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Three Years Later…
Keegan
It’s been three years since Blue was taken away from me. Three agonizingly long years. But it’s almost over now.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJUvER5BdF
It could have been a lot longer. Blue was originally sentenced to eight years in prison. Eight years. Just thinking about that now makes my stomach drop.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSImKP85WIf
I cried out when the sentence was read in the courtroom. Like a fool, I screamed at the panel that convicted him. I screamed at the judge. I couldn’t control myself. The sentence seemed so unfair, so pointless.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXYPckWybQ
Naturally, I was thrown out by the bailiff. So I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Blue before he was taken away.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKtXbXmYBN
Devastated, I went home to my room at the ranch. I curled up into a ball on my bed and stayed that way for the next week.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1Tq8VUyYo
I didn’t bathe; I barely ate. I just wanted to sleep all the time, to dream that Blue was right next to me, tangled up with me.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rgJn8OCjW
I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. I was mad at the Army, mad at the world, mad at God.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbSP7oVgfB
Most of all, I was so goddamn angry at myself. If I hadn’t written everything down in my journal, none of this would’ve happened.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnR5MKNRol
I didn’t see any way to go on. Not without Blue. Not for eight years, without Blue.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67QtAZouBl
When I finally emerged from my self-pitying coccoon and started acting somewhat sane, Virginia gave me the letter from Blue.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEIrk3ivIsH
He’d intended for me to have it right away. But Holmlund was worried how it would affect me. So he gave the letter to my grandmother and asked her to give it to me when she thought the time was right.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVGJyMH9x9
I was pissed that she held it for so long. More than pissed. I was fucking furious at both her and Holmlund. How dare they make that decision?110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiYHDGZ1w3
I screamed at my grandmother. I told her she had no right to withhold the letter from me. I stormed out of the house and into the barn, saddled Okie and took off at a gallop with the letter still unopened in my jeans pocket.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc81Jvd7egp
I didn’t read it until I reached the cabin. I went up to the loft, to the bed where I’d spent so many nights with Blue, ripped open the letter, and read it through, slowly, three times.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnZyCrhymg
Then I cried for what felt like forever.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvBbAOU07Q
But after that, I got angry at Blue. I mean, I understood what he was trying to do. He was thinking of me, of what he thought was best for me.
But did he really think I would just walk away and forget I ever knew him? Did he really think I could do that?110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3msHrXaClv
By the time I headed back toward the house, it was dusk. I took it slow, giving Okie his lead, moving at a gentle pace through the dark. I cried a little more, thinking about my romantic ride through the darkness with Blue several months ago. It seemed like another lifetime, when we did that.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXKbqiNU19
But I also started thinking about something Holmlund told me earlier when he called to check on me and Virginia literally had to force the phone into my hand.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOI35lLHdj
“Keegan,” Holmlund said, “do you remember I told you the day the verdict was read that it wasn’t the end, that I still had some tricks up my sleeve?110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4M99xAxMCH
I didn’t answer: I just stood there silently, sulking like a baby. But I was listening.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukmPNz7k5B
Holmlund went on, telling me about the Army Clemency and Parole Board.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzg9y7JZLAC
“After nine months, Blue can request clemency from the board. That means his sentence could be set aside completely or at least reduced, if we can convince the board that he deserves it.”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7HME8f6Xq
And that lit a little flame of hope inside me. Clemency. If anybody deserves clemency, it is Blue Daniels.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDYV6Kdp2e
First though, we had to get through the initial nine months.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxGaPXrBsv
It took two months before I was allowed to visit Blue at Fort Leavenworth in Kansas. That’s because at first, he wouldn’t sign the permission form to have me cleared to come to the prison.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PtfuM500g
He wouldn’t even make the collect call to the ranch that he was allowed once a week. He called his mother, but not me.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMsCij4EZt
He was applying tough love, I guess. He wanted me to do what he’d asked me to do in the letter. He wanted me to walk away.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT51eHQEaCt
But I was not going anywhere. And I was going to make Blue talk to me.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorGLSuVUq7
So I drove to Tulsa, to his mom’s house. A sympathetic Maria had told me when he was supposed to call her, and when he did, she answered and then handed the phone to me, walking away to give us some privacy.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGccPEZxQr
I just stood there for a minute, holding the phone, debating what to say.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydnv9KIE62
“Hello?” I heard Blue say. “Mama?”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJ6uh8GbQA
Then I exploded. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpHg8PyhIh
Silence on the other end. And then, finally, his voice, weak and uncertain. “Keegan?”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtB0WZKlXrp
“Answer my question!” I snapped. “What is wrong with you? What do you think you’re doing, cutting me out like this? Do you know what it’s doing to me, Blue? Do you?”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpWBJOwyQh
He didn’t answer, so I barreled on.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHeajblvKt
“How dare you send me a letter like that and then just expect me to walk away. Like I could even do that. What the hell were you thinking, huh? And, then, then, you pull this crap of not letting me come see you, not calling me?”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHM5qjhsGfC
He was still not responding, and I was working myself into a frenzy.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zRt3Thhl8
“You’re just a . . . a stubborn jackass! I’m not going anywhere, do you understand me? You are stuck with me. If I have to drive up to that prison and stand outside all day, every day, ‘til you sign that form, I’ll do it. You are not getting rid of me that easy. So don’t even think I’m walking away from you!”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vfTMhQBhD
Still, there was silence. I began to wonder if he’d hung up. But listening closer, I could hear his shallow breathing. The kind of breaths you take when you’re crying.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOv2rTYIHOj
“For God’s sake, Blue, say something!”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4z2lzqAMTm
There was another long pause. “Eight years is too long, Keegan,” he finally said, sighing, his voice small and miserable. “It’s just too long. I can’t let you wait around for me, don’t you get that? I can’t do it.”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPN1tvGVBT
“You have no choice. Do you get that, Blue? You. Have. No. Choice.”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs5GDxzKfZ8
My body couldn’t decide at that moment whether to start screaming again or break down crying.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ijSjxETz1
“I’m waiting.” Now I'm half shouting and half crying. “And you are not shutting me out!"110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5usGmxyEO
I let my words hang there a moment. Then I went on a tad more calmly.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35C0UE2pfz
"Besides, it won’t be eight years. Don’t you remember the clemency board Holmlund talked about? We already have a plan on that. So don’t think you’re getting rid of me. I told you, I will come up to that prison and stand outside of it every fucking day until you let me in. And I mean it!”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHtOQzvx5k
He did eventually sign the form, and Maria and I started taking turns driving up to see Blue. And he started calling me at the ranch as often as he could.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOyssPkDVB
It wasn’t nearly enough. But it was better than nothing.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGTjxtBRTP
And that’s where Blue's music started to help. It was out there, being consumed, being shared, moving hearts and minds. Frasier Bryson was doing everything in his power to tell Blue's story, to advocate for him.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaf3NkhiJQx
At the same time, Virginia was pulling political strings, calling in favors.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqQ8pTuUEp
All of us—me, Holmlund, Virginia, Maria, Bryson —threw ourselves into the effort to get clemency for Blue.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1pRy9HVPh
His conviction generated headlines around the world, and we did everything possible to keep his name and face and cause in the public eye for those nine long months before he could apply.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UNUvFJwpq
And public opinion started to change. You could feel it.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3C04S0cwWL
I mean, there were still plenty of haters out there. I tried to avoid seeing the venom online. We still had to be careful with our own security.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAqCHoUa01
But by the time Holmlund filed an appeal with the clemency board, public sympathy for Blue seemed at an all-time high.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8N7rRSLEWV
And when the board met, Cunny’s mom miraculously showed up to speak on Blue’s behalf, saying she believed clemency was what her son would want.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmetSJptJo
Blue broke down and sobbed as she spoke. So did I.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmD9l3y5ub
Even with all that, though, it took almost a year. The board dithered and delayed its decision. Holmlund said there must have been some strong opposition to granting Blue clemency.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqtN2uquPK
But finally—finally—we got word he would be released just after his three-year incarceration date.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrTSXDag0G
And now, I’m on the highway, almost to the Leavenworth exit. I’m going to pick him up, bring him home to the ranch.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYojJ6x1qSY
Maria was kind enough to let me come by myself, to give us a little time alone together. She’s waiting at the ranch for him, along with Bryson.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9wg2zva3P
They’re a couple now. I guess when they met, they made an instant connection. Kind of like me and Blue.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDniTgjB13
They were scared to tell Blue about it at first. They didn’t know how he’d react. But he’s been okay with it. In fact, I think he’s thrilled.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OVVEe2OQI
“Who would have thought?” he laughed in our last phone call. “Bryson and my mom.”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBYjp3D1nt
I’m beyond excited to get Blue out of prison. My body and my soul have ached for him every day, every second, that’s he been away. I’ve driven myself crazy thinking about what he’s gone through at Leavenworth.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7cnKzhi7z
I can’t wait for him to touch me, hold me, make love to me. I want him to be rough and tender and crazed with passion and wild with adoration, all at the same time.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkmzfMFJnu
But I’m also nervous about our reunion. About how it will be between us. Three years is a long time, and inevitably, we’ve both changed.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkH7Kh77GE
Blue’s sadder, more introspective. I can see it in his eyes when I visit, hear it in his words.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡey1izhunQr
He’s been a model prisoner, teaching music classes to inmates, writing more songs. He’s a better, stronger person now, I think.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYsjetAXOY
I’ve changed, too. At least I hope I have. The last three years have helped me grow up.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKcDyOFwPuO
I’ve spent a lot of my time with my grandmother, helping care for her. That nagging cough that’s dogged her was diagnosed as lung cancer not long after Blue’s conviction.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSUb11HO5Nq
Just when it felt like we were getting closer, building the kind of relationship we should have had all along, I may be about to lose her.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7MAbshCTnb
I don’t know how much longer she has. The doctors say probably not more than a year. But they don’t understand what a tough old bird Virginia Cooke is. She may surprise us all.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlh26Sbk7p
She’s still prickly, still regularly gets under my skin. But I understand her a lot better now.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3dE246mB63
I’m about to finish my degree at OU. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to Ikana, assuming they’d have let me come back. It just wouldn’t be the same.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdH67h0psX
And I’ve applied for law school. Not because my grandmother wanted it, but because, after what we’ve experienced, I’m a lot more interested in becoming a lawyer than I ever thought I’d be.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHP6Ql3ktn
I might still go into journalism. But I like the idea of having a law degree as well.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4E9wIVwZE0
In a surprising turn of events, my brother is now a student at Ikana. Buick is apparently breaking hearts all over campus.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQzMgUPfui
But that’s another story.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLVcmafQZ6
I see the Leavenworth sign up ahead and turn on my signal.110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1LE5uGhYA3
“I’m almost there, Blue,” I say. “I’m almost there.”110Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6olKCMW3h
~~~
Only two chapters left in this story! The final version of Tangled Up in Blue will soon be available in ebook and paperback. Sign up for my newsletter, and you'll be the first to know when it's ready!
Interested in Keegan’s sexy brother Buick? He's got a searing story of his own that will start soon here on Penana! Be sure to follow me so you don't miss You Belong to Me. 😊
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