I looked over at Art. Once again, he seemed deep in thought. He was always deep in thought. I’d like to know what’s going on in that brain of his… I observed him. Our meal still wasn’t over, but we had a little time left. Marty smiled and waved his hand in front of Art’s face over and over until the latter ‘woke up’ and returned to reality. He looked around, confused and unfocused.
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- What? What happened? he asked.
- Morning, sleeping beauty, said Marty.
Art looked down. He didn’t smile.
- Hey, are you okay? I asked softly.
- Yeah, I’m fine… I need to go to the bathroom.
- Don’t go too far… Eating time will probably be over soon, said Jo.
Art got up and left. After he was out of our eye range, I stood up too.
- Hey, where are you going? said Marty.
- I just… If you’ll excuse me for a minute… I’ll be right back.
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I went over to the bathroom. The amount of concern I feel for others is minor. The amount of people I’ve been around is even smaller. And the amount of good people I’ve been around is even smaller. I’ve never felt like this before… I need to know his every move, his every feeling… Not in a controlling way, I just really want him to be alright. To feel happy. I entered the bathroom and saw him at the sink, resting his head against his palms. The water was running. The bathroom was empty. I went over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. Startled, he jumped and turned around. His eyes regained their normal size, as he recognized me. He just looked down at his shoes and turned back around to the sink.
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- Are you okay? I asked.
- I’m fine.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
He paused.
- No.
- What happened? I asked.
- Nothing new… Just… You know, reminiscing.
- About what?
- Everything, really… my dad, my mom, my life, my-... You know what? Nevermind.124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9y2QEAWx9
He started walking away, but I stopped him.
- Hey, I said softly.
- Hey.
- What’s going on?
- I have a really shitty life, James. You don’t even know the half of it.
Our eyes met.
- But I want to.
- No, you don’t.
- Says who?
- Look, James, don’t listen to me, right now. I’m delusional. I was reminiscing, it clouded my mind, I feel sad now, and I’m spouting bullshit. Just… leave me alone.
- No.
- No?
- No. I said I loved you, and I’m not going to just walk away, when you’re clearly in pain.
- That’s very sweet, but-
- But…?
- But, I just need some alone time…
- Nonsense. Lunch is ending soon, so we’d better get back, anyway.
- Okay.
I started leaving but I noticed he wasn’t following me.
- You coming?
He glanced at the mirror and then back at the floor.
- Yeah…
He started walking. We arrived at the table, and everyone was just looking at us. As if we were the main event of some sort of show. I blinked a couple of times and sat down. Art said nothing as he stared at his legs with his jaw clenched. Marty laughed.
- Are you ladies done touching up your makeup? he teased.
A crashing sound was heard. Art had slammed his utensil on the table.
- God, Marty, do you ever shut the fuck up?! he exclaimed.
I was surprised. I had never seen such behavior from him. Jo avoided eye contact as he tried to erase the stunned look that was plastered on his face. Even Simon looked surprised. Marty was the most flabbergasted of them all. His permanent smile had disappeared.
- Gee, Art, I-I didn’t mean to offend you-
- Just shut up, said Simon.
Art didn’t say anything. He probably agreed with Simon, who had spoken for him. His hand was squeezed shut on the bench that led to the table. I was concerned about the sudden snapiness of his demeanor. He just observed his legs as he wouldn’t even speak a word. Everyone did the same, and all kept their mouths shut. I didn’t know what to say. Marty, still wide-eyed, stared at Art, who didn’t return the gaze. That was until he did. Art looked up, his eyes filled with anger, his jaw clenched and his eyebrows furrowed. Marty didn’t look away.
- Can you just fuck off?!
- Art, what’s going on? I finally asked.
- What do you care? he mumbled.
I squinted and grabbed his wrist, getting up.
- Excuse us for a moment, we have to go to the bathroom.
- Guys, lunch is ending real soon, the general’s gonna whoop your ass, said Marty.
- Good, said Art.
We walked to the bathroom. He never stopped looking at the ground. When we finally arrived, I checked to make sure that no one was around and that all the stalls were empty. I then turned to Art, who wasn’t looking back at me.
- What’s going on? I asked.
He didn’t answer.
- Art?
He looked up at me.
- I’ll tell you what’s ‘going on’, James. What’s ‘going on’, is that my life is a shitfest, my parents hate me and gaslight me every single day, I have a gaggle of whores waiting for me to come home from the war and not to mention, that I think I want to die in said war, and no one seems to care. No one seems to care that I have been pushed to my breaking point, that I’ve been following everyone around, listening to everyone like a little slave for my entire Goddamn life! And look where I am, now! Look where it got me! I spend my whole life like this, and the thanks I get is a fucking world war. It’s not fair! Since I was born, all I’ve been doing is shutting my mouth off to the side and smiling insincerely. ‘Being a good boy’, they called it. But that wasn’t it. It was control. They wanted control, and I was such a doormat, that I had to give it to them. I did everything God asked me to… And now what? This?! This can’t be it.
I looked down and then back up at him in confusion.
- I… I thought you said that you shouldn’t just smile off to the side and say nothing.
Art was almost ashamed, but he wasn’t. He crossed his arms and looked me in the eye.
- You really think I believe that? You really think I believe in politics, or beating up Nazis, or not being a follower? James, I don’t give a rat’s ass about any of that. God, I wouldn’t care if my country was blown to shreds by the commies, I don’t give a shit.
I was speechless. This whole time I thought he was someone, but he just wasn’t.
- Art, you lied to me?
Art looked down and uncrossed his arms. He then looked back up at me.
- You needed something to believe in, he said.
- So did you.
- You needed more than I did. I thought that…I thought that if I could convince you that this war isn’t for nothing, then maybe I could believe it too.
I looked down, still distraught about what he told me.
- James, listen, he started, I didn’t lie about anything else. I swear that I have only been telling you the truth.
He thought for a moment.
- You know when people say ‘I feel like I can be myself around you’?
I nodded.
- Well, that’s the good thing about you, I don’t have to be myself around you, and I really like not having to be myself. I really like not having to be Arthur T. Johnson.
- Why don’t you want to be Arthur T. Johnson? He’s a good guy…
- No, James, he’s a Goddamn r*tard! snapped Art.
- What?
- I’m r*tarded! I can’t learn, I don’t understand the things that normal people understand, I’m not normal, I’m not smart and I’m not good enough. My family can see what I am, my friends can see it too, and so can everyone else. That’s all I’ll ever be.
- You’re not a re-... you’re not what you called yourself, I said.
-Yes I am.
- Art! I said, grabbing his shoulders.
He just looked at me, his eyebrows slightly furrowed in confusion.
- You are so smart and you understand everything that you’re supposed to. You’re very inteligent, and you’re more than good enough. If your family is seeing a r*tard when they look at you, then they’re the ones who aren’t seeing you right.
Art smiled a little and looked at the ground.
- Thanks. I’m sorry about this…A war can really get to a man…
- It’s been two days, I laughed.
- A two-day war can really get to a man.
- You’re telling me…
I didn’t get it. What I didn’t know until now, was that Art was a much more secretive person than I thought. The open book I thought I was reading was really just the table of contents. A table of contents that was all made up of a lie. And the rest of that book was locked. I didn’t think he’d be that way… This whole time I thought something, but it wasn’t true. It’s not like I lost much, we haven’t even known each other for that long, but it was still strange… Art and I went back to the cafeteria and everyone was inevitably staring at us. Art didn’t smile, he looked quite somber, actually. We finished our meals, awaiting instructions, but not ever sharing a single word.124Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVREVxcIi0L
