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My father’s office was one of the few safe rooms in the house meaning no one was allowed in there except me and him. There was no telling my mother though obviously. She didn’t listen to no one and instead did whatever she wanted. Originally there was a lock on the door but that had not gone down well so it had been mysteriously removed one day when my father and I were out the house. But luckily for us, my father was smart and figured out ways to deter her. The most effective deterrent was the air freshener that was positioned behind the door that went off every time someone walked in the room. He had purposefully installed a scent he knew she hated. Musk and sandalwood. The smell usually dissipated within a couple of minutes but of course she didn’t have the patience to wait that long. Nor did she have the patience or skill to be able to work out how to get into the large dark oak desk with its intricate carvings and even more intricate lock that was shoved against the floor to ceiling window that had a stunning view of the city especially at night when the lights from the buildings merged with the stars and reminded of fireflies flying through the air.
That was another thing that stopped my mother from going in there. She was terrified of heights. Just couldn’t deal with them. This didn’t stop her from wearing 6-inch heels every day. It always surprised me when she came home with two non-broken ankles. I think the heels also made her more arrogant. They fuelled her desire to be above everyone else. At least physically in this sense.
Anyway, the office was decorated to my father’s tastes unlike the rest of the house. I bet you can’t guess who had the final say for that. Aside from his desk, he had the coolest chair in the world, no the universe. All it was, was your average office chair on wheels but when I was younger, I just loved to propel myself across the room and spin around until I was so dizzy, I couldn’t stand. More often than not I knocked a book or two or twenty off the built in shelves that took up two entire walls of the room. They were filled to the brim with history books, antiques and a few artefacts that he had purchased at auctions. He used to work at a museum before he quit to look after me. It didn’t stop his passion for history though. One of his favourite things to do was to take me to a museum or some place with historical significance. It didn’t interest me in the slightest but it was worth it to see a genuine smile on his face. As my life became more hectic and I began to get recognised everywhere I went, we couldn’t go on our little historical adventures anymore.
He smiled less.
He always tried to pretend whenever he was with me but I guess I got too good at knowing when someone was simply acting. When he invited me into his office one morning to talk in private I hoped, I truly hoped that he had found a way for us to go on one of our outings. But alas, that wasn’t the case.
‘What is it you want to talk about?’ I asked as I quietly closed the door behind me.
‘Come sit.’ He gestured to one of the chairs next to him. He had these two old fashioned tan leather armchairs that were some of the only genuinely comfortable and relaxing chairs in the entire house. Every other chair was bought for style over comfort.
‘Is something wrong?’ I asked worriedly as I quickly sat down next to him.
‘No, no it’s not.’ He reassuringly placed his hand on my knee. ‘I just want to talk to you about something in private.’
‘It must be important if you don’t want anyone to overhear us.’
‘You could say that.’ He took in a deep breath as he turned to look me straight in the eyes. My bright blue eyes that perfectly matched his. I always adored the fact that I resembled my father. Same blue eyes, same black hair, same little triangular birthmark on our shoulder. I was his mini-me. His carbon copy. I think of him every time I look in the mirror.
‘What I am about to tell you cannot leave this room. It has to remain between us. You have to promise to keep this a secret Austin.’
‘Of course I promise.’ I could tell by my father’s face and the way he was speaking that whatever he was about to tell me was incredibly important to him. He looked so nervous and uncomfortable, meaning all I wanted to do was give him a big hug and tell him everything was going to be ok. For a brief moment, I felt like the parent.
‘A little while ago I took a job doing relief work at the museum. I am only there very occasionally so… your mother doesn’t know. I get paid in cheques made out to cash. Combining that with the money I’ve made selling some of the antiques I have lying around here, I have amassed a good sum. It’s not like hundreds of thousand dollars or anything.’ He added quickly as he noticed my mouth open wide in shock. Never in my life did I think he would ever sell anything in his office. Everything in there brought him joy. Why would he ever sell anything?
‘You know education is important to me, right?’ I nodded silently as he continued speaking. ‘I have set this money aside in a bank account for you to use to pay for college in the future. I sometimes worry with your mother’s frivolous spending that one day our financial situation may suddenly change. I would hate for you to have to suffer because of that.’
‘Why are you telling me this now?’ I questioned him. ‘I’m only 15. I’m not going to be thinking about college for a while yet.’
‘Personally, I think you are more than old enough to discuss and be involved in these types of things. Austin, the reason I am specifically telling you now is because I want you to sign a document that adds your name to the account so that you can deposit money into it as well when you can.’
‘I… I don’t know what to say.’
‘You don’t have to say anything. Just please sign this.’ He roughly shoved a piece of paper into one hand and a shiny silver pen into the other.
‘I can’t accept this. I’m hardly in school as it is. And when I am there, I struggle my way through the day. Hell, I can’t even do my homework by myself. I need to get Charlie to help me. I’d never get into college. Let’s be honest, we both know that mother would never let me go anyway. Never in a million years. In her opinion I need to focus on my career.’
‘You don’t need to go to college right after graduating high school. You could always wait a few years. It’ll still be there.’
‘I don’t deserve this.’ I grabbed his hand tightly as I hung my head in shame. ‘I don’t deserve to go to college. I’m no where near smart enough. Plus, I would have no clue what I’d study. Whatever it is won’t ever matter because I’ll always be made to act.’ I took a deep breath in. ‘It doesn’t seem right that I get the chance to go to college when I don’t need to nor should be there and there’s people out there who do deserve to go to college and to get a good education but they can’t afford to. It’s not right.’
‘You mean people like Charlie?’ My body stiffened as I glanced at him out the corner of my eye.
‘It’s not right.’ I repeated. ‘He works so hard but I know his dad will never afford college. Charlie wouldn’t want his dad to struggle for him. And mother would never let you give Don that good of a raise. I couldn’t bring myself to get a higher education than Charlie when he can’t but needs it and deserves it way more than me.’ My eyes squeezed shut to stop the tears of frustration that were beginning to well in my eyes. I couldn’t believe how worked up about this I was getting. I mean I had thought about these things before and tried to work out ways to help Charlie and his dad but could never think of anything that my mother wouldn’t find out about. I was only 15 and not capable of opening secret bank accounts like my father was. I hated the obvious difference in out financial situations. It was always making things awkward between us. The first time I went to Charlie’s house he had gotten so embarrassed about how small it was compared to mine and kept making excuses for the mess and for why they had mismatched dining chairs. He was so ashamed of his house and his clothes, just everything and it made me want to scream every time he got uncomfortable about it. I loved their house. I loved every little thing about it. If anything, I wished I lived there. It had so much character and every room and every piece of furniture reflected Don and Charlie’s personalities. Ours was just decorated with the most expensive furniture my mother could procure. Our house was just… emotionless whilst theirs was filled with so much love. I desperately wanted that. But more than that I wanted Charlie to realise that the size and cost of his house and possessions didn’t matter. Money didn’t matter. Love is the only thing that matters. The thing worth having and being proud of, not money.
This whole thing with college and my father’s secret bank account was just another example of how different our situations were. I felt awful and so, so guilty. It just made me sick to my stomach.
‘Austin.’ I slowly looked up at my father. ‘If you were smart with this money and worked out a way to be able to regularly deposit into the account and only used it for paying for your education or helping to pay when you need it, then we could make this work. Don would have to agree to do that too, he’d obviously need to accept the money in the first place but we could work out a way for this bank account to support the both of you. Think of it like a safety net. We never know what anyone’s financial situation will be like in the future.’
‘You’d really share this money with Don and Charlie?’
‘I completely agree with everything you said. It’s not fair. And hopefully we don’t need to worry about money in the future but it’s better to be safe than sorry.’
‘I-I don’t care about me.’ I stuttered. ‘Just say it again so I know you’re serious. You would really help Charlie pay for college.’
‘It’s not really me who’s doing. You’re the one who’s working and going to be adding the most money. But to answer your question, yes. We’re going to help pay for his education.’ My father assured me.
I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around him. ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me.’
‘I have some idea.’ He hugged me back. ‘I know you care about Charlie.’
‘More than anyone knows.’ I buried my face in his shoulder. ‘I love you so much.’
‘I love you too son. Now we just have to get Don to agree to this.’
‘Charlie can’t know.’ I hastily unwrapped my arms from around my father and got to my feet. ‘He’ll hate it if he thinks I’m treating him like a charity. Charlie might not forgive me. I could lose him.’
‘Don’t worry. We can talk to Don about that. But what’s more important than keeping this a secret from Charlie, is keeping this a secret from your mother. She cannot find out. Your mother would be beyond furious. She would be apoplectic with rage.’
‘She won’t find out. I promise to do my best to keep it from her.’
I tried to hide my glee as I bid my father goodbye and rushed out the room. We were going to help Charlie pay for college. He was going to have his chance at achieving his dream. Like I had said to my father, I didn’t care about myself. If I’m honest, I had zero interest in going to college but I couldn’t tell my father that. Even though I knew he would pretend to be fine with it, it would upset him. Education was important to him. But at least Charlie was going to get a good education. He was definitely smart enough for it.
That whole conversation also made me feel a bit relieved. For the last few weeks my father had been acting odd and rather secretive. Disappearing for hours at a time, running out the room whenever he got a phone call. Just acting kind of… shifty. But this whole secret bank account explained that. Or so I thought at the time. I never imagined what the true big secret was.
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