Blue
We made a lot of noise last night.
Riding Okie in the crisp morning air, with Keegan tucked in front of me, I’m a little embarrassed. There’s no way the rest of the house didn’t hear us.
But last night, neither of us cared. Three years is a hell of a long time, and Keegan and I had a lot of lovemaking to catch up on.
Touching her skin, running my hands through her silky hair, tasting her lips, tasting her whole glorious body, was so exquisite I almost couldn’t handle it.
I can’t wait to get her to the cabin later today and make love to her in every possible way. Like I said, we have a lot to catch up on.
It was good to hug Mama and shake Bryson’s hand dressed in regular clothes, as a free man. Mark and Buick were at the ranch when I got there as well.
Max went crazy, jumping all over me. I almost cried again, just petting him.
I’ve so got to get my shit together.
Even Virginia seemed glad to see me. Well, at least not actively angry about it.
She and Keegan have grown closer the last couple of years, and I’m really happy about that. Keegan’s filled me in on her grandma’s diagnosis. The old lady looks bad; it’s obvious she’s dying.
Keegan lets out a heavy sigh, squinting into the rising sun, her face thoughtful.
“You okay?” I ask, nuzzling the side of her face and inhaling that coconut scent I noticed the first time I met her.
God how I’ve missed the way she smells.
Keegan sighs. “I am just fine,” she says, turning to smile at me. “Just wishing I could blow off these last two finals I have and keep riding out here forever.”
She lifts her face to kiss me. “With you.”
The emphasis she puts on forever and with you makes me wonder if she’s guessed what I’m planning to do. If maybe she saw my mother slip me the ring box that’s now in my pocket.
The last time Mama visited me at Leavenworth, when we knew I was being released, I’d asked her to bring me my grandmother’s ring. It’s silver, with a turquoise stone in the middle that’s surrounded by small stones of coral, opal, and onyx.
My Nana left it to me when she died, and at the time —I was 16—I was totally embarrassed by it. An engagement ring, even one passed down through generations of my Choctaw ancestors, wasn’t something I was going to brag about to my friends.
I was her only grandchild, so I guess Nana wanted to make sure it stayed in the family. She said in her will she wanted me to one day give it to my bride.
So that’s what I’m going to do. Assuming Keegan will have me.
When I was sitting in that jail cell, needing something to hold on to, I wanted more than anything to propose to her. I kept thinking about taking Keegan out to the cabin on horseback and going down on one knee out on the front porch with the morning sun shining down on us.
Or maybe proposing to her at the edge of the bluff at sunset.
Or maybe if we were both riding Okie, I’d just slip the ring on her finger and wait for her to turn around in the saddle and throw her arms around me.
I haven’t decided yet which one.
I slide my arm over my jeans pocket just to make sure the ring box is still in there.
I managed to take Mark aside last night and ask his permission to propose. I’m not totally sure how Keegan will respond to that; it’s old-fashioned as shit. But it felt like the right thing to do.
And I’ll admit, I was scared her dad would say no.
His eyes searched mine for a long time before he finally nodded.
“I know you love her, Blue,” he said sternly as my heart started beating faster. “And I know how much she loves you. Just remember, that’s my little girl, and I’d do anything to protect her.”
Then his face relaxed into a smile and he stuck out his hand. “Congrats, son.”
It took me a few seconds to grasp his hand; the word son, the genuine emotion in his voice, brought tears to my eyes, and I could barely raise my arm.
Mark gave me a moment to collect myself, then kept talking.
“Keegan told me about the letter you wrote to her, before the verdict. And I told her that I’m the one who prompted the letter. She wasn’t happy with me over that, to put it mildly. But I want you to know I saw that you put her first there. You did the honorable thing. I respect that.”
I’d almost started crying again. It feels like I’ve gained two fathers: Mark Crenshaw and Frasier Bryson. I know I don’t deserve either of them.
Keegan turns around again to study my face; a smile plays on her lips, and I wonder if she can tell what I’m thinking about.
“So,” she says, tilting her head, “what are you going to do now?”
She brushes a strand of hair out of her luscious mouth, and I can barely hold myself together. But then I focus on what she asked me.
It has consumed my thoughts lately. I need to find a way to support myself. And to support Keegan, if she’ll have me. But I don’t know how I’ll do that. Music is the only thing I’m good at. Whether I can make a living at it is a different story.
“I don’t know yet,” I answer with a sigh. “Obviously, I have to get a job. But I don’t have a degree. And I have a criminal record. And a dishonorable discharge. So I have to figure out what I can do.”
Hearing myself list all the reasons Keegan shouldn’t marry me makes me amazed her dad agreed. Maybe it would be the honorable thing for me just to keep my mouth shut about marriage.
Keegan’s face has softened, and I see a flash of regret in her eyes.
“I didn’t mean that, Blue,” she says softly. “I meant today. Right now. What are you going to do with your first full day of freedom?”
“Oh.”
Freedom. It’s true: I’m free now, way more free than I would’ve been if I’d never met this incredible woman snuggled up against me.
If none of it had happened, I would never have been free. If Keegan hadn’t moved in, if we hadn’t fallen so hard and fast for each other; if she hadn’t been who she is, a writer, a storyteller, a chronicler of everything around her, she wouldn’t have written it all down.
If her false friend hadn’t been who she is and tried to blackmail all of us; if I hadn’t turned myself in and finally faced at least a small level of justice for what I did.
I would not be free if any of that had never happened. I might have tried to keep the secret forever. But I’d have gone insane doing it.
I don’t try this time to hide the tears filling my eyes. “I’m only free because of you,” I manage to stutter, unable to even see Keegan as I’m saying it.
I feel her hands on my face. “Oh, Blue.”
Okie picks that moment to come to an abrupt stop. We’re not expecting it, and we grab at each other as we come perilously close to falling off the horse.
“What the—” I twist around toward the horse’s rear. “Oh. He’s pooping.”
“Okie, you rascal,” Keegan lectures teasingly, drawing out his name. “We shouldn’t let him stop when he’s pooping. Buick doesn’t.”
She takes a deep breath, still smiling, stretching her arms. “But I don’t care. I’m in no hurry.”
“Me either,” I whisper, enveloping her in a kiss.
Okie finishes his business and begins ambling toward the cabin again. I don’t even have to use the reins to steer him; he knows the way and seems to know that’s where we’re going.
“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you,” I mumble into Keegan’s hair a few moments later. “Whatever happened to Megz?”
She doesn’t answer right away, just stares out toward the misty horizon where a herd of cattle is grazing in the distance.
“She got busted for some ID theft thing,” she says after a moment, shrugging, her mouth in a tight line. “OU kicked her out, and she spent a few months in jail. Last I heard, she was living with some guy in Oklahoma City, working at a restaurant.”
Her expression hardens. “She texted me a few months ago,” she goes on. “She wanted to get together and talk. Said she wanted to make things right.”
The tight line of her mouth curves into a bitter smile as she scoffs. “I ignored it.”
I brush my lips across her temple and make a little soothing sound.
“There’s nothing Megz has to say that I ever want to hear,” Keegan adds, shifting in the saddle. “She’s nothing but a con artist.”
I hear something in her voice that’s softer than the words she’s using: A little doubt, maybe, or regret. I think about Cunny’s mom, showing up at my hearing when no one expected it.
The look of compassion she gave me absolutely broke me. It made me want to somehow be worthy of that compassion.
“You know,” I say, “I’ve learned a lot about forgiveness over the last three years.” I feel Keegan go still in my arms. “About grace.”
She doesn’t respond, and I wonder if I’ve pissed her off.
“Maybe someday,” I go on, “when you’re ready. . .if you’re ready. . .you’ll want to hear what Megz has to say.”
This time the silence lasts so long I’m sure I’ve pissed her off. Keegan’s still staring into the distance. Finally, though, she glances back at me and rolls her eyes.
“Maybe,” she drawls. “Or . . .maybe not.”
I grin, running a finger down her cheek. “Fair enough.”
Keegan squints into the sun and points at two birds circling high overhead. “Look, Blue. A pair of eagles.”
“Wow,” I murmur, staring up at them. “I remember seeing a pair of eagles the first time you took me to the cabin. I wonder if it’s the same pair.”
She kisses me lightly. “I remember.”
She snuggles back against me, then runs her fingers playfully over the horse’s ears and pats his neck. “Take us to the cabin, Okie. I can’t wait to get there.”
About an hour later, with Okie clip-clopping along at a lazy pace, we come in sight of the cabin, perched on the bluff with the river shining below.
I pull on the reins, and the horse comes to a stop.
We sit there, gazing at everything. It’s April, and the trees are budding. The air smells sweet. I wonder if it’s always smelled like this, and I just never noticed before.
I rest my chin on the top of Keegan’s head for a second, breathing in the scent of her hair. These everyday things are making my insides quiver. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to do them again.
After a few more moments, I urge the horse up the path that leads to the cabin.
When we get to the corral, I slide out of the saddle and jump to the ground, quickly pulling Keegan off the horse and into my arms. Then I start carrying her toward the porch steps.
“Hey, what are you doing?” She’s laughing and grabbing at my arms to maintain her balance. “We’ve got to get the saddle off Okie and rub him down. Buick will kill us if we leave him out here like that.”
“I’ll come back to him in a few minutes,” I grunt, trying not to trip on the jutting tree roots and large rocks between the corral and the cabin. “He’ll be fine.”
I’m huffing by the time I stagger up the steps to the porch. I set Keegan down against the rail, pointing her toward the river.
I've decided to do it now.
“Just stand here,” I say, feeling my heart racing, “and don’t turn around ’til I tell you to, okay?”
She giggles and nods as I fumble to pull the ring box out of my pocket. But then I have to lean one hand against the rail for a few moments. I’m suddenly feeling weak, as if touching the ring box suddenly made what I’m about to do very real.
Am I doing the right thing? Am I being honorable?
Man up, Daniels. Get your head out of your ass right now and do this. It’s the right thing. It’s meant to be.
Cunny’s voice. I haven’t heard it in a while.
Keegan’s still turned away from the cabin. “Hey, Blue?” she quips. “I’d really love to go inside now.”
“Shh...” I wrap my arms around her from behind and whisper in her ear. “Look up.”
I’ve spotted the eagles again. “Do you think they followed us?” I ask, pointing up.
“Who knows?” She squints into the sun. “Maybe they did.”
“Do you remember what you told me,” I go on, my lips still against her hair, “when we saw the eagles that first time?”
She hesitates a moment. Then I feel her relax into me. “Yes, I do,” she says, her voice trembling. “I told you they mate for life.”
“That’s right.”
I pull away from her and swiftly drop one knee to the porch, my heart beating so loud I’m sure she can hear it. Then I open the ring box, holding it in front of me.
“Keegan,” I say, my voice husky. “Turn around.”
She turns toward me slowly, and I see her eyes widen as her hands go up to her mouth. “Blue.”
“Marry me, Keegan Crenshaw.”
A rush of warm certainty floods through me.
“I know I don’t deserve you. I will never deserve you. But there will never be anyone who will love you more than I do. Let me spend the rest of my life proving that to you. Marry me. For life.”
Keegan’s hands drop away from her face, and she stares into my eyes for a long moment as the tears slip down her cheeks.
Then she cups her hands around mine and gives me a playful little smile as she gazes at the ring.
“Yes, Blue Daniels,” she says after a moment, raising her eyes to mine again, her smile broadening, her voice strong and sure. “I will marry you. For life.”
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THE END
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Author's Note
Whew! That was a topsy-turvy ride, wasn’t it? 😛
I hope you enjoyed reading the story of Keegan and Blue as much as I loved writing it.
Want to read a short story about their wedding? It’s available exclusively to my newsletter subscribers. Sign up here. You can also email me and ask to be added to the mailing list.
Curious about Keegan’s hot brother Buick? His story, You Belong to Me, will begin soon here on Penana. Be sure to follow me to get all the updates.
Just want to thank you one more time for reading my work!! I know how many choices you have in fiction, and I so deeply appreciate you investing your time and your heart into this love story.
Please reach out to me with any thoughts or questions. 😍
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