"Memories is one of the important factors which defines an identity of a person, for they should not be forgotten - bitter nor sweet."
For months, I have been hoping that there will be anyone to believe this saying just like how I do.
Ahh... As if being caged by this so-called "identity", and as though have been decided, the wheels of destiny start to move once again.
Dear past self, please answer this seemingly-irrational question of mine.
Who are you?
And so, who am I?
It was about 6 AM in the morning, when the dark blue sky started to lighten, albeit the awaited morning star had yet to be found anywhere in the sky.
Normal enough, people had started to crowd the streets, and footsteps began to roar through the empty sky filled with loneliness.
"Nngh..."
As her consciousness surfaced, her struggle started as she tried to fight against gravity in order to open her heavy eyelids.
"Guh.." While sleepiness still tempted her into sleeping, she finally managed to wake up.
With half of her soul accumulated within, she began to look around the room she didn't recognize at all.
A very cozy and spacious bed. A thick and warm blanket. A pair of comfortable pillows.
Was it even her bedroom?
She couldn't remember anything, clouded with headache every time she tried to recall her memories.
"!!!"
Even though she had been unfamiliar with all the items and luxuries in the room in the first place, something else had captivated her attention. It was something outrageous for her, to the point that she turned pop-eyed immediately.
In that very room and at that very time was a man, half-naked, sleeping on a sofa near to her bed. On top of him was a piece of cloth with size adequate of a blanket, but that alone was not able to cover all of his apparent muscles and packs.
His hair was naturally silky black and was quite short and tidy even in his sleep, indicating how careful it was taken of. His body shape was not overly sized, nor was it lacking, nonetheless it was above average. There were slight traces of hard physical work, but they do not increase his body size too much.
With such features, capturing a woman's heart will be easier.
However, it doesn't mean that common sense will be numbed.
"Kyaa!!" The scream roared through the early morning sky.
"##@&%#@" Confused by the woman's sudden scream and weird reactions, the man began to spout unidentified scrambled words again and again as soon as he flinched and woke up.
"P-Pervert! Unforgivable!"
With her reddened cheek, the woman closed her eyes, tried to recall every words she thought to be mean and proceed on showering those words on the confused him.
"A-Ahh..." The man was in loss of words. He wanted to say something, but he kept on forgetting what they are. Even if he didn't, the woman wouldn't let a chance slip for him to explain the awkward situation.
But he gathered courage.
Yes, it was about the time he counter her verbal attacks and explain everything thoroughly. Also, to question her and to clear the thoughts that had been haunting him for days.
However, what if things were actually going in a way he feared?
According to her reactions, they were most likely what had happened.
Thinking about it...
That alone was scary for him.
But nothing could be gained only by standing in fear.
The world won't stop just because you wanted it, and the future wouldn't freeze just because you do nothing.
As long as hope is still around, there will be no harm in trying, won't there?
"Please just listen to what I am going to say!"
He shouted, decided to end the misunderstanding.
Surprised by the sudden change of atmosphere, she was petrified and fell into silence.
As the current situation had been more befitting for explanation and calm chat, he faced down, inhaled and exhaled the air around him.
After weeks of desperation, he definitely wouldn't want to miss this chance.
He turned his face towards her, ready to continue.
"I-"
Nevertheless, even before he finished his line, his words were cut as a fluffy block of pillow was thrown flying towards him.
Unprepared for the sudden attack that got upgraded from solely verbal, the pillow partially went into his opened mouth by its edge first. It was enough to make him collapse, but the large blanket followed after by the time he was trying to pull of the saliva painted pillow, covering his face.
Losing his breath slowly, he quickly tried to remove the heavy blanket, nonetheless the woman came and veiled the blanket once again, not allowing it to be removed with an ease.
His breath was becoming shorter as time passed.
At the time, he knew right that he had to remove the blanket, but he didn't want to hurt the woman who was right behind the blanket, due to impact.
Indeed he was faced with terrible dilemma.
For some reasons, the muscle-built man got knocked out by a violent woman just like that.
"Wait, what was he going to say just now?"
Well, whatever.
The woman sighed.
Hours had passed since then, but he wasn't sure how long it had been as he lost the sense of time.
As he could remember, everything was pitch black by the time he deliberately regained his surfacing consciousness. No light passed through his eyes as it was unable to penetrate the wall called "eyelids".
As he slowly opened his eyes, the nothingness he saw was showered by blinding light, and the pitch black color was now fading along it.
Soon after the man woke up, he found himself on the sofa he slept on, being watched by the woman now sitting on a chair. Quickly, he gripped the blanket that was somehow there on him. Despite that, the woman didn't do anything but to silently give a cold gaze from the chair as though a predator watching its prey.
"Hey, you were about to say something, weren't you?" She calmly asked him who took safety precautions.
"Were you... going to attack me again?" The man asked as cold sweat ran through him. It was way too naive to expect her answering it honestly, but it was at least better than nothing.
"Not if you want to tell me everything I need to know."
"Haa..."
The man caught a short breath, trying to get himself relaxed and his breath pace into the proper track, then began to tell the things he knew.
Hours and hours passed quickly, and the silly atmosphere went away in split seconds.
From his explanations, he was someone named Takeo Hiroshi, and the woman was "Kanna Shiyori", his friend since the last year of high school and his lover since university graduation.
Strangely, she didn't even recall anything about herself being this "Kanna" he mentioned.
Was he lying? Or, was it her being at fault? She couldn't help but to doubt.
Either way was fine. Even if it was a lie.
A conclusion came to her mind.
Why?
It was simply because she had no "memory of the past" to rely on.
"Seriously?"
Her words, meant for her own self, slipped through her lips.
This man calling himself as "Takeo Hiroshi" was about to ask the questions he had been wanting to ask days before she woke up. However, it probably would be unneccessary, judging from her expressions and reactions. It was utterly obvious- the probability that he feared; she had an amnesia. She was not Kanna and wouldn't be able to replace her; she was a completely different person, and she wasn't acting like Kanna would. They both wouldn't laugh as if nothing happened afterward, saying that she was joking. Pitiable that this is a fact, something that isn't imaginary.
The woman quietly uttered those words to herself while brushing her long hair up. Cold sweat dripped, and thousands of questions haunted her mind.
Actually...
Who am I?
Such question filled her hollow mind.
The man noticed these reactions of hers, yet instead of giving her comfort, all he did was to watch her silently from distance.
He knew how hard it was for her to suddenly wake up with no memory but had to live as someone she didn't even know, pretending as if nothing had happened.
He knew how frustrating it is to be unable to know anything about one's own identity.
Even so, he also knew how irritating it is to be unable to solve a problem by oneself when one has never even done so, and so he decided. Although cruel, she had to experience all the things they were currently, then suffer, and slowly find out the way out by herself, since the the path and future lying farther ahead would be much harsher.
"Kanna... Isn't it?" She quietly asked herself the empty words while looking down on her two hands she lifted.
"Ughh..."
He had decided long ago that he would let things the way they were, but his heart didn't let him to do so, especially after all the expressions he couldn't handle to see on her face.
Opposing thoughts clashed within his mind. Whether it is to spend time together with her or to coldly let her be, separating ways until she regains her memories.
Albeit, the muted battle came to an end at the very end, with the result that is obvious.
"Hey," he called for her who was in her own thoughts.
She flinched, surprised by the abrupt voice occupying the atmosphere.
Since when has he been here?
With that single word, she came back into reality.
"A-Ahh...?"527Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK4xEUEkUZP
She turned her face towards the source of voice and soon made a direct eye contact. It was undoubtedly awkward.
She didn't sense the slightest of his presence, not to mention his glare, yet now, she was given a serious look she couldn't help but to be nervous of.
Cold sweat once again soaked her cheeks.
What should I say? Think. Think. Think!
She felt as though she had to say something, but nothing came into mind. She felt as though she had to do something, but she couldn't. She wanted to avoid the gaze, but was unable to do so. She knew she had to break the silence, but she couldn't figure how.
However, it may be unnecessary of her.
"I know there are many things in your mind now, but..."
He paused after a while, as though gathering courage.
"Can you go with me for a while?" He continued.
"E-Eh?"
Hearing this, she was turned speechless. A woman who was suddenly asked to go out with a man she didn't remember is suspicious. Nevertheless that was not one of the importance here.
What is with that nerve-cracking tense just now, if that's the case?!
The woman lost in her thoughts one again, drowned in anger she hardly tried to suppress.
That was an unexpected reaction for sure, especially after throwing his sharp gaze.
It was about 11 AM, when the temperature began to rise as if the sun was raging.
Seemed to have arrived at the destination, Takeo and "Kanna" stopped their footsteps before the gates.
Quietly, she looked up to the building in amazement.
Before the both of them was a tall building built with elegant features yet had a tough infrastructure unwavering of the harsh environment.
"Alright. Let's proceed, then," he said as he continued his steps and was ready to open the glass door located only inches away. However, after a mere 3 steps or so, he stopped as he didn't hear any footsteps but his.
He anxiously looked back, filled with unneeded worry as he found her remained standing in admiration of the building structures. He smirked. It was really good news that the situation didn't become any worse after her memory loss.
Perhaps all of these were not bad at all.
Moreover, this version of Kanna, despite her sudden violence, is more of an innocent little girl that will remain standing just to admire a mere infrastructure of a building.
Even though she wouldn't be enough to replace the "real" Kanna.
"Oi."
Without moving a single inch, he loudly called her.
Again, she flinched, but soon recognized the meaning behind it and ran towards his.
Perhaps because of the gap between the ground and the bottom part of the door, the heavy door produced almost no sound when was pushed.
After that was an amazing lobby colored in beige with the hue of light brown, together along the lines of brown and slight dark brown which formed a complicated geometry. Chandeliers hanging to the walls, with its marble tiles partly covered in an expensive-looking humongous carpet, enough to get Kanna even more captivated once again.
The decorations and furniture crowding were delicate, nonetheless the remarkable part is the beauty of the simple colors of the tiles alone. Even if the decorations which are painted were to be removed, the inescapably attractive color of the beige and its hue would linger.
Unfazed with it, Takeo continued walking straight towards the elevator. Meanwhile, Kanna, despite being in the loss of words in front of all she had seen that day, decided to admire its charm while continued minimizing the gap between her and the person before her.
During this time, a sudden realization stroke his mind.
Hmm...
So a single-worded sentence is apparently more effective in stealing her attention rather than those of more words.
"Fufu," he evilly laughed while keeping his volume at the least.
Yet, it was still loud enough for Kanna who walked beside him.
Crept, she gave him a weird gaze and let the words out from her mouth with a monotonous tone,
"What the heck?"
Despite hearing this response coming from Kanna, he continued his evil laugh and enjoyed the moment. It was as if he didn't care the slightest about getting ashamed.
The two remained walking, and as the elevator opened, he took the lead as usual - taking the first step to the elevator.
The lobby aside, the elevator was no exception for the eye-catching decorative patterns. The tiles were made from marbles of the same color as those in the lobby, and the walls and ceiling, unlike the tiles in the lobby, were tightly covered in red and black carpets, leaving no space that could be of hint of what was the color or even the material that built the walls.
As such, Kanna couldn't help but wonder about the identity of the figure they were about to meet.
"Click," a gentle sound was made as he pressed one of the square-shaped buttons with different numbers on it. Following that was a robotic woman voice coming out of nowhere talking in words she couldn't hear clearly, and the doors began to shut soon after.
Unable to find any logical source of the voice, her mind started to be flooded with questions. Not just that, her mind began to become busier as she was unable to understand the words the woman uttered.
Seemed to finally notice her weird expressions resulted by this, he, too, had his mind invaded with questions, though they were totally different in topic.
"Ding," the elevator produces such sound as it arrived at the destination. Footsteps followed after the door opened by itself.
Albeit accompanied by the resonating tapping voices coming from them both, awkwardness could be sensed in the atmosphere as she looked at the back of this man she didn't know well.
He didn't talk that much, especially after the explanation he gave in the hotel. Was he still mad about her knocking him unconscious?
Suspicion raised, but no answer was given.
Awkwardness lingered as there were nothing but footsteps whose loudness was reduced by the black carpet covering the tiles.
That was, until something she had long noticed thundered her mind.
"Oh, and by the way, you haven't called me by my name since long time ago," she said to him
"Then what do you want me to call you?"
Without turning his face towards the one throwing him the question, he asked with ease.
At first, she wasn't satisfied with his attitude and his impolite manner, nonetheless she couldn't help but let this one slip as his question left her wondering.
The question he asked was simple; something that people usually answer during introductions, even without being verbally asked.
At that time, too, an idea popped into her mind and started to haunt her when she was trapped in indecisiveness.
Since no answer has yet to be given, curiosity began to grow in his heart. Slowly, he turned his face a bit towards her while making sure she didn't notice.
Of course, there were a lot of name ideas she had in mind. However, isn't it rather embarrassing to declare your own name - something that people usually will be called in their entire life? For that, she got to think about this thoroughly with the utmost care.
That aside, names are not supposed to be given by oneself from the very first place. It is a proof of one's life, something that parents or families would give to their children, isn't it?
Or at least, that was what she believed.
"W-Weren't you the one to tell me my own name?"
She replied, pointing to what Takeo mentioned hours ago in his explanation.
However, that was only an excuse.
In reality, she was desperate in trying to find an answer to the question, so she decided to stop trying and returned it towards him. This way, she wouldn't have to think that much about the question anymore, would she?
"Hmm..?"
"I-It's... K-Ka..."
She said while carrying a burden of embarrassment, hoping that this bastard would take a hint
"But aren't you uncomfortable with it?"
"Eh?"
She tilted her head to one side, trying to grasp what his words mean.
"From the looks of it, that is."
He continued, adding hints to what he was saying. Seemed to have deciphered his words, her cheeks turned rosy red. She did think of it, but she refused to believe that it was what happening. Although, it had seemed that this illogical idea passing by her mind was what he meant.
She didn't think about it much before, but if she thought about it again, she had been feeling uncomfortable whenever she was called by her "real name".
Was it really that obvious?
"Then, what are you going to call me?"
"That's what I'm asking you," said Takeo casually, not letting the ball being thrown irresponsibly to him.
"No fair. I don't know any good names."
Annoyed, she pouted.
"Then, I will just call you Ms. Vicious Beast."
Takeo replied once again while letting out a small chuckle, trying to make fun out of her.
The one whose name was in the subject, at the same time, readied her fist as she tried to forcibly show her smile.
"Gaaaah! I'll kill you if you do it!"
She screamed as he evaded the fist that was swung at him. During this moment, she was no longer able to hold her annoyance over this bastard standing before her.
She panted, then threw a sharp glare at the man with shorts and hoodie.
She was totally exhausted after swinging her fist madly, yet the one she wanted to hit was completely fine.
"So?"
"Kanna."
"Eh?" He tilted his head, as though not believing what he had heard.
"I said, I'm fine with you calling me Kanna!"
"But a-aren't you uncomfortable with it?"
Her face was still a bit red, but she slowly overcame her embarrassment.
"That's why I need you to call me with the name. I've got to be used to it anyway, so take this is as a practice for me."
She pouted. She discovered a lot, including a problem that results in embarrassment that she had to face. But right after it was overcome, it felt as though a burden had been lifted from her.
"Ha... Whatever..."
It was unexpected, but he couldn't force her when it came to decision-making anyways. He had to get used to calling her by that, but it seemed like it is going to be tough to do so.
Footsteps continued to resonate by the walls.
Then, the noises stopped.
Before them laid a door with a sign written "Room 235" hung onto it, and beyond that was a person this Kanna didn't know. Or even had any memory of.
He took a short breath, then knocked the door times in a row.
Replying to the knocks, the door was moderately opened, and a silhouette of a woman deliberately became apparent.
"Oh, it's you."
The woman seemed to be in her 30s. Her long, straight hair beautifully reflected the glimmering lights radiated from the ceiling, yet she wore only a white shirt that reached her knee.
"Come in".
Quickly, she opened the door as soon as her eyes met those of Takeo, who was standing before Kanna.
Simplistic yet luxurious decorations. Slightly dim colors that matched the marble white walls.
They merely attracted the attention of anyone who saw it. Takeo, too.
"Ee...?"
The woman noticed Takeo's reaction and made a thin, evil grin while making a quick chuckle. It was fairly unusual for him to be fazed by such a thing.
"This cold Takeo setting his eyes on something cheap like this, I am quite flattered, you see..."
With her evil smirk remained on her face, she uttered those words as to tease him.
Hearing those words coming out from the lady who stood beside him, he soon was brought back into reality.
"Anyways..."
He tried to change the atmosphere.
But her attention soon switched to the woman with silk-black straight hair who had a similar reaction to Takeo's.
"Ah!"
"You must be Kanna, aren't you?"
Kanna, who was captivated by an abstract painting hung onto the walls was surprised by a sudden question that involved her name. Or at least, that of her past self.
What should I do?
She asked herself. From the look of it, she must have known the past Kanna.
"Ehem."
Probably, taking her to Celia's place was a mistake after all. But at the same time, he didn't want her to only know him alone. More of a reason, Celia could give them some support they might need in the future. That's why he needed to take responsibility and took the burden she would have to carry on her shoulder. The burden inflicted by the current and the past.
"Anyways, can you leave us alone for a while?"
That was directed to Kanna.
"Eh..? Yes."
"Ah, that reminds me."
"I have a few things which you may enjoy. It's next to this room."
"Hnn."
She only nods, can't help thinking of herself as a disturbance to both of them.
But as though the tall lady referred to as Celia could read her mind, she called her right before she turned her back against her.
"By the way, don't be down. We will only be talking for a while."
A huge, warm smile was shown on her face.
Apparently, this Celia wasn't the type of person she expected to be.
"Okay!" she answered, then closed the door separating two different rooms.
"So..."
"She lost her memory, didn't she?"
Celia's tone became rather serious now. Casually, she laid her back on her own sofa and put on a yakuza-like pose.
Takeo, on the other hand, was pop-eyed. He was aware of women being able to understand one another, but should it be this well that she could understand everything from first glance?
"Yes."
"Ah, I see my guess was on point."
Wait, what? So, you guessed it out?
"Well, I heard she got into an accident. Is it because of that? Her amnesia, I mean."
"Most likely."
"Why is it that way?"
Dissatisfied with his answer, she frowned her eyebrows.
"Right after the accident, she fell into a coma, and her body temperature raised so high."
"Basically, you aren't sure if the cause is the unfortunate accident hitting her head or the fever that followed after?"
"I thought medicine is fed through pipes?"
"No use. It didn't work."
"Then, why didn't you ask me for help?"
Frustration filled the two.
"That's why I am begging you now."
But she just sighed right after seeing the expression on his face.
"Well, then tell the details to me."
"Alright."
Intense feeling filled the heavy air.
"You know..."
"Back in high school, everyone used to say that we are going to marry one another one day."
She glared up to the ceilings. For some reason, her gaze was filled with regret.
"That's because we are childhood friends, you know.."
"Well, but we were just that close, right?"
"We were put in the same class for 2 grades straight, but since that day onwards, we were not."
"Fifth grade of high school was when you met her."
"A calm, smart woman adored by the boys."
"Hnn.."
"To be honest, I too, was envious of it."
"But she...accepts the bullying coming from the girls without reporting anything to the school."
"...."
A sudden silence filled the room.
That was why bruises were often found on her hands, and why her table was often vandalized.
"Well, she didn't mean to do it, though."
"Well, well."
Her voice suddenly became so full of energy, and in a split second her gaze was focused on Takeo. Her back, too, was now far ahead from the sofa.
"And that's why ya' came in, right?"
"E-Ehh?"
Apparently, the intense atmosphere was now wiped out.
"Someone who caught the bullies red-handed during break time, then effortlessly defended a princess of your class."
"To teach the girls a lesson without worrying about your grades. That is... very amusing every time I think about it!"
Right after, she quickly blasted a laugh, so hard that tears came rolling out of her eyes. After all, she looked to be holding it when talking.
That's because Takeo barely got promoted due to his suspension and his rather average daily test scores.
A cliche thing to do, a reason to develop love more to it.
"W-What are you talking about?"
Takeo, too, seemed embarrassed as images started to flash in his mind.
Then, she finally stopped laughing.
"You were so cheerful during those days, but now, where did all of that willpower of yours?"
"The same thing goes to you, right?"
"You were once less annoying, so where did you learn the skills to annoy people from?"
With a smirk, he launched a counterattack.
But she only took a glance at him.
"At least, you became more cheerful than when you were since that accident."
"Huh?"
"What did you say?"
It seemed like he didn't hear it.
But surely, she just slipped those words out of her mouth.
"Nothing."
"By the way, judging from how you wear clothes..."
"Did you have anyone in mind to marry?"
Even though the question was personal, she wasn't so surprised to be asked with such a question nor was she irritated by that.
"No."
"I thought that was why you traveled over places."
"I just travel because I want to. Not like I care about the boys."
"And by the way, I had sworn that I wouldn't marry anyone if Takeo didn't marry me." She uttered, while making a dramatic expression a soap opera player might want to show.
"Bullshit."
He said while making a disgusted face yet a rather straight tone.
"Hahaha."
Again, the woman laughed, and then he did, too.
Even though they had grown up and now went through their own path, they couldn't help but to get the feeling of being young. After all, a childhood friend is still a childhood friend, right?
"Well then, I'm out."
"Okay! Don't forget to return sometimes!"
"Alright. Let's go, Kanna"
"Hnn.."
"By the way, what was it?"
"The things she talked of, I mean."
"Heh. Not going to tell you."
"Wait... What?"
"N.o.t.h.i.n.g!"
A smile was on her face.
Whatever they are, they should be fine, enough to make her happy.
Just when they were walking on a park on way home, a red light revealed itself on the sky. Attracted to it, she stopped.
"Beautiful..."
Dear past self, I am grateful to have met a man of his kind, and I am sure you do, too. At the same, however, I felt an unavoidable sense of guilt. Is it fine to have experienced such happiness, I wonder? To experience something like this, which all belongs to you, is like snatching someone's future for her own self, and that is indeed outrageous and egoistic.
She silently wrote those words on her mind. She didn't know if those words would reach anyone somehow, but to let those thoughts rampaging in her mind made her feel slightly better.
At least, she felt that she was being honest to herself.
"A red star... I have never seen anything like that..."
He gazed at me, surprised. A spark of light was produced by his eyes
"Dumbass," and so he called me as he let out a little chuckle.
"Ehh..?!" I looked at him, embarrassed.
Did I say it wrong?
Did I say something really dumb?
His chuckles slowly turned into a very loud, uncontrollable laugh.
But... Isn't it really a red star?
I turned red, no longer endure the embarrassment accumulated from his response. Seconds passed, yet his laugh remained still. His face was becoming red. I suppose he was really suffocating. Even so, he seemed to enjoy it so much.
"Heh."
"It was just a light coming from a passing airplane, you moron."
Now that we have already passed onto this point, will it be sinful of me to wish you stand by my side?
"Hngg..."
I pouted again.
ns 15.158.61.6da2
