x
‘It was the only way I could fall asleep most nights. Having Charlie talk to me on the phone.’ Austin stared Sofia straight in the eyes. He longed to know what was going on in her mind. What she was thinking about what he had just confessed to her. ‘Mother became stricter without father there to talk her down. Charlie was allowed over less so phone calls and facetime was all we had. We made do though. We had to.’
‘I’m assuming Charlie helped.’ Austin watched intently as Sofia scribbled down note after note in an attempt to keep up with what he was saying.
‘Like I said earlier, Charlie is the reason I am still alive. He…’ He hesitated as he figured out how he was going to word it. ‘He got me out of my slump. Kept me going. I would say he kept me fighting but I wasn’t fighting. Not in the slightest. I was merely surviving.’
‘It’s wonderful that you had someone like that to support you.’
‘He definitely did that. Whenever I needed him, he dropped everything to be there for me. When he was allowed to that is. Even if it was just for a hug. He’d come running every time I called. Charlie even started calling me Blue.’ A small smile flashed briefly across Austin’s face. ‘I hated that my eyes were the same colour as my mother’s, even when she disguised them with her contacts. So he did what I originally did when I called him Red to make him love his hair, he called me Blue so I loved my eyes.’
‘Together you make purple.’ Sofia smiled sweetly at him.
‘Together we make purple.’ Austin nodded in agreement.
‘Was it only Charlie you talked about your… slump as you call it?’ Sofia asked.
‘I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone else about it.’ Austin traced his finger along the scars on his wrist, his usual cord bracelets he wore to cover them, discarded on the street somewhere. ‘Charlie was the only one who knew. I sometimes regret not going to see a professional about it. It may have helped in the long run. Might have been able to cope with things better. But I made it through those dark times. With Charlie and only Charlie.’
‘Did your mother never talk to you about it? Never notice how low you were? How you had marks on your wrists?’
‘She was a little preoccupied. Managing my career and life and spending every dollar that I earned. And even if she did find out she would only be concerned about the possibility of me having a permanent scar on my body. She couldn’t care less about my health and wellbeing. She would have had no idea what to do if I told her. Probably would have got some expensive doctor to prescribe me a bunch of pills that would have made me feel even more numb that I already did.’
‘It must not have been pleasant to think your own mother didn’t have any concerns for your mental health.’
‘I didn’t think. I knew. She was concerned about me, myself and I. I could have had a breakdown in front of her and the only thing she would have said was don’t mess up your face.’ Austin could feel the anger beginning to rise up inside of him again as he took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down.
‘And Charlie?’ Sofia glanced up at him.
‘Would have held my whilst I cried.’
‘He was always there for you.’ Austin nodded quickly. ‘As things went on were you able to spend more time together in person?’
‘In secret yes. I would sneak out in the middle of the night to see him. His house wasn’t that far away, only 15 minutes or so walk, so I felt comfortable enough going there in the dark. I can only assume I would have been glad to get kidnapped. Wouldn’t have had to put up with mother. But I doubt she would have forked out the money for any ransom though. Thinking about it, a kidnapper would have been less strict. Maybe I could have gotten out more.’ Austin sighed loudly. ‘Quite often during the day, if I actually was free, I’d lie to my mother about going somewhere or meeting someone she approved of me socialising with. But in reality, I was just hanging out with Charlie at his house. We didn’t need to go anywhere, we just liked spending time with each other.’
‘Each other’s company was enough. Its lovely when you have someone like that in your life.’ Sofia sat quietly as she chewed on the end of her pen. ‘Did you two ever fight?’
‘We had little arguments every now and then but they were always resolved promptly. Neither of us liked going to bed angry with the other.’ Austin began tugging at the drawstrings of his hoodie. ‘After my father died, I had no one else. Charlie was it. So, I couldn’t stand to upset him. He was the most important person in my life.’
‘It sounds to me like you two had a connection that not many people experience in their lifetime. You understood each other on a level no one else could. You were there for each other when no one else was.’
Austin nodded silently in agreement. He could hear a voice in the back of his mind pressing him to tell her. To tell her the truth. He glanced round the room before settling his gaze on the mirror. He looked himself directly in the eye. His blue eyes. Blue. Red would want him to tell the truth. To finally say out loud the thing he had been yearning to for years. The thing he wanted to scream from the rooftops.
‘Austin?’ Sofia’s voice brought him back down to earth as she reached her hand across the table.
‘Me and Charlie…’ Austin took in a deep breath. ‘Me and Charlie could never be just friends. We were always destined to be more. It was written in the stars. Except we had everything imaginable standing in our way.’
‘But you didn’t let it stand in your way.’
‘For Charlie. Never.’
ns 15.158.61.23da2
