然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDuKIg9e0j
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheXojxoY1U
/237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgheBn113ru
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9x7kBTSOMj
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOocH5W3Y8
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrG0kNBk0jR
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxPfhBdCriC
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfP17N5q2w
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGXzzxEb0S
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WWIt7vEa8
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhtleFuHI0
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgc18pbbKRA
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPebNORAfKV
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5U55DduGx
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8DNuwdNoS
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiIqLqc3j6
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3ULdYeSZW
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZn2RMAgm6
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MjGPVpmUO
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HwaNYWHdU
他心情不好便會打她。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpD1eMkkFl
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ56pJqUuhz
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8y1NYLUHhQ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUBu5iplMXV
一下一下打下去。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4DzJGXA3L
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3W1GNriwYb
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4FBFrm9TV
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhScT2ixt45
「我無唔聽話呀！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkfn3v67tG
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8vrXqrfoe
「仲講大話！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyACMCAKKz
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HNbDuyIhd
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDWT2VftzO
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSzOZCKOj5
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsEEch1TRD
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4rHorg4bq
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgunqsZJwri
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIHpyjcZAE
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpD9rvo05G
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MDxwrS8Fl
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyJHZi9NAS3
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDrZuSPaRa
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdlfiCCECR
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewyBzpk8A0
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJlRUTEmpI
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6nVBrZVOr
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyteD4CD2k
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkLUnCKzca
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNIhYlxXpa
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeg2nJlqjdD
/237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KiQd9SVTL
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRZHCjVqCh
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyTQ6RWao3
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3omJLyzGP
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquOCXLJKCp
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0tG4RjLgn
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCDPGGbocG
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeyHa3XAiyc
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsmcSMXpHh
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2y856GzuMF
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHF3ffJNDRO
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfrAKnlJnai
「熊仔去咗邊？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nfkewrQ3o
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKiTMnMnG9
「我抌咗。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkp36wlceV
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKFtvJWI0SK
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLA8FuBXPv
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ub4eYjzhQ
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4DeMNdEaF
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmF6iwcc2zv
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3p6bHXmuz
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphEMQgNAiz
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO0uDURGXk4
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqcbWOCuaW
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ318ZZtFqZ5
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTLKCuhLYc
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdSeWmgxeza
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ9QuVj7xhM
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYQXfCYBFM
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEWRfOKL8t
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4smIENsXG
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPw95FvLOoZ
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRp1eECd16o
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGfs8P9ftP
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYcvxeRcAb
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSt4fmIlBu
/237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2TCi8chnQ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUsKHRzDaG
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWrcuMFEFv
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeobteAb1RB
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkffaL1YRy
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMIyCtTcQ3
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2AD07xE5b
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpgYL9xIkz
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiPTHhgu3B
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZy0k4NK6aw
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTS20z1rth
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqgEAWZPhh
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgljPpeE5KK
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWqFCET5Bnu
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QjA78nnGZ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WMeUAaAok
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbghscYHBch
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wzHRzN0fU
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rXM8mopDU
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLe3gPpz5n
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KxUhFZtHa
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnQncBJzIn
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQi5dqyQLM
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWcN428wOj
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibzktUUL2Z
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJAUoIdmiW
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnCUQps21B
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs30vHtDOXv
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdYLZRHtIM
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlLFpJ8dG2
直至父親又打家姐。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgH3gEfW7R
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0jEjp2vJq
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwPVhPexav
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVOjb4V9jS
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvzms5hJJi
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bW9wcaVuE
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDxRa5YWB8
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa70LNqgW1o
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LK2jnnx6C
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTAijngTVT
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq70pFLvgAc
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhRu8dWRVI
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUVQYd9PMB
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvcMbvr20p
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijrhdAZ55G
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2jAQrvDq0
「我無！」家姐搖頭。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAg8NOshFbh
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjm8jMqefXb
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcyilvYytv
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgC32LFCBR
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtRqyU89Py
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LpSEzncjE
「多謝阿爸。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhc67DHSXu
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVujKd8dJs8
家姐推了林蓁落地。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZN0nm3YqR9
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNc1J1dXR4a
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfWbCsMRhS
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuSo4GiayJ
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdARc2Akwi
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIpPRNyACgm
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJLaJAiljP
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oCYuq0zPo
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1Z0OUXQVq
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkU44BFcMrq
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQQoB24Ift
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMLXZt7SS3
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyesCD9dZ4
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM156APGDVR
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237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6eqqYdtMO
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoecccy5Vt
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL22GTmoA3W
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJDBuJ4ZgA
