“I told you Asher wouldn’t be angry with you,” Anya rubs my back, “You did nothing wrong, its that asshole Darius Asher is upset with. The balls on him to do what he did, I mean…first he marries you and knocks you up, and now this. Asher can only take so much from him before he must retaliate.”
“I don’t want them to come to blows over me. I know their history together is less than stellar, but the last thing my son needs is for his uncle and his father to be at war with one another with me caught in the middle,” I sulk.
“Then Darius should have thought of that before coming after you, not once…not twice…but this is the third time Giselle.”
“I know, but…”
“But what?” Anya cuts me off, “I know you’re still in love with him. Why…I will never understand, but Giselle…at some point you’re going to have to decide if you’re Asher’s wife or Darius’ ex. You can’t be both. Not in this family.”
It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard and yet I know her words to be the truth. Part of me feels as if I’ve already decided, but in my heart I know I still see myself as Darius’ ex. I love him. I’ve tried denying it, burying my feelings for him, and pouring myself into Asher, but the truth I am unable to escape is that I’m still in love with him. Time may not even be enough to erase the feelings I have for him. Granted, Asher treats me a hell of a lot better, but I can’t help whom my heart chooses to love.
“Leave us,” Asher’s voice cuts through my thoughts. Every time he walks into the room my entire body goes on high alert. I keep expecting him to yell at me or throw something, but he doesn’t. He just gives me this look that’s equally as bad. Instantly I want to throw myself at his feet, but the last time I did that it only made him angrier. He doesn’t want my pity. I’ve gathered that much at least. “Tonight we’re hosting a gathering to celebrate our journey into parenthood, but before that you will be checked by one of our physicians to make sure everything is alright with you physically.”
“So soon?”
“Darius has an heir, and in our culture our people will follow those with a promised lineage. In other words your son is leverage for him. I need my own heir if I want to have a fighting chance against him,” Asher explains, “You should be pregnant by now, but you’re not, which is cause for concern. There’s no telling what that cretin Darius has done to you.”
“He wasn’t there when I gave birth. There was only Viktor and the doctors.”
“So he let you give birth alone? And you still love him after that?” Asher eyes me in disbelief. “Tell me…what does he have to do to lose favor in your eyes?”
It’s an honest question, but it’s laced with so much more than that. Like everyone else, he thinks I’m a fool. Maybe I am. “I honestly don’t know,” I shrug.
“I treat you well, do I not?”
“Yes, but Asher…its not that simple.”
“Should I start treating you like the dirt on the bottom of my shoe then? Will that get your attention? Will you return my feelings then?” He asks, frustrated.
“I already have feelings for you, I just…my feelings for him won’t go away.”
“I could compel them to if you’ll let me.”
The correct answer would be yes, but I can’t bring my lips to say it. He wants to wipe away my feelings for Darius as if they’ve never existed and I should let him, but I can’t. This is one test I’m going to fail.
Asher’s eyes are hopeful…too hopeful. I can’t bear the thought of letting him down and seeing the look in his eyes, so I look away. He inhales deeply and then exhales slowly. He’s angry with me.
“Perhaps I should take on a mistress then. I don’t want to invest my heart and soul into us if you aren’t as invested Giselle.” A mistress…those are words I’d hoped never to hear again. Our eyes meet and I want to beg him not to take on a mistress, but how can I? How can I ask him to do anything when my own heart lies with someone else? “Is that what you want?”
“What I want is selfish,” I admit.
“Talk to me.”
Reluctantly, I decide to tell him exactly how I feel. “I don’t want you to take on a mistress. Darius had a mistress and it broke my heart.”
“Then it seems we are at an impasse. I’m afraid that if I invest any more feelings into this marriage you’re going to hurt me. At the same time, I have needs that aren’t being met,” Asher’s eyes bore into mine.
“What needs?”
“Intimacy. How can we be intimate with each other, sex not included, when you’re already intimately invested in someone else?” He asks.
I can’t help but feel as if he’s attacking me. I didn’t do any of this on purpose. I was thrown into this situation and it’s going to take a while for me to adjust. “I didn’t ask for this Asher,” I sigh, “You knew going into this that I still had feelings for Darius. They don’t just go away because you want them to. I need time…I-I need you to be patient with me.”
Asher narrows his eyes at me and swallows hard. He nods and turns to slowly leave the room. Naturally I panic. Silence from a Draven male is never a good thing. I reach out to stop him from walking away, but he shrugs out of my grasp. I’m going to regret this.
“Asher looks pissed, what did you do?” Anya asks, storming into the room.
“I just…I told him the truth.”
“Which is?”
“That I’m still in love with Darius,” I sulk.
“Why on God’s green earth would you do that? Have you listened to nothing I’ve said?” She scolds me.
Waving her off I reply, “He wants me to just shut off all my feelings for Darius and I can’t. It doesn’t mean I don’t care for him, it’s just not that simple.”
“Giselle, Asher is sensitive and he doesn’t handle rejection very well, especially coming from you. You can’t blame him. For the longest time he’s imagined what a life with you would be like. That life was snatched from him when Darius got his hooks in you,” she began to explain, “Now he has to compete with your feelings for Darius in the hopes of still being able to achieve the life he wants with you. The longer you hold on to your feelings for Darius, the worse things will get between you and Asher. At some point you’re going to have to choose between your old life and your new one. You can’t straddle the fence forever.”
Anya leaves the room just as pissed off as her brother and I’m left alone with my thoughts. I’m tied to Asher for the rest of my life, but we’re not exactly off to a great start.
Several hours before the celebration of our future children was to begin, doctors, makeup artists, stylists, and hairdressers all pour into my room. I’m poked, prodded and stuffed into a dress that was decided on for me, probably by Asher, and then brought down to the banquet hall where Asher is waiting. But he isn’t alone. Lucien, Anya, Aiden, Alexander and Aelynn were all with him. They were standing before a long line of girls, examining each of them carefully. Mistresses…he was choosing a mistress.
All eyes shift to where I stand. Everyone turns away a second or two later as if this was no big deal, except Asher. His gaze lingers a bit longer until Alexander nudges him to get his attention.
“If you don’t see anything you like, I could always bring more girls,” a man I hadn’t noticed standing in the back of the room announces.
“I’ve pretty much chosen, I just have a few questions for her,” Asher replies over his shoulder. He points to one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen and like the obedient dog she was sure to become, she approached him and bowed before him. “Name, background, and lineage?”
I’m too busy watching Asher to listen to where she’s from, who her parents are, and what her name is. As in love with Darius as I am, watching Asher choose a mistress delivers a blow to my heart. I turn to leave when Asher calls out my name to stop me.
“Do you approve?” He asks.
No. I don’t approve of any of this. “Does it matter? You’re going to do what you want anyway,” I reply, unable to hide my hurt feelings.
“It matters,” was all he said in response.
“She’s too pretty. I’d be intimidated,” I spoke honestly.
“Her beauty is a compliment to your own,” he replies, “Someone of lesser beauty would be an insult.”
Unable to hold my tongue any longer, I lose my composure, “Please don’t do this. Please. I just need time,” I plead with him.
“I’m afraid time isn’t a luxury that I have,” he sighs.
“I’m begging you…please don’t.”
Asher thinks long and hard before glancing around at his family. “She’ll get used to it eventually. It must be done, son.” Lucien insisted.
“Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it…just don’t do this,” I continue to plead with him. Asher is torn. I can see it in his eyes, and I’m desperately hoping he’ll put an end to this mistress business. My own omission is to blame for this and he’s trying to protect himself, but I know inviting another woman into our lives will only complicate things between us.
“You had your chance,” Lucien snaps at me.
“Asher, please.”
First he looks to his father, then back to me before shutting down all hope I may have had at history not repeating itself. He chooses the beautiful blonde whose smile widens and she immediately kneels before him, kissing his feet and thanking him for choosing her. She’s human, which means he’s hoping to secure an heir one way or another…with or without me.
There’s nothing left for me to say so I quietly exit the room. Moments later I hear footsteps behind me. It’s Aelynn. “He loves you Giselle, don’t ever doubt that, but you must understand that he has an obligation to not only produce and heir, but to protect himself from outside influence,” she explains.
“Meaning me,” I realize.
“As long as your heart is tied to Darius, he can’t afford to trust you completely.”
In other words, he’s afraid that Darius and his father will use me against him. As if I would allow them to. I nod and continue to my bedroom. I’m no longer in a festive mood. I keep picturing the beautiful blonde and her perfectly round, crystal blue eyes. Her skin is flawless and she has more curves than I do. Her breasts are fuller than mine and I have no doubt she’ll do everything in her power to steer Asher’s favor away from me. Yep…my nightmare is starting all over again.
The door to my bedroom opens and in walks both Asher and my soon-to-be replacement. He’s giving her a tour of the place and has decided to give her the room next to ours. Close proximity for his convenience, I’m sure. I watch the two of them and every time he smiles at her I want to claw her pretty little face off. I’ve gone from sharing Darius, to now having to share Asher. I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m hurt, and I’m not in the mood to pretend to be happy when I’m not.
Once his little whore is settled in her room, Asher returns to ours. He knows I don’t approve, it’s written all over my face and I can’t hide it. “My feelings didn’t matter after all,” I speak first.
“Which feelings would those be? The feelings you have for Darius or the feelings you have for me?” He fires back.
“My feelings for you, you ass,” I snap at him.
“You see…now I’m confused, because not too long ago you told me you still had feelings for my cousin,” he snaps back, “I won’t play this game with you where you teeter the line of loving me and mourning your love for him. It’s all or nothing and you made it perfectly clear to me that you can’t give me your all.”
“Because I need time Asher! Why is that so hard of a concept for you to grasp? I need time to fall out of love with him…time I was never given before I was thrown into this marriage with you!”
“Wow…tell me how you really feel. The more your mouth moves the more I’m convinced taking on a mistress is exactly what I needed to do. Hell, it took for me to entertain the idea of taking on a mistress for you to show even an ounce of interest in me,” he scoffs.
“Is that what this is about? Am I not giving you enough attention? Have I not kissed your ass enough?”
In one swift motion Asher has his hand clenched around my throat and me pinned against the wall behind me. “Give me the respect I deserve and watch your mouth when you speak to me,” he growls through gritted teeth. “You either fall in line or I will toss you out on your ass just like Darius did, only unlike my cousin, I’ll destroy you first.” Tears form in my eyes. I guess the honeymoon is over because Asher’s true colors are starting to show.
Asher backs away from me, allowing me to catch my breath. This is our first argument as a couple and the win goes to him. I’m at his mercy and getting on his bad side will do me no favors. “I’m sorry,” I apologize, “This is all a lot to take in and I’m hurt.”
From his reaction it appears as if Asher wasn’t expecting an apology from me. His gaze softens and his body is no longer tense with rage. “How can you be hurt when you don’t even want to be here?” He asks.
“Because this is my life now,” I sigh, “I know you don’t want to believe it, but regardless of how I feel about Darius, I do have feelings for you. I just need time to adjust and you taking on a mistress don’t exactly motivate me to want to give up those feelings any time soon. I feel like I need to protect myself from you, just in case you find being with her more fulfilling than being with me.”
“My mistress stays,” he puts his foot down. “Make your peace with it however you want, but she’s a necessary evil. Over time, as we grow closer and you open yourself up to me completely we can revisit the idea of a mistress, but right now my obligation is to my legacy first and you second.”
“How can you expect me to give myself to you completely when you have another woman in the next room you can visit whenever you want? How do I know that once you get what you want from me, you won’t break my heart and leave me for her?”
“You don’t. I guess you’re just going to have to take a leap of faith and trust me.”
“I’m all out of trust.”
“Then again, it appears we’re at an impasse,” he replies.
Asher heads into the bathroom to get ready for our celebration and all I can do is watch. Like Darius, his physique is extremely well sculpted. Their bodies are literally like a work of muscular art. I must be crazy to allow things to get this far out of whack between us. Darius has shown no loyalty to me, and yet here I am putting my entire marriage in jeopardy holding on to whatever feelings I may have for him. I’m such an idiot. Asher is smart to take on a mistress because I have no idea how long the affects of my stupidity will last. Anya’s words keep replaying in my head. I need to choose either my current marriage or my previous one if I’m going to turn things around and I need to do it sooner rather than later.
Taking a deep breath, I approach Asher from behind and wrap my arms around his waist, kissing along his spine until I reach his neck. I’m making a choice. I choose him. I choose the one who loves me.
At first Asher tries to resist the urge to take me right then and there, but I give him no choice. All of the hours spent on hair and makeup is undone in seconds, but it’s all worth it in the end.
Asher lies on top of me, still lingering inside me, gazing down into my eyes. I can see the internal battle raging inside him. He wants to give in to me, but he’s afraid to. I have to give him a reason not to be afraid anymore.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
