There is one stall in our shop bathroom. There’s a little sign on the outside of it that you can flip for male or female. Since there are no women on the garage’s payroll, I flip it to reflect what I’m up to. Male means I’m taking a shit and to turn tail. Female means I’m pissing, but want some personal time to dip, swipe through my feed, maybe watch a music video, think.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCyMqHgLbn
To the best of my knowledge, no one else ever used that stall. Either they’re too nervous to crap on the clock or they can’t stand the cobwebs. I dunno. At any rate, the stall was my unspoken throne. Some of the fellas still make jokes about it--that I’ve probably earned half my paycheck on the pooper. I usually laugh along. They’re probably right. I haven’t done the math, exactly, but…346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHKhVMrq2w
Anyway, that freestanding stall’s my sanctuary.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIb75eKRPyt
Or it was until about a week ago.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAhJOmnmyc
I’m still spooked. I haven’t shit at work in all that time, let alone number one-ed.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxV7K55kbL
I can’t go back in there. I won’t. 346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8knqfXF72
The fellas wouldn’t understand. None of them use the stall anyway.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsBj14F5dTt
I’m going to take this shit to my grave if I can help it.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4iuNM90Ik
Which is funny, now that I really think about it… 346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrlAR4uHXY
It happened last Friday and, in anticipation for the weekend, I’d retired to my watery cubicle to wile away the last fifteen minutes of my shift. I was doing some thinking and some sitting and not a whole lot of shitting, and it occurred to me that I should probably take a broom to the place soon, because another spider friend had joined my little rectangular space, but this one was brown and long-legged and had a face on its abdomen--which was unsettling to say the least.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8VTJUgtog
I was toeing its little makeshift web when I dropped my phone with a clatter and a curse.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGWnblfOGn
That’ll teach me to screw with mother nature, I was thinking to myself as I outwardly prayed that the thing wasn’t cracked. But reaching down to grab it, I couldn’t find it. It’d slipped under the edge of the stall when it fell. Grumbling with first-world irritation, I wiped and stood up and zipped, and was just about resigned to retrieving it after a flush--but I was interrupted. 346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1OIgbVhIw
At the bottom edge of the stall, a hand boasting red nail polish snaked under the rusted metal and passed me my phone with a polite waggle.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKn9sKexrB
I took it without thinking. “Oh, thanks,” I said and tapped at it to make sure it was ok.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFXENj1boJ
“Don’t mention it,” the woman said, uncommitted, almost bored. 346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvRwrNLzxI
All the little hairs on the back of my neck stood up on their ends and, before I could summon much in the way of words, I popped out of my comfort zone with a bang of the stall door to confront the woman. What was I thinking? That I’d reprimand her? Demand why she hadn't at least knocked? Wonder how she’d walked in without making a sound? Make a big stink about the fellas not keeping a customer from coming to the back of the shop?346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMwgGXGaB1
Didn’t matter in the end.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIuaW0crk7
There was no one there.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMkcQ0lo8h
Screw altruism or a sense of honor or something silly like that.346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlicNV8diH
I’m not crapping on the clock anymore, because of a goddamned john ghost!346Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjrypgSdAm
