在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGJD8OJ01A
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHINtY8VSO0
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyQ8IsZhb0
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42UgH4yvji
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4K33CJSSQl
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHE4PWmsJj
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0FZsPFm0x
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGtrVJfkvY
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGARhvTnBTr
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy090BAEhrG
「你條裙有血！」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetOfsnPume
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CNsgi0KLy
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTeo1I2tMz
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQHdvc71zE
「大個女啦。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnS0EUgQKXR
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKBtCtMj0s
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UnpECRErj
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWZ0YJDmIt
「去廁所清理吓。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZF1LNLNiH
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4dIh8j6ii
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nXiPoTmtb
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFk8cTsVwd4
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiqQE2TYCFN
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYBlSmSf1X
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkRcLPJC6v
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIj0j2DCtHT
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qbOwJvTdu
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9fjx59ynp
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7h2sY2Mied
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuekvM32FtL
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9c1IzrL58e
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINGem7lWqP
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuVv0UmTJk
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Vhx7NIyW6
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxhZsBQRXf
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMkpn2jWkE
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbOs4Ixdiq
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1PcgCWJ0r
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bERrzE9Lh
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBgLr7snTD
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uz5qyBKix
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFr5qkUSND
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDS738s2sb
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8i7lxvwl1F
只聽見他說：253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBYZpXxPCT
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyEZuxgdny3
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zx2hRfeoA
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdFIM2ZpYT
林蓁心下一沉。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeIscqJG5l
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQHpsVPaPR
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbsKybb24M
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAQLdMhWHN
她又想，會不會是他口硬？253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUlXzXnXTX
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGT50ObSYr
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CvXU2VUrC
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfPaY1LDJD
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaxszfDt4u
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEUsZQMoq0
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNELzJ7GXz
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNbGBCADsF
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsSkwZoGAI
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIy94Ku1dU
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJch1Di9ch
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yemxzoKzr
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFT52dMRalh
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/253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7byi3YSgr
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9dLmg27gh
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXq4voeSEzP
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooUAAp4oGy
她去見了周立沖。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBtv6r0W5r
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZ9U2KSztU
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptZqn2iEXq
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnAlUq2Eek
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoNjaX2UaU
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkiDLIx2kc
「無所謂。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJjTCaIHaf
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz05MMZNMs2
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIekhQChe0V
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH785Kc8AZk
家裡沒有飯吃。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvW1i2fdoBn
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8eRhFPuMK
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xV8qtN8OI
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92yfMj1Yc7
「你煮咩我都食。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Cs2d29Jq0
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe5DxAP793Z
「傻瓜。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypuxBV16VD
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjo7vF44ved
他摸摸她的頭。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLJUZQDehN
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgChlmEa6u
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnljjJ6w3aO
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK93dMF4rc6
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWEoQtlaeWE
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoG0qPhhvZD
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmqhLJMgAFS
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7c8vxtvoC
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJqJsJPop7
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOib9967Zm
「不如食咗我先。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡikpYXqXUhT
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTxhZIjyuF
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tqSf95ll3
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLTLUa0kKM
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBG0etw3rbD
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0UGh6ptzJZ
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdsbkEXk5u
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1QNHHd5IR
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2eMo6kRtJ
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YwiMCqHwE
不過，幸好，現在他在。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadtKZpfLI0
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKug58DmmSb
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYoUACuxjQ
