她叫張漫青,別人都會很親切地叫她「青青」;是一個大學二年級學生。946Please respect copyright.PENANAsc12ztyfET
946Please respect copyright.PENANAUJZNwcZtMn
和前度分手之後,她也有嘗試和男生約會,畢竟她的情感需求並不少,需要與人相愛才能感到安全;但是,那些人都並非真心或純粹地喜歡她。946Please respect copyright.PENANAkFe2XdOHEp
946Please respect copyright.PENANAu6q9jNVUBv
例如,Leo是她的組員,需要一同完成功課。946Please respect copyright.PENANAOnh8tPqt3H
946Please respect copyright.PENANAxtARIgnXrQ
二人在網上連線聊着揀選什麼資料時,他時常都會插入曖昧的話語;有時,她稱讚隔籬組同學人品很好,他就會說:「邊個夠你好啊?我都想要一個好似你咁樣的女朋友。」946Please respect copyright.PENANA8qkHFkAM5Q
946Please respect copyright.PENANAQM5lPAuFbl
重重複複,他竟然說不厭,但她已經聽到煩。946Please respect copyright.PENANA51XsMnPg3y
946Please respect copyright.PENANAj5uzDSgVTw
青青尷尬:「唔好講呢啲啦,快啲做嘢。」946Please respect copyright.PENANAdH6fmNHPQw
946Please respect copyright.PENANAZI5rPzj8Lt
「OKOK,做完先講。係呢,你冇男朋友咩?」他總是沒法專心做功課。946Please respect copyright.PENANAWrZ5Q37NoC
946Please respect copyright.PENANALMNJnHdmXj
「冇。」她只怕爛grade。946Please respect copyright.PENANAotNwJrY1mQ
946Please respect copyright.PENANA2ASbaUKyTW
「點解會冇㗎。我抵諗啲啦……」946Please respect copyright.PENANA5S1BDKJlVz
946Please respect copyright.PENANAKIB7KttTig
「你就想。」青青想起Leo的Instagram裏,有一張團體合照,其中,他與一個女生哄得特別埋。直覺告訴她,他應該有女朋友——這或許與預感無關,是她不願再聽見他的曖昧話語。946Please respect copyright.PENANAcJYPCeHKwU
946Please respect copyright.PENANA92g3nTjwxx
她試探地問:「你有女朋友㗎,唔好講呢啲啦。」946Please respect copyright.PENANAujfnIjFkdN
946Please respect copyright.PENANASwr03HxoXX
「咦,你又知我有女朋友嘅,哈哈。」他呆住,然後尷尬地笑了兩下,承認。946Please respect copyright.PENANAybUWM4JGht
946Please respect copyright.PENANAXK4M2tLqYD
她也笑,慶幸Leo並非純熟的玩家,面前直接的提問時,還是會露怯。她可不想因為「傾多兩句」就背負了與他人男友親近的罪名,如果Leo真有女友,她會更小心一點說話。946Please respect copyright.PENANAnaPtfpxF8c
946Please respect copyright.PENANAbV6DBM10HH
這段時間裏,她遇見許多人,新識、舊故,無往不利;多聊幾句,就似無法擁有純粹的友誼。946Please respect copyright.PENANAmzua0Ghb4c
946Please respect copyright.PENANAUCN6VZywd9
又譬如,青青與同事Dennis十分投契,工作沉悶,可是他總會來找她聊幾句。有次,他看見她在座位上蜷縮一團,轉頭就給她買熱飲和暖包。回家之後,更是主動地找她吹水,覆得很快。946Please respect copyright.PENANAirwYTy1Mv7
946Please respect copyright.PENANAaZRHOhFahw
他經常發表單身宣言,她便沒有拘緊地與他相處;她不用再擔心他是別人的男友,以免誤傷另一個無辜女生。946Please respect copyright.PENANAYqSQYLdVTA
946Please respect copyright.PENANACBniLBsDdp
「點解你Instagram唔Po嘢嘅?」Dennis問青青。946Please respect copyright.PENANAMToTezlV7D
946Please respect copyright.PENANAiZxZuSScY2
「Err…冇嘢好Po啊。」946Please respect copyright.PENANARmSY2bi4YP
946Please respect copyright.PENANA0x9DYZK5LC
「如果你Po咗,我咪有多一個藉口搵你傾偈囉,可以覆吓你啲story吖嘛。」946Please respect copyright.PENANAQKvaVlmBVd
946Please respect copyright.PENANA0jlP9CnRMw
青青感覺到,Dennis似乎對她有意,平時亦盡顯細心體貼。946Please respect copyright.PENANARxU6SUSJ9S
946Please respect copyright.PENANABocsNodR2e
她並不抗拒,慢慢,變得很期待和他傾偈;她分不清自己是喜歡他,還是,喜歡他的熱情和主動。946Please respect copyright.PENANABsERS72UpJ
946Please respect copyright.PENANAG1BPhKlpQv
有溫度的來往,足以撫平躁動的心。946Please respect copyright.PENANAuRop8Hzvpl
946Please respect copyright.PENANAtiqOEfqGQI
即使分了手不算一段短時間,但她仍未適應沒有愛人的寂寞,她發現感情極其脆弱,曾經那麼真誠柔和的目光,可以變成厭惡的迴避。一刻快樂,確實無價,可是,如果快樂十分短暫,對方又要捨她而去,她是決不會交出真心的。946Please respect copyright.PENANAyBJDBEf60p
946Please respect copyright.PENANAaYhCkvLxKA
愛情於她,不再是傾倒的天秤,她要確保對方真鍾愛她,才願意投入更多可愛可親;傻傻地迷戀對方,就算受他欺侮仍心懷希望——946Please respect copyright.PENANAZEVfip7N0U
946Please respect copyright.PENANAiWEZvWUkXn
這已經是舊時的童趣。她已經長大了一點,僅僅是一點,但比沒有多。946Please respect copyright.PENANABkZ0OozKKX
946Please respect copyright.PENANAp7LRDPeHL3
畢竟,重新適應一個人,很累。感情好的時候,百分百信任對方,身家、性命、財產她都不介意傾盡;抽離的時候,卻遺落了自己在舊街故巷,她並不完整了。946Please respect copyright.PENANAGmneRoC2Zq
946Please respect copyright.PENANAHfKbNqGWRT
青青對Dennis有些期許,因為,他常常都會說喜歡她。年輕愚痴的她對甜言蜜語並無抵抗力。946Please respect copyright.PENANArH6SUP7QWa
946Please respect copyright.PENANAZacWFbmBI8
只是,他又會突然失蹤,有時一整天都音訊全無,或者回覆得很冷淡、簡短——欲擒故縱嗎?可是她只覺得很沒有安全感,要是真的想聯絡她,一整天總能抽一點時間吧——是否?946Please respect copyright.PENANABtSlqfQPlR
946Please respect copyright.PENANASABAgVw3z1
她的內心有個問號。946Please respect copyright.PENANARWqbCklGe3
946Please respect copyright.PENANA3Zf2mJ0FnG
再隔一會兒,她才發現,他同時在追求很多女生,不斷發展不同形式的男女關係。946Please respect copyright.PENANAaq7ceoqdDG
946Please respect copyright.PENANAEnGQDGsCXf
他確實是單身,但是,他對她的喜歡並非心無雜念的鍾情。他能夠在射精到他人胸部後打字回覆她說:「掛住你。」可是,手上明明還殘留床伴體液的味道。946Please respect copyright.PENANAgaINsYz52L
946Please respect copyright.PENANAYLt8BQLF0s
青青無法接受這種喜歡。946Please respect copyright.PENANA7FWXorXh84
946Please respect copyright.PENANAWCHeyYW2Bc
「唔係啊,咁你又未應承我,所以我先至同時追其他人咋。至於fwb……好難忍㗎,有陣時想要就真係要解決。」Dennis說。946Please respect copyright.PENANABINSOdGLq0
946Please respect copyright.PENANAmSVLzkveUV
「我冇意見,只係接受唔到——你可以同時對住我同其他女仔……」青青承認自己的私心。946Please respect copyright.PENANAjzb9fRFDgy
946Please respect copyright.PENANAjmmSqjZnH4
她比較貪婪,她希望他在曖昧之時不要分神,不要將心思落在其他女生身上。她想起每次他的失蹤,都覺得可笑,在她焦灼地等待時,他或因與他人夜夜笙歌而分不開身;身軀畢竟只有一個,心肝脾肺腎的興奮無法從電波傳送給她。946Please respect copyright.PENANAjHdyVYDpSg
946Please respect copyright.PENANAY8pTfceX6Q
他同時「喜歡」很多人,是他的自由;她無意干涉。946Please respect copyright.PENANAAw3NiwqpAO
946Please respect copyright.PENANAjg6g7KnFMP
只是,她失望於他無法專心待她,僅僅如此。946Please respect copyright.PENANAzBcPKiR33d
946Please respect copyright.PENANAaPV2S9s8m6
青青回想Dennis所說的:「喂喂,咁我真係幾鍾意你吖嘛。」便覺得他在欺詐;他最愛的是自己,鍾情的是自己永不枯萎的男性魅力,而不是她。946Please respect copyright.PENANAs7OArpMNiv
946Please respect copyright.PENANAwAtDd3Q0tK
還有一些人,他們隨便與她聊幾句天,便說:「點解我遇唔到好似你咁好嘅女仔㗎!」946Please respect copyright.PENANAcRknjLqGYb
946Please respect copyright.PENANAQv4IGeyx6v
挑!咪再派好人卡畀我啦——她總是無奈。946Please respect copyright.PENANA9tRoKJXxfB
946Please respect copyright.PENANAzKKOLhnI9o
速食時代,傾幾句偈就是「喜歡」,明明只得些許好感,卻硬要往「愛」上升;青青不明白意義何在,性格相對慢熱的她完全吃不消,每次她看見別人的深情,只是覺得很煩亂,因為感覺,太假了。946Please respect copyright.PENANAf9VSMMbOks
946Please respect copyright.PENANAqp5pQFulqE
他們並不認識她,卻說,喜歡她。946Please respect copyright.PENANA96U6A4rBhr
946Please respect copyright.PENANAHMiuICrHMx
喜歡她什麼?946Please respect copyright.PENANAk5GZC5Vwpi
946Please respect copyright.PENANAta6eYENTHJ
她的斯文和溫柔,只是對着陌生人的客套;真實的她,喜歡看地獄笑話,對住熟人亦有些口賤。難道他們喜歡她疏離冷漠之下的表演麼。946Please respect copyright.PENANAdYH28WN464
946Please respect copyright.PENANAD5LE58GkX2
無非想進入一段足夠相愛、別無異心的感情,是否很困難?946Please respect copyright.PENANA73y1YyMT1B
946Please respect copyright.PENANACFGNxPxEpP
這一年間,青青遇過幾個男生,將其中一位寫在了小說之中,她在文字裏叫「張青兒」,對方是林子樂。946Please respect copyright.PENANAxs2Bzgcws0
946Please respect copyright.PENANA3ZZwM6oE0s
可是,在現實中,他們只是聊了幾次天,互相沒有情愫,二人只是朋友和大學同學;準確點而言,阿樂是——青青的好友許雅君——的Hallmate。946Please respect copyright.PENANAJOE2GUxnxa
946Please respect copyright.PENANAJoKGb4VFDS
她承認自己寫的東西是「假」的,是,這可能是很蠢的行為,但的確、不得不講,只有在小說這個虛構的場境中,才能不那麼孤單——她所索求的一種實切的温暖,只能從並不存在的人物身上取得。而且,為了避免自己過分沉淪,她將男主角「歸還」其心中的女神,不再霸佔這虛幻的愛。946Please respect copyright.PENANAZcOCdVOY1v
946Please respect copyright.PENANAe6Jkbn6EHS
林子樂說:「喂,你不如執執個look,真係太頹。」946Please respect copyright.PENANAMZVAqMU6TV
946Please respect copyright.PENANAUtm401pVdA
青青不是美人。946Please respect copyright.PENANAF7blndBy1h
946Please respect copyright.PENANAGMZK1aVG0b
她的臉色泛黃,皮膚毛孔粗大得不斷收集污垢,滿臉油光;雙目無神、下巴短圓。她尚有斜膊、倒及牙、腳彎、頭髮稀疏、矮小等自己看不過眼的外型缺點。946Please respect copyright.PENANAtDSA0d04I8
946Please respect copyright.PENANA0aJx1nl7Tu
「忙,」她說:「好大壓力呀呢牌,遲啲得閒先啦。」946Please respect copyright.PENANA0woaSoVwVV
946Please respect copyright.PENANAryMOouq89H
「又話想出pool,男仔只係鍾意靚女——咩類型都好,都係美貌即正義。你正正經經護吓膚啦,唔好捱咁多夜,好傷身囉。」946Please respect copyright.PENANAav3priUgiJ
946Please respect copyright.PENANAvBHQqyL79u
她點點頭,他以男生視覺作出提醒,她沒有理由不聽。946Please respect copyright.PENANAE3g54WFGKZ
946Please respect copyright.PENANAvPw1J170Oj
秋末初冬的落葉在風中緩緩飄落,在地上被人踏過,發出「咔嚓」的聲音;飄落而無歸途的心,同樣不成一體。946Please respect copyright.PENANAgPoruzv2LO
946Please respect copyright.PENANADOvqOxojdM
她開始迷失,或許,是她沒有被愛的條件,無人非她不可。946Please respect copyright.PENANAalfRBr5ht4
946Please respect copyright.PENANARypGaoKnZU
她本人,沒有資格被珍惜。946Please respect copyright.PENANAsMFB24wIaT