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I had just been sent away to Paris to film for my newest movie at the time. Love and Croissants. The cheesiest romance to have ever existed in the history of the entire universe. Not my thing whatsoever. Give me magic and dragons any day over… that. It was the longest 2 months of my life. Pure torture from my first step on French soil. I was working like a trojan almost every single day with barely any rest and relaxation. My mother visited my there sometimes but mainly she just spent her time going shopping in the high-end boutiques spending obscene amounts of money before flying home. In fact, she hardly spent any time with me, her only child. She would much rather spend time sucking up to all the well-known designers for modelling opportunities and film producers for roles. None of them could stand her and would much rather talk to a grizzly bear than her. I know that to be true because they told me. Numerous times. They were always talking bad about her behind her back in French. She detested the fact that she couldn’t understand them. I always said that was what she got for being lazy and not bothering to learn the language. Any language. In her opinion everyone else should take the time to learn English, the “proper language”. That was how I learned that my mother was not only homophobic but also kind of racist. Alright, a lot racist.
I, on the other hand always attempted to learn the language of whatever country I was going to. At least the basics to get me by. It kept me occupied on the journey over.
But the worst thing about all the travelling was not being able to see Charlie. It was distressing going from at most a few hours away from him at any given time to now being in a completely different country. He had just finished school for the summer. He was free to come with me even if it was just for a couple of weeks. The fun we would have had in the city of love and romance. We could have gone to the wall of love, taken a boat ride down the Seine, wandered the streets hand in hand. Been a couple for once. But my mother wouldn’t let him come. I knew it was a risk asking her in the first place but I had to try. My usual assistant was unable to fly being 8 months pregnant when I left, a fact my mother tried to argue. She insisted that Monica could still fly on account of her doing it when she was pregnant with me, a blatant lie seeing as my mother didn’t have me to make her money to afford the plane ticket. Mother only stopped harassing poor Monica after I insisted, she went to the doctor and got a note that stated she physically could not come. The last thing I wanted to do was put anyone’s health in danger. Because of Monica not being able to come, mother had to find someone at the last minute, a thing that proved impossible for her to do as no one could meet her impossibly high standards.
My solution.
Offer up Charlie’s services. I thought it was a brilliant suggestion. She’d known him for years; she knew how smart he was. Plus she saw first hand how hard Don worked pretty much every day, surely she figured out his son would be exactly like him. But no, she would not let him go with me. Said he would be too much of a distraction and it wouldn’t look good if people found out he was our gardener’s son, a fact that no one would have been able to work out easily and even if they did, no one cared. Of course I was told I was wrong. My mother was of the opinion that it was impossible for her to be wrong about anything. Even when proof was shown to her, she would still argue that she was right. The amount of times I had been tempted to buy her one of those mugs that said “Mrs Always Right” was astronomical.
One thing she definitely wasn’t right about was how much I missed Charlie. I had to make do with video calls. Early morning for me, evening for him. Dear god I missed him. It was like I had left a part of me behind. I ached without him beside me. I couldn’t wait to get back home.
But I had to fly to get there.
Charlie would always call me before every flight, no mater the length of time I was actually spending in the flying metal coffin. He’d tell me stories, make jokes, talk about what all we’d do together once I got back. He would take my mind off things, reassure me. Normally it would work like a charm. This time was different. I’d been away for longer. I was more worked up and anxious. There was a lot of things weighing on my mind, not just from having to go in a death trap.
‘Maybe you can fly over here and then travel home with me.’ I suggested as I paced the airport floor. ‘I’ll make sure you get reimbursed for the money even if it has to come from my own personal savings.’
‘If your mother didn’t let me come in the first place, do you honestly think she’s going to let me come pick you up?’
‘She doesn’t have to know.’ I mumbled sheepishly.
‘Yeah, and what’s going to be your excuse for why you’re not flying back tonight? And you know as well as I do that someone would a 100% tattle to your mother. I don’t want to have to hide in your suitcase. Look, I know you’re anxious but don’t also be an idiot.’ Charlie was always the only one who could give me attitude and get away with it. ‘You’ll be fine. I’ll be right here waiting for you when you get back.’
‘You promise?’
‘Of course I do. Don’t I always make sure to see you right after you get back? Plus, I have a plan. A little surprise for when you get back.’ Charlie laughed. ‘Just keep thinking of me and you’ll get home safely. Maybe look at a picture of me or something?’
‘I’ve got you set as my home screen. I’ll be staring at you the whole way home.’ I smiled as the image I was talking about appeared in my mind. It was from a couple of months ago on Charlie’s 17th birthday. I had bought him a fluffy dinosaur onesie which he had immediately put on before preceding to chase me around his room, laughing the entire time. I only got him to stop after I tackled him to the ground and began tickling him mercilessly until he conceded defeat and begged me to forgive him with tears of laughter rolling down his cheeks. I had forgiven him with a kiss and helped him to his feet but not before snapping a quick photo to forever memorialise that moment. It was the most fun I’d had in weeks.
‘Austin. Tell me that you’re ok.’ Charlie’s worried voice brought me crashing back down to earth. ‘I need to know you’re alright Blue.’
‘I’m ok.’
‘Somehow I find that hard to believe.’ For such a good actor, I was a horrible liar. At least to Charlie. ‘There’s more going on with you, isn’t there?’
I knew in that moment I needed to talk to him. Tell him what was going on inside my mind. Tell him what had been bothering me for the entire time I had been away. What I had been essentially keeping from Charlie for 2 months. Ever since we were 10 he had always been there for me through everything. The good and the bad. And the worse. He supported me even when no one else would. I needed to talk to him about this. He was the only one I could talk to. I leaned against the wall as I took a deep breath in, pulling my hood up to shield my face from anyone who might happen to walk past the airport’s VIP Lounge.
Quickly glancing round I noticed my security team, the only other people in the Lounge, milling around at the opposite side of the room, barely ever looking in my direction. They didn’t give a shit about what I was saying on the phone or me in general.
‘I’m not sure if I can do this much longer. I want out Charlie. I want to be free. I can’t stand all this attention any longer. I hate working all the time and being away from home and… and you. I never asked to be famous. I never asked for any of this. I just want to be normal.’ I could hear him breathing quietly down the end of the phone. ‘I want to be able to make decisions for myself. Choose what I do, where I go and who I speak to. It’s my life, not my mother’s.’
‘I know Austin. I know.’ Charlie spoke softly. ‘Everything’s going to work out alright. It will all just fall perfectly into place. You’ll see. You just gotta think positively.’
‘Charlie, this isn’t like those books you’ve always got your nose stuck in. This is real life, my life, not some made up story. Things don’t just… fall into place as you put it. Not everyone gets their happy ending like in a book.’
‘You’ve clearly never read Tess of the d’Urbervilles.’ Charlie scoffed.
‘Red.’ I groaned. ‘This is serious.’ I slid down the wall and sat on the cold hard floor, hugging my knees close to my chest. It wasn’t comfortable but I didn’t care. I was too tired. Too tired of everything. The people constantly coming up and harassing me. My mother dictating my life. Charlie’s face every time I told him I was leaving again. I wanted it to stop. I wanted, more than anything for it all to go away. To just magically disappear.
‘I’m sorry Austin. I’m sorry. Talk to me. Please.’ Charlie begged. ‘Just please talk to me Blue.’
‘Mother had asked me to get something from her desk.’ I began to explain. ‘I found some old paycheques and letters from the bank. That led me down one big old rabbit hole.’ I looked around to make sure that no one else was listening. This wasn’t the kind of thing I needed other people knowing. ‘Every single penny I make goes to her. Nothing is in my name. She controls absolutely everything.’
‘Well, we always thought that was the case. You’re still 17.’ Charlie pointed out. ‘Once you turn 18 it will change. Things will be in your name. You can move out. Get away from her.’
‘God, if only it was that simple. But that would be a bloody miracle at this point.’
‘Why Austin?’
‘Some of the papers… They… She wants to put me under a conservatorship. To keep control over my life. For as long as she possibly can.’
‘Your mother is out of her fucking mind if she thinks she can do that!’ Charlie exclaimed.
‘Language, Red.’
‘I don’t care about my language. I care about you Austin. She’s crazy if she thinks this is legal.’
‘It is. She’s…’ I hesitated. ‘She’s claiming that I’m not responsible enough to look after myself. I can’t make decisions for myself. That I’m too used to relying on other people. I mean she’s right but still.’
‘It’s crazy!’ Charlie cried. ‘She’s absolutely crazy.’
‘I know. I know. She’s bringing back up that time I shoved a kid. Saying that I’ve done it and worse multiple times and that she’s covered it up. That I’m not stable.’
‘Oh god Austin!’
‘If this goes through, if she gets away with this, I will never be able to get free from her. I’ll be stuck with her until the day I die. Or when she does.’
‘You won’t have to. You can get out Blue. I know you can. You can come stay with me. I’ll get a job and provide for you. I promise you, I will. You won’t have to worry about money ever.’
‘It’s not just me. It’s everyone. All those people that work for us.’
‘What do you mean?’ Charlie asked.
‘You and I both know that so many of them would have given up and quit or gotten fired if it wasn’t for me. They wouldn’t still be working for her if it wasn’t for me. The minute I leave, they will too, whether by choice or not. I need to be able to help them. They might need my help to get by financially. That’s my responsibility Charlie. Mine and no one else’s. Especially not yours.’
‘Austin, no one freaking cares about that! The employees in that god forsaken house that actually care about you won’t mind if they have to struggle for a while as long as you are safe and happy. And the majority of them have money saved up for such an occasion because they know how unpredictable your mother is and that their jobs constantly hang by a thread. You stupid idiot.’ Charlie huffed loudly.
‘Don’t call me a stupid idiot.’ I mumbled.
‘Well, you are. People care about you more than you’ll ever know.’ He was silent. ‘Austin. You said you found these papers on your mother’s desk. You found this out before you went away, didn’t you?’
‘I didn’t know what to think about it Charlie. I needed to try wrap my head around it first before I told you.’
‘And did you?’
‘No. But I was sick of lying to you. I needed to tell you.’
‘Well, it’s good you have. We’ll figure this out. Together. And I’ll make sure you see how everything will be ok. Then you’ll be free.’
‘That sounds like the greatest thing in the world. Freedom.’ I breathed out deeply. ‘That’s all I really want. To be free to love you.’
‘You… You’ve never said that before.’
‘Not the response I was hoping for.’ I smiled weakly. ‘It’s fine. You don’t have to say it-’
‘I love you too Austin.’
‘You know when we said that we loved each other for the first time, I really thought it would be different. That it would be in person.’
‘Then we’ll pretend this never happened so we can do it again when you get back. You’re an actor. Act.’
‘You know you can be so sassy sometimes.’ I frowned as I heard them announcing my flight number. I could feel my heart beginning to race in my chest as everyone around me began to grab their bags and got ready to board. ‘I need to go Charlie.’
‘I’ll see you when you get back. You better be ready for me. I need a hug after being apart from you for so long.’
‘You’ll get a hug. Definitely.’ I grinned as I got shakily to my feet. ‘I need to say it again. One more time. I love you. So, so much.’
‘I love you too. Now you just focus on getting back to me safely.’
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