Dear ...
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Well it doesn't really matter who I address this to. It's never really mattered has it? The message always gets spread to everyone who needs to know at the end of the day.
By the time anyone reads this I'll be dead already anyway, so either way I don't care who reads this.
I can picture it now; people who never really cared about me crying their eyes out at my absence, my family fighting over my will and who gets the biggest share of my wealth, the moment of silence in my honour and then immediately the same hustle and bustle as everyone gets on with their lives afterwards.
Those people I called friends, will be moving on with their lives too, finding their next victim to suck off of emotionally and financially. My darling wife ,Cynthia, will mourn for a week, two at the most (depending on how much she feels will be an appropriate amount of time) until she carries on with the man she had an affair with while I was still alive. Don't worry George, we all knew you were banging my wife, no need to try hide it anymore buddy. Thanks for being such an upstanding best man there by the way.
Oh and my darling daughter Debra... How could I almost forget to mention you here! I must say I'm so proud to be the father of the girl who probably carries around the most STD's in any school in the country. I'm surprised you're not pregnant yet, honestly (although for the record I blame your mother for your whorish actions, not because of my absence) I did everything I could for you and your mother, I stayed late almost every night at the office and worked over weekends just to make ends meet and that we could all live comfortably.
Andrew, Mark and Dennis... My best friends apart from George, let me not leave out the honour of mentioning you three here in my last words. I would have liked to have written about how you were always there for me, looking out for me and my best interests, but on the contrary. I loved how you guys would always invite me out for a drink and make me pick up the tab for everything, or how I was always the center of the joke. Don't get me wrong, I always had a sharp sense of humour, but it really stopped being funny when you guys made me the butt of every. single. joke. I couldn't sit down without one of you idiots cracking a joke about my inadequacies, and the fact that you all knew about George working away at my wife while I was at work really put the cherry on top. Oh before I forget, Mark you still owe me money you cheap-skate.
Yes I know I'm being ungrateful, I should be more positive about everything, that's what I was always told. "Just stay strong! Put a smile on that face and keep walking tall." Well that's exactly what I did. I went through life kidding myself that everything was fine, smiling like a complete moron all the time. I tried to please people all the time, hoping it would make life easier for me if I was more liked by all these fake people I had surrounded myself with.
Look where all of this has gotten me, a damn hole in the ground.
So I looked happy didn't I? I probably even looked like the happiest man in the world, because everyone assumed ignorance is bliss. If only I was ignorant through everything, but I was well aware of how everything was falling apart around me. I really thought I could make things work, but obviously I wasn't strong enough to keep up with my poor excuse of a life.
Some of you may be saying I was weak and pathetic thinking that suicide was the only option out of my mess, but I dare any of you pretenders to walk a day in my shoes and see how long you last. I probably could've done something about my situation, but I guess I'm too nice of a guy to put a hindrance to all of your busy lives. I wouldn't want to be a burden, now would I?
My final words to the world won't make any difference, I know that, but I still had to try. To try make meaning of my life while I was still alive, no matter how meaningless it seemed. Everyone does, everyone faces their own struggles daily. I'm not trying to make my death seem more important than anyone's choices to live or die, I'm just saying that I tried, I really did, but I couldn't take it anymore.
So farewell world.
And to all those people who did me wrong, I'll be waiting for you in hell.
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Zachery McMillan
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