Jaelynn never asked questions. That's what you liked best about her.
Ever since your diagnosis, every silence seemed to be filled with "Are you okays?" and "Do you need anythings?" You would grin politely at the people that insisted on pestering you with such questions. You had to bite your tongue to keep from firing back "I'm dying. How do you think I'm doing?" So, instead, you maintained that weak smile and murmured a well-rehearsed "I'm doing fine" in hopes of circumventing the pity look. The one that people would give you when they felt bad for you.
You had a theory that they didn't actually feel all that bad for you. You figured it was a mask they put up to feel better about the fact that when they heard about your diagnosis their first thoughts were "What if that were me? I wouldn't know what to do."
Not that that's a bad thing. You knew the only way for they could fully comprehend something as all encompassing as terminal cancer was to relate it back to themselves. They didn't need to feel bad about being human. They did anyways, though. And so, in an attempt to save themselves, they poured all their energy into you.
You supposed the effort was valiant. But you wished they wouldn't. You wished things would go back to normal.
You didn't want to spend your last months among the living being coddled and surrounded constant pity looks.
Jaelynn, though, she was different. When you called her, she simply showed up, sat with you, and offered an earbud to break the silence. There were no discussions about the C word. There were no "Are you okays?" There was just silent companionship and constant music.
Some people tried to tell you that you needed to talk about.
You didn't want to, though.
In moments like this, sitting back to back with Jae, Amy Winehouse singing about rehab loudly in your ear, you could almost forget about the death sentence that hung over your head.
"Everyone has death over their head. The second you come in this world you start dying," you'd told her once. You played it off like that somehow made it alright that death had come for you now. In all the movies a death sentence seemed to make good people wiser, more worldly. You knew that that was bullshit. 1151Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPKl6KufuK
But now was no time for such thoughts. This was your time to enjoy yourself, not get wrapped up in how much life sucked. You sighed, inhaling the strawberry scent of Jae's shampoo and pictured the myriad colors of her hair. She always kept it dyed such vibrant shades of pink and blue and yellow. It was different. Stunning. In another life, you would have tried to kiss her or ask her out on a date. In another life.
'This is nice. This is how I always want to be,' you thought, not having the energy to actually speak the words aloud. You closed your eyes and felt yourself drift away...1151Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebqRRajLs1
