658Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcr1MbO1jW
If your reading this, then you must be staring upon my slit throat, your hands must be trembling. Your stomach must be constricted like a snake, and rapid tears must be showering the floor. You always told me that someday I'll be a famous writer, or something phenomenal, those endless gardens of incouragment is what kept me breathing life full air for twenty years in this white room. Even when I saw my first white hair decent from my head, even when I noticed my first wrinkle on my face. I never lost hope that one day I could get out of this asylum, and finally start my life. And finally be the son you always told me I was. I never realized how stupid I was; back then. I thought how my life was hard, I thought of my own struggles when I never even took a glance at your physical and mental state; back then. But the difference between us is that took those problems in like a champion, while I crumbled momma.
658Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPUsyeIbga
I could never imagine what was going on behind that smile, behind that calm voice you always had while I disrespected you without feeling guilt. I always thought you seemed like the happiest woman alive, and I despised you for it so ignorantly; I thought I had the heaviest burden. That nobody could feel the way I felt, while you cried yourself to sleep in the other room. Momma I'm sorry I wasn't that perfect child you always deserved. And that eats away at me every night I slept in this asylum. Just thinking that I could have had a college degree right now, or giving you all the money I made instead of sleeping in an asylum. 658Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLY70yptKub
Everytime you visit me, it breaks my heart that you still have the same problems I used to ignore; back then. But you still show up with your old smile, and your upbeat attitude like your the happiest woman alive.
I don't care that I wasted my life, I care that you never got that glamorous life you said I'd have some day. Even in my dreams, that dark cloud of guilt swarms every dark corner of my soul momma. I remember when I put my hands on that teacher.
How I just stared at her eyes, I witnessed her crying as she looked at my gun. Momma it hurts me when I see you cry, it hurts me when you've been hurt again. But I just couldn't handle that guilt, the wrongs I've done in my life. I can't escape my living nightmare of guilt, I can't escape the things I have done. Every night I cried myself to sleep because I can't stop thinking of what I did to my teachers, and to my classmates.
Momma I just had to end it, I'm sorry I didn't become your dream child, I'm sorry I never became your dream grown son. I was just another burden in your life, and you may not want me gone, I know it's best for you momma.
Love Jerry.
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