I'm writing this to let people, who are passing through the same situation, that you are not alone.Life. I'm not really sure what life is anymore. Is it okay to just live without actually living ? To be around people but at the same time you are in your own world and you don't hear anyone.
Everyday , every morning its a struggle, to how I have to wake up for the day. Should I try a little harder today ? Or should I just slip a little furthor away today ? It's been like this for a long time now, so long I can't even remember how it was like before. Every memory of me being , not me , is gone. I can't even describe how lost I feel. How I would like to scream and let everyone know how I really feel. But no one is around anymore. I'm alone, I was left behind. More precisely , I stopped moving forward. I don't cry anymore, it's a waste of energy , I just think.
Think.
Think.
Think.
And Think.
Without ever stopping. I think on every little thing and on things which aren't important. But what I think about mostly is myself.
Why am I feeling dizzy ? Is it stress or am I sick ?
Why do I have a stomach ache ? Do I have a problem ?
Why does my head keep hurting? Do I have a problem with my brain ?
All questions with just one answer.
Anxiety.
Panic.
Stress.
All into one big bowl , mixed together.
I'm literally destroying myself. I always knew that I have a friend in myself but also an enemy. Lately I've been so cought up with the enemy that I forgot my friend.
Every hour, every breath , I keep thinking, if I will be okay.
My mother tells me that it's okay , it's normal. But I don't want it to be normal. I want to live not simply be alive.
I'm hyperventilating, I'm feeling sick. That's all that passes through my mind. Even when I'm writing this, I feel panicked, because I'm exposing my feelings to the world , not sure how it will react.
But all I know is that, God gave me a life for a reason and I will pull myself together and grab my life back in my hands.
Quote of the day : " Look at the stars and the moon when you feel alone. Light is always there."
ns 15.158.61.48da2
