然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCh5h5PkeoI
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUurUFQ4iu
/186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl00M0mTior
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYGCZShdzg
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2qSA0kcLi
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBK4aOC2AzL
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzsditKX3T
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMLCL65w1V
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblrhdevEKL
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZir7EZSZat
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ppNMRzZFD
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedghYrKLgJ
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABGCNMf2cs
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXU0W16iN5
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bWjREeo0W
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFu0mTJ7OF
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbxGsRfcbqP
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6KYhjx1r0
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYoOEFID3V
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SU8q7UEqh
他心情不好便會打她。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZPhbXK0JXo
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6EZ3rwTFo
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJ8GCv3tHu
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡySWq76bGEw
一下一下打下去。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYnqrS66OF
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvdJ6Hekky
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpPqlUWY1l
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkf8AswvxS8
「我無唔聽話呀！」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelyOYMK72W
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTeUNiU5Jd
「仲講大話！」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJmIZNFSP0
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZOtNUTgXH
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubCCGJatH7
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLMgpPkw0f
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvagXwDjBlE
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSG8ILVuNS
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgRaIdGCvh5
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBjWk2KXsM
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcsTJRpVM8
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UGc4lVl5A
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSRKbRbmmsS
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXApZMsHutR
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypMrfav9ZQ
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMkZ8UElvn
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPslmBKjbD2
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIk5vsnr3nJ
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbKJax6gq0
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgZKdSgYsM
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuA2WGjP7c
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrw8iqfRqZ
/186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiRUAyN6BQ
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4clhTZktb1
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6RFLw4Z5Y
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxLoctHFJW
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhBGEfpLLv9
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVytJlf3Yl
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGeEHcsJZAY
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0ZggW3ZPi
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9Dem4QRt9
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTeqCrLc65
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8uOriz9RQ
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlO8Vx17iM
「熊仔去咗邊？」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3c0g8Mwqki
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrtSLMo7Hg
「我抌咗。」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbHlDJwOzJv
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5oApQQliX
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsrz41RFC1m
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZXJ1rO1wom
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dT3bKiIML
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwekURkFE32
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAh3EUTG5Q
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXSGnorN3Y
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLilNKvLDv
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzN3KpmWpBn
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNCORAWVvG
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbIFcFThvI
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhTgETKhfW
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZhe69Y4xq
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ0rQADngx
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoIlQfi0KE
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmF07OhtAd
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZyT6lGzSQ
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbdvUWeAHg
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYU1i1dNN5A
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRetQaMkIW
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEiLNA90uV
/186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXx02gpcBMa
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsP1fGYz1XP
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCL2gO3aBc
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUGHRNnRq0
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQJVPRDcnY
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEY9bTyKEcN
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHFPE2c2IH
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswWqksIs7E
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGU6zv7N1CU
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUk0Mz2GoWI
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPHPy1ZkU4
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvfFVehSAS
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlfTPXdM3t
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqSE2bVZj3
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8pOQKhbBJ
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S2P3hkt2e
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKy6CVgjF8
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqF7y2d1vdn
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQx186CUK6w
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOaYR4X5VC
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlLCpBSW7u
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlT0c1Hg5z
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH261tLd9UW
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp0Zy8ygtOR
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OET2FoP8m
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4Ukezccd4
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9McgL8iYh
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9mM17sqap
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXkREDUXhy
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMl2iuTtuL
直至父親又打家姐。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjtExsXauP
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYfpzgWOQW
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvWHsw29vY
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77s0a1VjVP
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxtxINPoeH
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5g5lT4MiTn
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTwznpiKWX
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8B7oznKlRY
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBjnDcDPSWn
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4AvssgnY3
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS65LN28qW2
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqlvUtquft9
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyjPx7HV9u
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLndyqle19
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHy5Mm2KNz
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡis7lnna2mL
「我無！」家姐搖頭。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgOwZaK780
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYzVSP0C9X
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5LUtzwmVG
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVIj9puOI9
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KAsr1zD2o
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUyYXu1eTJc
「多謝阿爸。」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz8aDzuNWg7
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMO0kNmVBB
家姐推了林蓁落地。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnYT60Scvm
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxG45ZQMWRf
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIca8pBirP
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOp8W9mXAsc
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJenJZCm6Iz
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKJH7CMAHE
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBF6iNfBuqY
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRz0bFrPoz
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKIpwsTdD2G
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4z2CLLFhq2
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3no9sUzB9q
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3QHxgsTzT
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswysONDhjm
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5ZgfLlLZD
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186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSHTIrlXwI
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLk53vdyiKR
186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsHkA9EIt8
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。186Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0761hGdiix
