Eddie fluffed the pillows Daniel gave him. He felt weird sleeping in his own clothes even with the accessories taken off, but he had a feeling Daniel’s pyjamas would be too big for him. Plus, the thought of wearing his clothes weirded him out for some reason. Why? He had no clue. It wasn’t like he was into jocks anymore so it didn’t matter. Daniel was just a friend, so it wasn’t like it’d be awkward.
Then again, the way Daniel looked at him was… suspicious. Honestly, if Eddie had to be some sort of closet key again, he’d probably end up throwing something into a wall. Fuck that.
He was lying in Daniel’s bed, trying to ignore the way the sheets smelled of leftover cologne, while Daniel sat on a small mattress on the floor.
Eddie fell asleep fairly quickly. He started having a dream in which a certain guy started kissing him and feeling him up.
Daniel heard a moan and looked up, seeing Eddie pucker his lips. ‘Yes, kiss me.’ Daniel stood up and walked up to him, still half asleep. He slowly leaned in closer.
Eddie’s lips were soft, as expected. Daniel felt his own lips tingle as shivers swam through his body. Eddie grinned and kissed Daniel back eagerly, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him closer with his hands. Daniel moved his lips towards Eddie’s neck, taking in the smell of his surprisingly masculine cologne and feeling his blood rush south.
‘Mm, yeah, Julian, kiss… ah, kiss me more!’
Daniel pushed himself off the bed, his body shaking and his eyes the size of a madman’s. Eddie opened his eyes and covered his mouth when he saw Daniel.
‘Who… who’s Julian?’ Daniel whimpered.
Eddie sat up, let go of his mouth and stared at his hands as if he had just committed murder. ‘A… YouTuber.’ He was too shocked at himself to give a spiel explaining this YouTuber’s content.
All Daniel could say in reply was, ‘Oh.’
The open hands turned into fists as Eddie held on tightly to the sheets. ‘The fuck were you trying to pull? I was asleep!’
‘I… I didn’t know! I thought you were telling me to kiss you.’
‘And why would I do that? You think I’m willing to kiss just any guy? Huh? You think I don’t have standards? You think I’m here so every guy looking to experiment can have a go? What the fuck is wrong with you?’
Daniel said nothing even though he wanted to say everything. He wanted to spill out his feelings. He wanted to thank him for opening his eyes to so much of the world from metal to Shakespeare to the lives of LGBT people. He even wanted to argue back and tell him that he wasn’t just looking to ‘experiment’ and he felt offended that he assumed that about him.
But he kept his mouth shut. He was still shaking as he lied back down on the mattress on the floor and closed his eyes as if nothing had happened. He heard the rustle of sheets and could tell Eddie had turned around so his back was facing him.
The next day, they ate breakfast silently and Eddie only spoke to thank Daniel’s mother for letting him stay. He left without so much as a glance at Daniel.
Daniel’s mother did something unexpected for such a busy woman. She sat at the table next to her son.
‘Shy guy, huh?’ she asked with a laugh.
Daniel scrunched his face to prevent tears. ‘He’s… not usually like that,’ he said as he took another mouthful of his cereal.
‘Who is he again? I hope he’s not the one who made you leave the hospital before you were supposed to, Daniel.’ She glared at him as she said his name.
‘Eddie.’ He took another bite.
‘Sexually confusing Eddie?’ Daniel almost choked on his cereal. ‘Should I have let him stay the night?’
‘Mum! He’s not interested in me anyway.’ He didn’t ask his mother how she didn’t hear them the previous night. She was probably taking work calls late into the night despite her shift being over.
She tapped his hand and stood up, going back to her usual routine. ‘Mum?’
‘Yes?’
‘Can… can we… talk more?’
‘I haven’t really got much time at the moment-’
‘I don’t mean right now. I just mean… in general.’
His mother stared at him like he had dropped a bombshell. ‘Are you sure? You don’t get embarrassed by your fuddy-duddy mother? What kind of teenage boy are you?’
‘I feel like… sometimes I need to talk to someone.’
‘What about your friends?’
‘Anybody but my friends.’
His mother dropped her handbag and fumbled with it to prevent it from falling to the ground. ‘Some friends they are, then. Look, I have to go,’ she said before kissing him on his forehead. ‘I’ll talk to you later.’
Daniel smiled for the first time that morning.
Eddie was loud as ever at school, just not to Daniel. At lunch he hung around a group of girls and talked about makeup, never looking at the dumb experimenter. One girl asked where the boy was and he shrugged. The girls didn’t ask further questions even though they were curious.
James noticed that Daniel wasn’t sitting on the couch like usual and went outside, seeing the boy sitting on the concrete with his knees up to his chin.
‘The fuck’s up with you? Your little Eddie-boy probably misses you.’
‘Shut up.’
James sat down next to him, his straight legs resting on the ground. ‘What happened? He try to put the moves on you?’
‘He’s not like that.’
‘Prove it. Seriously, the guy creeps me out sometimes. So what happened?’
Fire spread through Daniel’s veins, causing him to drop his knees and straighten them out like James’ legs. He replayed what his mother said about friends yesterday morning and felt like punching James in the face. But then he realised something. What was the point? Punching him got him nowhere last time. He saw one option fall under the spotlight: talk.
‘He rejected me.’
‘Wait, what? Who rejected who? You must be joking.’
Daniel turned his head away and crossed his arms. ‘Well, it’s true.’
‘Who’s he think he is?’
Daniel whipped his head back towards James. ‘Huh?’
‘I mean, I did find it weird for you to be suddenly so obsessed with the guy, but I always thought he liked you back or something. I dunno. If you ask me, he should be grateful you even noticed him. Your tastes are weird, honestly. A little fairy like him... who knew he’d be so uppity and reject you?’
Daniel sighed. ‘I guess different gay guys have different tastes. It’s almost like they’re individuals or something.’
James stared at him like someone had replaced Daniel with a louder clone. He burst out laughing, patting Daniel hard on the back.
‘Fair enough,’ he said as he wiped a tear from his eye, slowing down his laughter. ‘So, uh, does your mum know you’re gay?’
‘I’m not gay.’
‘Wha... you just told me... the fuck are you on about? You’re as straight as a bowling ball. Or what, is Eddie secretly a girl or something? Wouldn’t surprise me.’
‘I’m... bisexual,’ Daniel confessed, looking away again and scrunching his face. He thought if his face was too loose that tears would burst from his eyes. After eventually relaxing his facial muscles, he felt utterly weightless. No tears, no pain, nothing.
‘Nah, man. I think you’re gay. When you touch a dick, you never go back.’
Daniel smirked. ‘You know from experience?’
James lightly nudged Daniel in the ribs. ‘Not what I meant. But seriously, I don’t really believe in that stuff. Pick a side.’
‘Well, I liked my girlfriends. And now I like Eddie. Makes sense to me.’ Daniel reached another epiphany. ‘You know what? Fuck it. I don’t need to prove myself to you. Think whatever you want.’
Despite this statement, Daniel still looked at James expecting anger or offence. Instead, James was laughing again. He stood and stretched his arms like he was about to yawn.
‘Well, see you later.’
He walked back inside, leaving Daniel to think. Daniel’s skin was on fire. Is this what bravery felt like? Or maybe pride? Either way, it felt addictive.
He stood up, his legs shaking but his heart elated. He headed inside, determined not to let seeing Eddie get to him.
This didn’t turn out quite as planned. When he saw Eddie in the room he froze, his arms stuck to his sides and his shoulders up to the sky. His blood boiled seeing him clearly ignore him and his hands ached to touch his porcelain face, but he felt some mysterious force blocking that anger and lust, leaving his blood to feel like it was building up in his body.
A hand on his shoulder broke him out of his... he couldn’t lie as it was blatantly a trance. He turned his head and saw James.
‘Dude, chill.’
Daniel nodded but felt his blood get even hotter at the command.
‘He’s not worth your time,’ James added.
‘Who’s not worth whose time?’ Another guy from the footy team asked, getting off the couch.
James opened his mouth but Daniel glared at him.
‘Sorry,’ James said to him. The other guy stared at Daniel with visible question marks in his eyes.
Daniel sighed. ‘Fuck it. Fuck... everything.’
He looked at Eddie one last time and remembered that night. He wondered what he would say if he had a second chance to clear his name and tell Eddie the truth. Then again, he had a feeling that looking directly at Eddie would cause the same fuckup to occur. He wished he could get his feelings across without talking to him directly. He had to prove how much he was willing to risk to be with him.
He coughed, looking around the room. He took a deep breath. ‘E-excuse me, everyone! I’d like to say something!’
No one heard him. He hung his head. ‘Quiet!’ He looked up and grinned when he heard James’ shout. Everyone turned their heads and James pointed to Daniel.
Daniel took another deep breath. ‘Um, so, uh, I have something I’d like to share with you all. It’s something that, uh, took me a long time to realise.’ His shoulders lowered as he got used to his own speech. He still looked at anyone else but Eddie. ‘A stupidly long time, really. Like, my mind is boggled at how blind I’d been. I had this friend whose girlfriend I hated. With a burning passion. I didn’t really know why, only that the very sight of her made me want to chuck up my food.’
‘Get on with it!’ Some girl yelled.
Daniel started retreating back into his shell until James gave him a light slap on the back.
‘It’s hard to say, but I, uh, guess I should stop putting it off. I’m bisexual. That friend? I liked him without even knowing it. By refusing to see this I screwed up my chances and even after realising it I screwed up my chances with another guy by being unable to admit it.’ He felt himself tear up and his first instinct was to scrunch his face and prevent the tears from falling, but then he saw Eddie, watching him with the widest eyes he had ever seen on him. He let his tears out.
‘Eddie, I’m really sorry about what happened earlier. It’s... it’s okay if you still hate me after this. I get it, I really do, but I think you deserve the truth. I wasn’t making assumptions about you and I definitely wasn’t just looking to experiment. I... I really like you. I fucked up, and I hope we can go back to being friends because I’m honestly fine with that.
‘You don’t have to feel the same way I do, I just hope you forgive me. I want to hear you talk about metal and teach me Shakespeare. I want to smile and laugh with you because your laugh is really cute. Most of all I just want to be honest with people for once in my life.’ He shut his mouth and felt panic creep in when he realised he had nothing else to say. ‘So, um, yeah.’
A couple of people clapped, their applause quickly and sheepishly dying down. Most just went about their business. A few girls surrounded him.
‘That was really brave of you,’ one of them said and the others echoed a similar statement.
Daniel looked between the girls to search for Eddie, who gave him a sad look before going outside. His heart kept crumbling faster than the high he felt could repair it.
What he didn’t see was Eddie standing against the wall outside with his hand on his chest and a pained smile onto his face.
They didn’t share any classes so they didn’t see each other until the next day, and even then Eddie didn’t talk to him until after school, when he tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if they could chat.
Daniel waited for Eddie to talk, wondering why he was just standing there. When everyone else had left the lockers, Eddie looked left to right a couple of times then grabbed Daniel by the collar of his shirt, pushing him into the locker.
Once again Eddie’s lips were soft. Daniel immediately closed his eyes and left his hands in the air before eventually running them through Eddie’s hair.
Eddie let go and smirked. ‘That was payback.’ When he saw tears seeping out of Daniel’s eyes as he covered his own mouth, Eddie stepped back. ‘Sorry. Did I go too far? I’ll go.’ He turned around but Daniel grabbed his arm. He faced him and, when Daniel lowered the arm covering his mouth, Eddie saw a smile underneath the crying eyes.
‘Don’t. I’m... just so happy... that you’re willing to talk to me again.’
Eddie chuckled. ‘You’re adorable. I guess I was wrong.’ Daniel looked at him like he said a word in another language.
‘Huh?’
’Well, I was thinking about yesterday and wondering if maybe I was wrong about the whole ‘jocks not being my type’ thing. I don’t know. I guess I just thought sporty guys were dumb or some stupid shit like that. Sorry for thinking that. And for saying you’re straight. I could tell you were at least a little into me so for me to call you that was also stupid. I was trying not to give you a label you weren’t ready for but that didn’t quite work. I mean, seriously, Eddie? It’s probably not a straight guy experimenting if he has an actual crush on you. I guess I was the dumb one.’
Eddie laughed a little, the sound caressing Daniel’s ears, before continuing. ‘Are you sure you like me enough to date me?’ Daniel nodded. Eddie’s eyes moved away from Daniel’s direction, grabbing the sleeve of Daniel’s shirt and rubbing the fabric between his fingers. He then looked at Damien with wide, hopeful eyes. ‘For how long? How long would you like to date?’
The confused look on Daniel’s face eased Eddie’s mind. ‘For as long as we can stay together, I guess. I hope we go on more than one date, if that’s what you’re asking.’
‘So, uh, are there any... I don’t know... movies you want to see? Or wait, maybe you’d rather go to a footy game or something. I don’t know much about footy since I never bothered to follow it, but you could always teach me.’
Daniel’s smile grew. ‘Sure. I’ll message you if there’s a game I want to go to. So who are you going to go for? I’m a St Kilda man.’ Eddie shrugged and Daniel leaned in closer, causing Eddie’s cheeks to turn pink. ‘You seem like you’d be a Collingwood supporter. I mean, your face and hair make you look like their colours.’
Eddie crossed his arms. ‘Very funny. I’ll research all the clubs and get back to you.’
Daniel laughed. ‘You don’t have to do that.’
‘It’s only fair. I taught you about metal, you can teach me about footy.’
ns 15.158.61.8da2
