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‘You said you’d kill for him. Did you have anybody in mind?’ Sofia questioned as she hurriedly scribbled down note after note, her pen flying across the page, pink pompom bobbing wildly.
‘I didn’t mean it!’ Austin cried as he slammed his fists on the table. ‘It was just something I said in the heat of the moment. I wouldn’t actually go out and kill someone just because my boyfriend told me to. I wasn’t planning on being his personal little assassin. I’m not a killer. I did not mean it.’
‘Are you sure?’ Sofia raised an eyebrow as she glanced at Austin’s tightly balled fists on the table.
‘Of course I’m sure.’ Austin’s eyes widened in surprise. So far throughout this conversation, Sofia had been nothing but sweet and understanding. And now here she was essentially asking if he wanted to kill someone. ‘You can’t sit there and tell me you never said something in the heat of the moment that you didn’t actually mean.’
‘Yes, but I never said I’d kill for someone.’ Sofia sat silently for a moment as she weighed up her options of what she could say next. How far she could push this. ‘I wonder if you did mean what you said to Charlie. If you did have someone specific in mind.’ Sofia watched as Austin’s body tensed up. ‘Think about it Austin. All your problems, not being in control of your finances, your life, not being free to be with Charlie would all disappear if your mother died.’
‘Are you out of your god damn mind?!’ Austin shouted as he leapt to his feet. ‘I would never want to purposefully kill my own mother.’
‘Why not? It would make your life easier.’
‘Because it would mean trading one prison for another! It wouldn’t solve anything.’ Austin wrapped his arms around himself as he began pacing the room, back and forth, back and forth, his mind racing. ‘It’d make things so much worse. It would ruin everything. Charlie would never be able to look at me the same. He could leave me. He’s the only true family I have left. I can’t lose him too. I can’t. I can’t lose him.’ Austin felt his chest tighten and his breathing quicken as Sofia swiftly moved to stand in front of him, an obvious look of concern for Austin’s state of mind on her face. ‘I don’t want to be alone. I can’t cope by myself. I need Charlie. I need him.’
‘Austin, breathe.’ She gently grabbed his arms to ensure he didn’t hurt himself. ‘You’re not going to lose him. It’s going to work out alright.’
‘It never does!’
‘But this time it’s different. This time you have spoken out. You have told someone what was going on and that has taken immense bravery. I know with that level of bravery that you’re going to be ok. Now just breathe for me Austin.’ She watched as Austin closed his eyes and began taking in deep shaky breaths. ‘Talk to me about Charlie. How often did you sneak out at night to see him?’
‘As often as I could.’ Austin spoke quietly as he slowly opened his eyes.
‘Was he alright with you coming over all the time?’ Sofia asked as she began to slowly guide Austin back to sit down at the table.
‘He loved it just as much as I did. He needed it just as much as I did. There were even some times when he asked me to come over.’ Austin explained as he let Sofia gingerly push him down to sit in the chair. ‘We just wanted to be together. Most nights I needed to see him, even if it was just for a little while. I knew myself when I was too tired to run over to his. But we talked everyday even if we didn’t get the chance to see each other in person. I liked asking him about his day, what he’d been up to, what book he was reading even just asking what he’d eaten that day. I just enjoyed hearing about… him. It made my day the slightest bit better. The slightest bit brighter.’
‘Did you ever text him or was it only phone or video calls?’
‘Oh, we were constantly texting each other. And I mean constantly. It wasn’t the best form of communication. Didn’t get to hear his voice and… texts were easier for other people to see. I liked keeping my conversations with Charlie private. Some of the things I told him were thing I didn’t want people to know. Especially not my mother.
‘Was your mother still managing your career the same way at this point in time?’
‘Surprisingly yes. You wouldn’t think so what with all the vacationing and shopping she spent her time doing.’ Austin sat twiddling his thumbs, his gaze locked on the table. ‘For a while it felt like I was living under a microscope. She scrutinised every little miniscule thing I did. I was forever overhearing her questioning my security on where I had been and who I had talked to. If it was ever someone she didn’t approve of, I would get reprimanded.’
‘Was that the only thing she did?’
‘Definitely not.’ Austin scoffed. ‘There was a brief period of time where she picked out my clothes for me to wear every day. It made me feel like I was some kind of doll for her to play dress up with. God, it was awful. Luckily, she seemed to get bored of it quickly and allowed me to actually pick out my own clothes. It was just a horrible two weeks.’
‘How was she with you and Charlie?’ Sofia asked. ‘Did you ever suspect that she knew what was going on between the two of you?’
‘I was always worried she did. Me and Charlie tried our hardest to hide our relationship from her. We never hung out in front of her and I never spoke about him with her. If she ever brought him up, I would change the subject. I attempted to play it off like we had drifted apart. That we weren’t as close as what we once were. But there was only so much we could do.’ Austin sighed deeply. ‘Whenever we were both at the house, she watched us like a hawk to see what we did around each other. The number of times I wanted to kiss him in front of her just to see his face.’
‘But you never did.’ Austin shook his head. ‘How were things going with your career at that point?’
‘Really well as far as my mother was concerned. I was on almost every billboard, every screen. It was probably the peak of my career. Because of that, I found myself travelling the world more and more.’
‘Did you enjoy that?’
‘I liked visiting all these different countries and seeing the fans I had there and the impact I had but that was about where my enjoyment ended. I hated being away from home and from Charlie. And most of all I hated flying. Couldn’t stand it.’
‘Your mother didn’t care that you were scared of flying, did she?’ Sofia guessed.
‘No. After I finally told her, the next day she booked me a job in Africa. Two connecting flights.’
‘Austin.’ Sofia hesitated, her pen hovering above the page. ‘Was there ever a time you wanted to get rid of your mother from your life? To be free?’
‘Who wouldn’t want to be? I mean, who honestly wants that kind of life where you can’t make any decisions for yourself? Where you can’t be yourself? My mother made it impossible for me to leave her, to set out on my own. She controlled pretty much every aspect of my life. There was nothing I could do.’
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