Sans, Glen, and Fuku returned to the Warehouse office the next day to find a familiar face waiting for them along with Agents Artie, Claudia, and Jinx. The sight of himself in a nice suit was strange, but Sans couldn't help but think it was a good look for him. A shame about the fedora, though.
"Look at that handsome devil." Agent Sans said with a grin. "You weren't kidding, Claudia; almost a dead-ringer for me."
"Almost?" Sans said, giving his doppleganger an odd look.
"All right, all right." Artie said before Agent Sans could respond. "Myka and Pete called this morning. They should be at the address you gave us any-"
A loud buzz emanated from the device Glen had told Sans and Fuku was known as a 'Farnsworth'. Nodding, Artie flipped open the cover and said, "Pete?"
"Yeah, we're at the antique shop now. Not sure what we're looking for."
"Like I said, third shelf to the right of the register, second shelf up from the ground to the right of an old cheese grater-looking thing." Glen said.
"Uh, right." A few moments passed before Pete said, "It's one of those tin-monkey things with cymbals."
Glen rolled her eyes. "Your other right, genius."
"Oh, uh … right." There was a loud zap followed by a yelp of pain.
"There it is." Glen said with a satisfied smile.
Pete returned to the little round screen of the Farnsworth, now holding an old dust-covered colander in his purple-gloved hand.
"There you go. Marjorie Husted's colander." Glen said.
"Marjorie Husted?" Said Myka, her face moving into the screen. "She helped develop the Betty Crocker character."
"Ooh!" Pete said, clapping his hands together. "Please tell me this artifact makes cakes."
Chuckling, Glen said, "Not quite. Marjorie hated the idea of women being influenced by the media into being domestic slaves. When she was told to make an icon that did just that, she was … not thrilled. The colander stops the user from being influenced by outside forces, in particular telepathic manipulation."
"And the downside?" Claudia asked.
"Uh, the holder will eventually fall into a catatonic state, unable to be influenced by anything else. It's a lot stronger when worn on the head." Glen caught the odd glances this revelation sent her way and quickly added, "Long story. The point is, I've got more addresses; dozens of artifacts just sitting on shelves not hurting anyone. All you have to do is go and pick them up before they ruin the world's day. The original Rubik's cube, Binney and Smith's crayons, Ole Kirk Christiansen's first Legos … might want to get on that last one quick, or Moose Lake's gonna undergo some serious restructuring."
"All right, all right." Artie said, rising to his feet. "What do you want in exchange?"
"Help. I need to find the source of the ichor, I need to find something to replace the soul of a bossun turned into a flower, I need a way to stop Error whenever he shows up again, and I need both the crystal with the imprint of this rune," Glen lifted her hand, showing the partial Inverse Harmonius on the back of her hand. "And a way to find the actual fragment itself."
A long moment of silence followed, after which Claudia shrugged and said, "Oh, is that all?"
Glen chuckled, though Sans was sure he could detect a hint of nervousness in the normally carefree Dreamer's voice. "I know it's a lot to ask, but this is the Warehouse, a place of Endless wonder; there are incredible things here, amazing things that could help. Yes, I know it's dangerous to use artifacts, and I'm not suggesting anything rash; I also know that Missus D-er, Claudia is very good at finding unusual ways to combine artifacts, maybe we can make a sort of homing sensor to find the inverse shard. If nothing else, I need help finding the crystal with the imprint. If you want us gone at that point, we'll leave. Still … I could really use your help.
Glen let out a deep breath. Sans had the feeling she'd rehearsed that little speech a few times during the previous night. If so, it was apparently well worth the effort; Artie, Claudia, and Agent Sans seemed to be on the fence.
"Very well."
Artie spun about, a hand quickly going to his chest when he saw Missus Dreemurr standing directly behind him.
Either not noticing or choosing to ignore Artie's response, Missus Dreemurr approached Glen and said, "You and your friends will be given freelance status. While you are here, you will be expected to follow Warehouse rules and protocols, especially regarding the secrecy of the Warehouse. Your first assignment will be ascertaining the nature of the substance you call ichor."
"Understood." Glen pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to Missus Dreemurr. "Here's the first list of artifacts. I'll have another by the time I reach Bright Falls."
"You mean we, right?" Sans said, raising an eye-ridge at Glen.
"No, I mean me." Glen said. "I'm immune to the ichor, remember?"
Sans didn't reply, though he did give Glen a very slight nod of appreciation.
"Nevertheless," Missus Dreemurr said, "You will take Agents Donovan, Sans, and Jinx with you, Missus Adams."
"Fair enough." Glen said. "Sans, you and Fuku work with the rest of the Warehouse on finding that imprint; track its resonance or it's flux, or I don't know; just find it. Er, please."
"And if we find Error?" Fuku asked.
"You probably won't." Glen put her arm around Jinx and Claudia, saying, "He'll likely come after us. After I'll, I'm the source of the bond; he'll have to take me out if he wants to jump dimensions."
"Lucky us." Jinx said with no enthusiasm.
Glen clapped Jinx on the back with a laugh. "Come on; we got a bit of a drive ahead of us, eh?"
"Shotgun on the radio." Claudia said just a second faster than Jinx as they followed Glen and Agent Sans out of the office. It was about that time Sans realized that Missus Dreemurr was gone again. It made him shudder a little; even shortcuts left a ripple in reality; the caretaker of the warehouse seemed to simply vanish without a trace, magical or physical.
"All right." Artie said, turning to Sans and Fuku, "First things first; I need your help getting Mel Blanc's Anvil back on the shelf."
(Author's Note: In future edits, the preceding section will be moved to the end of the previous chapter; it just feels like a better stopping point, as well as being a clear separation point, showing Glen, Claudia, Agent Sans and Jinx going to Bright Falls while LastSans, FellFuku, Artie, and Agent Papyrus deal with … well, you'll see.)
Putting the anvil back where it belonged was a simple enough task, as it was weightless as long as it was being gripped by at least one hand. What followed, however, was vastly more interesting.
Warehouse thirteen was the latest in a series of warehouses to contain anomalous artifacts, the previous twelve having been destroyed in one manner or another over the years. The previous Warehouse had been in England, but moved as a result of the Blitzkrieg (Sans found Artie's wording of this rather strange; not 'they moved the warehouse' but 'the warehouse moved).
About this time, the Underground was freed by the efforts of a little orphan girl named Frisk. It was during the influx of monsters returning to the surface that the Warehouse made its decision to move to the subterranean caves of the Underground. Toriel, the guardian of little Frisk, was chosen as the new caretaker, a task she did well after Frisk grew up, had a family of her own, and eventually passed away peacefully in her sleep after a long and full life. The barrier, once the source of all the Underground's ills, now protected the world from the dangerous things kept in the caverns.
The vaults of the Warehouse now encompased the entirety of the Underground, utilizing the environments to better contain some of the more unruly artifacts. The offices and the normal-looking parts of the Warehouse were really just the tip of the iceburg, situated in what had once been Dreemurr Palace. Once they left the shelves of the former castle, Sans found himself staring out over what had once been New Home. The buildings were gone, replaced with shelf after shelf loaded with all manner of artifacts.
Snowden, Waterfall, Hotland, and even Old Home were now host to the Warehouse's grand collection of bizarre objects. Perhaps this was why Sans was so surprised to see the house he and Papyrus lived in (or at least the one from the Warehouse Underground dimension) standing amid the stacks as though it belonged there.
"Huh." He said, his skeletal hands holding the rail of the slow-moving cart. "I guess some things never change."
Artie followed his gaze and nodded. "Ah. Yeah, there are still a few houses down here. Quite a few monster agents work here; most just maintain the artifacts in their section; upkeep around here can get rather bizarre."
"I'd imagine so." Fuku said. "This much magic must get unruly."
"Unruly is putting it lightly." Artie said, "And that's just the artifacts that are magical in nature; most of this stuff is strange all on its own. That's why we go to such great lengths to snag, bag, and tag anything that might ruin the world's day."
"Whoa," Sans said, "Are you saying there's stuff here that could end the world?"
"Oh, yes." Artie said, "Ten-times over. Some of these artifacts do some pretty gruesome things. Here, at least, they're safe."
"So where does this stuff come from?" Sans asked. "I mean, if magic's only some of it, what makes the rest of it so volatile?"
"That, my friend, is the million dollar question." Artie said as he turned the vehicle back to the office. "What makes some old piece of junk have the ability to make someone as strong as a superhero? Or allows them to walk in someone else's dreams? Or produces a sound that induces a sense of pure happiness? If you're asking for some kind of unifying theme, let me save you some trouble: There isn't one."
Sans wasn't sure what to think of that. His own admittedly strong magical ability always made him feel like he had an answer for everything. Knowing that there were mysteries beyond magic, beyond anything he'd seen since stumbling into Glen and getting pulled along on her bizarre adventure was a little daunting.
He nearly jumped at the touch of Fuku's hand on his.
"S-sorry." He said, blushing and rubbing the back of his head. "Just got a little lost in thought, that's all. Too many thoughts rattling in my skull."
"I know the feeling." She said.
Artie drove the strange vehicle to what Sans was tickled to recognize as Grillby's. His joy was only slightly diminished when he found the inside had been converted into a field office.
"All right." Artie said, sitting down at the main console. "Given that you two showed up so soon after I caught your friend Glen eating my cookies, I'm guessing you arrived at the same time."
He brought up what appeared to be a map of the Underground. "All right." He said, "Glen claimed she appeared in my office. You two were near Mel Blanc's anvil, and Agent Papyrus found the other Papyrus just outside the Warehouse entrance."
Artie stopped typing and glanced at Sans with a curious expression. "Where is your Papyrus?"
"My Papyrus is a pile of ash in my home dimension." Sans said with a forced chuckle. "UNDR-Ground's Papyrus is back at the Bed and Breakfast."
"He doesn't want to help?"
"Oh, I'm sure he does." Sans said, "But him being here was an accident. I mean, it's the same with us, but Fuku's from the Underfell dimension, and I'm the last survivor from mine; we're used to trouble. We'd rather keep Papyrus safely out of all this until we can get him back home."
There was definite understanding in Artie's eyes as he said, "Gotcha. Well, I'm sure Leena could use the help."
He turned his attention back to the map, finally adding a red dot to signify where UNDR-Ground Papyrus was found. This left four dots on the screen in no obvious pattern.
"Could make a funny triangle." Fuku said doubtfully.
"That's a bit obtuse, Fuku."
She stuck her bright tongue at Sans. "Real acute, Sans."
"Geometry jokes." Artie said with a grimace. "Funny."
Chuckling, Sans looked at the screen again. "Hmm. Okay, so not a straight line, not a curved line, and not a triangle … so how about a circle?"
Artie quickly made a circle appear on the screen that connected all the current dots. "Okay, so we'll just cross reference this with the local sensor grid, see if anything in that area picked up any more arrivals."
"Wouldn't something like that have triggered your alarms?"
"Not necessarily." Artie said, "Artifacts can be a bit … unpredictable. Our normal alarms didn't pick up either of you arriving, after all. Could be interference from whatever you used to punch a hole in reality or …"
A few green dots popped up on the screen, all on or near the circle. Each dot was followed by the letters 'AD'.
"Or that." Artie said glumly.
"AD?" Fuku asked.
"Artifact disturbed." Artie said, bringing up a list. "It means someone's been redecorating."
"Your systems didn't see this before?" Sans asked.
"It just happened." Artie paused before continuing, "These artifacts are on the Aesop aisle."
"As in Aesop's Fables?" Fuku caught Sans's curious look and shrugged. "I've been reading a lot of human folklore … you know, for the book I'm writing."
"Yes." Artie said, pulling out his farnsworth. "Well, presumably; I wasn't around two-thousand years to see him personally."
The screen flickered to life a few moments later, revealing Papyrus's usual grin.
"Ah, Artie!" Agent Papyrus said, "How are our new friends getting along?"
"They're fine." Artie said quickly. "Pap, are you near the office?"
"In fact I am in the office. I was just finishing my report on-"
"We might have an intruder on the Aesop aisle."
"Indeed? Then I shall go and detain him!"
"No!" Sans said, shoulder past Artie. "He's dangerous, Paps; he shoots out these string-like things that can grab your soul and take control of you."
"Oh, Sans … er, other Sans … you worry too much! I'm a fully trained agent."
"Still," Artie said, "Better safe than sorry. Get a description of the intruder and report back as soon as you can."
"Can do, Artie!"
Closing his farnsworth, Artie asked, "Just how worried should we be?"
"Error seemed pretty sure about knowing how to destroy an entire reality." Sans said, an uneasy feeling in his ribs. "We stopped him at the Core in the UNDR-Ground … barely."
Sans paused, unsure whether he should explain the true nature of the Core before shaking his head and saying, "If he figures this place out, he won't need the core."
"Then come on!" Artie said before heading toward the door.
"Hang on." Sans said, taking Fuku's hand and reaching his other hand out to Artie. "I've got a faster way."
They reappeared right where Sans and Fuku arrived, right beside the shelf that once again held Mel Blanc's Anvil.
"We're … but how …" Shaking his head, Artie said, "Later. This way!"
They ran through the rows of shelves as the sounds of commotion grew louder. Still, it didn't take them long to reach the Aesop aisle.
Decorated with a definite Greek motif featuring lots of pillars and ivory. Amid all the steel shelving, it looked odd … though in truth, no stranger than some of the other aisles they'd passed. Sans could've sworn one of them was snowing, an impressive feat for a warehouse aisle in New Home.
The source of the commotion became clear all too soon; every pillar had a growth of what Sans mistook for ivies. In truth, they were grapevines, or rather they were all the same grapevine. It wasn't the grapevines that held the glitching form of Error, however, but what appeared to be a normal hemp rope, slightly chewed in some places. A metal ring in the center of the plinth that formerly held the rope prevented Error from escaping. Even stranger, Sans could see that the rope was moving of it's own accord, slowly moving up his arm and around his shoulder the harder Error tried to escape.
Sans moved forward only for Archie to hold him back. "That's Aesop's rope."
"His rope?" Fuku asked, frowning.
"Supposedly the same rope from the trap that caught the lion in 'The Lion and the Mouse'. This could work you our advantage. Listen, can you keep him busy while I go grab my bag?"
"Your bag?" Sans asked.
"Yes, my bag. I've got some handy artifacts stored in there for tight situations, including something I think might just keep your glitchy doppleganger from destroying any more universes. To the office and back, five mintues … er, ten minutes, tops."
Artie left without another word. Exchanging glances with Fuku, Sans shrugged and carefully approached Error.
"Hey there, buddy!" Sans called out, ready to throw himself behind a pillar if necessary.
Error turned and fixed Sans with a glare. "You! What did … you do to me?"
"Don't know what you're talkin' about." Sans said, putting his hands in his pockets.
"Don't lie to me!" Error snarled, still tugging at his ensnared arm. He shot a blue thread at Sans, but Sans was ready and dodged it easly.
"Problem?" Sans said.
Error glowered at him before tugging at the rope again. It was slipping down his leg now as well.
"So I'm guessing you can't shortcut outta here, huh?" Sans said, already guessing the answer. "Gonna be tough to destroy any realities when you're all tied up here."
"Laugh all you want." Error hissed. "This won't hold me forever."
"Maybe not, but it does give us time to have a little heart-to-heart." Sans said.
Error's gaze went to Fuku, who was walking cautiously behind Sans. Snorting, Error said, "And you, I'll snuff you and your parents out like stubborn birthday candles. I've done it before, you know."
Cheeks glowing brightly, Fuku took a step forward only for Sans to stop her.
"He just wants you to try burning that rope away, sweetie." Sans said. "Catch you all hot-headed and make you free him. Best let him sit there."
Fuku lowered her hand, though she continued to look daggers at the glitching skeleton.
"Easy." Sans said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "He's stuck here. Look at him."
Error's eyes went down to the rope, which was starting to bind his legs together. "It won't stop be forever."
"Doesn't have to stop you forever, bro." Sans said. "Just has to stop you long enough us to figure out what to do with you."
Error sent a dozen threads toward Sans, but even the threads seemed to get caught in the rope, eventually doubling back on Error.
"Of course, if you can tell me why you've decided its your job to destroy everything …"
"Because these other realities shouldn't exist!" Error snarled. "They're abominations!"
"Why?" Sans asked with a shrug. "What makes them so wrong? You may be psycotic, but deep inside I think there's still a little of me left in you. We may be lazy, but all these different realities … aren't they cool?"822Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29JqtkB34M
Sans gestured to the pillar-lined shelves. "I mean, look at this place. Glen says it exists in her reality, but here it's been fused with the Underground. Or take the UNDR-Ground, where our people made Ebott into a media sensation with our own shows and movies. Even Underfell, as bad as it was … wasn't it just a little interesting to see how things could've been different?"
"You're an idiot." Error said, eyes flashing. "You've been corrupted by that … that …"
Error's eyes widened. "Glen … that human woman you were with. It's her, isn't it? She did something to me."
Before Sans could respond, Error let out an angry shriek. A Gaster Blaster, the normally white bone now as glitchy as Error himself, appeared above the trapped skeleton and fired.
Sans shielded his eyes from the blast. When the warping lights faded, he looked up to see Error floating over the remains of a pillar, the ends of Aesop's rope still trailing from one hand.
"Where is she?" Error said, raising his hand to command the Gaster Blaster to fire again, this time at Sans and Fuku.
A blast of electricty caught Error from the side, knocking him across the aisle and into one of the pillars with a sickening crack. Sans and Fuku turned to see Artie, a strange gun in his hand as he hurried toward them.
"C'mon." Artie said, grabbing one of the fallen skeleton's arms. "This won't keep him down long, and I've got an idea how to hold him."
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