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‘He was waiting for me when I got back. It was the middle of the night and there he was on my bed, hood pulled up over his head with only a few curls peeking out, reading yet another book.’
‘How did he get in?’ Sofia asked. ‘I’m assuming he didn’t just walk in through the front door as he didn’t want your mother to know he was there.’
‘No he didn’t. My mother had no idea that he had been in the same house as her for hours. Knowing I could be back at any minute she didn’t want to get caught snooping in my room. She doesn’t have any other reason to be in there.’ Austin admitted. ‘Charlie had asked one of the maids, Madelyn to leave a window in my room open. Told her it was to air my room out before I got back. He knew that even if she did figure out what he actually wanted that window open for she would never tell. Madelyn was good like that.’
‘How so?’
‘She was… kind. Loyal. Caring. Growing up she was often the one who would put a plaster on me if I ever fell and my father was there.’ Austin explained. ‘Madelyn was more of a mother towards me than my biological one was.’ He took a deep breath in. ‘Charlie snuck in the same way I snuck out. I don’t know why I found that specific part of Charlie’s surprise that night kinda funny.’
‘You used that way because you were desperate to get out. Charlie used it because he wanted to get in. I’d say there is something ironic there.’ Sofia nodded in agreement.
‘He wanted to be there for me when I got home. Charlie knew that I would need him.’ A small smile flashed briefly across Austin’s face as he remembered that night.
He had been exhausted by the time he got back from the airport, barely able to function let alone keep his eyes open. But the joy he felt when he had opened that door and saw Charlie sitting there had made all of that disappear in an instant. Austin had struggled to stay on his feet as Charlie had barrelled into his arms the minute the door was closed. The night had been spent talking about how much they loved each other before falling asleep, wrapped tightly in the other’s arms.
‘Austin.’ He ignored Sofia’s voice as he continued talking.
‘I think I’d always known I loved him. Just never built up the courage to say it before then. But it felt… right. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.’
‘Austin.’ Sofia said sternly.
‘I’m rambling, aren’t I?’
‘Yes, I think we have gone a little bit off track.’
‘Sorry.’ Austin mumbled. ‘It’s just…’ His voice drifted off.
‘Charlie is your comfort subject. I understand that. But we do need to talk about some tougher subjects. It is unfortunately necessary and unavoidable.’ Austin nodded silently. ‘You spoke to Charlie about wanting free from your mother, is that right?’
‘It wasn’t necessarily free of her. At the time I didn’t want to cut her out of my life completely. She was still my mother. She gave birth to me for goodness sakes.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘It was more so about gaining the ability to make my own decisions and get out of the spotlight. I never asked for that kind of life. I never wanted any of it. People think it’s so much fun being famous but in reality it is one of the worst things that ever happened to me. I couldn’t go anywhere without being recognised and surrounded. I was constantly tired and stressed and had no time for myself. I couldn’t do anything.’
‘Did you earn any freedom once you turned 18?’
‘Of course I didn’t. My mother manipulated people into getting the conservatorship through. Nothing changed. I still couldn’t make decisions for myself. I still couldn’t go outside without being recognised. I still didn’t have a real life. The only thing that did change was that Charlie started university, studying for a degree in English Literature. We were unable to see each other in person as much as we wanted to. I, uh… I fell into another slump. I had very little energy and motivation for anything.’
‘Why didn’t you tell someone then?’ Sofia questioned. ‘You seem to find it pretty easy to talk to me right now.’
‘I guess I was a lot more unsure then. More scared. And even if I wasn’t, I’d have no idea who to talk to. Who would actually believe me anyway? It’s my word against hers. They believed her when she said I was unstable. Why wouldn’t they believe her about everything else?’
‘I believe you.’
‘That doesn’t mean anything. You could just be saying that to build up rapport with me.’ Austin pointed out. ‘You could say whatever you damn well please because you know I have no way to find out whether it’s a lie or not.’
‘I’m not lying to you Austin. I promise you.’ She reached her hand out across the table. ‘Whatever I say to you is the truth.’
‘I’m going to trust you. Mainly because you have done nothing so far to make me feel otherwise. Apart from when you tried to get me to say I wanted to kill someone.’
‘I’m sorry if that was a bit forceful.’
‘A bit?’ Austin raised an eyebrow.
‘I apologise. I just needed to ask. Like I also need to ask why you never simply walked away from your mother?’
‘I didn’t know how to.’ Austin admitted. ‘It was never going to be as simple as just walking away. There would be fights and legal battles. I wouldn’t know how to deal with all that. And if I moved out, I wouldn’t be able to provide for myself. I’d hate to have to rely on anyone. The only bank account I had any sort of access to was Charlie’s education fund and I would sooner starve than take money from that.’
‘How were you able to keep adding money to it if that was the only account you had access to?’ Sofia implored.
‘I used the money from my monthly allowance. That’s right. A monthly allowance. My mother gave me a set amount of pocket money each month like a child, not an international celebrity. Between that and the money I made from selling my old designer clothes online, I was able to hand Don a good amount of cash each month. He certainly needed it with all those hidden fees that came with university. All those textbooks and crap.’
‘Did- Did you actually advertise the clothes as being previously owned by you?’ Sofia asked, a confused look on her face.
‘Oh god no!’ Austin exclaimed. ‘I mean sure, I could have earned more cash that way but it would have just led to a lot of unnecessary hassle.’
‘Didn’t your mother notice your clothes going missing?’
‘Nah.’ Austin laughed as he shook his head. ‘She was way too dumb for that.’
‘You seem rather resourceful when it comes to finding ways to earn money. I’m positive you would have managed fine on your own when it comes to providing for yourself. And someone as famous and well-known as you would easily be able to book a job. I’m sure you have job offers pouring in all the time.’
‘Well yeah, but if I was to move out and defy my mother like that, she would be pissed. I wouldn’t be under her control anymore and the thought of what I could do without her hovering over me terrified her. I could be photographed with the help.’ Austin glanced at Sofia’s face. ‘You understand that my mother is crazy right?’
‘I cannot confirm or deny that having never met your mother.’
‘Well she is. If I left her she would continue to do everything in her power to stop me from doing what I want and being my true self. I wouldn’t put it past her to go as far as to ruin my reputation just to get back at me. She would talk shit about her own son to ensure that I couldn’t earn money for myself that would enable me to live my life as I wanted to.’
‘You would still be able to find ways. You’re resourceful, remember?’ Sofia smiled reassuringly at him. ‘You could have got a normal job.’
‘With my level of education. What use would I be to anyone?’ Austin sighed deeply. ‘And it’s like I said to Charlie, it’s not just me I feel like I would need to provide for.’
‘Could you expand on that? Why you felt you needed to provide for the people who worked for you and your mother?’
‘It wasn’t all of them. Only… the nice ones. The ones who tried to help me in any little way they could.’
‘So you felt you needed to help them?’ Sofia guessed.
‘Of course I did.’ Austin nodded. ‘So many of them felt sorry for me and only stayed working for us because they would have felt guilty if they left when I couldn’t. And the rest of them well… they would have been fired long ago if it wasn’t for me.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘My mother was a very irrational person. She would get mad over the tiniest of things. If something went missing in the house, then it had been stolen. I knew that none of them would have ever stolen from us so every time that happened, I drafted Charlie in to help me find it. And then there was the times when something would go wrong or get broken around the property. I always tried to step in to defend them because none of them deserved to get fired over something as insignificant as dead flowers being left in a vase.’
‘I don’t think your mother would have actually fired someone just because they left dead flowers in a vase.’ Sofia shook her head in disbelief.
‘Oh I know she would have. Because she did.’ Austin stared her down. ‘That woman was bat-shit crazy. And worst of all she was heartless. She did not care that none of those people could afford to live for even a couple of days without a job. Hell, sometimes she didn’t even treat them like people. They only stayed working for that woman for me. If I left-’
‘They would leave too.’ Sofia concluded. ‘Whether they had a job lined up or not.’
‘In some way I felt responsible for them so I wanted to be able to support them. Especially Don and Charlie. I know for a fact that Don only stayed for the sake of me and Red. Both of them detested her.’
‘Did it ever upset you that your boyfriend hated your mother?’ Sofia asked, her pen hovering above the page.
‘It never did. He was entitled to his own opinion and his opinion was perfectly valid. Most days I could see where he was coming from and as time went on I began to agree with his opinion on my mother more and more. And most importantly, my desire to fight for what I wanted grew too.’
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