《請跟我交往！拜託啦！》 - 第三章國文課！

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「好囉，小鬼頭們，」在鐘響後，國文老師抱著一疊文件走進教室，「你們知道我們今天要做什麼嗎？」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfBVQ5wLKd

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「今天好像是……要發上次國文課寫的作文嗎？」我問。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rRttvFxqB
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「答對囉！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7BPPdVVlE
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「又是一堂無聊的課。」賴妍發牢騷。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqA3vFrz6M
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「我早就猜到妳會這樣說，所以今天打算來點不一樣的上課方式！」國文老師興高采烈的說，「等等我會叫號，點到的同學請上台，然後朗讀你的作品！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT12zDcCOu8
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「咦咦咦！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGWatJ4B0Q
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「這樣會被嗆吧！尤其在題目還是『自己創造一個短篇故事』的情況下！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqksSRzAOiM
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同學們的反抗聲不斷。不過老師不理他們。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBPC2a1HQDF
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「要開始囉！一號！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVaKM7TIfZ
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是三岐。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSJLNUhQVj
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他接過老師手中的作文紙，大步走上講台！225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAQIr6uRlk
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三岐深吸一口氣，開口：225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHsx25AakX
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「我在雨中拔腿狂奔。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEqwAzPel1
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後面追著兩個人。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDshA0Bftc
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我很清楚他們為什麼找上我，所以我只管向前衝。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKuDyyxvF6F
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四周的行人被我撞到後，發出不滿的抱怨聲。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKQOe6w2n3
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『哈塔！你竟敢帶著欠我們的錢逃跑！你以為組織就會這麼放過你嗎！』追著我的其中一人在後頭放聲大後。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7RKe0AffMi
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我加快腳步。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuK69Y0RyvU
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這時，我聽到了幾聲槍響，後腿同時感覺到一陣劇痛。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTaMNSOVfV
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我發出慘叫，猛地跌倒在地上。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyj8kmM7G3p
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附近的群眾尖叫，開始四處逃竄。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgs0awmC3HX
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我轉過頭，看見那兩人的身影離我越來越近。

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看來如果不快點找個地方躲起來的話，我就要成為槍下的亡魂了。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2AvyZsADSI
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這時，我看見一旁的廢棄大樓。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzC044B3Bip
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我也沒空確認他們有沒有看見，拖著受傷的腿，逕自藏身在大樓入口處的一個陰暗角落。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSi2ydCOeyE
我開始默默祈禱。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPv3nVu448e
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『跟著血跡走！』其中一人大喊。『奇怪…那棟大樓？』225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsLhKPsNiE
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在我躲藏的角落，我聽到兩人的腳步聲逼近。

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我默默地閉上雙眼。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGln5wxHE8I
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三岐走下台。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPqMRSJ9rV
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「什麼？結束了喔？」坐在我身後的男同學很錯愕，「感覺你的故事才剛開始欸。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5HEqQ90x7g
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「你就是因為這樣，所以就算連續出場三章作者還是連名字都沒給你。」三岐搖頭嘆氣。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwjYT7OOVt
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「原來這三章出現的男同學是同一個人啊！！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZb22PDTNM
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「三岐同學，我在改的時候也很好奇，可以解釋你在這裡結束的理由嗎？」國文老師問道。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSgQ5lrBfW
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「我想要留給你們這群凡夫俗子一個思考的空間。我這樣寫的用意，是藉由思考主角到最後是否被發現來呈現這篇短篇的韻味……看來這種開放性結局不是你們這群凡夫俗子可以體會的。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkq4pEN3Uc
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「『你們這群凡夫俗子』是不是在同一句話用了兩次？」我問。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPo8Fqsrklo
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「汝是在質疑身為宇宙主宰的我嗎！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDGz8f3poo
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「所以一加一到底等於多少？」賴妍問他。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvFCnJXtbw
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「五十。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztQSUBtjnK
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「宇宙主宰的數學弱爆了啊！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQS8AF34aK
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「三岐同學，」國文老師叫他，「你能不能告訴我們故事的大意？這樣子像男同學同學一樣的其他同學也能聽懂你的故事。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzc0PYZCN1
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「原來『男同學』是他的名字嗎！！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmFU7GDLBD
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「大意嗎…我想一下喔……」三岐思考了一下，

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「在那個世界，主角加入了組織『克雷德』，因為看不慣他們邪惡的處事風格而決定與愛人逃──」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmEPQDumrbH
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「咦？這一段沒有在文章中出現啊。」國文老師疑惑道。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbzbUPgHJQy
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「因為這是背景設定。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyX2TW8T8so
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「背、背景…」國文老師揉揉額頭，「三岐同學，再縮短一點，從正文開始就好。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcayyKhLP5o
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「正文喔……」三岐清清嗓子，再次開口，「在世界上，偷了組織裡頭重要的『信件』和大筆金錢的主角哈塔在街頭被組織派出的殺手『湯姆』和『傑利』追殺，在追逐時，哈塔的腳竟然被湯姆射中了！在情急之下，哈塔逃進了廢棄的大樓中，等待正義組織的救援───」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Wm5iDzBT8
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「再縮短一點。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh8Nz5y1P4X
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「世界上，欠了邪惡組織債的主角哈塔，因為被組織派出的殺手雙人組追殺，在負傷之下不得已只好躲進附近的廢棄大樓之中等待救援。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWS1vTueHK
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「再短一點。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtdFtGFgaJ
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「世界上，欠錢的哈塔因為受傷所以逃進了廢棄大樓。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSAKUGo0M2
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「突然之間變得很好懂啊！連原意都要被扭曲了啊！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6BkAJVtlX
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「再短一點。」賴妍說。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1crAGfVQZ
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「世債哈樓。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJtvO10hlK
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「太精簡了！倒不如說是直接開嘴了啊！！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zxm2ywZZG
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「下一位……三十七號！」國文老師再次點名，是賴妍。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfp932Thlqy
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「唔喔…」賴妍搖搖晃晃的上台，手中還抓著一瓶約翰走路。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVqFWv8CyqM
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「請把酒放回桌上。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJbMOBMIGn
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「唔唔唔……」賴妍回位子放好瓶子，接過老師手中的作文，上台。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzIJXGgk4pY
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「我今天上學時，在公園看到一隻貓。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ftaSZkq8G
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沒想到，牠竟然攔住我，然後對我說：『你好，我是說了算你們的話說回來了我們的後宮城縣市長得像是在哈囉不是說了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了─────』」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqthaySp54f
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「等等！」國文老師打斷她，「為什麼貓說的話跟手機的自動選字一樣？」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKl0dyM41o
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「可能是作者懶得想劇情吧。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG74ZXAX1WC
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「妳是不是偷喝酒？」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9r6moOJLU
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「她哪一天沒有偷喝酒！」我說。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2vQHqGGNM
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「那妳那天喝醉了嗎？」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSia7QEg1X
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「我沒醉啊，是那隻貓醉了。」賴妍一臉無辜的說。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEK9wGzn0jM
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「可是妳的題目是『喝醉的貓』……不對啊，就算是喝醉的貓也不會說話吧！」老師反駁。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rDZX2UCWj
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「可是那隻是貓公爵欸。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzjWDsgw7f
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「貓公爵是什麼？」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHULgWzNaj
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「老師，您沒看過貓公爵嗎？」賴妍驚訝的問。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixZQJ7PfWx
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「沒看過啊，有什麼特徵嗎？」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJv1ER9Poc
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「叫聲是『喵，喵，O哥』。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDg1KeVyEwK
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「誰會看過這隻種族歧視的貓啊！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMvEvHqerv
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「而且牠還寫過『舉杯邀明月，對影成八人』這句經典名句。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsS8y1wIQib
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「不是三人嗎？」國文老師很困惑。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5klhgZeEpF
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「三等於八。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡajuV36t9w5
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「人家都已經被你弄到住院了還好意思說啊！」我吐槽。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzav3YqbRN
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「我從以前就覺得這一句話很牽強…不過還算過得去，」國文老師說，「但是對影成八人又是怎麼回事？本來只有月亮、人物、影子而已。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWlNzcbWIN
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「對影成八人就是月亮、人物、影子、影子、影子、影子、影子跟影子。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFR4LKcRpWC
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「你把其他人的影子也一起照出來了啊！是怎樣！靈異現場嗎！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVcGJUTXOI
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「好吧，算了，當我沒問。」一陣子後，老師嘆口氣，「下一個，今天幾月幾號？」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbUy0uoem4
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「九月九號！」全班同學異口同聲回答，之後同時轉頭看我。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSI3MqGu3yK
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你們這群小王八蛋。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BB3f0dihP
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「九號是……」老師看了一下點名簿，「班長柳困同學。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcWF6d9v8S
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「可是老師，我的故事真的有點…」我有點為難。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXa9CL35wm
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「不用怕，賴妍寫那種東西都敢上來了。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfnWQPR13q
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「好吧……」我慢慢步上講台。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMaHGx8KLX
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「人在愉悅的時候會釋放出『虛空分子』，在這些虛空分子達到一定的程度時，會強制開啟一道傳送門，將隨機的人傳送到一個遊戲之中。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5IDQhi3UJ
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所以，我，幻天，現在站在一片血紅色的天空下。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSkUnM0nwJ
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此刻，我只想搞清楚，出現在我眼前的是幻覺，還是現實。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJJnyu9Srq
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這時，有一個稚嫩的聲音叫住我。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9YeZGRip0
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『喂！你是誰！叫什麼名字！』我回頭，看見一個紫色頭髮，穿著和服，手中拿著金色大弓的蘿莉……我是說小女孩─────」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3ee5GKfXG
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「我看錯你了，班長。」簡澄說。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnng6DlJ7j
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「閉、閉嘴！讓我說完！225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnIoJheE6M
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「『你是誰？』她的箭指著我的頭，所以我只能戰戰兢兢地回答。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHxzF6BwAp
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『我叫幻天……妳、妳叫什麼名字？』225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTJI4Be76i
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『……我叫瑞希。』她說。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGaEqTr73Q
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話說回來，她看起來真可愛───」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV29UNvLezk
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「好的，停止，我們謝謝班長！」國文老師說。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFJmCxwfKM
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「我還沒說完欸！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZaHYNXCaqg
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「沒關係，你這剛見面就發春的傢伙。我現在連你的標題是什麼都不感興趣。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDlj03gjOQY
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「為什麼要吐我槽！」我現在覺得超級受傷。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QKNGIvMtE
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「因為時間不太夠，」老師不理我。她看了看錶，「所以我們再選最後一位！十六號！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJOHoSUlEgu
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「是我！」簡澄舉手。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFQqGwZ8y1
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「上台吧，快下課了。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9tDH154sV
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簡澄走上台，攤開作文。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7F9LfNyzt
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「在一個下大雪的夜晚，一個快要凍死的小女孩，在街上販賣燃燒瓶。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6zjncqMyy
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「為什麼是燃燒瓶！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaF2r5WOiND
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「『要不要買燃燒瓶啊……要不要買燃燒瓶啊……不買的話燒了你哦…』她賣力的嘶喊，但是經過的行人始終不看她一眼。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG41KXDIqrW
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「根本沒人敢看吧！一言不合就會被燒死啊！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo70j5Xkw26
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「漸漸的，時間越來越晚，人潮也越來越少。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyGon5ia3VH
大街上很快就只剩下小女孩一人。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSxXsF7i44
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「全都被嚇跑了啊！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOkeVTTxm4
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「小女孩起身，在她身後的餐廳中，許多人正在用餐。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKG8gwiHqN
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在她正前方的窗戶裡，一對年輕夫婦正在享用烤雞。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5c7WsHcpCI
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又冷又餓的小女孩於是丟了一個燃燒瓶到餐廳裡面。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQOwaey6OF
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「為什麼啊啊啊啊啊啊！！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6vQ1rKT5f
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「餐廳裡面的人們，包括那對夫妻，尖叫著離開了現場。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ335p0hOl8g
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「廢話！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXSSBtip3n
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「小女孩因此撿到了那對夫妻還沒來得及享用的整隻烤雞。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNkiH6mxLV
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「原來這就是目的嗎！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbo4gaNcRoZ
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「小女孩吃的正開心時，『就是那個傢伙嗎！想要暗殺老大的人！』一群身穿黑衣的人出現在燃燒的餐廳外圍。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7cUVffBLx
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAeII4TbrN

「惹到不該惹的人了啊！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2WuTVQ0fn
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「正所謂『五十人成虎』，」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5eGmHDUqA
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「不是三人成虎嗎！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIA1YRQfy12
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「三等於八等於五十。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3ogdRVbia
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「不要再消費人家了啊啊啊啊啊！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuLRBpY0Fh
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「這句話的意思是『五十個台北暴徒就跟老虎一樣可怕』。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYZj0wvk4V
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「明顯是五十個台北暴徒比較可怕吧！！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwlwdoOdFU
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「那群黑衣人同時飛身向前！在後頭的黑衣人也掏出槍！225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwR0FHmK9NO
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這時，其中一個黑衣人拿起電話聽了一會，然後大喊：『不好了！哈塔拿著信跟錢跑走了！』」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQP2RP9kN6
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「原來是同一個組織啊！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhiB53bzTV
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「『老大很不高興啊！』拿著手機的人說，『他說有句話要我轉告給你們。』」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1laeEWJR1
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqPuv1RvNT

「喔？老大想說什麼？」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgwlmpsrjc
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLv1at3tTRA

「『喵，喵，O哥。』」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFJiYzlot6
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyiLRjrnkya

「老大是貓公爵啊！難怪派出來的殺手叫湯姆跟傑利！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcW370PnAgZ
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uWOn4V7yo

「『六影眾也隨時準備出動了。』」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DSBB3DcoY
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「照出來的怪東西還有頭銜！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6yczawyMn
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「這時，小女孩露出了笑容。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSwCtzFD67
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『有、有什麼好笑！』黑衣人問道。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnztZuB6VTS
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ps9HGcvib

「百分之八百是因為『喵，喵，O哥』啊！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOZiCYDmoO
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZOWTeDfTs

「『哈哈哈哈哈！』小女孩喝了一口紅酒，邊笑邊說，『台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了吧台灣人民幣匯率的話說回來了……』」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGp8s2DBv8
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNSMEejdCVU

「她也喝醉了嗎！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsJvNoMdi8
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「她朝著黑衣人們扔出了一個個燃燒瓶，所有的黑衣人西裝上都沾滿了火苗。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfXnngb6jA
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黑衣人們開始尖叫，用各種餐廳裡面看得見的東西試圖滅火，但都止不住越來越大的火勢。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWG0EDbMSq
這時，小女孩───」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxB59vZsqiW
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「她說了些什麼了嗎？」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Mv6c6n6hs
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsWrNXi2Fe

「沒說什麼，她也被燒死了。」簡澄鞠躬，下臺，鐘聲剛好響起。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmpcwmD48gR
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「等一下！那這個故事的意義咧！」我追問。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYohcluCblk
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「不要亂丟燃燒瓶。」

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「你是最沒資格說這句話的人啊啊啊啊啊！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhnicUbZ0g
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDo3JfgxpI

「好的，謝謝簡澄同學幫我們做的完美結尾──」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Q3XyhvO4s
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「完美結尾！？」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgulmYsj4Q
225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5LeiyNHQ8

「如果各位同學喜歡這種上課模式的話，那我們以後也可以這樣子上喔，」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡko3E6k3hPf

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「這樣叫完美結尾！？」

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「那麼同學們，我們下堂國文課見。」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVueBlOixl8
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「結束的太草率了吧！！」225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7inDYmcGn
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當日結果：225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8wWG8r53z
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難得沒有事件發生。225Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwJiG4WrWT
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柳困依然單身。

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第三章 國文課！

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第三章國文課！