在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhUd8zHkpz
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqNLQXoyDT
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmAPJxvZwI
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfi7tF9PAVb
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKiMV2zS8m
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1hVxy2M67
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2Vokz0Pbo
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxVaClcXMW
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKucYpfb2m
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMhdPHUv2e
「你條裙有血！」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeZ79o0Y2v
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zkKk5w8Q7
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Lzl0bPEk6
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAapc7LY3IC
「大個女啦。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv05fFsPirG
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaptfSGENX9
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXhTHG8GFF
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oaVGA5TTp
「去廁所清理吓。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHywS59Kvv
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWKrR5ZvUR
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDIsTqPOwf
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmohZzhCGwj
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3llaJAGAkF
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AJGcVi17y
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1Eh5RNzcc
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFRIrLY7HlG
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnrig25Cmo
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL4yYAfCIRE
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsikU8cxs2p
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHu33V7xj50
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnL7ZIKDCAf
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtbxqT2klfB
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9GAp8wBWL
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeG0dZeFay
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e1R2q4mv2
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDgEe5ehLw
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOoMeiQpf8h
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4trvJ9AHlt
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYyUTyu9IT7
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKsm05d1bTa
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWPu6zAlud
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkqokiKCqS
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzicWcWVVrB
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1o0tP3HPj
只聽見他說：209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlB5q3DK4Y
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP9Oh8NRBer
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dkHnzYqJt
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡllSplkG6lw
林蓁心下一沉。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUa2zrkh0h
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSQXvHj2S8
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0ESsrZMN5
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfOKB5Ts1P
她又想，會不會是他口硬？209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZS9xX7xYGP
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpXFwQ1FSo
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczob8YYYLm
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnNcG5HwzK
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3LfqOFYgh
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtzkM3r7MB
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKLqn9Ocdf
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgEeXb6zHV
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMUSeHKzw7
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1xQe2BjQs
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPcBYLNgGaK
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdphSJyMjWB
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSns3gOPUST
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlbuEpd1Prl
/209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwR6NQztOLL
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqoY0FQxCk
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ubDsZfwjY
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC149NxEjbK
她去見了周立沖。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XvUxb6zH3
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1hmrJN1Kg
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOF9PsNzMdJ
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2KriiEhml
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEA3nfC4t5
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡej5L3vO9iv
「無所謂。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHujRBQJAC4
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYPKvNN8c0
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8B0vB6TWO
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEwBz5w1dNB
家裡沒有飯吃。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhF2byX8vKD
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Qf0kTuPU9
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTKLCRtaEs
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lyGjw28nk
「你煮咩我都食。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYd8Hhmn4q
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmB2FccDQAN
「傻瓜。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIMWJZBf8S
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYQuYACiGS
他摸摸她的頭。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC2xVF0E8yu
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4SmO6ebtw
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUUkB6hHXj
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjByZRg9QRY
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyMgUNmLjm1
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeiCM4gdPc
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FMkrPGSZY
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXJXCmFbsS
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJeDWVkLZ9
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7dNt7VCB7
「不如食咗我先。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCc7ThXBkph
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOwW2SOmJI
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyLFFPSi6Y
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3S5lA0eWl
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiksjiOctY4
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKK1ni0Iga
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAnBgYAtT1
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJc0C3EdYdO
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7atoIH14o
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZyBMu6tHE
不過，幸好，現在他在。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TcmF5giHU
209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVy2g0sCQa
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。209Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4sgEizTDhh
