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His grave became my escape. My place to get away from it all. To be alone with my thoughts. I knew my mother would never visit him. Never in a million years. So, whenever I needed some peace from her, I would go to see my father. Even after he died I still needed him. There was only one person that knew that. One person who knew what I was truly going through.
‘Austin?’ I felt his hand resting on my shoulder.
‘Hey Red.’
‘Your mother’s freaking out. You were supposed to meet her an hour ago at the park for a modelling job.’ Charlie stood beside me as we stared down at my father’s grave.
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Warner Hudson Isaac
Much Loved Father and Husband
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Only half of it was true.
‘You need to answer her calls. She’s going to send out a search party next. Sniffer dogs and everything.’
‘Screw her.’ I spat. ‘She could easily find me if she just bothered to open her eyes. Not that, that’s very easy to do what with all the plastic surgery.’ I could hear Charlie trying to keep himself from laughing beside me. ‘Anymore and her eyes will be permanently swollen shut.’
‘Austin.’ Charlie giggled. I loved his giggle. It was the best sound in the world to me. ‘She’s your mother. You can’t say that about her.’
‘Really? It’s not like it’s a lie.’ I hesitated for a moment before resting my head on his shoulder. ‘Why are you here Charlie? Did she tell you to come find me?’
‘No, she didn’t.’ Charlie reassured me. ‘And even if she did, I’d never tell on you. I know if it’s that bad you’re blowing off a job and ignoring your mother, that you need some alone time. Time away from people.’
‘Not from you.’ I said quickly. ‘I never need time away from you.’
‘I know Austin. You could never get rid of me that easily.’ Charlie’s hand slowly slid down my arm, tickling the inside of my elbow. I flinched as his fingers gently ran across the scars on my wrists. ‘You still never told her about this?’
‘How could I explain it to her? She wouldn’t understand.’
It was even hard to explain it to Charlie at first. After my father died, I couldn’t cope. I was walking around like a zombie, just doing what I was told. It was like I was on auto pilot. I never stopped. I never gave myself time to grieve. One day the pain caught up with me. It got too much for me to handle. I just wanted something to stop the pain I was feeling in my heart. Anything.
Charlie found me sat in the middle of my bedroom floor, blood all over my hands. I can’t imagine what he must have felt when he saw me like that. I hadn’t known at the time how bad it was. How much damage I had actually done to myself. I hadn’t felt a thing. I couldn’t say anything to him. I didn’t know what I would say. He knew though. He knew what I needed.
Charlie just silently pulled me to my feet and took me to the bathroom. He cleaned me up, wrapped bandages around my wrists and then pulled me in close to his chest. That’s when I broke down. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He didn’t care. Instead, he held me in his arms the entire night. We didn’t speak. Charlie just stroked my hair as I sobbed into his arms. The next morning, he had tried to get me to talk to someone. A professional. I had refused. Very loudly. Charlie had to give in to me and promise to keep my secret, though he swore that if I did it again he would drag me to a professional himself.
Charlie’s hand slipping into mine brought me back to the present. He gave it a reassuring squeeze as he turned to face me.
‘Tell me that you’re alright.’
‘I’m alright.’ I smiled weakly. ‘Just Charlie… No matter what happens to us in the future, promise that you won’t leave me. That you’ll stay by my side.’
‘I promise. And you know that I am always here whenever you need to talk about anything. Even if you just want to talk about something stupid like… what super power you wished you had.’
‘Invisibility. Easy question.’ I laughed.
‘You want me to talk to you on the phone again? Like I did the other night. I know it helped you to fall asleep. You still look exhausted.’ He reached up and pushed the hair out of my eyes. ‘I don’t mind talking to you all night if I have to. I don’t have school tomorrow.’
‘I’d really appreciate that. The sound of your voice is soothing. Almost as good as a lullaby.’
‘I’m not singing you to sleep!’
‘You don’t have to.’ Ever since the night I had hurt myself I hadn’t been able to sleep. Surprisingly my mother had noticed this. Apparently I looked like death. She still didn’t give me much of a break. I was prescribed sleeping pills by the doctor but they just seemed to make me feel even worse. There was only one thing that seemed to actually help. I had taken to phoning Charlie almost every night. He would just talk to me. Talk to me until I fell asleep. My phone bill was obviously through the roof and I would receive a lecture every month but at least I wasn’t absolutely exhausted. I quickly looked around the graveyard. ‘I should be getting back home. She really will call the police next.’
‘I’ll walk with you.’ Charlie tried to pull his hand away but I held onto it tightly. ‘Austin-’
‘I’m not letting go. I need my best friend. I don’t care who knows it.’
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