在很久很久前，大概在中一的時候，林蓁喜歡過一個男生。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kmJOXqGjA
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEw2xInx1V
當時，她比廿一歲的自己還重四公斤，還戴黑框眼鏡，臉上還有一些痘痘。比起廿一歲，十二歲的她自然是不懂打扮。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshkYabyjr0
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcapeGQ5NI
那個男生，暫稱他為Y先生，是她的鄰座，平時二人會互相問功課，她文科好，他理科好，因此才打開話題。他和大部分男同學一樣，小息時也會圍在一角，通常玩BS卡，或者約放學後打LOL。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhKGuYfERB
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKztVJXuGa
原本，二人一直不熟，林蓁對Y先生無感，畢竟她平常只和女生玩。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDu8OJLt5s
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPsj4YO1fO
直到，第一次她月經來潮，當時在上課，她只感到下體濕濕的，站起來後，則被後桌的男同學大聲說：270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6BZ5qfRmI
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQsaa9qowS
「你條裙有血！」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xLH2hpcJA
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5kyfIMIMm8
白色的校裙上有一撻小小的跡，還未凝固結塊，像一朵剛開的花。然後，其他人也跟著起哄。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaE3J2ejQu
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhY5FBrHZwN
「大個女啦。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YdqsoVifm
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIViiybdD2M
「哎吔，快啲坐返低。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSkHIy6QhH
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpawwE8MMrS
「去廁所清理吓。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJQzV8BDTe
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40WeXK34kM
她腦袋一片空白，無法反應，對於自己竟對月經不知所措——更加不知所措。她沒有郁動，等到Y先生脫下毛衣，圍在她腰上，遮住裙子。他拍一拍她，著她去洗手間。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFepSfjVKeW
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkJ7k4vYuj
自從這一次，她就感到自己好像喜歡了Y先生。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9aT7Hh99D
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ14PgnLCZj
當時心思單純，對一個人有意，就寫在臉上，明明晃晃，無遮無掩。Y先生的笑話不一定好笑，但她一定會笑，而且是盡力地笑，咧開嘴角便見不夠整齊的牙，還會嬌嬌地眉眼彎彎。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdU6PeFWEfw
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYP6115SVaE
早上，她先到校，便自願替他到儲物櫃拿當日要用的書。一年一度的社際運動比賽，她會買飲品、小食給他。總在製造偶遇機會，遲他幾秒出課室去洗手間，然後假裝在路上一同回程，碰見，傾多兩嘴。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujQiskglfh
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkqMCV7UXN
好友說她的心意很明顯，她沒有說什麼，只是怯怯地睜大眼，再四處張望，確定身邊沒有人聽見這段對話。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCn2LlYAEV
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHhn0A482x
終於，有一天，放學後，她知道Y先生會留在課室，便打算一起坐在座位上靜靜溫習。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohFxkIygGz
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvty68o5sRj
但到她折返課室，聽見他和同學的對話——270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EJcVO9F5G
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZI8J4dkBxv
「林蓁係咪同你有路？好殷勤喎。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1s61YMhVV
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysnoCE1Lzh
「咪係囉，又睇你比賽，又送水又送糧！」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90OA2H3IQM
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkSG1VB4Vy
「仲有啲眼神好痴纏，一唔講嘢就笑住咁望你。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGZAKCKcLV
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBp7B35Jwbj
「咦～實係有嘢啦。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ifMcV5Hvn
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xQz4OJmpB
她聽見，竟然有點開心。理論上，她在暗戀，可是愛一個人至世上無人知曉，卻是委屈的。她更加期待Y先生的反應。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrV9KbYrzT
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJ1Nu5EDoY
只聽見他說：270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLVPi2j5rO
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hV4p92jGE
「吓！咪玩啦，豬扒嚟，我先唔會鍾意佢。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY29vumFKpW
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeitWiXzH5
林蓁心下一沉。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3v5MqjloS
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPmpGYEkbD
「你哋幾親㗎喎。」同學說。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk12B0VdNku
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbHd6Q1Zaa
她又想，會不會是他口硬？270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1DmfSSmM2
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfTwx5p8xS
「佢係都要痴埋嚟咋嘛，呢啲豬閪，我鍾意佢就真係柒頭啦。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVavn3G5B3
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6ZArL6qbb
「哇！睇嚟你係柒頭！」同學說。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡim9FoKRVm1
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4Jr6MA20A
「咪再講，再聽到佢個名我要洗耳。戇鳩，我無可能鍾意佢，寧願打一世飛機。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv06aT79xde
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVHQpgB0bg
「好過去自瀆啦。」同學說。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtrfjLN9L0
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzooquxmJxD
林蓁和那天月經來潮一樣，無法動彈，臉上也不能反應任何表情。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrpRXf4Jdl
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqK7cX7a1Q
最後，她站了一會兒，轉身離去。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYrLNd5mmL
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/270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1I1q3PObc7
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrB1PclQz4Q
翌日，林蓁確實去了買燈泡，但沒有回家。讓父親一人多留在家一天吧——彷彿是一種小小的報復，偏偏只懂得在這些小事上用力。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFKWbYtXcz
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFRf3F2urD
她去見了周立沖。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXfYTmyJmj
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEFhY5uRIt
一見面，他便說：「今晚不如我煮，你想食咩？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeXFVxsTMr
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxTWu6FaAB
三年前，二人一起，他也常常為她下廚。他這樣說，令她感到二人又回到從前戀愛時。不知道為何，世間男子千千萬，而她明知他不必然是良人，卻在他回來時洶湧澎湃，難以自控地傾瀉。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSM95kUVjlZ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoMwj5eGrZ
「無所謂。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdj6ftjXco
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHY5aeJNBdX
她說「無所謂」，是真的無所謂，並非心裡還有其他盤算，希望別人猜中她未講的話語。畢竟她只需將食物放進口便能填飽肚子，有什麼好要求更多；何況，有人願意煮飯——她已經很久沒有吃過住家飯，對上一次，又是他煮。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOFF2d59hk
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrmXQvlpQT
家裡沒有飯吃。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyqiNgUnAf
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAoBTG2hYM
「都知你又會話無所謂，咁我話事啦。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMDtRQ5gpH
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdG5ngrbbZ
「你煮咩我都食。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcGtDgnCsR
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDoRNWvyLV
「傻瓜。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4e0D2CZAHq
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBH3qWxsYCR
他摸摸她的頭。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuGqJw8G9g
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTpFVLL16A
每次，她都對他的溫柔心動，最初，還會不懂反應，但後來便習慣，臉色自如。能夠和他走到今天這一步，她還求什麼。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHLSA3wANn
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUz2zcB45D
如果真的有辛苦的時候，也是她自尋的——270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTj4vWuelg
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LWcJ98YR2
譬如，她是因為喜歡他，才會無法離開這段關係；但他不是，若然情傷已癒，哪需異性的溫柔。他若真的喜歡她，最初又怎會捨棄，或者，現在又怎會回來，由她療傷。可是，即使已有清晰認知，她總想到：反正，青春也是要浪費的，除了自身可以發展的事，感情上，不是花在這個人身上，就是另一個人，倒不如，在遇見更喜歡的人之前，將愛傾瀉到他身上。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnkuTlrjaKU
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6Ph4jOmxr
「快啲煮嘢啦，我好肚餓，嘻嘻。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxv3zzE3asm
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJR6GSqHLzB
「不如食咗我先。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7Xs1uwzse
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXMWOArLP5
「唔要你，成身臭汗。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJhOqQI6nf
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtge8yKsFxJ
可是她又要偽裝成，其實不是非他不可。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOW4IpeQ9D
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUqsDphkrI
愛時時談論「無論如何」，而她的便是：喜歡他，不過又允諾他隨時離開。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGQcfzZYGq
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjhbKPFGAT
她日夜恍神，反覆在腦海練習有一天，他會遇見愛人或是靈魂伴侶之類的東西，她故作鎮定地點點頭、應應嘴，又有一把畫外音著她好好管理顫抖的臉，不要露出濕潤的聲息。久而久之，她便以為，自己已被好好訓練過，可以接受悲痛的離散。連夢也時時出現他，再時時失落。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8fMBaROlC
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdHDNJ4bR7
不過，幸好，現在他在。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOQDkmctSE
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHS3rIPSZ6
心聲太吵鬧，她只能確保自己不要突然發瘋，苛求堅定地被愛。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCK3Pa1rQw
