to God. My parents might not have believed in Satan, and this made me think If I did and did I consider that I was one of his children.
We went to a ritual that night. It was the usual chanting and praising Satan. I still could not forget what my parents talked about. They were atheists and Satan was just a symbol of this. Then a ritual seemed like a waste of time. Why did they want to praise someone that they did not believe in? The way I thought of it, there must be a God. There must have been someone that created everything. If there was a God, then Satan also existed. Catholics believed in God and prayed and worshipped him. I could respect this. It was just a shame that they could not respect that I thought God was weak and did not care about us. I was not an atheist. I had no problem considering myself as one of Satan's children. I would not hide or pretend to be someone that I was not. I would hold my head high and show the world that being a Satanist does not mean you are a demon or evil.
The next day at school, I kept my head high. I did not even wear the cross around my neck. If people were going to judge me, then they would see a person that was not afraid to say that she believed in something else, and was just as nice as they were. In fact, I would show that I was nicer as I would never ignore or judge anyone that was different from me. The most important is that we judged people based on their actions and if they had a heart of gold. There were many that noticed that I did not wear the cross. They just shook their head and had an expression of disapproval on their faces.
No one spoke with me. I saw Ethan sitting alone during lunch break. I went up and asked him if I could sit alone with him.
“Go way” he hissed at me
“You said that we are friends! Why do you no longer want to speak with me?”
“You are a Satanist! You believe that Satan is your God. Satanists are evil people that do black magic, curse good Christian people, murder babies and drink blood.”
“That is not true. We are just as good as you. We never want to hurt others. We would never kill anyone and drinking blood would be so gross!”
“Satanists also lie,” Ethan blurted back, “You want to corrupt me. My parents told me this. Father Sullivan told us you would lie and manipulate us and try to make us into little demons. Just go away before someone sees you speaking with me!”
When I went home, I wanted to hide in my bedroom. It was obvious that I just lost a good friend. Ethan believed in what everyone else said and would not even listen to me. I did not get a chance to do this. A social worker was visiting my parents. I could hear my parents tell her what we believed in. A true Satanist has positivity, self-worth, goals, and confidence in his ability to do anything he puts his mind to. Satanists don't worship anything or anyone but themselves and possibly our desires They use their position as a way to stand up against what they perceive to be religious persecution by lampooning other religions.
The social worker then wanted to speak with me. She asked if I thought it was hard being a Satanist. I told her that I was proud of this. It was people that judged me and were afraid of me that had a problem. Then she asked a lot of strange questions. She thought that I was being abused and brainwashed. This frustrated me and I told her that I had the best parents in the world. They never hurt me or treated me badly. I knew they loved me and I was the most important part of their lives. I do not think the social worker believed this as she just sighed.
“Do you believe in Satan or are you just an atheist?” she asked
“I believe in Satan”
I thought that this would be the end of it. However the next day at school, I was called to the headmaster's office. The Social worker lady was there. They told me that I would not be going home. Instead, I would be going with the Social worker to a child's home
To be continued
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