It had taken longer than Faith wanted it to, but finally, now that she'd swept up the mess of porcelain chards, washed her face off, and packed her suitcase with everything she thought she would need, she was on the road heading to her parents' house. She still wasn't sure how exactly she would feel, stepping back into her parents' house and life all of a sudden having left them on such bad terms, but it would have to be better than trying to go to sleep here tonight. The problem wasn't necessarily how empty her house had suddenly become, but the fact that that emptiness could change the second she let her guard down. Aaron's reasoning for Spencer being safely behind bars and the company never having existed did seem rather solid, but she still didn't know if she completely believed it. And then there was Aaron himself, of course.
It's alright, she attempted to reassure herself. You two are good. All you have to do is finish paying him back, all while trying to keep your sanity, your job, and your house which you're too afraid to even stay in now...
Faith had put in for some much-needed time off from work, though she had no idea at the time she requested it how much she would truly need it. She had yet to hear back from the publishing company whether she'd gotten that time off or not, though if she hadn't, she had no idea how she would be able to focus on meeting those deadlines after everything that had happened. She had spent so much time trying to convince Rowan that the world wasn't such a terrible place and that everything would be alright in the end, but now that he had shown his true colors and left, she wondered if she'd ever believed it herself to begin with at any time in her adult life.
Having eventually completed the drive to her parents' suburb on the other side of the city, Faith's nervousness returned in full swing. She may have broken the ice for the most part and heard their familiar and reassuring voices, but somehow, actually seeing her parents' faces and physically facing them was another thing. She'd thought she would have to drum up the courage to actually knock on the door, but as it turned out, her parents were already waiting for her on their front porch.
I guess they weren't kidding when they said they wanted to see me. Taking her purse and suitcase from her car, she climbed up the porch steps to join them, sheepishly avoiding eye contact and just wishing they would go ahead and let her in. This neighborhood was even safer than hers, but still, it didn't feel safe for them to just be standing out here at night, with no weapons, out in the open like this. Suddenly, she felt a set of arms grab her...only to realize it was just a hug from her dad. Hesitantly, she set her suitcase down and hugged back as her mom joined in and made it a group hug.
"Well, it looks like you came prepared," her mom remarked cheerfully at the suitcase, just as Faith was trying to think of something to say to break this silence that she was beginning to find uncomfortable.
"I'll go ahead and take this to your room, if that's alright," her dad said, picking up the suitcase.
"Oh--you don't have to."
"I want to, though," her dad insisted. "You look like you've been through a lot." He didn't know the half of it, though Faith did prefer it that way.
"So I still have my old room?" Faith found herself asking as her dad went to put the suitcase away.
"What are you talking about? It's just like you left it! Did you think we were gonna turn it into a junk room or something?" her mom said with a laugh.
"I don't know," Faith shrugged. "But either way, that's a relief." She still secretly wondered if, behind her parents' kind gazes and gestures, they might be feeling some implicit smugness or satisfaction at this entire situation. Maybe that was why she felt so emotionally distant compared to how she probably should feel right now. So many of her current problems could have been avoided, had she just dropped Rowan the minute her family had started voicing their concerns and suspicions, and Faith wondered if her parents had been counting the days before this would finally happen.
"I made some lasagna earlier. It's probably gotten cold by now, but we can heat it up," her mom told her as they both headed inside. "Want me to make you some tea too while we're at it?"
"Um, no... I'm good. I might go get myself some lasagna though."
"Well I'm surprised at you," her mom commented, glancing at her skeptically. "You'd think after spending all your time waiting on...'you-know-who', you'd wanna be waited on yourself for a change."
"I...guess I just have to learn what normal feels like again, even though Sherm says that normal is a myth," Faith tried to reason, knowing she probably did seem like a somewhat different person than who they used to know as their daughter. She hoped it wouldn't be too hard on her parents, in the long term.
Her mom laughed softly. "Sherm's definitely a smart boy, and sweet too. He always came by and checked on us, even after you left. I'll be honest, I always kind of wished you two would end up together some day, but I guess it is what it is."
Faith cringed. It didn't help that her dad was reentering the room just as her mom had made that comment. "Um, he has a girlfriend, you know. And besides, you know Sherm and I have never viewed each other that way," she said awkwardly. "Anyway...I guess I should go ahead and tell you what all has happened, with Rowan and everything." Of course she used the term 'everything' very loosely.
The version Faith told her parents was similar to what she had told the police: she and Rowan got into an argument, which had become an increasingly frequent occurrence between them over time, until finally he grabbed his things (prescriptions and all) and left that night, with her being too tired and angry to try to stop him anymore, thus why she wasn't sure who exactly picked him up. She knew she had made the right call by limiting what she told them, because both her parents already appeared disturbed enough by what little she had shared. "Don't worry," Faith concluded. "I never want to be associated with him again, if it can be helped. I'm even starting to think the company may not have ever existed."
Almost in unison, both her parents gave her a curt smile and shook their heads. "It doesn't," her mom muttered. "We tried to tell you."
"Well, at any rate," Faith sighed, "I just want to focus on getting back the life he took from me, even if I don't deserve it."
"I know you feel guilty," her mom said, "but people like Rowan can be really convincing with the stories they tell, and use their own bad circumstances to their advantage when they're looking around for people to manipulate. This wasn't entirely your fault."
"The boy always acted like he was on something, that's for sure," her dad added.
Faith only shrugged, hoping he would just drop it, but her dad pressed on. "So you didn't find anything suspicious--anything at all--when you were looking around the house after he left? No strange powder, liquids or tablets?"
"None," Faith answered honestly, having not physically seen anything in the mug of tea Rowan had made her. "I was feeling so many things at that time, a lot of it was really a blur. And you know what? A part of me hopes the police don't find him. If he wants to experience the outside world so badly, I say let him see just how fun and harmless it is for himself."
"I don't know about that," her dad cautioned. "I'd at least want some sense of closure in the matter, if it were me. He needs to be locked up, whether it's a prison or a mental facility, so he can't hurt anybody else--let alone my little girl."
"They'll find him, dear," her mom said chidingly, patting her husband's hand.
"I hope so, Holly. I hope so..."
Faith knew that if she continued to think about it too much, her mind was capable of going to all kinds of dark places, so she decided it was time to put an early end to this conversation. "Well, I've told you what's happened so far and I've done everything I know to do. I have no idea what I'll do or say the next time I see him--if there even is a next time--and I've already been overthinking about this whole thing as it is, so...can we please not talk about this anymore? Not tonight, anyway."
Her dad sighed, staring at the wall next to him before eventually nodding. "Okay. I guess this has been a lot on you, even more so than us. I know how much you wanted to help him."
"How about we just focus on getting some food in your stomach? You're so much skinnier than when I last saw you," her mom chimed in.
Faith's hunger was beginning to outweigh any trust issues that may be remaining toward her parents, or just in general. She hadn't really had a good meal ever since that one night that Sherm had come over and bought the three of them some pizza for a game night.
As she fixed herself a plate and started eating, she began to feel more and more at ease. As long as they let her fix any food or drinks by herself and didn't try to bring her anything while she was here, she would probably feel fairly safe. Fortunately, it seemed the main thing she really had to worry about at the moment was trying to continue to talk to her parents while her mouth was full.
"Sorry," her mom said sheepishly. "It's just we haven't heard your voice for so long. It's...nice, us being a family again."
"Yes, it is," her dad agreed solemnly. "I hate that everything turned out the way it did, but...some people are just beyond help, and I'm glad Rowan didn't do anything to seriously hurt you during that time."
"Honey..." Her mom glanced between her dad and Faith, quietly shaking her head at him.
"Sorry, Faith. I'm just glad you're okay...that's all."
"I know," Faith said stiffly. She may have been starting to feel safe, and she was fairly sure her parents meant well, but their comments about Rowan still irked her. Her dad's remark about the person she was trying so hard to protect just the other day being beyond help, while very possibly true, still threw any appetite she may have had before out the window. However, she was also painfully familiar with how it felt to be hungry under her recent circumstances, so she forced herself to finish eating.
She reminded herself that she and her parents were ultimately on the same side now, and that's what truly mattered. She no longer wanted or needed them to see Rowan as a part of their family, as he was now her enemy too--even though the heartbreak was likely going to hit her later.
Quickly changing the subject, her mom piped up, "I say we should invite the whole family over here one day, and have...well, maybe not a party per se, but a much-needed catching up session. I know your Aunt Chloe and Uncle Tim will be especially glad you're alright."
"Oh...I'm not sure about that," Faith blurted out.
"Well why not?" her mom asked, eyebrows raised.
"I mean, I guess I just need time." Pausing to think of how exactly she should word the rest of what she was trying to say to them, she eventually continued, "Rowan was my entire life at one point, and now that he's gone, there's a lot of broken pieces I'm having to take care of. Maybe in a couple of weeks we can plan something?"
"A couple of weeks?!" her mom squawked confusedly.
"You're not in any trouble, are you?" her dad asked, studying her.
"No, it isn't that," Faith answered quickly, figuring that was at least half true as things currently stood. "I'm...embarrassed, okay? It takes a really stupid person to do what I did, with how good you all have been to me, and I just decided to up and throw it all away one day. So what I mean is, I just need time before I'm ready to face them."
"You know, Holly, I agree--about how it might be too early, I mean. Even I'm still trying to process everything," her dad agreed. "But don't feel stupid or embarrassed, okay? The important thing is that you got out of that situation and you're able to tell about it. Not everybody is that fortunate."
"I guess... But anyway, whenever it would work out for all of us to see each other again, I'm fine with it as long as they're respectful and don't bring up any bad memories or ask uncomfortable questions," Faith asserted.
"Well of course they wouldn't! Asking the questions is our job," her mom quipped with a hint of self-awareness. In a way though, it was alright--Faith knew her parents, and that they wouldn't be asking questions if they didn't care. It wasn't as if she hadn't given Rowan the same treatment (or possibly worse) whenever she had been scared for him.
"Also, come to think of it," her mom now mused, "ever since Bethany became a nurse her schedule's been pretty hectic anyway. Maybe we should give her time to put in for a Saturday or a Sunday off."
"Yeah..." Faith held back a yawn. She was glad she had bought herself some time to tie up loose ends. "Well, I'd like to talk more, but if it's alright I think I'll go try and get some sleep."
Her dad looked a bit taken aback, but then gave an understanding nod. "That's alright. You look like you need it."
"Sleep good," her mom smiled. "See you in the morning."
"Thanks... I'll try. See you tomorrow."
When Faith entered the kitchen to put her plate in the dishwasher, she took the opportunity to case the counter to see if the knife rack was still where she last remembered it staying. As tired as she was, she would still sleep a lot better tonight with some form of weapon conveniently nearby, even if it wasn't a gun like she was used to. She would just have to hope her parents didn't notice one of their knives missing between now and whenever Faith got a chance to subtly put it back the next morning. It didn't even feel that much like paranoia to her at this point, instead feeling something much closer to mere common sense.
Her parents would surely think she had gone off the deep end if they saw her trying to take a knife out of the kitchen for no apparent reason, so she would have to be discreet. Maybe tomorrow when I've gotten a second wind, I can find a way to somehow break it to my parents that I've mysteriously lost my gun and see if Dad will at least let me borrow one of his, until I can get myself a new one.
She heard her dad get up from the couch (likely to go out on the porch for his nightly smoke before settling down himself for the night), just as she spotted the knife rack on the edge of the counter next to the refrigerator--where it had always sat, sure enough. Behind her, she heard her dad walk across the living room and open the front door...but didn't hear it close.
"Hey Faith?" her dad called out suddenly. "Just curious--what's this on your car that says "Happy Scoops"? I think I've heard that name before..."
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