After Jared left, I was lying in my couch pondering over and over, about what had happened that day. How I felt comfortable in Jared's arms!!! . How he was able to read my mind through my eyes! I also thought how his touch made my veins freeze. I could still feel his touch in my body.
His looks, his magnetic eyes, his cute smile everything made me crazy. I did not remember how long I had been lost in his thoughts. I also did not know if he was truly the same or was he trying to woo me in order to make me fall for him. If it was so, what is the use in making me fall for him?
Suddenly my thoughts were disturbed by something. Only after I came out of my thoughts I realised that I had heard the doorbell. I got up to open the door in goodwill. But when I opened the door, it was Rihaan, who returned home. Lost in Jared, I even lost the track of time.
But all my thoughts expelled Rihaan did not give his usual smile. Though I was lost in Jared's thoughts his unsmiling face made me forget everything else. He went straight to his room to get refreshed.
I started preparing dinner. I made everything ready and called Rihaan to eat. He came and sat on the dining table. As I served him dinner, he asked me about my leg. I was happy for he enquired about my pain at last. But even before I could answer his question, he started his story of why he had been angry the day before. My happiness disappeared in a second. I thought I could share my pain to him at least after he finished his talk. But once he finished talking he got up to wash his hands. I had my dinner with a half mind. While I was eating, I was thinking about how Jared cared for me that afternoon. Even before I complete my dinner, Rihaan wished me good night and quickly went to sleep. My thoughts were going in and around Jared. I stopped eating as my heart was full of pain.
I was thinking as to why the conversation between me and Rihaan always seemed to be one-sided?
I threw the remaining food and started to clean the dishes. After an hours work, I returned to the bedroom to check if Rihaan was awake. But he was indeed, in a very tiresome sleep. So I did not disturb him. I slowly came out of my bedroom without making any sound.
I sat on the sofa and was thinking. Now my thoughts had shifted to Rihaan and his behaviour towards me. He had told me that he had loved me but why had he not found ways to express it. Was it really love or...
Must love be expressed always? I was in a total confused state. I once read somewhere that "unexpressed love is, not love indeed. " I also thought that I feel Rihaan's behaviour different because of Jared.
Maybe I had started comparing both men. I must not have done that.
I remembered that my mom told me once that 'each man is unique in his own way. If we compare one man to another then we might be in big trouble'. All these thoughts made me restless. I strongly believed that I love Rihaan. I knew he was different but he didn't change now. He was the same from the beginning. Maybe I felt him differently because I compared him with Jared.
Jared is different in his own ways. Maybe he behaved like that to me alone. What if he behaved like Rihaan to his wife.! That was slightly possible. I did not know about him fully.
Yes! He was the one who made my heart beats race, who gave me the warmth when I needed. Had he done the same thing with his wife or girlfriend? Or was it only me?
..... All these thoughts made my mind explode. My head even started to ache of overthinking. Ensuite, finally I decided to stop comparing Jared with Rihaan.
I even took the most difficult decision in my life that night. That was to stop talking to Jared thereafter. To ignore him at least for some time in my life. This was my life, which was to be accepted by me. I knew it would be really difficult for me to stop talking with Jared cause I could still feel his warmth and the perfume he had on him. Even if I stopped, will Jared accept my decision?.
I knew that I like his eyes, the perfume that made me attract towards him, his warmth, his looks.. I needed to forget about Jared in order to be happy with Rihaan. I really wanted my life to be peaceful with Rihaan. But would it be possible? Maybe I should try a little.
Can I forget Jared and lead a normal life with Rihaan? My mind decided to ignore Jared but my heart was not. What was happening to me? Am I falling for a stranger whom I had met only three or four times?
He read my thoughts maybe just by luck. What if he too stopped caring for me? I just pushed away my mom's advice for a moment. I remember that I had read somewhere that 'every man has something in common'.
This thought made me worry a lot. Would Jared too change? Oh! Why had I been thinking of Jared? I must think about Rihaan. What had gone into me? Had I gone crazy on some unknown person?
What if Rihaan knew about Jared, about us? It will surely break Rihaan's heart. But to keep his heart alive must I kill mine? Had anyone got this situation? Why only me?
I didn't want to sink the new feeling of love that I had received in my life after a very long time. But at the same time I couldn't break the marriage boat I'm already in.
It was easy to fight a battle cause all you have to do is kill your enemy to stop his invasion. But the battle I'm fighting in my mind was very tough cause I did not know whom side must I take!!!!!
Must I take Jared's side... For his love and care...? Or must I take Rihaan 's side... Cause he is my husband?
My head was having a major war.
Finally, I decided that at the end of a war, only one team could win. I made up my mind to make Rihaan's heart live. So I took the most crucial decision of my life that is, to stop talking with Jared and to ignore him forever.
I knew it would be difficult to stick to this decision, but I must do it. I didn't want to bring disgrace to Rihaan or to my family!!
So I accepted wholeheartedly to my decision.
With this new decision, I went to sleep peacefully hoping tomorrow would be a good and awesome day.
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