Chapter 10415Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0oV8FFbmNB
I was completely speechless. How could I go with him to California? I didn’t even have a job yet. Where would all the money come from? How could he ask this of me? We’re not even officially dating yet. I hesitantly looked up into his eyes and instantly regretted it as I saw his hopeful eyes. I didn’t even understand how he could possibly afford to go to California and live there unless he got a job right away, but he would still be living in a terribly rundown apartment building.
“Evan, you know what I’m going to say,” I said, my lips pursed. I couldn’t get his hopes up even in the slightest. I needed to get that through his head. This was all a dream. Neither he nor I could afford to do anything other than stay here.
“But Mel, I love you and we could start a life just you and I somewhere that doesn’t have all this negative energy.”
“Evan, if we moved there, there would be so much more negative energy. We would fight constantly because we wouldn’t have enough money. We would be living paycheck to paycheck. We would have no life outside of our work. And Evan, I really want to go to college. I worked so hard for my grades and you know that. I don’t want to throw it all away just to get a job at McDonalds.”
“But if we love each other that’s all that matters!” Evan yelled, tears welling up in his eyes.
“But we also need to love ourselves.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“If we have terrible jobs then we won’t enjoy ourselves, and soon we’ll take it out on each other because we aren’t satisfied.”
“You think that I won’t be satisfied with you? Am I not enough for you, Mel?”
“I don’t know! I’m just a teenager!”
“We’re almost both adults! People used to get married way before us, so why can’t you make a decision?”
“I don’t know!” I screamed. Before Evan could say anything else, I was already sprinting back towards my car.
Evan was being such a selfish asshole. He knew that I wanted to go to college. He knew what all my hopes and dreams were, and yet he tried to squash all of them so that I would come with him. I couldn’t let my pity for him stop my dreams. I couldn’t become his pet. And like Elton John put it in his song Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, “You can’t plant me in your penthouse”. Yes, I loved him, but I couldn’t allow him to use that to his advantage.
I punched my steering wheel over and over again once I got into my car. My hand felt numb and I could see a small dent in my steering wheel. I could feel the tears being let loose. Evan was an ass. I tried to be supportive, but he took it too far. He was asking for way too much.
I didn’t want to face Evan again, so I started up my car right away and took off. My hands had a mind of their own as they guided me down the road and before I knew it, I was parked on Jenny’s driveway and sprinting up it. It had been a few months since I had seen her last, but I knew I had to see her now. She knew me almost as well as Evan did.
She was shocked as she opened the door, but she didn’t even hesitate to let me in.
“Do you need anything to drink. Oh god, what happened?” She said, frantically cleaning as we walked into the living room.
“No, I’m good. I just need to sit in a house that won’t judge me.”
“Of course, sit down. It’s been too long.”
“Too long, indeed,” I muttered, laying down on her love seat. My breathing finally slowed, and I shut my eyes. It was so peaceful and quiet here. Jenny’s house had always had that effect on me which always used to piss her off, but now she just lifted my legs and sat next to me in silence. I could feel her eyes on me, but I didn’t want to open my eyes just yet. I wasn’t ready to talk.
After a few moments of silence, I drifted off into a dreamscape. I was in a serene forest and in front of me were two paths. Something materialized on the left-side path and as I looked over in that direction, I realized that it was Evan. He was smiling his most precious smile, but his eyes were crying, and his arms were bleeding. Pools of water and blood ran down him and onto the path making the path dark and desolate. Suddenly something appeared on the right-side path. It was Jenny. She was bright and glowing. She waved me over and my feet moved instantly over to her.
Then Jenny embraced me and that embrace sent me flying into a different time and place. I was standing on a lawn. I couldn’t tell where I was right away, and my heart jumped into my throat. It wasn’t a scary place, but everything was covered in fog. There was nothing but a large figure in the background. Then a bright light cleared all the fog and in front of me was Harvard University. It was tall and beautiful. There were hundreds of people walking around between buildings and my heart sped up. This was where I wanted to be. I wanted to be at a university where people were coming and going. I wanted to learn.
“Mel… Mel…” I looked over at the glowing Jenny, but she faded into the background. And then my whole world faded.
---------------------------------------------415Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpYT6PbX48
“Mel!” Jenny was shaking me. Her face was stricken with worry.
“You fell asleep and I couldn’t see you breathing, so I just needed to wake you, sorry.”
“That’s okay,” I groaned, sitting up.
“You do know that we start senior year in like a day, right?”
“No, two days.”
“I let you sleep the whole day yesterday.”
“I slept for a whole day?”
“Yeah, it’s okay, I called your parents and told them where you were at. They were pretty worried about you, Mel.”
I took Jenny’s hand in mine and placed my other hand gently on top of hers. I couldn’t believe how kind she was being even though I hadn’t seen her in months. She probably thought that we weren’t even friends anymore. I had gotten so absorbed in Dany’s life that I had completely forgotten my best friend.
I could feel Jenny’s hand shaking and when I looked up into her face, there were tears welling up in her eyes. I instinctively reached up and brushed them away. I can’t believe that I had done this to her. I never thought that I would have hurt her like this ever. She was the person that got me through Evan’s asshole phase. She had always been there for me, and I had just abandoned her.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“Mel, I-I thought I did something wrong, but I finally realized that you were just being an ass and spending all this time with Dany. Do you even like Dany? I see more chemistry between you and Evan than you and Dany.”
I choked on my spit as Jenny said this. Did she know? If she was suspecting, who else was suspecting? Was everyone starting to figure it out?
Right as I started to think about it, I realized how insane I was starting to feel. Jenny was my best friend and she had told me long ago how she was pansexual, so why shouldn’t I tell her that I was gay or falling for Evan might be a better explanation because I didn’t even know myself if I was actually one hundred percent gay or not.
“Mel, are you okay?”
“Sorry, choked on spit.”
“Mel… What’s going on?”
“God, you always see right through me.”
“Yeah, I do because we are best friends, and you need to remember that. Tell me, what is wrong?”
Suddenly the room skyrocketed in heat. I could feel beads of sweat forming on my forehead, but I knew what I had to do. I had to tell my best friend what I had been hiding from the world and myself.
“Jenny,” I started, my palms dripping in sweat, “I-I…”
“You, what?” Jenny was staring at me impatiently.
“I’m… dating Evan.”
The world stopped. Jenny’s face went from bored to completely shocked. Her mouth was hanging all the way down onto the floor and she just stood there, frozen. I waited and waited for a response, but it was as if I had broken her.
“Um… Jenny?”
“W-What? What did you just say?”
“Jenny, I’m pretty damn sure that I’m gay.”
After another moment of excruciating staring and silence, her mouth suddenly curved upward.
“You’re gay? No way, I would have never guessed that in a million years! You’re not joking, are you?”
I shook my head and then Jenny flew into my arms. She was squealing and flailing all over the place. I felt her hand slap my face and her head banged against my arm; it was if a child were in my arms. I couldn’t believe the relief that came out of me.
“Jenny… Jenny!”
“What?” She screamed.
“You’re the first person I have told, so don’t you dare tell anyone else.”
“Cross my heart and hope to die!”
“I haven’t even told Dany.”
Jenny’s celebration suddenly died, and she looked at me with a confused expression on her face.
“Why?”
“I don’t want to hurt her, and I’m scared. Once I tell her, I know it will be out to the public. She will not hesitate to spread it.”
“Mel, don’t be scared, just think about Evan. You don’t be able to love him properly if you keep dating Dany.”
“I can keep dating Dany as a rouse.”
“A rouse? Are you kidding me?”
“I can’t let anyone know. I’m not ready.”
“You have to be ready, Mel. This is your life, don’t let society walk all over you.”
ns 15.158.61.8da2
