You know I really hate science classes. No I don’t hate science in fact, I love science. But science classes simply never allow true science – that is the eternal quest to gather and organize knowledge – to take place. In addition I have never once had a science teacher who acted like they cared about their job. And that really bothers me. I mean if you are going to teach the next generation you should care or pack up you stuff and get out of here. Oh yeah the classes are not focused in enough. I want to learn about Exo planets and the mechanics of black holds but NO I have to learn about human anatomy of which I honest to rhubarb could not care less about.
Ok sorry for that. I really should quit watching shows about science.
Any who! So semester test this week my first test is painting and it is on this tiny 5’by 5’ canvas and it is supposed to be super detailed. I am about half done with it and only have 90 minutes to finish the way I see it that is 5 min set up the paint fast. I am excited.
So I have decided that evolution annoys me. Ok, I am a Christian - deal with it - but evolution I have almost no problem with. What annoys me is how people use it to just write off religion that and in my school we don’t have the option to sit out of the evolution unit but we can sit out of a song in music if it against our religion and that they can’t explain what started it. I am a scientist at heart. I firmly believe in the question why and the question how. And not a single person I have ever asked has been able to answer that and that just annoys me.
So I kinda need to spew some heavy stuff just warning you you do not need to continue reading. 1001Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAISbxj7VXI
So I think I am getting seriously depressed I am looking to the future and I can’t see myself there. I just feel this sense of utter hopelessness. And my parents fight all the time and even though I know it’s not my fault if I was never born they wouldn’t still be together they wouldn’t have gotten married. And earlier this year I got cast as a monkey in a play not a big deal but I was having a horrid day and I fracking hate monkeys and I was rude and said some things I regretted so I had to quit the play because I already hate myself I don’t need to hurt people and hate myself more, and I know it sounds nuts but it hurts so bad, it feels like I ripped out a vital piece of my soul and stomped it to dust. And now all of my friends who were in the plays can’t understand why and they glare at me and I hate myself. Then I started to get really sick I mean I am over weight and have asthma but my lungs just don’t work enough anymore and I am so stressed and can’t really breath. My sister hate me and constantly rubs it in that my mom likes her and she is driving me crazy like not how a sister is supposed to but honest to gord nuts. And then I ride the bus to school and the kids on my buss decided that calling me name and generally making me feel worthless wasn’t enough and told their parents that I threatened to stab them with a knife. The only problem is that on the day they claimed I had do this I wasn’t even on the bus I was at a doctor’s office, but the principal believed them and threatened to suspend me. And I have no one to talk to if I talk to my friends they dismiss it because I am supposed to be the strong on the one they can lean on and depend on not the one who needs to lean. If I try to talk to my parents they act like I’m nuts or yell at me. The school councilor gets all condescending. And this is ridicules why am I sitting hunched over a computer balling? Am I hoping someone will just say its ok? Do I just wish I had even one person out there anywhere cares even a bit? Because I am breaking. Every day I just struggle to hold up some semblance of happiness and sanity. I can’t break I can’t fall apart because I am so broken nothing could put me back together. Will you do me a favor and just pray for me? Just once, a quick “hey God will you help out @sar-low she is having a rough time and could really use some help.
I am so sorry I just needed to spill all of that out. I feel way better. You know I haven’t told anyone all of that and I just threw it up all over the internet. You know I love art. All kinds of art. I want to be an actor but I can’t now, but I think I am getting ok with that. Sorry again for spilling everything. I feel better so please - Have a great day Keep Writing!
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