我辭掉了商廈的全職保安工作,之後再以兼職形式,彈性地同時跟幾間保安公司合作,以每個月返二十日上班天數為限。一方面想抽多些時間陪伴阿儀,看看能否使她積極振作一點,二來從一些糖尿病友分享的故事,原來做運動對控制血糖頗有幫助,我買了一部新的滑板車,堅持每星期一百五十分鐘的踏滑板車,之後的覆診驗血,慶幸有不錯的效果。
還有一個重要的原因:是我想重拾夢想。我的唱歌片段在分享平台有不俗的反應,香港的主流價值不鼓勵夢想,有時甚至可以說是有點歧視,何況我現在的年齡,若果跟人說我要追夢,一定換來無數的恥笑。
然而夢想卻是我重要的生存動力,無疑追夢應趁年輕,但我的年少時代,為了現實環境,被迫暫時的擱棄了夢想。但到了今天,雖然事業上當不了高薪厚職,但這些年來養成的節儉習慣,總算令經濟上有了一點點的鬆動。
我確診隔離的那七天,深深醒覺到,原來那唱歌的夢想,還未完全熄滅,再加上Joyce這個助燃劑,重新地燃起這火焰。
我希望趁著自己還算有點健康,替自己爭一口氣。兼且希望以身作則,重燃阿儀的生存動力。
有類似想法的,還有Joyce,她每天下班後,一定抽空練歌。這個共同的目標,使得我們自然地多了見面,一起練歌,和一起踩滑板車。而每次見面的時候,她好像很關心阿儀的情況,甚至有一次說想跟她見見,不過我沒有答允。
雖然多了時間陪伴阿儀,可惜她依然故我,封閉在自己的孩童國度,電視和床是她最重要伙伴,她甚至試過扭計不願下床吃飯,或者因為伯母要她幫手家務而哭喊。
那道銅牆鐵壁越來越鞏固,我的想法,似乎一廂情願。唯一令人安慰的,是她終於肯間中跟我到樓下公園散散步,探望水池內的魚龜。散步時她常跟我分享物理治療中心的人和事,中心有時有繪畫堂,或者學習一些手工藝,她會雀躍的跟我分享她的傑作。
但無可否認跟她一起時的感覺已經徹底改變,現在我跟她說話的語調,跟哄小孩子無異,那種漸漸生成的角色混淆,使得我待她如親生女兒一般,仍舊是親暱,但本質上已經徹底地改變。
之後過了一段相對較平穩的日子,每個月接兩三個盤,大約返二十天工,放假的日子就上阿儀家,陪她到公園走走,吃吃晚飯,我漸漸習慣跟她那種父女般相處的模式,也不再強求她能徹底復元,總之健康上不再惡化,已經心滿意足。也許上天見她上半生勞碌擔憂,下半生就讓她重拾童真優閒。
至於跟Joyce的約會,自然離不開歌唱方面,我們更開創先河,一路踏滑板車一路練歌,穿梭於鬧市之中,笑笑唱唱好不歡愉。
每次見面,她仍很關心阿儀的情況,而我會如實地告訴她。
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我漸漸覺得跟Joyce的關係,好像昇華到超越了戀人的層次,銳變成紅顏知己,但之後一椿小事情,卻推翻了這項假設………….
ns 15.158.61.8da2