She's back in the tent, her legs curled to her chest. She thought she would feel worst about this. She thought she would be shaking and crying over the fact that she just killed a man. That she just ended a life.
But she didn't feel anything besides relief that it was over and that scared her. It scared the heck out of her because if she is this chill about being a murderer, what else could she do and not feel guilt?
Without guilt, there are no limits.
Although it's not like she enjoyed killing. It was just a dog-eat-dog world. And she had to be the top dog.
She yawns just as Ethan comes in with a smile. He doesn't seem bothered by the fact that she just killed someone either. She had washed the blood off her a while ago and her hair was air-drying. He didn't seem to care as he gives her a hug.
"He'll give you your first lessons tomorrow. He's aware you need to learn before you can actually go out and start assassinating." She nods against his shoulder and he pulls back. "Your family is also asking to see them. Should I tell them that you need rest?"
She nods again, grateful that he understands. He looks over at a guard in front of the tent and nods to him. The guard salutes and goes off to inform the family. Ethan sits next to Nyssa.
"How are you feeling?" He asks his hand on her shoulder. Now that she thought of it, he was getting very touchy. She stares at his hand until he removes it.
"Not guilty." She admits. She wrings her fingers together and stares at her feet. "I wish I was. If I were, I would know I'm not a monster."
As she says those words, she immediately regrets them and wants to shove the words back into her mouth. She looks at him out of the corner of her eye and sees that his mouth is pulled into a line of pity.
"I can assure you that you are not a monster. Monsters don't think like that and monsters don't have a heart." He grabs her hands and makes her look at him. "You're doing this for your family. Monsters wouldn't do that."
Her shoulders relax when she realizes that he's right. She leans against the backboard of the bench and smiles a bit hesitantly. He smiles back a bit wider and leans forward slowly and kisses her.
She tenses up and freezes. His lips were cold and he lifts his hand and cups her cheek. At the contact, she comes to her senses and pulls back. It wasn't what she wanted, she had more magical kisses than that. It was just a clash of teeth and tongues.
"Ethan." She says softly. "Ethan, this won't work."
He stares at her for a moment, his mouth pulled into a tight line. 'Why not?" He tucks a strand of air behind her ear and she pulls away.
"We can't happen." She says firmly. "You're the king's guard and I'm going to be an assassin. I'm sure there's a rule somewhere about that."
"Not written or spoken." He says. He's looking at the ground embarrassed. She touches his arm and then pulls away.
"That doesn't mean we still can't be friends." She suggests and he gives her a strained smile.
"Yeah, okay. I need to go now, though. I have some things to do." He gets up quickly and leaves faster than he kissed her. She sighs, rubbing the side of her head. She hated this, she only knew him for a few days. Today was just too crazy, she thinks as she lays on the bench and closes her eyes, letting exhaustion take its hold.
ns 15.158.61.38da2
