It was time to pick Meg up from college. Rose was asleep on the living room couch, giving Lois the chance to set up Meg’s bed just the way she had left it. Meanwhile, Peter headed out to pick Meg up.
An hour later, Peter and Meg returned home, carrying Meg's clothes for the weekend. As they walked through the door, Jeremy greeted her warmly.
"Hi, Meg. It's awesome to finally meet you in person," Jeremy said with a smile.
Meg smiled back. "Nice to meet you too."
Rose, now awake and sitting up on the couch, turned to Jeremy. "Hey, Jeremy, I was trying to explain MLA formatting to Meg earlier, but I don’t really get all that computer stuff. It’s the one with the sources and numbers, right?"
Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, MLA formatting is pretty straightforward once you get the hang of it. You cite your source with a number in the text, and then you create an indented entry for each number that lists the full details of the source."
He paused for a moment, then gave an example. "For instance, say Meg’s writing about AI, and her first source is the HuggingFace website. Her entry would look like this:
- HuggingFace, www.huggingface.com."
Rose frowned slightly but nodded. "Okay, that doesn’t sound too bad. But I’m not sure I can explain that to her in a way that makes sense."
Jeremy chuckled. "That’s okay. I can show her how it works. Most word processors, like Microsoft Word, have a tool for it. It’s under the 'Insert' tab—there’s an option called 'Cite Source' that can do the formatting automatically."
Rose’s eyes lit up. "Oh, that’s handy! You’re definitely the better person to teach her, then."
Lois entered the room, overhearing the conversation. "Jeremy, that’s a great idea. Helping Meg with her papers might be a good way to get you writing again. What do you think?"
Jeremy hesitated, then gave a small smile. "Yeah... maybe. It could be worth a try."
Peter, standing off to the side with one of Meg’s bags, chimed in with a grin. "Or you could just write a story about a guy who eats so many waffles, he becomes the king of Waffletown! Now that’s a bestseller waiting to happen!"
Lois rolled her eyes. "Peter, please." She turned back to Jeremy. "Just focus on helping Meg for now. We can save the waffle stories for later."
Jeremy laughed softly, feeling a faint spark of hope. Maybe helping Meg was exactly what he needed to get back on track.
"Before we get started on your homework, we need to gather everyone together," Jeremy announced. "You all need to say three nice things about each other."
Lois raised an eyebrow but called upstairs. "Chris! Come down here, please!"
As everyone gathered in the living room, Jeremy stood in the center, looking around at the family. "It’s no wonder you guys have so many issues," he began. "There’s so much negativity in this house. When one of you messes something up, you all jump on the bandwagon and go after that person until they’re left crying. That’s not how a family should work."
Lois sighed, lowering her head. "He’s right. We do have a bad habit of piling on when someone makes a mistake. And it’s not healthy. We need to stop it."
Jeremy nodded. "Exactly. So, here’s the plan: we’re going to go around the room, and everyone needs to say three good things about each other. Let’s start with Meg."
Chris went first. He turned to his sister, fumbling for words. "Uh, Meg, you’re way more organized than I am. You’re smarter than me, too. And... I think you could still do YouTube if you picked a different subject to stream about."
Meg looked surprised but smiled. "Thanks, Chris."
Lois followed. "Meg, your handwriting is absolutely immaculate. You take great care of your belongings, and I’m really proud of how well you manage living with diabetes."
Meg’s cheeks flushed as she nodded. "Thanks, Mom."
Peter scratched his head, thinking hard. "Meg, you’re super creative. I wish I’d had as many friends as you do when I was your age. And, uh... you’re always so upbeat, no matter what’s going on. That’s something special."
Meg’s smile grew wider. "Thanks, Dad."
Brian chimed in next. "Meg, you’re incredibly intelligent. You’re resourceful, and I truly believe you’ve got what it takes to graduate from college."
"Wow, Brian. That means a lot," Meg said softly.
Finally, Stewie spoke up, folding his arms as he looked at her. "Meg, you always took excellent care of me when you babysat. You were attentive, and you never slacked off. Honestly, you’d make a great mother someday."
Meg blinked in surprise, clearly touched. "Thank you, Stewie."
Jeremy smiled at the family. "See? That wasn’t so hard. Now, imagine if you focused on saying things like this more often instead of tearing each other down."
Lois nodded, looking thoughtful. "You’re right, Jeremy. We need to do better as a family."
Peter clapped his hands together. "All right! Who’s next? I’ve got plenty of good things to say about myself!"
Everyone groaned, and the room filled with laughter—a small but meaningful step forward for the Griffin family.
Jeremy clapped his hands. "All right, next up is Chris. Let’s hear three nice things about him."
Meg went first, smiling at her brother. "Chris, you’re a good artist. You’re great with computers, and... you have more friends than I do."
Chris grinned. "Thanks, Meg."
Lois spoke next. "Chris, you are very smart, even if it’s not the book-smart kind. You’re also great with computers, and if you applied yourself in school, I know you could get better grades. We just want you to have the best life possible."
Chris nodded. "Thanks, Mom."
Peter leaned forward, thinking. "Chris, you’ve beaten me at both video games and sports, which is pretty impressive. Even when you don’t understand your homework, you always try your best. Oh, and you always look dapper in that hat."
Chris chuckled. "Thanks, Dad."
Brian chimed in. "Chris, you’re capable of so much more than you think. I really think you should try your hand at other artistic endeavors, and honestly, I think you’d be great at game design."
Chris looked around at his family, his face lighting up. "Wow, thanks, everyone. I really appreciate it."
Jeremy nodded approvingly. "Great job, guys. All right, it’s Stewie’s turn now."
Brian started, turning to Stewie. "Stewie, you’re a good kid, and you’re smart enough to do anything you set your mind to. Just make sure you use your big brain for good, not evil."
Lois followed. "Stewie, you always clean your room without me having to ask, you take such good care of Rupert, and you’re incredibly intelligent."
Peter shifted awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. "Uh, Stewie, I know I’ve done some... questionable things, like hiding you in my pants to make it look like I had a bigger manhood or... well, that whole traumatizing breastfeeding incident. But despite all that, you’re Daddy’s little man. I love you to pieces, and you’re awesome."
Meg smiled warmly at her baby brother. "Stewie, you’re very thoughtful. You’ve always treated me kindly, and you’re so smart."
Chris grinned. "Stewie, you’re super smart, and you helped me get dressed for my date with Helen, even though that didn’t work out the way I hoped. You’ll always be my little bro. You’re awesome."
Stewie, looking slightly embarrassed but touched, cleared his throat. "Well, I suppose I’ll accept your compliments. It’s about time you all recognized my genius."
The room filled with light laughter as Jeremy smiled. "See? A little positivity goes a long way. You’re all doing great. Let’s keep it up."
Jeremy nodded, smiling. "All right, Bryan, it’s your turn."
Stewie started, glancing at Bryan. "Bryan, you and I have been to places and times that others can only dream of, across dimensions and realities. Through it all, there’s no other travel partner I’d rather have by my side."
Bryan smirked. "Thanks, Stewie."
Lois spoke next, her voice warm but firm. "Bryan, you are very intelligent. When Jeremy came along, you encountered a perspective you couldn’t argue against—his testimony. I’m glad you’ve come to see that it’s not okay to downplay religion, and I respect the growth I’ve seen in you."
Peter scratched his head, then grinned. "Bryan, sometimes you drive me up the wall, but you’re my pal. You’re wise, and you’ve got more book smarts than anyone else I know."
Meg shifted in her seat, looking at Bryan. "Bryan, I know I’ve done some crappy things to you in the past, but through it all, you’ve been loyal. I appreciate that. And honestly, you’re one of the few people I’ve ever felt like I could really talk to."
Chris nodded. "Bryan, we don’t always see eye to eye, but I’ve gotta say, you’ve got some serious writing chops. You could write another novel if you wanted to. I also think you and Jeremy could learn a lot from each other’s experiences."
Bryan looked around at the family, his usual sarcasm softened. "Wow, thanks, everyone. That means a lot."
Jeremy smiled. "Great job. Now it’s Lois’s turn."
Meg spoke first, looking at her mom. "Mom, you’re awesome. You’ve let my friends come over even when you didn’t have to. You could’ve told me to keep them as school friends, but you didn’t. I know I’ve given you grief about how I’ve been treated sometimes, but you’ve been way nicer to me than I deserved for how I acted."
Lois reached out to squeeze Meg’s hand. "Thank you, Meg."
Peter cleared his throat, his voice softer than usual. "Lois, I know I mess up a lot. I know I act like a fool, and I’m not the smartest guy. But I love you. You’re beautiful, you’re sweet, and you will always be the love of my life."
Bryan lowered his head, his voice uncharacteristically sincere. "Lois, I want to apologize for all the times I’ve come on to you. You and Peter gave me a home, and I let my... impulses do the talking instead of my brain. I promise I won’t do that again."
Chris looked up at Lois with a shy smile. "Mom, like Dad said, you’re beautiful. You’re also an amazing mom. I couldn’t ask for better."
Finally, Stewie chimed in, looking slightly embarrassed. "Mom, I know I’ve, uh, tried to commit matricide in the past, but... I’m sorry for that. You’re cool, you’re smart, and I, uh, appreciate you."
Lois chuckled, wiping her eyes. "Thank you, everyone. That means more to me than I can say."
Here's a cleaned-up version of the scene, keeping the original tone and intent intact:
Jeremy smiled. "Okay, it’s Peter’s turn. Let’s hear what everyone has to say about him."
Lois started, taking a deep breath. "Peter, you do things that drive me up the wall sometimes, and I know I’ve hurt you because of it. That’s no way to be, and I’m sorry for those moments. From now on, I won’t let Daddy treat you with disrespect either. You’re a provider for our home. Yes, you’ve done some dumb things, but you’ve been doing really well lately. You’ve also shown me that, despite everything, you’ve always kept your faith in me, even when I didn’t deserve it. And for that, I’m grateful."
Peter looked at Lois, his eyes glistening. "Thanks, Lois. That means a lot."
Jeremy grinned. "Nice, that’s awesome. Bryan, your turn."
Bryan nodded, his tone sincere. "Peter, I owe you just as much of an apology as Lois does. I haven’t always treated you the way you deserve. You’ve been my friend, you’ve taken me in when you didn’t have to, and you’ve shown me kindness and loyalty—even to a fault. I appreciate that more than you know."
Peter’s lip quivered slightly. "Wow, Bryan... thanks, man."
Meg spoke up next, a small smile on her face. "Dad, you’re clever with your wordplay. You make us laugh sometimes with your antics, and even when things get tough, you somehow always find a way to lighten the mood."
Chris chimed in, his voice brimming with admiration. "Dad, you’re awesome. We’ve been on so many adventures together, and you’ve saved me countless times. You might think you’re not smart, but you are. And you’re definitely not retarded, no matter what the state says."
Peter blinked as a single tear rolled down his cheek. "Thank you, everyone... I, uh... I didn’t know you all thought that about me."
Jeremy looked around the room, his face lighting up. "So, how does everyone feel? Do you feel empowered by lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down?"
Lois nodded, a soft smile on her face. "I do, Jeremy. I really do."
The rest of the family murmured their agreement, the mood in the room noticeably lighter and more positive than before.
Jeremy smiled as he looked around the room. "You know, I’ve really enjoyed my time here. And I’m sure Rose has too."
Rose nodded, a smirk tugging at her lips. "Yeah, it’s been great. Plus, it gets us away from Jack... a.k.a. Pootie Booty."
Lois raised an eyebrow. "Who’s Jack?"
Jeremy chuckled. "He’s a resident at the house where we live. Let’s just say... he’s got a talent for letting loose some rather noxious farts. And he stinks."
Lois blinked, then suppressed a laugh. "Pootie Booty? Who came up with that name?"
Jeremy grinned. "One of the staff members, Lauren. She’s the genius behind it."
The room erupted into laughter, with Peter chiming in, "Man, I thought my nickname for Chris was bad. Pootie Booty? That’s a whole new level."
Jeremy looked at Meg thoughtfully. "Meg, what kind of math tools do you use in class?"
Meg sighed, glancing down at her notes. "We use something called 'Off from Mathematica.' The teacher wants me to get a copy, but I just can’t afford it."
Jeremy smiled reassuringly. "You don’t need it. There’s a free alternative, and it’s actually made by the same company—Wolfram."
Meg perked up. "Wait, there’s a free version?"
Jeremy nodded. "Yep. Open up your computer and check out wolframcloud.com."
Meg quickly navigated to the site and opened her browser. "Okay, I’m on it."
"Great," Jeremy said. "Now, create an account."
Meg did so and then looked at him, awaiting the next step.
"Now, click on 'Create New Worksheet,'" Jeremy instructed.
Meg clicked the icon. "Done. What now?"
"Now let’s plug in one of your math problems," Jeremy said, his voice full of encouragement. "Try this one: X^2 - 2*x + 3."
Meg typed it in and watched as the site processed the equation. "Whoa," she murmured. "It actually makes the X squared term, and it moves it down diagonally, and then the three shows up on the right. And the bottom of the curve is at plus one and plus three."
Jeremy grinned. "Exactly. This is a free alternative to paying $1000 for Wolfram Mathematica."
Meg’s eyes widened. "That’s awesome. I can’t believe it’s free!"
Lois looked confused. "Wait, why is she using that?"
Jeremy explained, "Her school wants her to use Wolfram Mathematica, but it's just too expensive and out of most college students' price range. However, Wolfram Cloud—literally the same thing—does everything Mathematica does, and it never gets outdated."
Lois raised an eyebrow. "I see. So, you're saying her professor wants her to get Mathematica, but Wolfram Cloud is just as good and free?"
Jeremy nodded. "Exactly. And if the professor gives you a hard time about using Wolfram Cloud instead of buying Mathematica, you tell me, and I’ll handle it."
Meg looked a bit relieved. "You'd help me if they still demand I use Mathematica?"
Jeremy's voice was firm. "Yes. Some professors push for overpriced software, even when the free version does everything you need. Actually, is it just the professor making you buy Mathematica, or is he requiring it for everyone?"
Meg sighed. "Only me. Everyone else has Mac computers with a built-in graphing calculator."
Jeremy muttered, "Of course he is.
Jeremy, feeling increasingly frustrated, said, "Of course he is. He's one of these professors who rewrite books to meet his own needs. I've had to deal with those in college myself."
Determined to address the issue, Jeremy called Brown University and asked to speak with Professor John Pike.
"Professor Pike," Jeremy began, "I'm here with the Griffin family. Meg is one of your students."
"Yes," Professor Pike replied curtly.
"You're requiring her to purchase Wolfram Mathematica, which costs $1,000," Jeremy continued. "Why not use Wolfram Cloud? It's the same thing but free."
Professor Pike responded dismissively, "No, it is not. If she doesn't come back with a copy of Mathematica, she is out of my class."
Jeremy, now seething, retorted, "We will see about this." He hung up and slammed the phone down. "This guy is just being unreasonable."
Jeremy, feeling increasingly frustrated, said, "Of course he is. He's one of these professors who rewrite books to meet his own needs. I've had to deal with those in college myself."
Determined to address the issue, Jeremy called Brown University and asked to speak with the Dean of Students.
"This is the Dean of Students Office," a woman answered the phone. "You are speaking to Dean Matina Yost. How may I help you?"
"I'm assisting Meg Griffin with her coursework," Jeremy began. "Her instructor, Professor John Pike, is demanding that she— and only she— obtain Wolfram Mathematica. He fails to see that Wolfram Cloud is the exact same thing. He stated that if she doesn't acquire a copy of Mathematica, he will be forced to remove her from his class."
Dean Yost responded, "I'm sorry that she's having to deal with this. I will handle this. This is the fifth student complaint this semester."
Jeremy, feeling a sense of relief, thanked Dean Yost for her prompt attention to the matter.
Dean Yost sat in Professor Pike's classroom, tapping her foot impatiently as she waited. When Professor Pike entered, he didn’t seem to notice her.
"Professor Pike," Dean Yost began, her voice sharp. "So, bullying Meg Griffin into buying thousand-dollar software she can't afford, huh? I won’t stand for it."
Pike froze, his face reddening. "What... what are you talking about?"
"You're crossing a line," Dean Yost continued, her tone colder now. "You can either sign up for early retirement or face termination at the end of this semester. The choice is yours."
Professor Pike looked taken aback. “How did you know?”
Dean Yost met his gaze coolly. “Young Miss Griffin’s study aid called me and told me about it. She said you were going to kick her out if she didn’t buy Wolfram Mathematica. She’s the fifth student to come forward, all claiming you've made unreasonable demands for software that they couldn’t afford.”
Dean Yost’s voice grew colder, the weight of her words settling in. “Picking on students who are less fortunate than you, just because you can, is not allowed here. And if you try to retaliate against her—if you even think about it—I'll not only have you fired, but you'll be arrested for attacking a student.”
Dean Yost’s patience snapped. “Screw it, you’re fired,” she said, her voice icy. “You’re banned from this institution. You have one hour to pack up your desk and leave. No severance pay. And if the government asks why, we’ll tell them you’re a bully. Consider yourself lucky that we’re even letting you keep your 401(k).”
Professor Pike grabbed his things, muttering under his breath. “Fine. I’m taking my ficus.”
Dean Yost’s eyes narrowed. “That’s not your ficus. It belongs to the school. Yours died several years ago, and I replaced it out of pity. I see my pity was wasted.”
Back on Spooner Street, Meg received a notification from her college email. It was an official statement: Professor Pike had been fired and would no longer be allowed on campus due to his bullying behavior.
Meg couldn’t believe it. “I can’t believe Dean Yost actually fired him!”
Jeremy chuckled. “What can I say? Dude was asking for it.”
Lois nodded in agreement. “Yeah, he sounded like a very nasty man.”
Jeremy gave a reassuring smile. “Well, you don’t have to worry about him anymore.”
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