- You guys saw how I totally destroyed Mr. Solomon, right? Said Marty as we all sat at our table in the eating area.
- Yeah, we saw… Said Art, tired of hearing Marty brag for the past 10 minutes.
- You’re the one to be exasperated, Art, Mr. Solomon destroyed you.
- I think destruction is an overstatement…
- Destroyed.
- Okay, Marty. Said Art, rolling his eyes, giving in to Marty’s childish behavior.
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Marty has been speaking proudly of his accomplishment with Mr. Solomon ever since we sat down. The confident shine in his eye never left as me, Art, Jo and Simon listened to him, partly-attentive. It’s hard to pay complete attention to a man who keeps repeating “and then, i pretty much murdered him with my words”. I’d be surprised even hearing that sentence ever in my life, let alone nine times in the same conversation. Marty sighed contently.
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- I pretty much murdered him with my words. Said Marty, again.
- Uh-huh… he pretty much just got scared of your overly-disgusting personality… Said Simon with the slightest smile.
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We were all a little shocked that Simon would say that; he was often quiet and serious…but we laughed anyway.
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- I’m with Simon, on this one, Marty. Said Art.
- Okay, well, how dare you. Said Marty.
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They gave us a sandwich, this time, so for the first time in God knows how long, I chewed food. It was still awful; the bread was soggy and the ham was partly green…But at least I got to eat solid food. I wasn’t about to spend the rest of my life eating soup and oatmeal. Then again, there are worse fates, but, still… The general came into the room and yelled for everyone to quiet down.
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- Men, you’ve survived your first day of psychological training…If your brains are as advanced as your muscles, you better start dreading the physical training for when we arrive in Lampertheim, Hesse, Germany.
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That worried me a little; I didn’t make much of a good name for myself with Mr. Solomon. It wasn’t exactly my fault, I was just defending Art, but, who knows? Maybe he knows I was just defending a friend and he’ll reward me with a raise or something, like Marty. Although, everything Marty does leads him to a rare case. He’s the only one who could pull that off, probably. He's the only man who can waltz into a room full of soldiers and tell a soldier/teacher/whatever guy that he has his head up his ass and get away with it. Words can not express how much I envy his ability. Marty cleared his throat.
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- Luckily, I’m doing so much more than surviving; I’m thriving.
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Art rolled his eyes as Jo sighed. Simon just crossed his arms, clearly holding back a violent action.
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- Thriving, huh? Said Art.
- Yeah, why?
- Well, you might have done good today, but who knows if you’ll still be considered “heroic”tomorrow.
- Of course it will; it’s just my personality.
- Art’s right. Your bullshit might have gotten you an advantage today, but, tomorrow it might be considered bullshit again. Said Simon.
- You guys just can’t stand to see me happy, can you?
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No one said anything. No one was really sure how to respond to that. It was kind of true; Marty was annoying to say the least. I wasn’t sure how many people at that table wanted him to be happy. Jo, maybe… Me, a little… that’s it. I’m only kidding, though.
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- That’s what I thought, you jerks. Said Marty.
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I felt a hand on my shoulder. Startled, I turned around and noticed Rose-Mary, who was smiling at me.
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- Oh, hey Rose-Mary.
- Hi James, hi Art.
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Art waved at her with a smile. The others looked at her with a confused look. They didn’t know who she was.
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- This is Rose-Mary, she’s a nurse. I said.
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Everyone greeted her warmly, or I guess, as warmly as possible.
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- Clockwise, Rose-Mary, this is Marty, Jo, Simon and George.
- Hello, everyone. She said.
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There was a slightly awkward silence, as no one knew what to say. Rose-Mary glanced up at the clock that hung loosely on the wall. She squinted.
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- Dammit, my break’s over… Gotta go, bye!
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We all waved as she left. About ten seconds after she was no longer in sight at all, Marty looked at me and smiled ear to ear. But it wasn’t a good smile… I furrowed my eyebrows, slightly worried at the snarky remark that Marty was most-likely about to make. He decided to let me bathe in anxiety for a little while before finally opening his mouth to speak.
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- James, where’d you get a girl like that? He asked.
- I beg your pardon? I said, taken aback by the question.
- Rose-Mary? The girl you just introduced to us?
- What? No, Rose-Mary and I aren’t-
- Didn’t you see the way she looked at you? Said Marty.
- She what?
- James, don’t listen to him, he’s deranged. Said Art.
- I’m not deranged, I just want my friend to be happy.
- I am perfectly happy.
- But you’re lonely; you said you didn’t have a girl!
- Have you ever thought that maybe I don't want one?
- But that’s impossible; everyone wants a girl.
- Not me, bud.
- Why? What’s wrong with you?
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I immediately froze. That question often pondered my mind as well. A pang of guilt and regret entered my system. I quickly realized that it wasn’t any of that; I was insulted. I was insulted that someone would say that something was “wrong with me” because I wasn’t interested in women. I then got angry, even surprising myself at the emotion. Art noticed that I was getting a little upset and quickly stepped in.
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- Leave it alone, Marty, James doesn’t have to answer your stupid questions.
- I know, I just wanna know why he’s not interested in girls.
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I briefly imagined for a couple of seconds how my life would play out from here on if I had answered that with “because I’m a homosexual”.
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The whole table would go silent, even though it would feel like the entire room - no, the entire universe was silent. Marty was shocked, Jo was disgusted, Art was ashamed and Simon tried his best to repress a vomit in disgust. After all this time, they’d find it hard to believe that they’ve been rubbing elbows with someone like me. Art would be ashamed of what I said, because only an idiot would take pride in such a fault that they would feel at ease enough to say it outloud. My life would be completely and utterly ruined. They would then tell the general, who would throw me into the ocean.
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Funny how quick your thoughts can pass through in your head.
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I ‘came back to reality’, where everyone was looking at me, the pressure making me sink deeper into my seat. I looked out of place. I felt out of place. At a table full of heterosexuals, I was the odd one out. The homosexual. No matter how nice they were, how accepting, I would always be the odd one out. I knew I would never tell them, which meant that they’d never really know me, no matter what I did. I’m sure Art knew, he and I were…something. Not exactly a couple, I’m not even sure homosexuals can be in a couple, but we were definitely something. Maybe we’re just bored. Maybe we know we’ll never find a girl on this damned boat, so we found comfort in each other. Maybe he doesn’t love me, or maybe he does. He gave me a warm smile, though, conforming to the latter. Marty smiled another stupid ear-to-ear grin that meant he was about to spill something that none of us wanted to hear.
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- I see why you don’t want a girl; you’re in love with Art. He joked.
- That’s hilarious, Marty. Can’t you see how hard we are laughing, right now? Said Art in a monotone voice.
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I appreciate Art’s calmness, because I was about to break. I would never lie, and I wouldn’t know what to say if Art wasn’t there and said what he said. Another one of those ‘quick thoughts of what could have happened if I told them’ thoughts. I can’t remember it, despite it being eight nanoseconds ago, but I know for sure, without even remembering the fantasy, that it does not end well for neither me nor Art. Just as he decided to swallow down the nervousness that Marty had brought me by making the statement that he did, the general came back out.
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- Men, lunch is ending in ten minutes. After, you will all proceed to the deck and await further instructions.
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The general left. We ate in an awkward silence. I made eye contact with Jo who was previously staring down at his legs. He gave a small insincere smile. Marty and Jo; the strangest friendship I have ever come across. Marty was loud, confident, and slightly annoying, while Jo was small, frail, quiet and shy. A question that popped into my head quite a bit was why they were even friends to begin with. They were complete opposites. Then again, I realized that so were me and Art; I was shy and tall and weak, while he was short and strong and confident. In a way, we’re all similar and at the same time, we’re not. Maybe the more different we are the more interesting we become to one another. Does this attract two people? I shook my head slightly. This isn’t the time to conduct a goddamn study on the reactions of others toward people that are psychologically different from them. Maybe that could be my job once I get back from the war… if I get back from the war. Maybe I could write a book of some kind. Be the world’s greatest author of all time; better than William Shakespeare, better than John Steinbeck. I scoffed a little. Me, a writer! Writing is demanding and a mental challenge… Do I have the strength and patience for that?
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