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Chapter 15~ A Birthday on the Beach
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Edmund stayed with me the whole night. Sleep was not a cold, evasive stranger but was friendly...pleasant. He had wrapped me up in his arms and had draped his beat-up coat across my sleeping body. And both of us left this world for an overnight adventure—together this time. My Cabin Boy…The heart of gold in need of polishing…My ending I thought would never come…And my best friend.
He woke early. I stirred briefly and caught his arm before his departure. Half-asleep, I tried to form words and keep my eyes open.
“Don’t go…”
“I have to, love.” Edmund planted a kiss atop my forehead and squeezed my hand quickly. As soon as he’d woken, he was gone, leaving me with his jacket.
It wasn’t long until I woke again. The morning was truly blessed. Sunlight squeezed through the cracks and drifted in the winter air. I pulled the jacket around me and untied the rags around my crushed foot, making sure not to look at the blood. But, I realized the bigger problem much more quickly. Edmund left his jacket, and if Tew saw…
“Shit.”
There was nowhere to hide in a place like that. I struggled for some idea—anything—to put off the disaster yet to come. Luckily, I recalled the loose floorboards and scrambled to pry one up again. I worked desperately until the bones in my fingers ached. But, the nails eventually pried up and a safe place revealed itself. With a last hug of the jacket, I stuffed it down into empty space and sealed it away. Enduring the rest of the day already felt like a trial. My mind was now a tornado of reflection of the night before. Every memory felt bigger-than-life like it was all just a fantastic dream. It wasn’t common for me that dreams turned out to be reality. My energy had spiked tremendously. However, the day was filled with nothing, curiously—no visits, no shanties, no fights. After the boot’s wrath, I suspected Tew wasn’t giving up easily. I would’ve been terrified of dying by his hand before, but things were different now. I didn’t worry about death, for I had an angel by my side.
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When the night fell, I had counted every knot in every floorboard—36, for the record—and every nail that I could potentially use as a weapon. But, the day-long silence ushered in eeriness. When all was dark, I retrieved Edmund’s jacket and wrapped myself in it to ward off the frigidness and hide from the mystery outside. Night came faster nowadays. It was a gloomy sheet over the glorious day I was so relieved to see. And pulling the sheet back away was damn near impossible. After the seemingly endless hours, Edmund finally returned like usual. He wore a smile that normally would never make it through that door. I climbed up onto my feet and hugged him as if I hadn’t seen him in ages. He hugged me back, and I could feel his grin staining my own cheeks. Joy suited Edmund quite nicely.
“How are you, my love?”
“Better now that you’ve returned. I do think my foot is beginning to heal, thanks to you.”
He pecked my cheek and examined the thing. The more I imagined it—the sight of Edmund as a doctor—gave me faith in this world’s future. Knowing the hands of a loving soul will one day save lives could possibly save my own. But until then, watching him work was comfort enough.
“Have you ever felt this way before?” I hummed.
“Tired? I’m whacked every night, lass.”
“No. Have you ever…” I touched his arm gently to draw attention. “…felt this way before?”
His eyebrows raised, understanding.
“Oh.” He thought for a second, but it didn’t take long. “No. And I was sure when I first felt this way, I was mistaken—just overpowered by the thrill of havin' a girl aboard.” Edmund’s hands cradled mine gently, tenderly. “But, when you’d give up your life for another, it’s not just some simple stirrin' anymore.”
This brought a smile to my face. He sat down beside me and hummed a soft melody. I rested my head on his shoulder and absorbed the shudder in his chest from the music.
“You know,” he said, suddenly, “I’ve realized I’ve spent months chasin' after you, Constantine. I don’t even know what you’re chasin' yourself.”
“I’ve told you. My father-”
“Is findin' your father really what you dream about?”
The breath left my body like every wind on earth had pounded against my back all at once. Of course, I didn’t want that out of life. In all honestly, I hadn’t the time before to contemplate such matters. It seemed foolish to believe I could pave my own road over the one that had been laid out before me. I didn’t want to be my mother and live a short life of mystery and chaos. And my father’s way of life was certainly no better. For me, it always seemed either this or that and never or. For, I’d never had an or before.
“Ladies don’t always get to choose their destinies, Edmund.”
“Rubbish. You’re not like every lady. I was there in Cape Town that day. I saw you. Back then, you weren’t the Constantine I met back in the autumn’s wind. You aren’t her now. In Cape Town, she was free, headstrong, and as valiant as a knight. That version of Constantine could make mountains quake and rivers roar. That is where you belong.”
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And he was not wrong. I hadn’t forgotten just what it felt like being in the arms of contingency. The excitement pumping through my veins and electrocuting my every muscle. And my desire to return to that place ate at me every day, slowly and poisonously. Being contained behind walls was a nuisance to some but a hell for me.
Yes, I once desired a reunion but only if it meant the adventure first.
“Then you must understand my anguish of being shut in this dark, lifeless tomb for an eternity.” I finally admitted, “I want more than anything to run free again. But, none of it would be fulfilling without you running alongside me, hand in hand. I want the uncertainty and the fortuity. I grow so tired of knowing just how the days will end and how the next ones will begin.” Edmund pulled me closer as I spoke passionately. “I’m not sure how much longer I can endure it.”
I shivered, even underneath his warmth. Undeniably, it seemed nothing could break through the hardened, icy glaze of gloom that sealed me away—not even Edmund himself, no matter how fiercely he may beat the surface.
What was the point of discovering who you are if there isn’t much of yourself to be such anyways?
Then, Edmund said something in a low, hushed hum that rippled through my every muscle.
“It’s okay to let go. I shall stay with you no matter what.”
No one in my life had ever once told me that I was allowed to stop fighting. And I had never known the relief of it, though I imagined it sour if I gave it to myself.
“Let go…” I mouthed.
And Edmund said with a crooked, childish grin, “I will never know someone more deservin' of happiness. I will never be truly happy 'til I can fall in love with that Constantine. I want to see her leap over lakes and hills and lead armies of winds. The moonlight will know her like an old friend. And each day, the sunlight shall watch over her heart like a mother. That is a woman I could so easily devote my existence to. But, that pinkness in her cheeks and radiance from her eyes are not the beauty that I see.”
Edmund took my face in his hands. I saw my reflection in the tears rolling down his dirtied face, clearing cleaner paths across his sun-kissed skin. Like a boulder rolling down a mountain, my heart rolled up my throat—higher and higher until tears too tumbled down my own cheeks. My breaths were scattered and humid. Edmund kept his words soft but clear.
“Despite my life of forlornness, I am the luckiest man in the world because I can wake up every mornin' and see you, Constantine.” And we finally fell into each other’s arms.
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The next morning, I rose alone. The day had every intention to be eventless. I was content to keep it that way. My foot no longer throbbed and stung at every movement. I even tried to stand but collapsed very quickly. Edmund’s jacket still stayed with me underneath the floorboards. My hands felt along the walls, noticing their hollow chillness. I could only wonder what month it was—December, January, February?…Had Christmas already come and gone?
And my birthday? Perhaps I was now eighteen years of age.
I remembered birthdays with my godmother. Though she was a terror every day, she spared me peace of mind for one day. I would leave home for the day and lie on the beach for hours, watching the clouds and thinking about all the questions no one could answer yet. I’d have no responsibilities. The sand would rub rough against my skin and leave burns for a week later, but it was all worth it to feel the warm sunlight on my eyelids and the cheeky waves tickling my toes. And sometimes, I felt Mother lying there next to me. She’d lay a kiss on my head and clutch my hand. Only when I would open my eyes, she’d leave again. I wondered if she’d leave to visit Father. Would she blow a summery breeze over his face even in February?
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Normally, I’d have little time for thoughts like these. But, I was suddenly given a lot of free time recently. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds outside, painting an image in my mind all the while. But, there wasn’t the normal howl of sea shanties and bellowing shouts from the quartermaster. Instead, something frightful reached my ears—cries of pain and wet smacks. It was so animalistic that I assumed it to be the yelps of a dying dog.
Without warning, the door in front of me was thrown open, and two huge, brutish pirates thundered in and manhandled me to the entrance. I began to yell, knowing well that Tew waited for me beyond with some other form of diabolical torture to inflict. The other pirates were grouped around Amity’s main mast, watching something furiously. They raged loudly, shouting lurid and gross insults. But none looked at me, oddly enough. This ordeal wasn’t for me. And my stomach turned horrifyingly. The pirates gripping me pushed me through the masses to catch the best view of what was happening. The smell of these men hit me first and gagged me until tears filled my eyes merely from the pungent sting. What I saw, however, changed everything, and nothing would ever be the same again.
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Tied to the wide, wooden mast was Edmund. He was knelt down, hands rope-bound like he was hugging the foot of the post. Edmund was covered in sweat, and it dripped off his golden locks like seawater. His chest was bare, his back exposed, and his shirt lay strewn across the deck in shreds and tainted with blood. Edmund’s body sunk low, exhausted and nearly lifeless. He was a corpse of his former self, like an animal begging for death. Behind Edmund stood Thomas Tew, a face like a devil—red hot eyes, eyebrows arched towards the top of his skull, tar hair in a ragged mess. Every ounce of Tew’s villainous self was now replaced with pure evil and rage. I had never seen hell in the flesh until then. Tew’s right hand held a long leather whip. It dripped in scarlet blood and puddled onto the deck like the most venomous snake in the world. It was obvious this wasn’t the first time the whip had been used. It fit comfortably in Tew’s grip like the hand of a child. But, the star in the sky was below—Edmund himself. Edmund’s once blemish-free back was now mutilated and soaked in blood. Lash marks covered the skin and the flesh beneath was exposed to the sun. His flesh had come out in patches and laid grossly about him. Every couple seconds, Tew would raise his arms over his head like a priest then bring the whip down onto Edmund like Satan himself.
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Even before I understood everything going on, I was screaming and crying like a babe. Every lash across the marred back sent a cry of agony from Edmund’s bloodied lips. His face was hidden behind his arms, no doubt embarrassed that I was witnessing this abomination. My throat burned Edmund’s name, and my arms bruised from the fight I was putting up against the large men. Every lash burned me as much as it did him.
There was only the deafening pounding in my skull, and time seemed to slow down until seconds felt like days.
Why? Why my Edmund? Why, after all the suffering I’d been numbed to, was it not me catching that next lash?
This was the kind of question only a birthday on the beach could answer.
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