"I love to sleep, cause I pretend that I'm dead but I hate waking up cause its hard to forget that I've lost all control of this life that I've held so dear." -- Front Porch Step
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Elliott hated school. Not because he hated the work load, or sitting in classes for hours on end, but because he hated the fear of being exposed.
"What are you doing?" Natasha's voice brought him out of his daydream. He'd been leaning against the locker, dreaming of the day where he didn't have to be afraid anymore. Usually, he felt safe enough that no one would approach him, but here was Natasha, smiling at him like she truly wanted to be friends.
"Natasha. Uh, hello." Elliott wanted to hit his own forehead, but he refrained from doing so as he sheepishly looked away. Of course his awkwardness would plague him at this very moment.
"Hi." She gave him a strange look. "Are you coming to lunch or are you going to lean against your locker?"
Elliott felt heat rush to his cheeks. "Probably going to get lunch and come right back out here." He hadn't seen Adrian all day, but he knew his brother was wandering around somewhere and would find him for lunch. They'd never missed a single lunch together since elementary school when the two were both present and accounted for in the same school.
"Nonsense. Come sit with me and Brent." The thought of sitting with Brent made his mood turn sour. Of course he didn't want to sit with her boyfriend - Brent hated him. That, and the thought of sitting in that lunchroom frightened him. The thought of all those eyes on him was enough to make him shudder in fear.
"Oh, you don't have to worry about Brent. I talked to him and he's going to behave, I promise. I think you two would be great friends."
Elliott couldn't believe his ears. In what dimension would he and Brent ever be good friends? That sounded like the plot to a slap comedy movie.
Natasha began to move towards the cafeteria. "I'm not waiting forever. Come on, now." She motioned him forward, a smile on her face. She was drawing him in with her fiery hair and her wide blue eyes. She was beautiful in the way that Elliott never would be. She made boys drop to their knees with her laugh, and Elliott made people cringe with his.
She was perfect. The sort of perfect that Elliott longed to be. The sort of perfect that mother wanted him to be. He wanted to make people happy like she did, but he knew it was impossible. There was no possible way anyone would ever want to look at him with adoration in their eyes.
He followed her, hypnotised under her spell. If he'd never run into her the day before, everything would be different. He'd be eating out in the hallway beside Adrian, thinking of all the ways he could become even smaller on the school radar. But now he was sitting with Natasha and Brent, and things were changing.
Elliott could barely focus as he grabbed a tray of pizza. He could barely breathe as he sat down beside the red head and then nearly died when Brent glared at him, his eyes promising death on the field after school.
Elliott wasn't sure he liked this predicament, but there was nothing he could do - Natasha was already including him into conversation. "This is Elliott. Elliott, this is everyone."
He didn't know what to say. There were a mix of boys and girls at the table, but the sight of the other girls made him tremble with fear. They were giving him looks of suspicion, like maybe he was taking advantage of Natasha and couldn't be trusted.
"He's shy," Natasha added, waving her hand. "Don't worry, they're all nice. Right, Brent?"
Immediately, Brent stopped glaring at him and instead smiled at Natasha, assuring her he'd be on his best behavior. Elliott found this hard to believe, but it wasn't in his place to say anything about the dynamic at the table. He was the stranger in this situation.
Out of the corner of his eye, Elliott caught Adrian staring at them, his eyes wide with disbelief and betrayal.
Adrian could believe what he was seeing. Elliott, the boy who was always worried about others finding out their secret, was sitting at a table with seven other strangers, all very popular people at that. He could help but feel betrayed that his brother would ditch him for these new people - people he swore he'd never get close to.
Adrian was furious as well. How dare Elliott tell him not to trust anyone and grow close to anyone when he was doing that? How dare Elliott take away the pleasure of having friends when he was finding some of his own?
Adrian marched out of the cafeteria, determined to show Elliott he too could find friends. That he wasn't going to put up with this any longer. Hiding and pretending was painful, and he wanted to be done.
It was easier said than done, though. And Adrian knew better than to say anything. The looks people would give him was enough to keep him quiet. There was no way he would ever put himself and his brothers in that position.
But still, how could Elliott sit with those people without him?
Adrian could always count on Elliott - he was the only family he had, other than Mat. How could Adrian move on without Elliott guiding him? Elliott knew how to deal with everything, and he knew what was best for everyone. Maybe him making friends was for the best of the family.
Maybe it was a way of hiding.
Adrian just had to trust Elliott, and that was all he could do. Trust that Elliott had their best interests at heart and leave it like that. After all, Elliott always had been protecting him.
Mother was frightening. Adrian knew this at a young age, but she was even worse when it came to Elliott. Something about Elliott made her crazy with obsession. She was a sociopath, maybe even a psychopath. She wasn't right in the head.
She grabbed Adrian and pushed him against the wall, smiling at him with a crooked smile. She had bleach by her feet, and Adrian didn't have to guess why it was there. He'd seen her use it on Elliott multiple times, and now it was his turn.
"Do you know what you did, Adrian?" Mother asked, smiling at him sweetly.
"Yes, mother." Adrian's voice wobbled, and he tried not to cry as he imagined the pain that was soon to come.
"Why oh why did you do it, Adrian? Why did you bring home that bracelet?" It was a harmless bracelet, one his friend Jenna made him at school. It was pink and green - Jenna's favorite colors - and it was the only thing Adrian had ever received from a friend. When he came home wearing it, mother was less than pleased.
"A friend made it for me. It would be rude not to wear it!" He tried and tried to explain himself, but mother was having none of it.
"Take off your pants and your jacket." She demanded, all sweetness gone. She was serious, now, and Adrian hastily took off his pants and jacket. He was trembling with fear, but then he saw Elliott standing there in the doorway, his backpack slipping off of his arms. He was home early.
"Mother! Stop!" Elliott yelled, rushing into the kitchen and moving towards Adrian. "Don't hurt him, please. Hurt me instead." Adrian could see the tears in Elliott's eyes, but he said nothing. He wanted to be saved, but at the same time, he didn't want Elliott to go through his punishment.
"Hmmm," Mother pretended to think it over, looking at Adrian and Elliott while tapping her child. "I suppose you can take his punishment, but it'll be ten times worse. Is this alright with you, Adrian? Is it alright with you that your brother is taking your punishment?"
"No, wait -"
"He means yes. Mother, give me the punishment. Adrian, go upstairs. Please." Adrian knew that Elliott couldn't stand seeing him hurt, but that didn't mean he needed to take the hit for this. However, Elliott was stubborn, and pushed Adrian away.
Adrian stumbled back, leaning against the wall as he watched mother strap Elliott in the torture chair, and he held back his vomit as he watched mother pour bleach all over Elliott's arms and legs, efficiently burning him. Elliott didn't even scream, but Adrian could see him flinch as the pain.
In that moment, Adrian felt like the worst brother alive. The fact that he had let Elliott take his punishment was enough to scar him for life. He'd never forgive himself or his mother, or even Elliott for making him feel this way.
Adrian didn't deserve a brother like Elliott. He was a useless fifth grader who cried too much and was too pathetic to stand up for himself, while Elliott was strong and perfect, almost thirteen years old and didn't bat an eyelash when he protected his brothers.
Elliott was the only good thing on this planet. Elliott was the light in this hellish nightmare.
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