在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOkiaciFJO
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當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcGJTvmVpo
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyVCMenQUi
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAG5sKCiW4
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCl86sXGhB
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQDS1XWDWc
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuRJ6wQctu
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0db1ZR3z0v
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHaAUvpIXKE
「你條裙有血！」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyUSvj4JpF
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白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnX4jgvGISz
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KH9G9o4nd
「大個女啦。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOTlBDuPsE
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKektFxLOeD
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV69DE0STSL
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUJD9I2ThF
「去廁所清理吓。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5evBMCqJQ
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIw6KAygD56
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJ97WMqpR4
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJsygvKoM6
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjskM4fB1V3
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnFuptWBDl
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZBq7tJYgT
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhS4LD3wVB
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmxLA4nWbD
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhWlFJ1WgO
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZ1ds39nuX
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohhuvLpNnl
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6Ie6Q8DkG
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但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgiNi1CCBN
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4omYFNg9cW
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnB58Cir7L
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cmLSkHlOH
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Lq0HbZX5I
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZKids3A4B
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdJjG5uRu0
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyNMlAh8Ne
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsnlAU3mRO
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GPhGs4zOp
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxLqTkFwkO
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUkzeaSAakh
只聽見他說：227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGy2kGg2ifm
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsgfCLh0WC
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlEe4eVHjP
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfcbourxoP
林蓁心下一沉。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbsmDysQG7
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdfbDuJSZI
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfe1BTdIQtI
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ294WZpnRok
她又想，會不會是他口硬？227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlR9CQd3hG
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRAqbb54Jf
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR4Rd0QR8h
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLCtuAvFCo
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0RBUGW8my
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJNSxE2dSzD
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsfvdKFmbc
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzRipJQa0o
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbwGY0ZcCZ
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHMt30bLdv
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkWwFD9GNA
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzL3AC6sXn
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCan32ZEq00
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翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡagR4VAv5Qp
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3t5jYPPnpE
她去見了周立沖。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrN1gHxs5bq
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OBdeqxdtD
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFCzrYn378
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3XTODHHsY
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JpWRUcmTB
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXkKDn6Jgb
「無所謂。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2qdxkT7yf
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjlZv3TykC
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfhoWURf3lK
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LNoSDNRJG
家裡沒有飯吃。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgWhZtHU3l
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxoraSbekLa
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBc0J5492w
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCTTuN7nNy
「你煮咩我都食。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrBoGZkUrd
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7zM9ouRNA
「傻瓜。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvd7xzrlYR
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他摸摸她的頭。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILsfElif08
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPfPe1z39K
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkEa8ONlRe
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbFtBoNOdR
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrThEgNY91W
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEo5OgYKcL
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAFeN6W899
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqlvinW2Eq
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuJP0A8d36
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「不如食咗我先。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuuNSRU0QL
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「唔要你，成身臭汗。」227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB2ctwvASTD
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可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMffzlbyBH
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2MNIQqoLG
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPWi8TSCf4
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBXEtvSWSx
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLzuvo7E7W
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不過，幸好，現在他在。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOE1kbWm6NK
227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaNgHA4WJD
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。227Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdERfcfmPG
