I was laying on my bed, watching the sunset through the small window in my room. The white walls of my room we’re now getting a light tone of orange, dark shadows travelling parts of my room where the sunlight could’n reach, moving around as the sun goes down. My body aches with exhaustion. I was laying on my back, looking at the ceiling wondering if the cracking sound are my from my broken backbones or it’s just my bed cracking under my weight. Today — was a long ass day for me anyway. And now I finally had the change to relax a little bit before starting doing my homework.
My best friend from all the time, that I never thought I will have, is sick and couldn’t come to school so I had to deal with all the idiots on my own. Usually when we’re together we’re doing the same shit they do. Secretly staring at everyone waiting for someone to do something stupid and then gossip about it. Not only the bitchy, popular kids can do that, we can do that too. We still have to kill our time with something after all…
A soft sigh left my lips as I stand up. My notebook who was standing on my chest fell on my lap. It wasn’t a normal notebook, it was actually a diary that I’ve decided to keep since that conversation with Jimin in the hallways that morning. It’s been a long time since then… 2 years.I think. The thing is… Shit happened.
A few days later was a huge party at one of Jimin’s colleagues house and he invited me to go with him. Lucky me, I kept in touch with Somin. She was the one who rescued me from there. That’s actually how our friendship started in the first place.
Flashback :
I was looking in the mirror, makingsure my makeup is good, my hair is in place and not looking like I just electrocuted myself, AND most important, my outfit. Which I think it looks okay, nothing fancy. Just a pair of black jeans with a white, simple tshirt and also a black jacket.
I stared at myself for awhile longer. I feel like I’m going to regret that I agreed to go to that party. I normally don’t like bein surrounded by people let alone a bunch of fuckboys
I heard the front door opening and closing, Jimin’s voice following after. I sprinted downstairs not wanting to wait anymore — and not because I was axcited — but because I was hella nervous and about to have an anxiety attack. I just wanted this night to be done as soon as it started.
As soon as we arrived in front of the house of whoever the dude was, my jaw fell to the ground. Is this dude fucking rich cause his house is huge. Only his living room was as big as my whole house. Well, I was right. I am going to regret coming here.
I followed Jimin like a lost puppy around the house, him presenting me to his friends, me giving them an awkward smile and shaking hands.
I don’t know what is Jimin planning but I bet I won’t like it. He was talking to a tall guy, gesturing something at him. The dude just stares not giving a damn. And then there was me, standing in the middle of the kitchen with a cup of juice in my hand, staring at my best friend like a jealous girlfriend waiting to kill him for some stupid shit.
I wanna go home for fuck’s sake. I don’t like being in here.Looking around me — all those guys are already drunk. Some of them with some bitches on their lap, eating their faces, stopping from time to time only to take another sip from their drink. NOT MY STYLE.
I rolled my eyes, looking back towards where Jimin was. He’s not there anymore. Well, I was expecting it… just not so soon. I’ve been betrayed. Left alone with those … things.
I put my cup down and start looking after Jimin. He invited me to come with him after all, and now he’s leaving me alone, all by myself, surrounded by drunk dudes. Not cool Jimin.
I exited the kitchen and looked around. The living room was so big it took me good minutes to cross it and go to the other side. Still no trace of Jimin. Instead, I saw some of his friends — in their drunk state — trying to seduce some girls who were no better.
For a merely second I thought of asking them about Jimin but you know what ? They don’t like me, I kinda don’t like them either… don’t wanna deal with that so.. bye.
I went upstairs stopping in a long ass corridor with the walls covered almost entirely in paintings.On the both sides were old images of people, probably family members, vases with flowers left and right… It’s like I’m in those old movies with kings an things.
I walked down the hall looking around until I reached the end. I was so mesmerizes in the view that I forgot to check into the rooms. I only realized this when a door opened from behind me. I turned around on my heels to discover a half naked Jimin, completely drunk, leading a girl out of the room. What surprised me was his arm around her waist.
I raised both my eyebrows staring at him but he didn’t seem to notice my presence… So I walked up to him, faking a cough and taping him on his shoulder.
“Uhm… Jimin? Can I talk to you for a second?”
He turned around with a frown, probably confused of why is someone disturbing him in such intimate —also tipsy and probably not so clear— moment, in the middle of a corridor where anybody can appear. I feel so awkward I swear to god. Why did he do this to me ? oh my god what did I do so wrong to deserve this ? I just wanna go home, I don’t wanna deal with all of this.
“Can’t you see I’m busy now? What do you want?”
Is he annoyed by me presence ? Well, Excuse YOU bitch. You told me to come.
“Weren’t you supposed to stay with me tonight? You told me to come with you and you left me all alone. There’s no one from my classes here Jimin.”
I complained and he rolled his eyes.
“I did ask you to come with me but I didn’t said that I will babysit you, did I ?”
My jaw dropped to the fucking floor.
“What?” I was shocked. Did I miss something here ?
“You heard me. I’m sick of babysitting you everywhere we’re going. I got that it’s hard for you to talk to some people but it’s not impossible. You can try sometimes you know? I’m not always going to be there to talk in your place. I can’t make friends for you. I have my own life that I want to live and I’m sick of you being on my tail, always dragging me down with your pitty attitude. I want to spend time with my friends without worring about you becoming a sad little lost kitty because I’m not there, locked with you in your cage, patting you on your head and telling you that ‘everything is going to be okay’ just because you don’t wanna do anything about your problems. Guess what? I can’t solve them so deal with that.”
I looked at him not believing what I just heard. He’s this mad because I interrupted his stupid chit-chat with that bitch? He’s not even going to remember anything.
My eyes sting. Tears threatening to fall but I hold them in. I don’t wanna cry in front of him. I can’t cry in front of him.
I muttered a simple “I’m sorry” and go straight past him, downstairs and out the front door. As soon as I reached outside I run a few houses away just in case he would bother to come after me — although I don’t think so since he barely can hold himself— and called Somin asking her if she can come and pick me up.
End of flashback
Tears starts forming as the images repeat themselves in front of my eyes. I can still feel that pain as if it was yesterday. Losing someone you loved so much is not easy and the wounds are not healing as fast as I thought It will.
We’re not talking anymore now — as friends at least. The only time we’re talking we’re actually fighting. Something I never thought it will happen.
Now I’m better. I’m not so shy anymore and I can talk to people more easier. I still don’t have many friends but the ones I have are the best. Quality not quantity.
All those memories, they tired me. Fuck the homeworks. Who needs math? I’m going to sleep. YOLO.
I laughed for myself as I closed my eyes and drift to the dream land.
I Hope tomorrow will be a better day.
ns 15.158.61.20da2
