I was unsure how i ended up in bed, or what had happened after Den and his father left, all i know is that, at some point, i had curled up on the floor right then and there and i had bawled. not cried. cried did not describe what i did, i bawled loud and hard, I bawled till i was dry heaving, I bawled till even my step sister felt sorry for me, I bawled until John came home and found me on the floor, I bawled until John got sick of me and demanded to know what had happened, I bawled until he roughly picked me up and dragged me to the basement, I bawled so hard i didn't hear him fighting with Jonathan neither did i here my step sister telling him what she had heard while eavesdropping. I bawled until i passed out.539Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7kiGypTFz
I woke up feeling apathetic. and it was better than feeling sad. I knew then and there that life was about to get real for me. I thought i had it bad before? oh no, now it was about to get worse, now shit was about to hit the fan, and not just from John but from people at school, from the neighbors and from Devil's friends. somehow my gut instinct was telling me to leave and not look back, but I felt so unmotivated to do anything I couldn't even move if i tried. somewhere in a distance i could hear John yelling for me, but i didn't listen, my heart was too broken to be scared of him. laying in my bed quietly I thought of my mother and wished for the first time in 8 years that she was there. Since my mom died, I had not given myself a chance to grieve or to think about our good memories, but right now, all i could hope for was that she was here so I could ask for advice.
I woke up again sometime later not even knowing i had fallen asleep to feel Jon beside me, holding me tight and singing one of 'our' songs ; you've got a friend in me.
You'vegot a friend in me
You've got a friend in me
You've got troubles, and I've got 'em too
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you
We stick together and can see it through
'Cause you've got a friend in me
(you've got a friend in me by : Randy Newman)
I felt myself smile because i knew he was going to poke me and ask me to sing the next part, calmly he laid his hands on my stomach and gently rubbed it. telling me what a great mother I will be. and i felt myself cry some more,
"go ahead and cry love, always cry when you need to, just don't stay in your funk for ever'
I honestly felt better after the tears and had made a resolve that i will see myself through this pregnancy and i will be fine. Come hell or high water, I would change my world and it would begin with me, getting out of this bed and taking a good walk.
'you feel better now?'
"yes I do" I'm not saying my heart isn't broken because it is, but right now, right now its not about me, I said i would keep this baby so I will try my darnest to make sure the baby is OK.
"good. and like i said, whenever you feel the need to cry, give yourself the opportunity to do so' you owe it to yourself and your child to be in a positive head-space"
"thanks Jon, i heard your father yelling for me earlier..what did he want?'
"oh he was asking about dinner' but i told him i asked you not to cook because i had made a reservation for him and the evil girl at Tomaso's."
"did you really?"
"yea, right after Den and his father left i called Tomaso himself and asked for a table for them, you were not in the right space to be cooking for them and enduring their verbal abuse tonight so
"thank you so much Jon, you always are available at the right time"
"oh stop it. we are family, that's what we do"
"i'm glad you are my family, but what about you? what will you eat for dinner?"
"oh yea i got us burgers from 'Nasty burgers' get up so we can eat before they come back"
"ooh food! thank you...you know now that I've cried it out, i'm not sure why i overreacted like that. In hindsight it wasn't surprising they acted the way they did really, I mean Den would never go against his father and I know how much he wants to be CEO and how hard he's worked for it, i'm only 18 and he's like 22, i had to stay back a year due to family reasons and he skipped like 2 grades because he is that smart. I was dumb and stupid"
"hey hey, don't do that, you are worth all the love in the world, he is just a fool that he doesn't know what his priorities are"
"ha! but you know what, i will be fine. i will take my pain and use it as a stepping stone. I will finish high school in two months and i will get into college. I will work and I will leave before this baby is born"
"good!, that is the attitude, and you know I got you whenever you need me, just call and I will be there ok?"
"thanks John"
"I'm sorry to do this but i have to leave early tomorrow morning. around 6am. you know i'm working on my residency and i only got a couple of months left and i would be done, i need to go back so i dont miss class. but the moment I'm done with the residency and i get a job, I would send for you so you can come stay with me ok?"
"really? i would love that. I cant wait to leave here Jon, I really cant, especially now in my condition"
" i totally understand Love but hold on for a just a little bit more ok? it would come sooner than you think. in the mean time, go to the local free clinic for a check up, of the top of my head i know dont stress yourself and dont drink alcohol, dont smoke , dont do anything your sister would do, because the first trimester is the trickiest ok?"
"got it boss"
"now finish up, i have some juicy gossip to tell you from the hospital"
ns 15.158.61.55da2
