“Take it from me: If you hear the past speaking to you, feel it tugging up your back and running its fingers up your spine, the best thing to do-the only thing-is run.” Lauren Oliver930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2AJIcQOJG
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAbbdPOlHv
Now
"What's up with you?"
Sudden sound made me snap my eyes forward, finding it to be the voice of my best friend. Miles had a puzzled look on his face; his head tilted to the right, eyes narrowed in suspicion. It was only a matter of time, quite frankly, until he realized that I've been particularly weird this entire past week. I had spared him the news of Finn's arrival and tried not show him anything, but deep down I knew that my best friend was bound to realize that I've been rocked to the core lately.
"Nothing," I brushed off his question quickly, and tried to change the subject. "Tell me again why are we eating chocolate cake for breakfast?"
Miles was silent for a second, his blue eyes filled with disbelief. It took more than a little strength from my part not to fidget before his scrutinizing gaze. One wrong glance would be enough for my charade of power and denial to shatter into little pieces.
"Because we are two young rebels starting a revolution against standards that imply that chocolate cake is not to be eaten for breakfast."
Giggle escaped me, filled with nervous relief and little bit of true amusement at my best friend's statement. "Who did you steal it from?"
"Scumbag Steve," Miles said in a beat. "They were having a party again last night, and I got in when Naked Nate was distracted. I tried to call for reinforcement, tough my best friend was missing in action."
Austin university offered a wide diapason of housing options. For those whose name came with extra zeros there were apartment buildings right outside of campus; ranging from modest studios to luxurious three bedroom apartments. Seeing as my name was written with modest paycheck I get from Yellow Submarine, that option was immediately crossed off of my list. Bryce and Colton - Miles's parents - had offered to pay for an apartment for the two of us, but I instantly refused. They were, however, paying for half of my tuition though we've agreed that I'm to pay them back every cent. It was much more reasonable than taking student loan whose interests were so big my great grandchildren would inherit that debt.
My pride was hushed by the logical side of my brain when they reasoned with me after they proposed to pay for my college.
Another, more traditional options were dorms. Luckily, our dorm was newly renovated last year therefore the conditions were slightly improved. It's divided in suits, each one owning four small bedrooms, a bathroom; and a common area consisting of a living room and a small kitchen.
The suit right next to ours was where our sworn enemies resided, promptly proclaimed so our freshmen year by no other than Miles himself. I couldn't quite recall the reason for our disagreements, but it involved a lot of noise and several pranks that still last to this day.
"Oh, bummer," I said halfheartedly, mostly for Miles's sake. He tended to be really serious about his ongoing war with Scumbag Steve, and I would too, on normal occasion, tough my mind had been preoccupied with other things lately. "I'm sorry Miles, I've been busy."
"I've noticed," he said skeptically. Just as I was thinking that I got off of the hook, Miles pinned me with stormy blue eyes, and everything stopped for a moment. Like in slow motion, my heartbeats echoed in my ears as I saw his mouth moving, inevitably ending my denial. "You know what else I've noticed?"
"What?"
"Last night, while I was creeping in their room, you know just minding my business, I've noticed Scumbag Steve talking with someone," he continued. "Their new roommate."
My gaze left his, unable to stand the small accusation in his voice. Throughout the years of our friendship, Miles and I had never kept secrets from one another. He was truly the brother I never knew I needed; his family the family I never had. I wouldn't have kept Finn's arrival a secret too, I was bound to tell him eventually. I should have known Miles would find out, he always did.
"Why didn't you tell me Finn was here?"
Silence embraced us as we both measured the power of words he just said; me struggling not to drown in guilt, Miles undoubtedly waiting for my response. My eyes remained on the chocolate cake I was eating, following the way I was playing with it with my fork. The air around us suddenly became tightened, smothering and I just wanted to run away to some hill, and scream my heart out.
"I couldn't," I whispered, still not meeting his eyes. "Telling you would make it real, it would burst my bubble of denial. It would mean that what I've seen was not just an illusion, that he was here, on our campus. And that I'm indescribably scared," My tone cracked, and I added more to myself, "I'm scared shitless."
My voice shivered, as my own words began slowly sinking in and spurring a long buried pain alive again. The past week I've been walking around like a ghost, vigorously attempting to block out the reality and continue my illusive normality. However, deep down in my gut I was aware what his sudden arrival meant, it brought a possibility I wasn't prepared to acknowledge, gave him power that only he had and abused before.
The power to break my heart.
And it would be so easy, God, it would be like a walk in the park for him, for the glue I used to bring the pieces of my heart wasn't strong enough to resist another try. Miles sighed deeply, and I allowed myself to peak at him. There was nothing but empathy written on his face, tough his eyes were shadowed as if all the memories replayed before them. After all, Finn and Miles were great friends once upon a time.
"Lex...," Miles started, but I shook my head before he could say anything. Although unintentionally, the words that woulf follow after that were bound to be pitying on some level, and that was something I couldn't bear to hear. So I did what I knew best, painted a smile on my face and shut down the part of me that was in charge of emotions.
"Don't worry about it Miles," I said standing up. Picking up my plate I threw it into the sink, eager to disappear. Unable to stand the look on Miles's face, I quickly kissed him on top of his head and added, "I'll be fine. I always do."930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WC9VWFAe0
930Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjBGc9TXkfp
Monday nights were laundry nights.
Attempting to retain a strong grip on my routine-filled life, I collected my basket and rushed to the self-service laundry shop on our campus. Due to a lot of students recuperating from weekends filled with parties, Monday nights were the best option if one wanted to find a free washing machine.
The rain that spilled over our campus during the entire last week dried out, leaving sunny days and warm nights for us. The air was pleasant, light wind managed to fight off the sticky humidity the rain always left behind, and I breathed in deeply as I trekked across the campus to my destination. As I predicted, the laundry shop was almost deserted, safe from few fellow students that lingered here and there. Throwing my dirty clothes into the first machine I found available, I hoped on one of the driers. Pulling out the book out of my bag, I tried to ignore the tireless rumble of several washing machines and enjoy it.
Collecting my thoughts was hard, my eyes kept darting all around the shop, lingering on those students that were scattered all over the place; some chatting away, some furiously typing into their phones as we all waited to meet with clean, fresh clothes. Thoughts about Finn tried to penetrate my mind, threatening to crack the wall I made around it.
There was a commotion heard at the entrance of the laundry room and I glanced up from my book only to freeze. As quickly as I could I shoved my face back into the book, hoping it would be enough to cover me. The devil himself has entered, followed by his large group of friends and groupies that seemed to trail after him everywhere like lost puppies. I recognized Scumbag Steve and several other people from our next door, proof that what Miles rendered about Finn being their new roommate.
Then it hit me, as strong as a train would; blasting my emotions all around.
Finn was moving in next door, just as he did a little less than a year before. He's going to be there always, right next door, and I would be forced to see him every day. My plan of avoiding him crumbled down before me, with such force that if it wasn't for the tumbling of the washing machine I was almost sure I could hear it.
I peaked from behind my book, and let out a small sigh of relief when I saw his back was turned towards me. Returning my head back behind my shield I thought about an escape plan.
My clothes had at least ten more minutes until the end and then I needed to dry them. If I manage to hide myself until the end of the washing, maybe I could slip off and dry them later when it was free of pests. Sounds like a p-
"Stop hiding Lex, I saw you a week ago."
My lungs clogged, refusing the oxygen as I processed the fact he was standing right before me.
Forcing myself to breath again, I let out a quiet sigh as a form of hushed outcry for the battle that stood before me; but refused to lower the book, for it was last form of protection I could muster. That is, until a single finger appeared on top of the book I was reading and pushed it down, revealing the grinning idiot in front of me.
"Finn," I acknowledged him firmly, granting him with a stiff nod. His crooked smile deepened, revealing single dimple on his right cheek and spurring mischief to lit up his chocolate eyes.
"Lexter," said Finn in return. There was no word strong enough to explain the amount of hatred I felt for that nickname he gave me. Being named by the one of the most popular serial killer character was not something a girl would prefer, but there was the history that echoed in every letter of that name. A history he had no right to repeat in a nickname he had no right to use anymore.
"It's Lexi," I protested, though the tired sigh that followed my words deflated some of their effect. I refused to show him how much of an effect he still had on me, so I contorted my face into a stone like expression.
He was standing in front of me, leaning on the dryer I was sitting on, his tone and expression were far more friendly and - dare I say happy? - looking than mine. "Have you been hiding from me?"
Humorless laugh burst out of my mouth, and I prayed it showed no nervousness I felt. Hoping he wouldn't call my bluff, I gave him a side-way glance.
"Oh, Finn, you have always been too egoistic for your own good. Word of advice, don't trust that little voice in your head that claims that world revolves around you."
"It's called confidence Lexter, and you used to like it," he had the audacity to wink and I fixated my eyes in front of me, avoiding eye contact at any way. "Plus I have seen you imitating James Bond over the campus last week. You seemed to have forgotten you cannot blend in Lex, you are far too pretty for that."
"Ah, ever the flatterer," I retorted, praying in my mind for ten minutes to pass as quickly as possible. It seemed like centuries for me. No matter how hard I tried to look unaffected, my own personal inferno started in my heart and spread over my body like poison. His own nickname for me, his voice, mischievous look in his eyes - everything triggered a memory on its own and it threatened to break my act. "You haven't changed one bit."
"I tried, even got me those books about self improvement which cause Oprah's mouth to water at the sight, but then thought - nah, I'm too lazy for that shit," he added in his all trademark way and I rolled my eyes, but failed to suppress a smile that enveloped my lips. For a fraction of a second, it was as if bad things between us never happened, a year and a half never passed and we were us again, Lexter and Finnley against the world.
"She smiles!" He exclaimed over dramatically, fist pumping the air. "And here I thought our first encounter would involve you carrying torches and forks threatening to burn me at stake. I'm pleasingly surprised by your calm attitude."
"Oh, Finn trust me, if you were hanging from a cliff and I was the only one who could save you, I would stomp on your fingers and watch you topple to your death," I informed him smiling sweetly and connected my eyes with his brown ones. Lack of my intended affect and presence of amusement in them annoyed me.
"Ouch!" Placing a hand over his heart, Finn feigned hurt but soft smile that tugged on the corners of his full lips betrayed him.
"It's just your groupies are here," I cocked my head in the direction where his friends stood but never took my eyes off of his, "and I know how much you care about other people's thoughts."
There is was, first bitter remark I couldn't help from making. My intention was to hurt and I succeeded, for it flashed in his eyes and wiped off that smile from his face. I eyed at washing machine above his shoulder and seeing the light indicating it ended, hoped off from dryer and hurried to collect my clothes. Running away was not an option anymore and I dumped wet clothes into the dryer I was sitting on, trying my best to ignore Finn's piercing eyes that followed my every move. Hoping on the dryer next to the one that was my former chair, I opened my book and pretend to read.
"You look good," I heard Finn's voice, soaked in sincerity and just a pinch of nostalgia. "You've changed."
"People tend to do that."
"Your hair is shorter...a lot shorter than before. And it's black."
"People tend to change their hairstyles."
"I see that your sunshine personality remained untouched," Finn pointed out, his voice finally showing something else besides amusement. The irritation that lingered in it satisfied me, for no matter how tiny it was, it showed me that our first encounter after year and a half wasn't just a good laugh for him. "Don't be so stubborn, I'm trying to have civil conversation here."
"And what's the point Finn?" I hissed, lifting my eyes to glare at him. "We were bound to have first awkward encounter like every ex couple, throw few fake compliments and show off our new and improved selves and we did. There's no point in prolonging it anymore."
"I was thinking we coul-"
"No, to whatever you were thinking," I interrupted him, feeling tiredness suddenly washing over me, reminding me of the insomnia I've struggled with for the past week. "Go back to your friends Finn and just ignore me for few minutes. I'll be gone and we can forget about this."
My eyes glued to the book again as my poor try of ending our conversation but my whole body was well aware of Finn's presence. Especially when he leaned over to whisper into my ear, and engulfed me into his scent that spurred a replay of all kind of memories in my head.
"This is just a beginning, Lexter."
Like a soft breeze, his lips were pressed on my cheek but he turned around and strolled towards his friends before I could perform any kind of response to that action of his.
The next few minutes, the longest in my life, I spend staring into the same page and trying to ignore the intensity of Finn's gaze on me. The feeling of familiarity that entered my heart just moments ago got replaced by the memory of the condition he had left me in a year and a half ago. Mostly, it made me remember the promise I gave to myself back then.
However, the words he breathed into the air lingered around me, echoing in my ears, and I knew damn well that his promise was not empty.
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