Keegan
The back of my head bounces gently against Blue’s shoulder as Okie reaches level ground and settles into a steady walk through the heavily forested east section of the ranch.
We are eight miles from the main house, and it’s probably only half an hour before the sun goes down. So we’ll be strolling into the barn well after dark.
“Buick is going to kill me,” I say for the third time, mainly for something to say.
Blue hasn’t spoken since we left the cabin. The squeak of the saddle and the dusk-driven chirping in the air—it sounds like every bird from miles around has picked a tree branch over our heads—seems magnified in the silence between us.
Finally, I put my gloved hands over Blue’s and pull the reins. Then I slide off the horse, muttering something about needing to find a bush.
“Don’t look,” I say, as if he would.
“Okey dokey, smokey.” He sounds amused. He jumps to the ground and stretches his arms, yawning, looking away from me.
I scan bush after nearby bush, peering at each in the fading light like I’m Goldilocks trying to find one that is just right. In the winter, it’s no easy task to find one with enough foliage to hide my exposed rear end, but finally I find a suitable candidate.
My business finished, I hurry back to Okie, shivering. “It’s really getting cold,” I say.
Blue brushes the hair out of the corner of my mouth and kisses me. “Don’t worry, baby,” he says, helping me up on the horse. “I’ll keep you warm.”
That rest stop seems to thaw the slight chill that had developed between us. Holding me pressed against his body with one hand while clasping the reins in the other, Blue starts talking about the agreement we reached with Virginia and Holmlund.
They'd told us we would have to compromise, make sacrifices, if we wanted the plan to work.
“Just like in politics, just like in life,” Virginia smirked. “Welcome to the real world.”
I wanted to smack her, which is pretty ungrateful considering how much she is doing for us.
Still, I shot her my best look of withering, above-all-that disapproval. But it was purely for show. Truth is, she was right.
“I just can’t believe Megz is getting rewarded for being a lying, conniving snake.” I turn my head against Blue's throat and speak into his shoulder. “It makes me sick to think about.”
“Yeah. I’m not thrilled about that either.”
Holmlund suggested my grandmother go ahead with the plan to get the charges against Megz dropped, in exchange for her signing an NDA.
“Even though the story about Blue will go public," the lawyer explained when I protested, "we still need your friend to stay quiet."
I could barely stop myself from correcting him: Megz is not my friend. Apparently, she never was.
"The media’s going to swoop down on this story," Holmlund went on, "and Meghan will be all over the place, telling her insider version of events, if we don't shut her down.”
Holmlund put the word insider in air quotes and sent a meaningful look at Virginia. “That won’t be good for Blue oryour grandmother,” he added.
That’s when I realized this wasn’t just about keeping Blue out of prison. It was also about protecting the reputation of Madam President.
Duh. I’m so frickin’ naive.
“I can’t believe I have to go along with this whole courting-the-media thing,” Blue sighs into my ear.
He’d argued vociferously against the plan to take his case to the public, but Holmlund wouldn’t budge.
“If you want me to represent you,” he'd said, “this is how it has to be done. We need to present you in the most sympathetic light possible.
We need the public on your side. We’re going to put you front and center as the face of a suffering veteran, as a symbol of the terrible cost of war.”
Okie picks up the pace on his own, his ears perked up. He can tell we’re getting closer to the hay-filled barn.
“He was practically salivating, Keegan,” Blue says, still thinking about Holmlund. I feel him shudder against me.
“What’s it going to do to the families ,” Blue goes on, his voice anguished, “to have to turn on the TV and see me talking about their sons? To see me trying to explain away what I did? What’s it going to do to them, watching me perform like some goddamn monkey?”
“It’s what we have to do,” I say, turning my head and speaking into the wind as he makes a strangled noise somewhere between a groan and a snarl. “Besides, your mother thinks this is the right thing.”
I feel like a jerk, playing the mom card, but I’m worried Blue is going to call the whole thing off and head to the base again. It’s obvious he hates himself for going along with this.
I’m trying to understand how he feels, but I can’t help being irritated by his attitude.
We ride in silence for several moments.
“You don’t have to do it, you know,” I finally say, twisting around in the saddle so I can see his face in the moonlight. “You could fire Holmlund. I could tell Virginia the deal’s off. We could…maybe we could run away or something.”
Even as the words leave my mouth, I know I’m being ridiculous; running away is not an option. It would only make things worse.
Blue nuzzles against my neck and clenches me tighter in his embrace. “No, Keegan, you know that’s not possible,” he says firmly. “You’ve got to get back to Ikana and finish your degree.”
That was the agreement we’d reached with Virginia: I’d go back to school, and then, after I earned my journalism degree, I’d consider going to law school.
That was Blue’s red line: that I didn’t have to agree to go on to law school; only that I would promise to consider it. Virginia shocked the hell out of me by going along.
Hopefully, I’ll be doing all of it with Blue by my side.
“So I’m going to be Hellfire Holmlund’s bitch for the foreseeable future,” Blue mutters. “He’ll get rich and famous, and I guess I’ll get off scot-free.”
I almost retch at his self-loathing tone.
Grabbing the reins and jerking Okie to a sudden halt, I slide to the ground and stalk toward the nearby river.
“Keegan! What are you doing?”
I don’t look back or respond to him. I just stand there, arms crossed, staring at the rushing water.
I’m not even sure what the hell I’m doing right now. I just know I was suddenly so furious that I had to get away from Blue.
“Keegan?” He’s obviously off the horse and standing near me; I can hear his breathing. “What are—“
I whirl around to face him. “Do you want to go to prison, Blue?” I spit out. “Is that what you think you deserve? Is it?”
I raise my hands toward him and push at the space between us.
“Then just go!” I continue. “Go back to the base, let them lock you away. Go, if that’s what you want. I can’t deal with this anymore. I can’t stand you acting like you’re being forced into something. Just go!”
I’m shaking, only partly from the cold, and trying not to cry, trying not to completely fall apart.
In the fading light, Blue’s eyes have the same glow they had our first night on the roof. But this time, instead of smoldering with lust, they’re full of sorrow and regret.
He stands there, staring at me, opening and closing his fists, his face full of pain. Then he takes a deep breath and tries to pull me into his arms.
I stiffen in resistance; I’m still angry. But then I let my forehead rest on his chest.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers with a catch in his voice as his arms curl around me. “I’m sorry for all the self-pity, for all the bullshit I've been saying. I'm sorry for what I’ve put you through. I know you’re all just trying to help.”
I don’t answer. I just stand there, feeling one of his jacket buttons pressing into my face.
Blue lifts my chin and kisses me. “I just don’t want you to have to deal with all of this," he says. "Why should your life be taken over because of my. . . mistake?"
I grab his face and kiss him back, hard and fierce.
“I already told you," I say, "that’s my call to make. The only thing I’m going to regret is if I lose you.”
I pull back and pin him with what I hope is a ferocious glare. “But if you’re not going to fight like hell, Blue, if you’re not going to put everything you’ve got into staying with me, staying free, then you should just go. Now.”
My last couple of words come out broken, more sobbed than spoken.
Blue hugs me so tightly I almost can’t breathe.
“I swear to you,” he whispers after a few moments, “I will do everything I can to stay with you. God help me, I swear it.”
We stand like that for a while longer, our heavy breathing visible in the frigid night air, until Okie’s impatient stomping makes us both start laughing.
Blue grabs the reins and strokes the horse’s neck. “He wants to get back to his stall, and I don’t blame him,” he says, taking my hand. “It’s not much further. Let’s walk and give Okie a break.”
We’ve just started climbing the last hill when we see Buick—cowboy hat on as always—outlined against the blazing lights of the barn. He’s pacing back and forth.
Even from a distance, I can tell my brother is pissed.
“Oh, damn,” I sigh, “he’s going to rip us both a new one for this.”
Blue squeezes my hand and smiles. “That’s okay. At least we’re in it together.”
~~~
Thanks for reading Tangled Up in Blue! The next chapter -- Media Circus -- is coming up soon. Be sure to like and comment on this story. And please follow me for all story updates!
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