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Three Years Later…
Keegan
It’s been three years since Blue was taken away from me. Three agonizingly long years. But it’s almost over now.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5p2YTpauz
It could have been a lot longer. Blue was originally sentenced to eight years in prison. Eight years. Just thinking about that now makes my stomach drop.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIWQ8twliF
I cried out when the sentence was read in the courtroom. Like a fool, I screamed at the panel that convicted him. I screamed at the judge. I couldn’t control myself. The sentence seemed so unfair, so pointless.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgRLj0gGeJ
Naturally, I was thrown out by the bailiff. So I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Blue before he was taken away.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡel5aJOwyrx
Devastated, I went home to my room at the ranch. I curled up into a ball on my bed and stayed that way for the next week.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7e6w74DVAK
I didn’t bathe; I barely ate. I just wanted to sleep all the time, to dream that Blue was right next to me, tangled up with me.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRse8g3Q6yY
I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. I was mad at the Army, mad at the world, mad at God.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPmMEnajlk
Most of all, I was so goddamn angry at myself. If I hadn’t written everything down in my journal, none of this would’ve happened.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8vMBDqBAI
I didn’t see any way to go on. Not without Blue. Not for eight years, without Blue.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQARYuOFG2e
When I finally emerged from my self-pitying coccoon and started acting somewhat sane, Virginia gave me the letter from Blue.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNJsgwbcyR
He’d intended for me to have it right away. But Holmlund was worried how it would affect me. So he gave the letter to my grandmother and asked her to give it to me when she thought the time was right.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOVn67B29ze
I was pissed that she held it for so long. More than pissed. I was fucking furious at both her and Holmlund. How dare they make that decision?123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjHLnkoXvI
I screamed at my grandmother. I told her she had no right to withhold the letter from me. I stormed out of the house and into the barn, saddled Okie and took off at a gallop with the letter still unopened in my jeans pocket.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq50873vwzI
I didn’t read it until I reached the cabin. I went up to the loft, to the bed where I’d spent so many nights with Blue, ripped open the letter, and read it through, slowly, three times.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYA1hmEMABx
Then I cried for what felt like forever.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdg71qKlcM7
But after that, I got angry at Blue. I mean, I understood what he was trying to do. He was thinking of me, of what he thought was best for me.
But did he really think I would just walk away and forget I ever knew him? Did he really think I could do that?123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9hmK1boZ5
By the time I headed back toward the house, it was dusk. I took it slow, giving Okie his lead, moving at a gentle pace through the dark. I cried a little more, thinking about my romantic ride through the darkness with Blue several months ago. It seemed like another lifetime, when we did that.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWo19NmuWh
But I also started thinking about something Holmlund told me earlier when he called to check on me and Virginia literally had to force the phone into my hand.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuM3KutwMxZ
“Keegan,” Holmlund said, “do you remember I told you the day the verdict was read that it wasn’t the end, that I still had some tricks up my sleeve?123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oHfwiYc5O
I didn’t answer: I just stood there silently, sulking like a baby. But I was listening.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9CWF1CSGD
Holmlund went on, telling me about the Army Clemency and Parole Board.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7nMj6lbOV
“After nine months, Blue can request clemency from the board. That means his sentence could be set aside completely or at least reduced, if we can convince the board that he deserves it.”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMG4GVC9wvW
And that lit a little flame of hope inside me. Clemency. If anybody deserves clemency, it is Blue Daniels.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvYrtHPDvM
First though, we had to get through the initial nine months.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhmA7fycCh
It took two months before I was allowed to visit Blue at Fort Leavenworth in Kansas. That’s because at first, he wouldn’t sign the permission form to have me cleared to come to the prison.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Fce5ji3Tb
He wouldn’t even make the collect call to the ranch that he was allowed once a week. He called his mother, but not me.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgQ9NRTDfX
He was applying tough love, I guess. He wanted me to do what he’d asked me to do in the letter. He wanted me to walk away.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XtnNmbI16
But I was not going anywhere. And I was going to make Blue talk to me.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCkv7kKzcn
So I drove to Tulsa, to his mom’s house. A sympathetic Maria had told me when he was supposed to call her, and when he did, she answered and then handed the phone to me, walking away to give us some privacy.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYl5Gd6tAj
I just stood there for a minute, holding the phone, debating what to say.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXV4UlLHit
“Hello?” I heard Blue say. “Mama?”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5xGEfCd7n
Then I exploded. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ069ztR9UR5
Silence on the other end. And then, finally, his voice, weak and uncertain. “Keegan?”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUuzB7xOxcq
“Answer my question!” I snapped. “What is wrong with you? What do you think you’re doing, cutting me out like this? Do you know what it’s doing to me, Blue? Do you?”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1NoWKjNStq
He didn’t answer, so I barreled on.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCrHHvKhGu
“How dare you send me a letter like that and then just expect me to walk away. Like I could even do that. What the hell were you thinking, huh? And, then, then, you pull this crap of not letting me come see you, not calling me?”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2T9TTWBVsC
He was still not responding, and I was working myself into a frenzy.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ70PbTF7XJm
“You’re just a . . . a stubborn jackass! I’m not going anywhere, do you understand me? You are stuck with me. If I have to drive up to that prison and stand outside all day, every day, ‘til you sign that form, I’ll do it. You are not getting rid of me that easy. So don’t even think I’m walking away from you!”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qX6ZBXLYM
Still, there was silence. I began to wonder if he’d hung up. But listening closer, I could hear his shallow breathing. The kind of breaths you take when you’re crying.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4TEJVb5pN
“For God’s sake, Blue, say something!”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡersnsUO1IW
There was another long pause. “Eight years is too long, Keegan,” he finally said, sighing, his voice small and miserable. “It’s just too long. I can’t let you wait around for me, don’t you get that? I can’t do it.”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qwrNRaeKZ
“You have no choice. Do you get that, Blue? You. Have. No. Choice.”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8D8MUfRdp
My body couldn’t decide at that moment whether to start screaming again or break down crying.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0shMZaVY4
“I’m waiting.” Now I'm half shouting and half crying. “And you are not shutting me out!"123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7V0m4WpGMn
I let my words hang there a moment. Then I went on a tad more calmly.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4wtREr9ST
"Besides, it won’t be eight years. Don’t you remember the clemency board Holmlund talked about? We already have a plan on that. So don’t think you’re getting rid of me. I told you, I will come up to that prison and stand outside of it every fucking day until you let me in. And I mean it!”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiuVaEbgDRA
He did eventually sign the form, and Maria and I started taking turns driving up to see Blue. And he started calling me at the ranch as often as he could.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBRM4FqRoX
It wasn’t nearly enough. But it was better than nothing.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1uPoZQNgQ
And that’s where Blue's music started to help. It was out there, being consumed, being shared, moving hearts and minds. Frasier Bryson was doing everything in his power to tell Blue's story, to advocate for him.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1olTO7x5ob
At the same time, Virginia was pulling political strings, calling in favors.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqU4Opo6lTn
All of us—me, Holmlund, Virginia, Maria, Bryson —threw ourselves into the effort to get clemency for Blue.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9WJ1llh3At
His conviction generated headlines around the world, and we did everything possible to keep his name and face and cause in the public eye for those nine long months before he could apply.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQXYJz7PGwD
And public opinion started to change. You could feel it.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjCjR3IBSa
I mean, there were still plenty of haters out there. I tried to avoid seeing the venom online. We still had to be careful with our own security.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjrcq15m7M
But by the time Holmlund filed an appeal with the clemency board, public sympathy for Blue seemed at an all-time high.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Oupwcbkcc
And when the board met, Cunny’s mom miraculously showed up to speak on Blue’s behalf, saying she believed clemency was what her son would want.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5DBt8Qztg
Blue broke down and sobbed as she spoke. So did I.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6VvHsBPDJ
Even with all that, though, it took almost a year. The board dithered and delayed its decision. Holmlund said there must have been some strong opposition to granting Blue clemency.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2buEyHmJaB
But finally—finally—we got word he would be released just after his three-year incarceration date.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenUxJJCzBJ
And now, I’m on the highway, almost to the Leavenworth exit. I’m going to pick him up, bring him home to the ranch.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31WHFfywOI
Maria was kind enough to let me come by myself, to give us a little time alone together. She’s waiting at the ranch for him, along with Bryson.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgItvTipl0A
They’re a couple now. I guess when they met, they made an instant connection. Kind of like me and Blue.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwopAaxWUWN
They were scared to tell Blue about it at first. They didn’t know how he’d react. But he’s been okay with it. In fact, I think he’s thrilled.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5G3xMN0Tq
“Who would have thought?” he laughed in our last phone call. “Bryson and my mom.”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sFnvzHLKE
I’m beyond excited to get Blue out of prison. My body and my soul have ached for him every day, every second, that’s he been away. I’ve driven myself crazy thinking about what he’s gone through at Leavenworth.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmqsVKV5Hk
I can’t wait for him to touch me, hold me, make love to me. I want him to be rough and tender and crazed with passion and wild with adoration, all at the same time.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrEY99kuqB
But I’m also nervous about our reunion. About how it will be between us. Three years is a long time, and inevitably, we’ve both changed.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxnyRKgsQZ
Blue’s sadder, more introspective. I can see it in his eyes when I visit, hear it in his words.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYYuRRBi5D
He’s been a model prisoner, teaching music classes to inmates, writing more songs. He’s a better, stronger person now, I think.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlkUKSKb03
I’ve changed, too. At least I hope I have. The last three years have helped me grow up.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGktfknU5x
I’ve spent a lot of my time with my grandmother, helping care for her. That nagging cough that’s dogged her was diagnosed as lung cancer not long after Blue’s conviction.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVaxIBuq2U
Just when it felt like we were getting closer, building the kind of relationship we should have had all along, I may be about to lose her.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Ap0bODOGB
I don’t know how much longer she has. The doctors say probably not more than a year. But they don’t understand what a tough old bird Virginia Cooke is. She may surprise us all.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaS92XiLL4h
She’s still prickly, still regularly gets under my skin. But I understand her a lot better now.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcstrm6FkJ1
I’m about to finish my degree at OU. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to Ikana, assuming they’d have let me come back. It just wouldn’t be the same.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0h7DzV3fwR
And I’ve applied for law school. Not because my grandmother wanted it, but because, after what we’ve experienced, I’m a lot more interested in becoming a lawyer than I ever thought I’d be.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVzr0beMOm
I might still go into journalism. But I like the idea of having a law degree as well.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB7QYP3aMy3
In a surprising turn of events, my brother is now a student at Ikana. Buick is apparently breaking hearts all over campus.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxl6xFBk6JI
But that’s another story.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sDURL8tuX
I see the Leavenworth sign up ahead and turn on my signal.123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yHfLshWmd
“I’m almost there, Blue,” I say. “I’m almost there.”123Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ieZkANtb2
~~~
Only two chapters left in this story! The final version of Tangled Up in Blue will soon be available in ebook and paperback. Sign up for my newsletter, and you'll be the first to know when it's ready!
Interested in Keegan’s sexy brother Buick? He's got a searing story of his own that will start soon here on Penana! Be sure to follow me so you don't miss You Belong to Me. 😊
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