Title: So I Have This Friend...564Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8bUxePFbe
Rating: PG-13564Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vlcVAfiHV
Warnings: Aliens, Alien Bugs, Culture, Do you have any idea how difficult it is to explain everyday things?, Not-Quite-Reality, First Person
Pairings: N/A
Summary: Aliens have landed in your backyard and they want to know about the culture of our planet. Quick how would you enlighten them of our culture?
Disclaimer: I own myself, my identity and the vague setting. I also own some of the random shit that’s mentioned as my belongings.
Notes: This was actually a school project from way back in third grade... My answer was literally "So the little girl smiled at the strange creature in front of her before turning back into the house and leading them to the TV. Sitting them down she switched it on..."
So yeah, a return to childhood... And well yeah. Of course now I’m a teenager, and firmly agender so yeah.
You know that things are going to get weird when you’re startled from staring at a random tumblr video by a loud crash and boom from the vague direction of the backyard. I probably should have remained in my room, pretended that I didn’t hear it. Yet I didn’t and that’s when everything went absolutely insane.564Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRdA5nTV4h
So I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not exactly the sanest person around. I’ve never really fit into anyone’s description of normal, nor have I ever really fit into any real other group. I’m not exactly a big part of the world. So when I heard a crash and a boom from the direction of the yard, and the following reaction of the dogs I didn’t choose to do the more logical thing and alert my mother.
No instead I groaned, turned on my bedside light. Shuffled around in my room to find my slippers and paused before pulling on my leopard print onesie and then my slippers once more and then I wandered down the hall and out to the back planning on simply shouting at the dogs to shut them up. What I got instead was a smoking thing that was illuminated in white light and my nose meeting a pointed white stick with a huge ball as the base.
"Huh?" eloquent I know. But it was barely past midnight at that point and I had yet to even really sleep having gotten lost on tumblr. Beyond that though I was able to make out something, it wasn’t human; not even humanoid really. It looked something like an insect, with very, very sharp talons and mandibles. I felt incredibly cold really, because it was much bigger than me, and well; it kind of looked as though it wanted to eat me. So once the creature registered I initiated a more proper reaction. "OH KAMI! DON’T EAT ME!"
Yeah, highly mature and everything. But seriously it stared at me for a while and then clicked it’s mandibles together. Which caused well a clicking noise, along with some strange grinding and gurgling. I also thought that I could hear someone scraping a ruler down a chalkboard just to make that annoying screech. So naturally I winced at the sound and ducked my head. That actually seemed to make it pout or huff, or whatever. So it put away the stick(was it some kind of weapon?) and took out this square cube thing attached to a headband.
Before I could actually decide whether or not to run it moved and the band was over my forehead and my cap was missing. It moved it’s mandibles again and this time I could actually hear words and I could understand it. I blinked and stared at it, because I was still scared shitless. It was a huge bug thing, with mandibles and talons. And it was asking me about the culture of Earth because it was here to investigate the planet as a potential tourist destination. Again I responded with the ever eloquent:
"Huh?" I’m a genius. But seriously, huh? They were here as a tourist, to our planet? And asking me of all people about the culture of Earth. I was definitely not the person to be asking. I mean yeah sure, I knew a few bits and pieces from various cultures thanks to my fascination with such things... But that didn’t mean I actually understood what exactly the significance of such things was.
The creature sighed and I shrugged my shoulders and brought one hand up to rub the back of my head. I could try I guess. I could try to explain what life on Earth was like. But how, I mean there are so many things that are just so mundane that are probably going to be asked about. And well, I didn’t know where to begin.
"What is your designation?" I blinked, was it asking for my name? It seemed like that was the answer so I delivered my response.
"Tamara, you can call me Tammy." My hands clasped themselves in front of me. And that was about when I realized that I was shaking. "I’m seventeen, still a youth; will be for quite a while yet really. Born female, but I identify as Agender." I just kind of began to babble for a bit before it rose one three fingered hand(?).
"That’s enough. My designation is 0Terrio." they stopped there and looked at me before looking at the house and then the dogs. Both of whom were growling at 0Terrio, which I didn’t actually know how to react to. Because I was already kind of scared out of my mind. Because what did I even screw up so badly for karma to hurtle this one at me. "What is the objective of the quadro-carnivores?" I blinked and tried to sort that one out in my mind.
0Terrio was asking about the dogs. My mind just completely stalled there really. Because how did I explain pets. Finally I decided to explain it as something that hopefully would translate well.
"They’re, for companionship." because really they were mostly. "Kept as housepets to keep us company when we’re feeling lonely. And uh... Well we take care of them, giving them shelter" I vaguely motioned to the house behind me and then to the shed which was half gone. "and keeping them healthy and happy..." I really wasn’t sure how well I was explaining it.
"Shelter? Is that was the construct is for?" again my mind stalled for a moment before I realized that 0Terrio probably meant the house. So I simply nodded my head and they seemed to hum before looking around. I kind of wanted to just go back to bed, but before I could retreat inside they grabbed me by the front of my onesie. I’ll admit I squeaked at the suddenness of it especially once I was tucked under their arm(?) or what served as one.
So they took off with me. I was being abducted by an alien bug from outer space. I really, really wanted to know exactly what I’d done to deserve this. Before we even got off the property 0Terrio found something else to ask me about, and it wasn’t my clothing thankfully. Although I was waiting for that question since as far as I could tell, with 0Terrio’s exoskeleton they didn’t need and thus weren’t wearing any clothes of their own. But still when they pointed at the car I kind of blanked again.
"Transport. Like your pod... I think." I kind of deadpanned the statement. And that was when the lights turned out. My mother opened the front door and stared. I think that she wanted to scream. But that never happened because 0Terrio pulled out their stick thing once more and pointed it at my head. Oh so apparently that type of hostage stand-off is universal wide. "That’s my mother... And you’re freaking her out." I muttered and got what I assumed to be a questioning look from 0Terrio, didn’t they know what a mother was? "She’s my guardian. A guardian is the person who raises you and keeps you safe, providing a house and shelter."564Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3b4X6joWO
"Ahh, so they’re the queen?" I blinked once, twice, thrice before a rather insane giggle snuck forth from my mouth. My mother was definitely not the queen, the ruler over our household; yes. The queen; no. "What is with the bright?" 0Terrio had moved onto their next question and that actually kind of relieved me really.
"That’s our lights. We’re mostly diurnal after all. Humans need the light to see, usually that’s provided by the sun." 0Terrio nodded before turning and walking away. With me still in their grip. I at least managed to wave a goodbye to my mother. Who looked almost as if she were suffering from a panic attack. "It’s called waving" I answered the question before it was even asked "it can be used as both a greeting, and as a farewell. Depends on whether you’re coming or going really." 0Terrio actually seemed to nod their head at that.
The trip was spent mostly in silence after that. 0Terrio mostly observing things, as though they really were a tourist. It was really, really eerie, especially after I realized that it meant that I was actually their guide. Definitely not something that I was suited for. Especially not after we arrived at the park, and 0Terrio saw a garbage bin.
"What’s..."
"Disposal." I didn’t actually need to elaborate anymore than that really when it came to the garbage can. And then 0Terrio looked over to the playground. "Entertainment. For children, we run around and play on them. It’s a strategy devised by the adults to wear us down over the day so that we’ll be settled to actually sleep at night..." I explained, not that the strategy had ever really worked on me. But hey, I’d been a weird kid.
That was also when my stomach and hunger decided to make itself known. Along with the need for the toilet. Definitely not anything that I wanted to deal with in front of an alien bug creature. It still looked at me weird, as though able to tell that something was amiss. I immediately plastered on a rather fake smile; it actually kind of hurt my cheeks really.
"What kind of sustenance do you require?" okay that I wasn’t really expecting. I actually stumbled over words that sounded way, way to close to a denial really and 0Terrio actually managed to frown at me. It felt weird, I could tell that they were frowning; but I didn’t know how I was able to tell. My smile dropped away and I shifted, my legs crossing a bit so that I could ignore my need for the toilet.
Yeah it didn’t really work that well. "I um... Really I uh..." I stumbled a lot more over my words after that until I finally managed to get out. "Toilet..." My face felt as though it were burning.
"Toilet?"
I think that I went even redder as I nodded before explaining. "I uh... Need to expel the waste products that my body has collected..." I was definitely incredibly red in the face after that explanation, this was just plain humiliating. Really it was "We..." I coughed "We used toilets to do that, in privacy." and then I pointed to the public loo. "That building has some..." 0Terrio let me go after that and I fled.
My face remained red the entire time that I done my business and for once I couldn’t find it in me to even mentally complain about how cold and horror movie like the public toilets even were. I stood up and washed my hands off before pulling my onesie’s hood up and zipping the zip up just that little bit higher. This was not exactly a good day thus far.
I left the building to find 0Terrio standing right outside. I almost jumped; as it was I kind of stared at them wordlessly. They peered at me and then looked over to the school before they could even ask the question that I was sure they had I responded.
"That’s the primary school. People aged from around five to eleven go there to begin their schooling, unless they went to kinder, then it’s six to twelve. Secondary school covers the years of thirteen to sixteen really, or in some cases fourteen to seventeen." I sighed because that wasn’t nearly enough information. "It’s where we learn how to function in society. What’s expected of us, how to interact with others and well... Eventually how to get a job."
And that was that, 0Terrio didn’t ask anything else but they still watched me incredibly closely. It made me incredibly nervous, because I was not the one who should be given this job. Definitely not. If anything I really was the absolute worst person for the job. Really, and that was when my stomach once more growled. "Ugh... Hungry..." I mumbled and before I could actually react I was suddenly picked up and when I opened my mouth to ask a question of my own:
Dirt was shoved into my mouth. Actual dirt, with an earthworm still wriggling around in it. The worst part was before I could really react with the tried and true spit and cough I actually swallowed a bit of it and choked. Definitely not a nice feeling especially as I did begin spitting and pulling a face.
Dirt was definitely not a nice thing to eat. Ever, I was never going to eat it ever again. I firmly ignored the little reminder that I’d eaten worse before such as dog poop. After finally recovering from the dirt incident I gave a rather baleful look in 0Terrio’s direction. I shook my head and then said:
"No... Humans eat other stuff. As in actual food, such as cooked meat." I really wasn’t going to risk having a piece of who knows what animal shoved into my mouth as food. "Oatmeal, Honey, uh... And fruit and vegetables. We have a wide variety of food. Cuisine is kind of big here..." I paused the feeling of sweat rolled down the back of my neck. "Well... In some parts at least."
I spread my hands apart and smiled; or attempted to anyway. My head kind of hurt really. I shook it before blinking and staring. In those short moments 0Terrio had gone off and actually fetched me some food. I weakly smiled at them before eating what I could actually manage; which wasn’t all that much really.
As soon as I had finished what I was able to I yawned. And then froze, before yawning again. "Mmm... Tired..." I mumbled swaying a bit. This was exhausting really, and I really, really wanted my bed back. "Can I go back ‘ome now?" I asked one hand coming up to rub at an eye as I yawned a third time.
0Terrio seemed to think for a moment before they picked me back up. It was as if I blinked and between one second and the next we were back in my yard. I yawned once more before 0Terrio nodded their head at me, disappearing into their ship(?) and then were gone. I mumbled nonsense to myself before wandering back into my home and flopping onto my bed.
I was out before I even really hit the pillow.
Notes: Seriously though. I actually like this one. 0Terrio is probably likely to appear in something else because of this... Also yeah dirt and dog poop... I have actually eaten such things before. Maybe not recently but still I’ve eaten them before.564Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRFmwLpt5d
Ngn, probably the last filled prompt that I’m going to be posting for a while even though there are a few others.564Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMvkLhYm7H
