Faith's arrival sent me into a horrible tailspin, and I desperately longed to speak to her. But of course, I wasn't allowed to, and the nuns took a sick pleasure in telling me she was actually here to train to be like one of them, and this rocked me even more. Apparently her marriage had gone sour after one too many miscarriages, and she'd returned home, much to Mother's delight. But it had been established she was unable to carry a cub to term, which had made her very angry, and her turnaround from bitch to semi-decent sibling had flipped overnight, turning her back into an even more catty bitch than she'd been. Mother had then let it slip I was here, and she'd clearly jumped at the chance to have me under her thumb once more.
I was furious and upset at this news, but there was nothing I could do without getting myself in worse trouble. I was already on the blacklist for my supposed recalcitrance, and, like Alice, I was now in solitary confinement 24/7, given only one meal at breakfast, and forced to sit on my bed and stare at the wall. I would have disobeyed this last requirement, but a nun had been posted outside my door, and she had ways of telling if I was being disobedient. I'd already been whipped once for not staying on the bed - barring the occasional trip to the bathroom, of course - and I'd been warned a second infraction would see my one meal reduced to a bowl of gruel, which I didn't fancy at all.
But now Faith's arrival had shaken me to the core, and it was all I could do not to pound the walls and scream in frustration, like so many other inmates had done before me. Of course, I couldn't do this, and I wasn't even allowed the luxury of crying myself to sleep at night. The one time I'd done that, I'd had the blanket ripped off me during the middle of the night, and the nun assigned to my watch had made me sit on the floor, whipping me etherically every time my eyes started to drift closed, and by morning, I was a nervous wreck. Even now, I wasn't permitted to go to bed until the nun on my watch came in and told me I had permission to get some sleep. Some nights, it wasn't until the early hours of the morning before I was allowed to finally lie down, just in case I showed further weakness in their eyes. I think they did it partly out of sadistic glee at seeing me suffer, but after that horrible night, I'd vowed never to let them see another tear escape, and nor had I, except in the shower, where even their morals refused to spy. I never spent too long in the shower, of course, lest I raise their suspicions that I was doing more than washing myself, but it was a partial relief to at least let a few tears come out, before the mask had to be put on again.
But now my sister was here.
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Several days after I got the news, the door opened, but as per the rules imposed on me, I kept my gaze on the wall as the new arrival stepped in and slammed the door shut. I didn't need to turn my head to know it was Faith, and I shivered as her mind brushed over mine, intruding into the deepest recesses that were now laid open after the first such probe. We were never allowed to hide any corner of our minds; the inmates who tried were tormented with horrible nightmares until they lowered all their barriers, and thus, nothing was secret to the nuns, who used what they discovered to further torment each inmante during their daily confinement. Which meant Faith had access to everything that had happened since the day she'd left the packhouse, but I kept my face still as she finally withdrew her probe. "You're lucky," she said coldly. "Mother was ready to beat you black and blue that day. But now I've got watch of you, sister. You're going to wish for death by the time I'm through with you. Look at me!"
I turned my head, shivering when I saw the pure loathing in her eyes. If she'd ever felt some measure of sisterly affection towards me after I'd finally stood up to her, it was gone, consumed by pure hatred, and the deepest loathing I'd ever seen from any member of my pack. Not even Mother had shown such loathing towards me, and I felt like I wanted to throw up.
"No," Faith said sharply, and the nausea faded. "You won't get away with your tricks now that I'm here. I've been told to use all means at my disposal to break you, and if I have to leave you in a gibbering mess, then so be it. You don't need brains to breed, and since I can't have cubs, you're going to be brood mare in my place. Mother wants to infiltrate the Winter Snows pack, and so I have to get you out of here so you can fulfil her directive." She gave a short, sharp bark of laughter. "Don't see why anyone would want to fuck you, but Mother's orders are clear; you're to be broken and sent home, and then used as a baby-making machine until your parts dry up and rust. You've got a very long time before your biological clock chimes the alarm, so get used to being the village bicycle."
I took a deep breath. Faith was going to succeed where the nuns had failed. I could feel it in my bones. And I didn't want to be left a mindless husk for Mother to use as a baby vending machine. But she was going to get her way regardless; she'd never let me out of her sight again once she got me back in her clutches. I shivered. It was bitter to capitulate now, but it felt like the right thing to do. At least I'd still have my mind intact, which would be both a blessing and a curse as I stared down the long years of one-night stands designed for the sole purpose of getting me with cub so Mother could get her misguided revenge for losing out on the lucrative lands promised at Faith's first wedding.
Faith lifted an eyebrow. "Pity," she said, referring to my silent decision. "I was going to enjoy breaking you. I almost want to keep you here so I can finally get even with you for all the pain you caused me. But Mother told me to have you sent home if you saw sense and realised your rebellion was only causing her pain. Very well. You'll be sent home tomorrow." So saying, she turned and left, slamming the door shut behind her, but I could feel her outside, and I knew she'd take over my watch until the morning. I shivered as I returned to my lonely vigil, not feeling one shred of relief that the voices had finally let up.
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